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July


No Idea. Friday July 1, 2016

"It is better to have absolutely no idea where one is, and to know it, than to believe confidently that one is where one is not." Sharp.

I found this quotation cut out of a magazine and placed in a book in my shop.

I can relate to it on a few levels.

At times I have felt totally clueless with my emotions and I have no idea where I am and what I am doing. This worries me but to read that someone thinks it is better than being so confident about where one is and what one is doing, when one is not where one thinks one is.

I have known people who have convinced themselves they are well, they are fine, they don't need help only to find that in a short space of time they are sick and rundown or have collapsed.

It is a very uncomfortable feeling to have no idea what one is doing in life, and I think it takes courage to acknowledge how lost one feels. To realise one is clueless is quite scary but at least one is honest.

Sometimes in life we convince ourselves and others that we are in a safe healthy place when we are not. I know I have done this because I felt it was the only way I could cope. Being honest with friends and family especially after one has been doing so well, can be extremely difficult. When all those around you assume you are 'recovered' it makes it so hard to tell the truth.

Do you acknowledge when you have no idea where you are? Why or why not?

Have you ever believed confidently that you knew where you were but you did not? Why? Why not?

Leah
A Moodscope member

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

LillyPet Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 8:32am

Hi Leah,
Yes I would imagine that many of us on here are very in touch with how we really are and try to put " a brave face on" in order to get by. For me, I am maybe too focussed on how I am feeling.
Many people talk about feeling numb which I havent experienced.
I believe in not dwelling on negative feelings though. I simply dont want to go there. I appreciate that many people feel powerless as I have in the past, but there is always a way out.
For me, awareness helps me look at how well I am looking after myself (or not!) Then it's time to move on and keep shaking off the recurring negatives. I believe that they arent real, they are an unhelpful brain pattern, not who we really are.
I also belive in retraing the brain. I find it facinating that we can think about how we think!
Since I learnt that we can reframe our thoughts and language it's helped me alot. I dont think its being fake or not in touch with how we really are, it's knowing how we are and doing something simple to help ourselves feel better.
I woke up thinking about how I felt and have been feeling since I was spoken down to. I delt with it well at the time, hit a low the next morning, a horrible familar feeling, scary to feel it again incase it lasted, but knew that I was tired and would still be determined to get back up. Allow myself a dip but now way am I staying there! It was 80% tiredness!
The way I was spoken down to is bothering me. It was her failing not mine.I have written it down, but its still nagging. In the past I have ignored things but they have built up. I may or may not do anything about it. I've dealt with the factual bit. The feeling bit is too subtle for her to comprend. I cant and have no desire or right to try to change her. It's not taking it on the chin, I think I will have to rise above it.
Sorry to go on. It's helpful to process it. But now it's time to move on!
Thanks for a thought provoking blog Leah.
Feeling better today and ready to seize the first grey day of July! At least it's warm greyness! Sunshine and love to all. LPxx

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 9:44am

Lilypet, What a comprehensive reply and a blog in itself. You are definietly thinking a lot and working on issues. I hope this helps. Thanks for taking time to reply.

LillyPet Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 8:35am

Whoops typo "dealt"! ;)

Orangeblossom Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 9:07am

Hi Leah, thanks for the blog which is very helpful & encouraging. I enjoyed it immensely.

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 9:45am

Orangeblossom, Thanks for your kind words.

Jul Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:30am

Difficult question this Leah! I know I pretend much of the time to appear to others as if I'm okay but mostly not to myself. I know when I'm in a bad place and constantly remind myself how awful I feel. So I never pretend to myself that I am okay and all is right with the world. I wish I could trick my kind into thinking the opposite to how I feel. But I don't think I'm in denial. xx

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:39am

It was not meant to be difficult!I suppose I was talking about feeling very lost and worrying that I am clueless. Thanks for replying.

Jul Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:49am

It was difficult for my tired brain this morning. You are not clueless, that i do know! xx

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 11:24am

I can complicate simple things.

LillyPet Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 7:58pm

Oh me too!

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:48am

I am sorry if people are finding this difficult. It was meant to be fun and easy and relatable.
I see the quotation as being like when one is travelling. Some people get completely lost and admit and so thye can get help.
While others keep insisting they are not lost and don't get help and go around in circles.
That feeling of being totslly lost can be scary but whether it is lost in a town or ,lost in life, it can be a starting point.
So please don't be put off by my waffling , maybe just let me know if you ever feel completely lost and whether you can see that as a start to finding your way.
Let me know if my blog does not make sense and I have confused you!
ook at me I am so lost , I cant even explain what I mean!!!

The Gardener Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:52am

I know exactly where I am, and what I'm feeling. Getting Mr G into hospital for a week and preparing to leave for UK. He has been absolutely foul since last night - although he professes to enjoy his respite stays. I have to remain strong and absolutely with it with two houses to 'wrap up'. I also feel acute poignancy as I glance at the celebration of the centenary of the Somme carnage. None of our family has ever been deprived of anything - we were even well fed in the war. To be so miserable - even allowing for illness - is wicked. I will support my husband to the end - but he has never done a favour or a charitable act in his life - even when our village was on fire in 1976 and all the men were 'doing their bit' mine was sitting in our garden up the hill, having a drink and watching the spectacle. I won't apologise - could some kind soul inject some charity into today? Life's good, people are lovely - I am positively dealing with everything against a backdrop of misery, rudeness and sarcasm.

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 11:06am

Gardener, ou have a lovely week away in UK to look forward to. You keep on being positive , that is a wonderful thing to aim for. Sending hugsxx

Jul Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:52am

That makes it much easier for me Leah. Thanks. I am the one who gets lost on a journey but won't admit it and keeps on hoping and thinking I'll find the right route soon enough if only I keep on driving. In the end I have to admit I'm lost (even with sat nav), take stock and ask someone. xx

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 11:08am

Jul, People say that is a male thing never admitting they are lost bt I see it as a personality thing. I have been lost in a department store, in my own town which is very small, and when staying with my daughter I got lost walking to the shops 5 mins away and was found 3 miles away from her place!!!

Jul Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 11:36am

Ha! We are all in it together. x

Lexi Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 12:28pm

HI Leah. For me I feel lost that most of the time ;) What I have learned for myself is to get comfortable with the unknowing (the Buddhists call it having no ground under your feet I think). It has made me realize the importance of faith: faith that things will come into focus, faith that there is a plan, faith that I am okay and that I can relax in the now. It's very healing for me to remember let go when I am struggling to understand, knowing that it will all come together one day. And it always has. When I look back I can see now what things happened as they did, and it's always been positive, though at the time I couldn't see it/struggled to understand. Anyway, for me having faith and letting go has been very helpful for me. Besides I have never been a good faker anyway :)

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:17pm

Lexi Thank you for your honest and touching post. I can relate to most of it, though I am workinging on having faith in myself.

S Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 1:16pm

Hi Leah, I thought this was a helpful blog. It can be really difficult to admit when we feel lost becuase we feel we shouldn't have got lost, other people wouldn't have etc. It made me think of something I learnt in a different context- I was new in my job and a colleague present a study summary to some scientists- who asked how far we had got answering one of the key questions. I thought to myself 'how on earth will he answer this?!!' I felt defensive for him- he simply said that we don't know all the answers yet- that was the truth. That is when I learnt that it is ok to be lost and not know- albeit in a different context though I think it applies to life more generally. Thanks Leah Sx PS I love the fact you found a cutting in one of your shop books.

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:20pm

S Thanks for your helpful comment. I think the example of your work colleague really shows what the quote was saying.I think there was a whole generation like my parents who used cut out things from magazines and newspapers and put them in books. Sometimes the cuttings were relevant to the book and at other times had nothing to do with the book.

Dale Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 3:03pm

Just came here to say I'm glad you posted this, Leah. Thanks. The message really resonated with me right now and is helpful.

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:21pm

Dale, Thanks for your kind words. I am glad the message was helpful.

Sheena Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 3:42pm

Hi Leah! That really is a thought provoker that you've written. I reckon first I had to learn to be honest with myself and then I had to believe that how I felt was important - whatever anyone outside might have thought/said/done. So when I said "I am exhausted" I needed to rest and recuperate - it does sound so very simple but it took years to just understand that everyone (me too) needs food, sleep, and recreation. You are doing well as to know you are struggling sometimes is more perceptive than many ever spot. Sheena x

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:22pm

Sheena, Thank you for your insightful comments. I think being honest with oneself is a lot harder that it sounds and is something I am always working on.

Skyblue Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 4:06pm

Hi Leah, I also think of being lost as a start to finding my way. At some point during the feelings of chaos, helplessness, isolation and fear, I start to look for answers. And they come-- maybe in the form of an internet chat forum or a book or a comment from unexpected places or insight from my own mind. So, for me, feeling lost indicates the start of a transition into a better understanding or place. It's important to keep believing and knowing that this is the way it works. At least that's my experience. Love your blogs. Don't ever doubt yourself about them. xx

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:25pm

Skyblue, .."being lost as a start to finding my own way". So true. Thanks so much for your kind words. Self doubt- that's another blog!!

The Gardener Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 8:39pm

Last post a bitter one - now 'off the leash' and discover I am still a social animal. Friend, my children's generation - has a mother further down the road than Mr G. She'd had three weeks 'sorting out' in UK. We split half a bottle of champagne. Then I went for a lonely dinner - no way - couple on next table had visited my shop - so a most social evening. But, no way I can pack - bed, alarm for 6 a.m and bed with a good book and no disturbances unless the town catches fire or our Cameroonian priest opposite decides on some weird rites among my very successful flowers. (the priest occupies the presbytery, but I run the garden).

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:27pm

Gardener, I never doubted you were a social animal and a caring human!You can make the every day sound so exciting. All the best with your time away. Look forward to more tales.

Tutti Frutti Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 8:51pm

Hi Leah
What you have said definitely resonates for me and is very helpful. For me there are two ways we can use this quote.

One it's really important to accept our conditions because then we can work at staying as well as possible. I certainly haven't ever understood or felt that I am ill when I have been manic and I am very grateful that my husband and parents were able to convince me that I was ill despite this so that I went to hospital voluntarily. A friend of mine who is also bipolar but doesn't really accept it has ended up in hospital far more frequently.

The second point as you said is to know when to step back and rest and be able to admit you need to do it. Otherwise in my case a little wobble has sometimes become something much more serious. I am still pretty bad at doing this. Came up against this again in the last couple of weeks. Hopefully I have just about acted in time on this occasion though as I am starting to feel a little bit better.

Love to all TF x

Leah Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 10:30pm

TF, What a well thought out comment. My hardest lesson was to realise that my highs were not normal and that when I was manic I was just as ill as I was when I was depressed. The rest is another thing I have trouble with at times as other people sometimes seem me as lazy - or I think they do. Thanks again for your comments they are really appreciated.

Eva Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 11:46pm

Hi Leah, I feel that I am fairly constantly lost currently but feeling like I am not and then rediscovering that I am... I am attempting recuperation from fatigue from my multiple bereavements and other stressful events of the last couple of years and am finding it so very hard to do little enough to allow my mind and body to heal enough before I push it too hard again. Even though the pushing it is so far below what I used to consider 'pushing it', currently too much is not even a normal quiet day or week. It needs to be so much less than that and I have so much enthusiasm and motivation to do. Its very frustrating.

Leah Sat, Jul 2nd 2016 @ 2:00am

Eva Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is frustrating and while I know I can't push myself as much if I didn't have this illness, I have gradually accepted at times my limitations. My frustration comes from those around me who sometimes see me as lazy or disorganised or not trying hard enough. I have accepted me I just wish that some others would!! Afraid I am not much help but you know yourself and don't compare yourself with the former you. You have achieved a lot despite the stressful events in your life. Give yourself a big credit for that. I do.

Leah Sat, Jul 2nd 2016 @ 2:03am

Maybe in spite of or because of those stressful events- only you would know which is the right phrase. I also think you have a high degree of self awareness and that can be frustrating.

Eva Sun, Jul 3rd 2016 @ 12:28am

Thanks Leah, that's a very good point not to compare the old me with the me now. I will keep that in mind. I am attempting to raise my self awareness to be able to hear when I need to stop and rest, I seem to miss/ignore the signs currently. Thanks so much I always get something useful from your blogs.

Eva Sun, Jul 3rd 2016 @ 12:29am

Thanks Leah, that's a very good point not to compare the old me with the me now. I will keep that in mind. I am attempting to raise my self awareness to be able to hear when I need to stop and rest, I seem to miss/ignore the signs currently. Thanks so much I always get something useful from your blogs.

Eva Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 11:47pm

Hi Leah, I feel that I am fairly constantly lost currently but feeling like I am not and then rediscovering that I am... I am attempting recuperation from fatigue from my multiple bereavements and other stressful events of the last couple of years and am finding it so very hard to do little enough to allow my mind and body to heal enough before I push it too hard again. Even though the pushing it is so far below what I used to consider 'pushing it', currently too much is not even a normal quiet day or week. It needs to be so much less than that and I have so much enthusiasm and motivation to do. Its very frustrating.

Eva Fri, Jul 1st 2016 @ 11:48pm

Oops, sorry connectivity issues

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