Moodscope's blog



Saturday August 9, 2014

I waken to a world of gray cold drizzle. It is my favorite weather. I especially love it if I can be at my lake cottage (the Fort). It is reminiscent of a tree house. Located in north central Florida, it is a very old cobbled-together patch of two cottages and three outbuildings. It is a deeply fragile ecosystem. So fragile that, if I were God, humans would never have begun to inhabit Florida.

Wild animals romp across the beach and two rescue dogs along with three rescue cats fill my world. I am an educator/writer.

The year has flown by with five hospitalizations. Two heart issues, one triple-fractured pelvis, one cardio monitor implant, and one new hip. These medical issues join osteoporosis in my hips and lumbar, scoliosis, fibromyalgia, severe arthritis, two years of blacking out with a few falls and broken bones, anxiety, depression, PTSD, nerve damage to my hearing, and eyesight failing .

For the first time in my life, I am not working ~ I am on a Family Medical Leave of Absence while my pelvis heals and I get my hips replaced. It is a time of reflection. A time to write, to sketch, to design, to compose music, to choreograph and to take a really truth-telling look at my life's journey. It has been a richly-textured non-traditional journey.

Most days I have no regrets. Okay. Some days I have no regrets. IF I could do a 'dream makeover' version of my life I might:

Avoid humans who suck their teeth and spit;
Do away with childhood violence;
Crush violence brought on by 'significant' others;
Refrain from free-floating anger;
Keep a distance from humans who leave one feeling less than and lacking;
Do away with having to listen to cell phone conversations;
Conquer war, hunger and disease;
Avoid an intolerance to alcohol (my ethnicity is Cherokee Nation/Irish - think about it);
Do away with having to clean my house;
Avoid the word "tolerance"; I prefer "acceptance" and believe it is far more significant; and refrain from romantic relationships where my partner leaves me when confronted with twelve-foot alligators on the cycling trail;

If I could avoid all these things then maybe I would be a much different human being. Yet, I adore who I am. Right now.

A Moodscope Member

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Anonymous Sat, Aug 9th 2014 @ 8:39am

...and nestled in that bevy of beautiful descriptions is the gem that is "I adore who I am"...when people love themselves, we do too. A lesson each of us can grow from. Loving your work Di. And please may I visit the cottage? Even if only through these pages. I feel already refreshed from reading about it!
Love from the room above the garage.

SallyAnn Hay Sat, Aug 9th 2014 @ 9:13am

That's one brave lady I'd love to meet. Thank you for sharing your life with us and please can we have more from you?

bright_lemon_tree Sat, Aug 9th 2014 @ 10:28am

The distinction you make between 'tolerance' and 'acceptance' is so true. Thank you for pointing it out.

Mary Blackhurst Hill Sat, Aug 9th 2014 @ 10:48am

Oh Di, you have may my already bright and sunny Saturday morning even brighter! I am now visualising a 12 ft alligator on the trail with a rapidly fleeing chap on a bicycle leaving behind a spray of dust (or should that be mud?) leaving you behind, eye to eye with the monster! Please, Please, as SallyAnn says, can we have some more?!
I always liked the phrase "to tolerate (something) to death" - which further distinguishes it from acceptance, doesn't it!
Every good wish for your recovery and thank you for your invaluable lessons on how you are using that recovery time.

Tere Sat, Aug 9th 2014 @ 12:32pm

This is one of the better blog posts I've seen anywhere in a long time (I follow a lot of DIY blogs and this one kicks them into the palmetto bushes!). I am from North Florida myself, only a place where the gators are legislators and students (please note, the students themselves are Seminoles).

You cheered me up as you have others. I thank you for that. Easily one I can relate to. May I have permission to print out your list and make my own modifications?

Di Murphey Sat, Aug 9th 2014 @ 1:07pm

Absolutely, Tere. I would like to see other's lists. I appreciate your generous remarks. Be well,

Ana Sat, Aug 9th 2014 @ 1:29pm

This is so beautiful, open and vulnerable! so touching! thanks for writing this and sharing your list with us! A lot of things in common in that list. Thank you for being so brave!!! :-) love <3

Julia Sat, Aug 9th 2014 @ 1:35pm

What an extraordinary person you sound Di. Very independent and brave. All those things wrong with you and yet you find a way to cope.and be happy. Please write more for us. You have transported me to another world!

Suzy Sun, Aug 10th 2014 @ 7:31pm

I'm sooooooooo happy to read a Moodscope blog post from across the pond, finally! Delightful Di. Looking forward to your next one.
;o) Go gently after all you have come through.

Di Murphey Tue, Aug 12th 2014 @ 3:01pm

Thank you, Suzy ~
Your words remind me of the poet Dylan Thomas, Do (Not) Go Gently Into the Night (my parentheses added). Great word, 'gentle'. I did not realize few on the other side of the pond write posts for Moodscope. What fun to be in this together!
Warmest regards,
Di Murphey

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