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My bed Friday September 30, 2016

My relationship with my bed is very indicative of how I am feeling mentally and emotionally.

When I am mentally unwell, I visit my bed far too often. I might go and hide in there when things get too tough and I am overwhelmed. I stay in there too long, or I can't get out of it; there is safety in my bed when the rest of the world is far too frightening to allow me to get out and contend with it. However, sometimes my bed is not safe. Nights can be spent wanting to sleep and that respite never comes, or I can be too frightened to sleep because of the nightmares and night terrors which will visit me.

When I am becoming better, the naps and the visits to my bed become less frequent and shorter. I'm now managing at least a couple of days a week when I don't need an afternoon nap, and I don't dive for the duvet when things get too much for me.

When I am mentally well, my bed is somewhere I visit once a day to sleep and recharge, and where I sleep well. I know when I am becoming mentally unwell again, as the visits to my bed become more frequent. Things are dropped so I can go to bed. Whole days can be lost to being in bed, or constantly returning to bed. Tiredness becomes all pervading. Even if I have only just surfaced from sleep, I'll need to be asleep again.

My relationship with my bed is my barometer for how I am doing. What barometers do you have in your life for your mental/emotional wellness and wellbeing?

A Moodscope member

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Mickey Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 6:06am

When I hide my emotions from my friends or when I dread the next day is when I really know I'm not doing well. Currently in one of those moods now... hopefully this too shall pass.

Paul Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 6:14am

Hi Rats can certainly relate to this his post.
I am curious as I have awful bad dreams I'm wondering do others have awful dreams, dreams that leave me really down and frightened.
Thanks for the blog

Bad dreamer

Rats Sat, Oct 1st 2016 @ 7:25pm

My dreams tend to be a bit weird to be honest; ones which, when I wake, make me think 'Er, what was that about?' Thankfully, my nightmares and night terrors occur less frequently now, but they would involve me shouting in my sleep and suddenly sitting up with a pounding heart. I've got a dream book which goes some way to explaining my dreams for me.

Duma Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 7:26am


I'm a lifelong lucid dreamer, I have always known when I was dreaming. While waking I practice and follow my 'Way, so when I hit the matress... Valhalla!

Die every night1

Adventure, love and battle.

Wake - reborn, having slain every demon and foe man.

NEVER thinking it too many.

So, no.

I don't have nightmares...

...when the beasts come in the night...

...I kill them all.

Sweet dreams, Duma.

LP Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 8:43am

Hi Rats,
When I'm low I'm more sensitive. More affected by negative forces in the environment. It's more of a struggle to think positively. Bad thoughts and feelings are just there alot. I'm aware, which is good, I try strategies if I'm together enough to access them, but it's all such an issue.
In the past I have retreated to bed when very unwell and barely gone out of the house. Thankfully not now though. It's just tiredness that makes it hard to get up!
I'm currently pushing forward to get more on top of things. I know I'll feel good when things are more in order, I get earlier nights and naturally wake at 6am. Getting there! Sunshine and smiles to all LPxx

silvia Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 8:44am

Rats, exactly the same for me

Tychi's Mum Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 9:01am

Wow!Rats you described my relationship with my bed perfectly. At the moment I am well and my relationship with my bed is good, I go to bed at night tired and I sleep well. I wake around 6.30am and look forward to the day. My dreams are pleasant or I don't remember them.
When I'm unwell I struggle to get out from under the duvet. It's the place I feel safest but even there I am overwhelmed by anxiety. I simply can't face life beyond my bedroom door. I struggle to sleep and have to rely on sleeping tablets. My dreams are vivid nightmares and they haunt me throughout my days.
My husband says, "they are just dreams, they can't hurt you," but they reflect my inner turmoil and add to my anxiety. I can't shake them off and even when I'm well the memories of them stay with me.
Wishing you all a fine sleep tonight and sweet dreams...
With love, Tychi's Mum

Rats Sat, Oct 1st 2016 @ 7:30pm

I would feel exactly the same when gripped by anxiety; I would be curled up in bed and the anxiety would wash over me, jerking me awake and not allowing me to escape it. I would have to grip the bed and cling on until it passed. Thankfully, I have not felt like this for a while now.

Dawn Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 9:07am

I know I'm on my way down when I stop singing along to the radio on my long drive to work. The better I feel the louder and more enthusiastic the singing and when I'm not well I don't sing at all.

Sophie Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 11:24am

Yeah I can tell when i'm either down in the dumps or coming down with something when I turn the radio off in my car. Funny isn't it how we have these little tell tale signs?

Sophie Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 9:31am

Exactly the same for me too, my bed is my place of refuge

Angela Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 10:57am

I too hide from the evil things of the world in my bed, it's definitely a refuge. Sometimes just lying in bed reading then having a nap help me cope better.

Rats Sat, Oct 1st 2016 @ 7:33pm

I have veluxe windows in my bedroom, so I can see the sky when I'm in bed. I found lying down and watching the clouds go by to be very calming when the world became too much.

Mary Wednesday Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 10:58am

Yup - bed for me too. Also disappearing into old favourite romantic novels (comfort reads) - unable to read anything new. Not cooking anything but surviving on toast.

LP Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 11:50pm

Wow! Mary Wednesday Me too! Can't face cooking when I'm unwell or feel that I'm not coping or even managing to keep up with the very basics. It feels like a long drawnout chore. When well I cook simple food from a small repertoir and enjoy it!

Andrew Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 11:30am

Me too - bed is safe. Sleep is even safer. Waking (when I am not in a good place) is tragic - the realisation that 'Life' has to be faced, that feeling of dread - people to see, places to go - or worse, no one to see, nowhere to go....
Another barometer for me is the state of my fridge. Well stocked = happy place. Bare and empty = haven't been looking after myself (clearly not important enough to buy food for)!

So to those who are struggling today, I say treat yourself to some comforting food, and find one thing to smile about - a ray of sunshine maybe, or a song on the radio. Turn off the news. Go for a short walk. And don't so much seize the day, as hold hands with gentle with eachother until it's time for bed!

LP Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 11:55pm

Lol! The fridge is another of mine too come to think of it! Can't seem to fit in or face a "big shop". So it's diving in and out for little and often pretty much by passing the fridge! I also love " don't so much seize the day as hold hands with it and be gentle with each other..." Nice one! :)

LP Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 11:56pm

Ps Andrew, sorry for the late reply to your blog, it really got me thinking.

Rats Sat, Oct 1st 2016 @ 7:37pm

The state of my fridge and cupboards are also indicative of how I am doing. When well, they are well stocked and I don't run out of things, when unwell, they are bare and I don't have the ability to go and replace what I need.

Wyvern Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 11:55am

I suddenly become incapable of doing anything productive at work but retreat into procrastination and completing meaningless tasks.
Andrew, this is a brilliant thought: "don't so much seize the day, as hold hands with it". For me this means that on bad days: hold its hand gently but reassuringly, like you would a crying child. It's the same as being kind to myself.

Andrew Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 12:04pm

Exactly right - and like a crying child who feels a reassuring hand, the day will find a way to brighten itself, just for you....

LP Sat, Oct 1st 2016 @ 12:04am

Another wonderful analogy! The times I've been "cheery" to protect loved ones!

Jul Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 1:00pm

I have a love/ hate relationship with my bed. When I'm on an insomnia roll, I hate my bed but when I was on anti depressants once and I didn't care if I slept or not as I felt happy and less anxious about sleep, I looked kindly on my bed and thought about it positively. Even clean sheets etc doesn't make me feel better about it. But I always get up at the same time, no later then 8am and sometimes earlier. Never later however badly I have slept.Of course all I want to do is try to get more sleep and stay there, not get up but I know it won't work and I will feel worse when I do eventually get up. I would never ever go back to bed during the day, although I recall doing this if I felt too ill to go into work. I feel, wrongly or rightly that to go to bed during the day would be the slippery slope to losing control of my life. I would dearly love to see my bed as something to look forward to with the comforting associations with deep refreshing sleep but alas, I don't. An interesting blog rats. (I meant to ask couldn't you have a nap on the sofa in the afternoon instead of getting into your bed? Try to keep going till 2 or 3pm when you could sleep on a sofa; make the bedroom a no go area until it's time to go to bed at night?) Julxxxx

Rats Sat, Oct 1st 2016 @ 7:47pm

I've tried napping on the sofa, but as I have a relatively small sofa, I find that I end up with a sore neck and a bad mood! My local wellbeing service suggests a 'boot camp' for restoring sleep - getting out of bed and doing something out of the bedroom if you're not asleep after 20 minutes; not returning until you are tired; repeating if you can't sleep again; getting up at the same time every day; not napping during the day regardless of how tired you are and not having any electronic equipment in your bedroom. Some these things I manage, some I do not..

The Gardener Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 1:26pm

Perfection, bed-wise, was when the going was good - holiday, huge bed in lovely room overlooking he sea - perhaps delicious breakfast in bed - just sitting there, with book or music - no responsibilities - hedonistic, sybaritic. For 4 nights I can look forward to my bed in my lovely bedroom - Mr G at respite. We've always had beautiful bedrooms - I must go to bed in a haven of peace. Until the turmoil of our lives sorts itself out nights are scary - will I cope, will I sleep? Alarm always at 7.30 a.m to prepare for nurses - if I've had an awful night I could cling to my bed like a limpet at that hour.Jul, above - apparently the worst thing insomniacs can do is actually go to bed in the afternoon. I've had lots of insomnia - you get into a horrendous vicious circle when you get scared of going to bed - convinced you won't sleep - and, of course, you don't. I did have a stupid habit, but it worked. I'd go into the office and play solitaire until I was mesmerised and half-frozen - when the warmth of my bed would send me off straight away. Mr G could never understand or sympathise with insomnia - he always got very cross with me - which did not help at all.

Jul Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 2:10pm

You are so right Gardener. I may try the solitaire and get cold too. Its beginning to get colder in the evenings here now. Jul xx

Graeme Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 3:21pm

The bed is a sweet refuge for the sad and befuddled. Oh, rats, so masterfully said.

Lexi Fri, Sep 30th 2016 @ 4:22pm

This post is so timely. Thank you. I've taken to my bed all week. Done the bare minimum of work on the laptop. But this time it was different. I saw it as a time to recharge my batteries, instead of feeling guilty and ashamed. I felt like I was taking care of myself. I read in bed. I watched movies in bed. I snuggled with my daughter in bed. I made the bed in the mornings before getting back into bed an hour later. After a couple of days I took the dog for a few walks, even ran. I met a friend for lunch, then went back to bed. Today I am still working from home, but I;m dressed and in my fav chair in the living room. xo Lexi

Rats Sat, Oct 1st 2016 @ 7:52pm

I spent the entire Easter weekend in bed. I don't really know what triggered it, but it was what I needed to do. I got up to eat, and to shower, but other than that, I was in bed, sometimes sleeping, sometimes reading, sometimes doing nothing. I slept each night and then it was like I'd done what my body and brain needed to do, and then I was back to usual routines.

Brum Mum Sat, Oct 1st 2016 @ 10:58pm

Rats, I particularly agree with your last post. I regularly nap in my bed in the afternoon but have come to see it as a requirement for a busy, emotionally demanding job. Maybe as a depressive it's why I seek solace there but I actually feel it keeps me healthy.

Brum Mum Sat, Oct 1st 2016 @ 10:58pm

Rats, I particularly agree with your last post. I regularly nap in my bed in the afternoon but have come to see it as a requirement for a busy, emotionally demanding job. Maybe as a depressive it's why I seek solace there but I actually feel it keeps me healthy.

Rats Sun, Oct 2nd 2016 @ 7:20pm

I certainly feel better for a nap, although it doesn't always have a positive impact on my later ability to sleep at night. I've replaced my mentally stressing full time job for a physically stressing part time one for the time being, but now I feel that my nap is needed to physically, rather than mentally repair myself. There will still be times where I have to retreat back into bed to reset the day, but these are becoming less frequent.

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