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29

August


A new day. A new week... Monday August 29, 2016

Today I'm 8 years sober!

That's 8 years since I was admitted to an acute psychiatric hospital after my well made plan to end things was interrupted.

Having battled clinical depression since high school, and constantly self medicated since late teens (daily pouring alcohol on top of my meds), I was totally defeated and thought I had a solution to my life problem.

It wasn't until I managed to get intervention through therapy, CBT, meetings, AA did I really learn what I suffered from and came to understand that misery and chaos and a noisy head are all treatable one day at a time.

I know I can't drink in safety, and I don't miss it. Alcohol and me had some great times, but more often than not, we were chaos, messy and unhappy together.

Today, life is good. I've learned to be the best "ME".

Keep it simple. Be honest. Be kind. Do your best at all times and when you need help, ASK.

To anyone struggling today with depression, anxiety, alcohol, drugs or addiction of any sort - speak to someone - talking doesn't instantly fix it but getting it out of your head is the start to finding a solution.

It's a special thanks to tools like Moodscope and my fortnightly CBT support group for being a crucial part of my recovery tookit.

Whether you are friend, family, near, or far, a virtual friend thru moodscope or Facebook, a neighbour, parishioner or a colleague I'm sending you thankful positive energy for being in my life.

Have a great new week folks. Remember, stay connected.

Carol Anne
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Lex Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 5:08am

Hi Carol Anne, I was going to copy and paste a part of your blog that 'spoke' to me, beginning with this: "came to understand that misery and chaos and a noisy head are all treatable one day at a time." However, the more I've read, the more wisdom I can see in muliptle lines. Wonderfully credible writing. I'm sending you thankful positive energy for being in my life too. Lx

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 7:00am

Thank you Lex - I'm very thankful to Moodscope and ALL the blogs and posts you have offered. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Have a great day. :-)

Lou Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 6:09am

Congratulations on your amazing achievement!

Thank you for your inspiring blog; as Lex said I found much that spoke to me too.

Lou

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 7:03am

Thanks Lou. Have a great Monday. X

Orangeblossom Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 6:30am

Thanks for the blog Carol Ann. I appreciate your honesty & self-awareness. I am learning also that an awareness of an issue is the best way to let go and be clear & calm. Over some of the holiday I have been on an Activate your Life Course. One of the comments that resonated for me was "Feel the pain, think the thoughts but do it anyway." Your blog did remind me of this and also that there is help to get us over the humps or the potholes we encounter.

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 7:03am

Thank you Orangeblossom. I'll check out that 'activate your life' - I'm always interested in new tips/techniques.

Totally agree that awareness and learning is key to enabling change.

That's not to say that new healthy habits are easy but the more we practice the more they become 'habit'.

Have a great day. X

Hopeful One Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 8:07am

Hi Carol Anne- you are an nspiration to all of us. The greatest obstacle we face in overcoming adversity, misfortune, and bad habits is our own mind. Your mind said' I can' and you did!

My tip for your tool kit? I think you know that already.


A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant: “What is your name?”
Flight Attendant: “Angela Benz, sir”
Businessman: “Lovely name ...any relation to Mercedes Benz?”
Flight Attendant: “Yes sir, very close”
Businessman: “How close?”
Flight Attendant: “About the same price".

S Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:47am

Ha ha! Sx

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 8:07pm

I LOVE a giggle - thank you.

Sally Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 8:26am

Hello Carol Anne. Well done! For 8 years sober and for your honesty. Thank you for telling us about your battle with alcoholism. Very brave. As Lex and others commented, that bit about misery, chaos and a noisy head really made a big impression. A blog very much written from the heart that touches other hearts.

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:35pm

Thank you Sally for your fb.

S Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:47am

Thank you so much Carol Anne - this is so inspiring and full of hope. Thank you too for helping me to remember that tackling things one day at a time is the way to go. Sx

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:36pm

...I forget all the time and then I'm reminded 'just for today'. :-)

Bearofliddlebrain Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 10:05am

Huge Bear hugs and congratulations, Carol Anne...what an amazing achievement! As everyone is saying above, you have written a thoughtful, honest blog and there are many bits that stand out.
Keep it simple, be honest, be kind....brilliantly simple.
Thankees!
Bear xxxxx

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:38pm

Bear - thank you. Your feedback is appreciated.

Leah Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 10:41am

Carol Anne,
What a wonderfully refreshingly honest no nonsense blog.
"stay connected" are two powerful words to which I can relate.

All the best and I hope to read more of your blogs.

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:46pm

Leah - thank you. I thoroughly enjoy all the daily blogs - I find some resonate straight away and often when they don't I realise I'm not paying proper attention to what I'm reading. All about looking for the similarities and not the differences. I'm just not disciplined at feeding back and saying thank you. So, thank you for all your contributions x

Cyndi Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 11:08am

Congratulations! Or as a friend of mine says "Happy Birthday". Eight years, one day at a time is quite the accomplishment! As friends have said to me getting sober.. Buckle your self in for the ride of your life. Sobriety for me ( I just celebrated 21 years ) has been life changing. I had been self medicating also, and soon after I stopped drinking I had a rough time w many, many hospitalizations for depression. But I did not drink! A drink would not have mad it any better! So keep on doing the next right thing and you will go far! Congrats again on 8 years!

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:41pm

One of the many joys of recovery is two birthdays. I'm so grateful that over the last 8 years when I've become ill again, I've had the same experience where I knew that alcohol was not the solution and haven't had any desire to drink...

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:42pm

....and congrats on 21 years Cyndi - it's the power of examples like yourself and others before me that help me see that anything is possible. X

Cyndi Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 11:09am

Congratulations! Or as a friend of mine says "Happy Birthday". Eight years, one day at a time is quite the accomplishment! As friends have said to me getting sober.. Buckle your self in for the ride of your life. Sobriety for me ( I just celebrated 21 years ) has been life changing. I had been self medicating also, and soon after I stopped drinking I had a rough time w many, many hospitalizations for depression. But I did not drink! A drink would not have mad it any better! So keep on doing the next right thing and you will go far! Congrats again on 8 years!

Bearofliddlebrain Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 5:30pm

Wow, congrats to you too, Cyndi! :) Bear x

The Gardener Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 11:36am

Love HO's joke, and do I need them. Carol Anne, terrifying resonance with your blog - because a son went through almost a carbon copy of your history - and we all pray he will 'keep on the straight and narrow' and achieve the high aims in other directions he is striving for. I usually love Monday mornings - after week-ends which are pretty deadly everything comes alive again (week-ends were not always deadly, just circumstances). Life's reached a new low, Mr G has started hallucinating, physically very weak (has refused all form of exercise for two years) so had two falls last night as well as the new symptom. BUT, charming German doctor on emergency phone - laughing at each others French accent - most helpful - genuine regret that on a Sunday night Mr G's situation, although proving hell for me, did not merit hospitalization. Then this morning usual cheerful nurse, helpful psychiatric nurse who looks after my morale, 'companion' coming in to read to Mr G this afternoon, plus Doctor (house visit, note, same day) to sort out medication. And, pure pleasure, I have Morning Glory flowers everywhere - some I planted this year - and self-seeded from last year - so I have all these flowers free!

Bearofliddlebrain Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 5:33pm

Dear TG.....am amazed at your Emergency German Doctor...up in the night And a housecall the next morning? He deserves a medal along with you! Glad you're surrounded by beautiful flowers for free and hope they cheer you and Mr, TG...xx

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:34pm

Dear TG - You have such a heavy burden. I hope Mr G has a restful night. Take care of you - you are doing an amazing job. All any of us can do is our best. I share your love of the garden and flowers and I hope you can steal many minutes of breathing that in to restore what you are giving out in your caring capacity. Gbu.

Ruth Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 11:41am

Wow. Congratulations. I can only look to people who are living sobriety. Wonder if I'll be there too sometime Thank you for showing it is possible. I feel deeply suicidal and am knowingly combining my medication with buckets of alcohol. I hate myself. I have made suicide attempts before which involved lithium. I couldn't keep it down. I want to avoid the long hospital stays I had last time. However, I do feel safe here. Thank you. Such a compassionate group of people can very rarely be found.

Bearofliddlebrain Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 5:35pm

Hoping you can find someone in AA to help you get to where Carol Anne and Cyndi are today, Ruth. In the meantime, we are here for you at Moodscope and although not always on the blog at the same time, I'm sure there are many who have felt the same as you and feel your pain. Snuggly Bear hugs winging their way to you xxx

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:28pm

Ruth - it is possible. I know this because I felt utterly hopeless and trapped because all previous attempts failed. If you do one thing tomorrow, call AA. Find a meeting which has lots of other females - you will prob need to go to lots of different meetings to find one that suits you...but there will be one out there. It's hard going, but if you do what is suggested it really does work. I couldn't do it on my own but when I totally surrendered and used the power of the group support - I found a different way through. I wanted what I saw in the other females at AA. They laughed, exuded a calmness which I thought was ok for them but would never work for me. I met another girl and she took me through the 12 steps. I shared things with her I thought I would never say out loud....and it freed me. I realised that the way I think (thought) was flawed. I have lost two close friends to suicide. They both had dual illnesses - depression and alcoholism were gigantic issues in their life. I know for certain if they could see the heartache left behind they would still be here. Their decisions proved irreversible - you have a choice. You deserve a good sober different life - give it a shot. Trust me, if I can do it, you can too. Sending you tons of positive energy. X

Vickie Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 2:15pm

Hi Carole Anne,
Here is a virtual "high five" for your accomplishment. Many parts of your blog spoke to me as mentioned by other members.
I am working on "getting it out of your head is the start to finding a solution". I feel the energy you are sending out to the universe. With love and appreciation.

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:29pm

High five right back at you - if you can't talk it out - write it down - the power is lessened x

The Gardener Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 3:16pm

Ruth, so sorry about your problems - stay with it, taking all the comfort you can get. In my most awful moments, when the future is just black, daily life is pure misery and I get no sleep I feel at our age we would be better 'out of it'. When Mr G has spent the day abusing me and they saying what an awful life he has, and what an awful wife, I have suggested a double suicide, what HAVE we got to live for - then, always, I think of the family - and what a dreadful legacy suicide leaves for them, even for very close friends, who have an awful job no thinking that they SHOULD have done something. Good luck, from one who has looked into the abyss and recoiled. XX. PS, luckily taking buckets of alcohol with drugs knocks you out cold with, hopefully, only a hell of a hangover as a legacy

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:54pm

TG - keep recoiling from those thoughts.... If there is a next time (when the darkness clouds over), try to speak to someone quickly. Saying what you are thinking out loud to another person will lessen it's power - OR - at least let you share the hopelessness you feel with another person who can help you see (at least) 2 better avenues to try first. There is always another way, but often we can't see that on our own. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. X

Melanie Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 4:15pm

Well done Carol Anne. Great blog. Thank you. xx

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 9:47pm

Cheers Melanie.

LillyPet Mon, Aug 29th 2016 @ 10:55pm

Happy Birthday to new you from me too Carol Anne!
I love your simple, positive message, simple, honest, kind, and ask for help if needed. Totally doable!
Love LPxx

Nicco Wed, Sep 7th 2016 @ 3:14am

A wonderful achievement Carol Anne. I've been there and found your blog most helpful. I like your description 'a noisy head' - I now know that's what my head is! It can be tough, sometimes a minute at a time, rather than a day at a time.

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