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My Enemy... Monday May 25, 2015

...who became my friend.

I have a gift. I can meet a complete stranger, and within an amazingly short space of time, I can see how their life could be so much better. How? Simply because they reveal their self-sabotaging sub-routines through which they nullify their chance of success in life! I can see that they are their own greatest enemy. It usually begins with self-depreciating comments and continues with other ways they talk about themselves and their experience, failures, set-backs, likes, dislikes, prejudices and opinions.

Then I look at their obvious unnecessary failings and I see...


I am my own worst enemy.

I hoping this is resonating with you as you get this message. Let me illustrate with the most obvious issue. You see, I'm fat. There are parts I haven't seen for a while. I feel estranged! Often I'll make a joke about this - like I just did. But it's not really funny, and I'm not really laughing. Will I lose weight? It's the obvious solution. No. I'm actually happy being me the way I am.

So then, my enemy must become my friend. I must transform being plump into an advantage. Actors do this. Many of them have characteristics that they transform into part of their character - and so develop unique niches in which to showcase their artistry. Films need fat actors, bald actors, ugly actors, actors who have speech impediments, small actors, tall actors, actors with bad teeth, and actors with bad attitudes. The key is to see everything that could hold you back as a potential asset - an opportunity... and be nice about it.

That's my message today: be kind to yourself. Like everything about yourself. Find something good in every aspect of your physique and personality. We do this, don't we, when we fall in love? They don't put the top on the toothpaste so we think, "Ah, how thoughtful, they left the top off so I could save time!" They pee on the toilet seat, and we think, "Ah, how thoughtful, they know that urine kills certain germs!"

OK, now you know I'm being ridiculous, but I hope you smiled. Just for one day, just for today, would you be nice to yourself? Being fat gives me a lot of presence - I'm going to use that presence.


A Moodscope member.

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Hopeful One Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 6:51am

Hi Lex- a brilliant blog. We really ARE our worst enemies or rather our own nervous system is our worst enemy.We really need to make an effort to make friends with it as you ask us to do today.. It is the old wolves in our mind -we need to feed the right one.In an effort to do this I do a loving kindness meditation in the morning soon after my clarity and concentration appear stable in which i attempt to simply abandon all thoughts of self condemnation, self hatred, self loathing, self criticism ,self contempt and self sabotage..When I achieve this I do the main meditation and I get a lovely all enveloping feeling of being loved-by myself -not in the sense that 'I am the greatest ' but just loved.

Sally Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 7:24am

Enjoyed this blog, Lex. Full of ideas to ponder... Super examples ( toothpaste...) and I love your sense of humour!

Anonymous Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 8:08am

Other people are not as efficient as me at putting me down. Sometime they provide inspiration but the decision - to take it all out on me - is mine. I'm still fuming from last nights affront. I hate being told off for my writing. I hate being told of rules I've not heard of before that I'm supposed to adhere to. And most of all I hate getting so upset about it and turning it inwards. Why should I have known? Why don't I put part of the confusion on them? Well I do. But then I turn on myself for being angry with them.

And since I'm angry with them over such a small thing I'm not worth having a job or a life or bla, bla, bla. But wait a bit. I read this blog and smile at it. Thank you Lex. And wait - is it such a small thing? Being questioned like that - in this case - actually brought up years of such treatment and this is an opportunity to acknowledge that I was living under this threat and to let the suppressed anger come up and pass out of my body. An opportunity to free myself from the burden of this rage. I certainly don't want to hang on to it any more.

Time to let go. Feeling better now. Relieved. Thank you for listening.

All the best,

Anonymous Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 8:34am

I too have always felt fat, but looking back at photos, I didn't look as fat I told myself I was, also never really had any photos taken, always hid in the background, but now notice other people fatter than I was in the foreground, also my two older brothers laughed at me, they said I didn't know how to stand properly in photos, what rubbish we believe about ourselves for years, no confidence to even tell our own minds to "clear off" I think I'm at long last giving it a go, but it's still very hard to change a lifetime of negitivity.
Bye for now and good luck everybody. anon

Karen Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 9:57am

Ha...thought I must have got up in the night and written this myself! I am working my way back to slim...or slimmer at least and it's working...and last evening whilst out, I got one of the loveliest compliments from my other half: he said I looked pretty and ten years younger! Wow...that's still making me smile this morning!
I am always taking the photos, not in them very often as I know how awful I look.....or thought I did! But working hard at it to lose this burden of body and mind and am hoping at weigh-in tomorrow I will have hit the 1.5 stone loss mark!!! Sorry if I sound like I'm bragging but I want you all to know...those who suffer with their fat friend attached to their bodies, that it can be done, but only when our minds are in the right frame....I couldn't have done this two months ago.

Back to your post...I didn't cheat and look at the bottom of this post to see who had written it and was ve ve surprised to see it was you, Lex....really thought it was a female!!! How ridiculous is that? I had a totally different picture of you in my mind! I think that you are funny and brave to say it out to us, but then, we fatties often get the funny quips in before someone else does!

Anonymous Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 11:37am

Hello Lex, very interesting blog! May I you think being our own enemy is a learned behaviour? I think it might be. Having waged viscious wars on myself I am now fighting for the other side and hoping that I can lead by example to my children. I saw fragments of that behaviour start to appear in two of them and decided 'not on my watch'...but I am curious...perhaps it is something from inside not outside. Ponderingly from the room above the garage x.

p.s. One: I do not believe in, or tolerate, the word fat. Two: fat is good and not the enemy. A workshop taught me ;-D

Julia Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 1:36pm

A good message Lex. Loving our bodies is so important especially for children growing up in this body image conscious age. Apparently children as young as five think they are too fat and restrict what they eat. What an appalling indictment that is on our society. I saw a photo of you once on the internet, you tube perhaps and you didn't look fat to me! As you say, you have a certain presence which is probably necessary with the work you do. It's easier to love our physical imperfections and come across as self confident despite them, than it is to love our depressed selves. Interesting blog though Lex one which could go further and explore other self esteem issues.

kornage Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 2:48pm

Good blog Lex. Thank you.

The Entertrainer Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 5:29pm

Lovely Hopeful One... I'm just beginning to study and learn about neuro-plasticity. In fact, I might just become a Neuro-Plastic Surgeon! It's rather wonderful... your thoughts change your brain chemistry and structure and even alter your DNA. Clearly, this sounds too good to be true, but I'm really interested to discover more. The link is that they say that what you're doing is PERFECT for this. Deep, thoughtfelt meditation, takes control of all the brain toxicity of toxic thoughts and then works miracles. Wishing you a miracle today and all days

The Entertrainer Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 5:30pm

Hi Sally
I've seen me naked... I need a sense of humour!
(No, I don't share photos on Facebook!!! Joking!)

The Entertrainer Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 5:32pm

Dearest Anonymous... you are brilliant. What a lovely transition in less than 4 paragraphs. That's GOOD writing.
As for the 'rules' - you do know they are all made up by a bunch of monkeys with lizard brains, don't you? You can choose a more highly evolved state - oh wait, you're already there!

The Entertrainer Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 5:36pm

Dearest Karen and Anonymous, Thank you! I loved your comments.
As for the female thing - I'm about as female as you can get on the male spectrum! Quirk of fate to end up in this form as far as I'm concerned! Don't get sport, but love shopping!
Perhaps I should be Lexi?

The Entertrainer Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 5:38pm

"Fat is my friend"! That's one to add to my "Fruit is my friend" mantra. Oh Room Above the Garage, you are such a light in my life - always love your comments.
Life, I believe, is an inside job.
I want to come within the veil and discover the beauty within.
That, I also believe, will transform my mind.
And my metamorphosed mind will transform my very body.

The Entertrainer Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 5:41pm

Dearest Julia
I gladly transfer the baton (and will be happy for it to be passed back too).
Let's share on self-esteem.
Really enjoying Richard Wiseman's "59 Seconds" at the moment - so much positive psychology that one can act upon. It's helping my self-esteem. That, and the fat that I got compliments on my funky pants over the weekend! Darn it, I AM a fashion guru!

The Entertrainer Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 5:41pm

:Thank You Kornage... and may I say that I love your guinea pig?

Julia Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 6:18pm

I have ordered 59 seconds on yr recommendation L'xx. Hope it arrives soon soon soon.

Anonymous Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 6:24pm

I must add I am not there yet, purely trying. And it's very trying! :-D
I'm having one of those days where everything is breaking...I so wish you were all nearby and we could have a beach fire with tea and marshmallows as the sun goes down. The is surely the answer to everything! :-) love ratg x.

The Entertrainer Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 6:40pm

If it doesn't bless you, Julia, I'll be nice to the cats!!

The Entertrainer Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 6:41pm

Now that would be magic.
I'm Dorset Coast ish
Would that be possible... though obviously not tonight?
Never sure which glorious land you're on.

Anonymous Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 9:00pm

Scottish coast :-)
Well, a tickle in from the coast but coast is reachable easily.
Not commutable to Dorset though... Should I post marshmallows?

The Entertrainer Mon, May 25th 2015 @ 10:15pm

Caroline's got my address, you send the marshmallows, I'll send the fire

Julia Tue, May 26th 2015 @ 8:08am

BTW I didn't mean that you have self esteem issues. I don't think you have actually.

Anonymous Tue, May 26th 2015 @ 8:34am

:-D perfect

Mary Blackhurst Hill Tue, May 26th 2015 @ 9:30pm

I'm on the Essex cost. I believe we should do simultaneous fires and text each other photos of our fires and marshmallows....

Mary Blackhurst Hill Tue, May 26th 2015 @ 9:32pm

I have SOOOOOOO many comments to make. Most of which are utterly inappropriate to make here. Brilliant post as ever Lex.

Anonymous Mon, Jun 1st 2015 @ 3:31pm

Hi Lex

Be happy in yourself for yourself and not for others, people pleasing will not get you far in life, only pleasing yourself. When you look in the mirror, be happy with what you see - regardless of whether you lose weight or stay plump, take note, there is no one else on that journey with you, but you so enjoy no matter what the size. :)

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