Moodscope's blog

29

January


Moving can be SO hard. Thursday January 29, 2015

When its morning its dark,
Many feel like this.
Life seems so stark,
But what do we miss?

I know when I move,
Things improve.
I know when I push,
I change the groove.

But boy do I struggle,
To stop the rumination.
Yet I know for sure,
It'll lead to aggravation.

Living alone,
Does not help my pain.
I really need someone,
To help me regain.
Some sense of perspective,
To help me see,
That things can change,
It's up to me...

I know this week,
I've progressed again.
My son has helped me,
Lose some of the pain.
We've come away,
The pair of us.
It got me moving,
Not still tied in a truss.

I intellectually know,
It's better for me,
To move and speak,
And even have tea.

But my emotions seek safety,
To stay locked inside.
My desire is too often,
To stay in and hide.

If these words can help you,
Pick up the phone.
Maybe you won't be,
A home alone clone.

Can you make that call,
Can you go next door?
Can you walk out and meet,
Can you start to seek more?

I know I can't sometimes,
Yet I also remember,
When I did move before,
It brought some splender.

I could live in the moment,
With that glimpse of the now.
I forgot all my pain,
I was alive somehow.
I could fight on,
Instead of goodbye.
There was a life,
In my mind's eye.

What one action (tiny or otherwise) can you take today to move towards the light through your discomfort?

Les
A Moodscope member.


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Comments

Hopeful One Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 5:15am

Hi Les- so well put. I nominate you as our Poet Laureate ! I am a lark I am afraid. Others think of it as insomnia but I don't . I just accept that nature set my cicadan clock that way. One good thing though . Larks are less prone to depression than owls.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 8:04am

I too am a lark. Les, you sound lonely. Could you not seek a partner? My sister has met nice people through the net. For companionship. Better than being lonely. You have much to offer. Thanks for thought provoking poem, as ever.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 8:20am

Morning, Les, and thank you for that thought-provoking poem. I am a lark, but not this week. This week has been harder to move as the depression hits home. I have to be up and out walking the dog - get a dog, peeps...you just HAVE to get out when you have a dog! It may also help with the loneliness, as you do sound lonely :(
I'm just hoping to see those kingfishers again today to cheer me up....my Liddle light at the end of my tunnel!
We are all here in our own special way to help if we can, Les.
Karen :)

Rupert Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 8:33am

Les - BRILLIANT! I could have written that myself if I only I had any of your literary skills. It sums up perfectly that awful struggle in the morning - usually an hour before the alarm goes off when the whole world is pressing down on you and thoughts are racing in the most negative of ways. I was only thinking again this morning though how actually getting out of bed lifts the mood slightly and certainly sugary tea and porridge starts to re-set things. I agree with the others though in that I imagine it is harder when you are alone albeit I guess that is easy to say in itself. Thanks. Rupert

Julia Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 9:04am

I have learnt that even people who are not depressed can have very negative thoughts and feelings in the morning and don't want to get up. I don't know if it's always been like that or whether it's modern day stresses which have caused this phenomenon. Rupert is right, one often feels better just for getting up out of bed. Life used to be unbearable for me for a long period and something forced me to make a dramatic change which in itself took a while. I do think when life is really intolerable, one just has to seek a positive way out of it. I will always have a tendency to be low but to be low, exhausted, hating my job and depressed and to be in a terrible situation was a no brainer. But it takes courage and acting totally out of character to effect that change and ideally help from someone close. So Les..you say your son has been near you recently and helped you. I was so pleased to read this in your lovely poem.

Eliz Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 9:31am

Les, I get excited so much when you send in blogs. Your thoughts and words resonate so much for me. Thank you. I find you both comforting and reassuring and always so on the ball.
Thank you too Julia, your words also resonate deeply for me. Like I am hanging onto your every word as i feel so frightened these days. But I plod on and hope that whatever is right for me will happen one day.

Eliz Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 9:33am

Les, I am not at all trying to chat you up but am interested to know whether you are a man or a woman?

Anonymous Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 10:01am

Hi Eliza, so sorry you feel so frightened at the moment. What's the cause, is it work, home, a mixture?
If you can illucidate, maybe some of the wonderful Moodscopers could offer help in some small way? Karen x

Anonymous Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 10:05am

Hi Rupert, you do have literary skills....re-read what you wrote above. It may not be in poem form, but feeding us with the wonderful warming thoughts of sugary tea and porridge is wonderful! Karen :)

Bunnykins Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 11:19am

Thank you Les, this blog spoke to me SO much; I feel less alone in my depression etc! Wishing all moodscopers' as good a day as possible XXX

Les Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 12:01pm

Hi Eliz

Check out my reply to your question in last week's blog.

I think we all struggle at times and anything that helps is a blessing.

I know I write some blogs to 'serve' others by sharing my feelings in the hope that some can 'feel' less alone.

I'm sure it helps bloggers like Julia and I to hear such positive comments.

Keep 'plodding' if that is what gets you through and I know I have challenges about being kind to myself........seek to do that for yourself tho.

Les Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 12:05pm

Thanks Bunnykins.................as I said to Eliz above.....I know I feel SO alone when I struggle......so I often write to dilute that feeling for others....thanks for taking the time to write...appreciated.

Julia Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 12:06pm

Yes you are right Les,it does help to hear such positive comments.

Julia Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 2:40pm

So people who rise early don't get as depressed as those who go to bed late or get up late? Why is this Hopeful One? I would be interested to read the evidence and latest research. I will google it! What about those who go to bed at the normal time and get up at the normal time? We could be Robins. I wonder how we score on the depression stakes.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 2:44pm

Hello Les, it's like climbing a mountain wearing chain-mail. But I see you have your pants on top of your tights. Go forth my friend! Love from the room above the garage x.

Les Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 4:51pm

Well RATG

Who says I wear tights .......never mind pants on top.....!!!

It'd be great if I actually wanted to climb a mountain.........rather than just climb out of bed........!

Maybe even to climb into that RATG.....?

Les Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 4:57pm

Aye.......a partner of a kindred spirit would be a positive......

Never tried the net......

People who live together usually live for about 8-10 years longer...

Anonymous Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 5:55pm

Wonderful writing as ever, Les; and wonderful how much your honesty helps so many Moodscopers; great to hear your son helps you; and I love Rupert's sugary tea and porridge to kickstart things; mine is tea, lots of tea and a boiled egg with soldiers to dunk in ...
I'm guessing your skies are overcast and full of snow at the moment - here we are going from bright blue skies to pouring rain every hour - (it kind of reflects my up and down mood at the moment)
Wishing everyone peace of mind and heart, as ever
Frankie

Anonymous Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 7:26pm

Don't we all wear tights with pants on top? SUPERHEROES! Epic struggle getting out of bed for me...I'm better now I'm utterly rigid about bedtime...but not great.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 7:29pm

without telling you my life story I am unable to return to work for reasons I cannot talk about on an open forum for confidentiality reasons. But it has left me feeling very vulnerable and scared. I can't say anymore here. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and need to earn a living somehow.

Eliz Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 7:33pm

Thank you Les and Julia for being grateful, it makes me feel that my opinions count.

Eliz Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 7:42pm

Hello again Les, Do you feel depressed now? I mean recently, including today? I am feeling very depressed and wondered if you could have an honest conversation with me about it. It may help me, it may help you, who knows???

Anonymous Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 7:57pm

Hello Eliz
I am so sorry that you are feeling bad at the moment; can you leave aside your anxiety about work for a bit and focus on looking after yourself just day by day? It sounds as if some rest and nurturing would be a good thing for you - a time to lick wounds and replenish energy levels. Maybe very simple goals - cooking something nice, a short walk - look at the sky each day and remind yourself that the sun and the stars are always there, even if hidden by clouds ... and know that you are not alone; many of us have experienced and do experience feelings of anxiety and periods of depression - (or we wouldn't be Moodscopers!) Something that helps me is to write down what is worrying me; then I give myself permission to stop worrying about it as I know I can reread what I have written when I am feeling a bit stronger (well, I try - sometimes it works, sometimes I still ruminate and worry ...)
Sending you gentle smiles
Frankie

Les Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 8:14pm

Hi A

So sorry to hear that.......how are you going to find a new focus in life - which hopefully can gain you some income?

It may be that to gain confidence - you could volunteer in some way....as that may be the self-esteem you require to stay connected and then grow back to a more self supportive way?

I always find animals the best way.........they do not compare...simply love you for what you are.

Les Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 8:35pm

Hi Eliz

I still struggle in the mornings and feel that I don't want to move.....the wrong thoughts go through my head.

Yet once I move and focus on other things bar myself.......the door starts to open.........and I feel I can achieve again.

Everyone is unique and meets these challenges in their own way.

Mandy George Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 10:25pm

Not sure if my post went through, testing now x

Mandy George Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 10:30pm

Had so much trouble posting on here ! Anyway just wanted to say Les that your posts are great, each and every time, spot on and well written xx

Siliva A Thu, Jan 29th 2015 @ 11:58pm

It is related to circadian rhythm , Julia.

So many problems in my life come from this, including depression.Lack of energy. memory etc etc;

Silvia A Fri, Jan 30th 2015 @ 12:07am

Les, do you have any pet living with you?

Silvia A Fri, Jan 30th 2015 @ 12:41am

Mandy I also get some of mine lost. After the captcha we have to repeat again "publish", and I forgot it.

Hopeful One Fri, Jan 30th 2015 @ 7:35am

Hi anonymous @ 7.29 pm- keep talking.

DawnC.Ritchie Fri, Jan 30th 2015 @ 10:31pm

Sylvia and Mandy. You need to copy your writings before you press publish, then if it gets lost, you can just paste it in again.

Silvia A Sat, Jan 31st 2015 @ 1:53am

Yes, I use Ditto. http://ditto-cp.sourceforge.net/
Thanks, Dawn.

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