12

April

Morbid Birthday Reflections

Tuesday April 12, 2022


As I write this, it's my birthday. I've always had some trouble with birthdays; for a long time I had an aversion to celebrating on that day. It always made me uncomfortable to be the centre of attention, and a lot of that came from how hard I was on myself in all other aspects of my life. It was very difficult to feel like I deserved to be celebrated.

While I'm still considered rather young (I haven't yet reached 40), I've found some motivation in my birthday celebrations, though maybe not in the way you might think. My father died early, and I've lost uncles and great uncles at an early age, too. So it's been an easy transition to using my birthday to remember mortality and the limits of the time we have. Perhaps that's more than a bit morbid, but I've found it to focus my efforts in all the things I do.

I only have a certain number of years to be who I am meant to be. My birthday is a great reminder that I have a finite span, and I find a measure of comfort in the fact that everybody has that span as well. Life is short, and we never know how much longer we have. It's too short to spend my time beating myself up mentally and emotionally. It also helps get me out of my own thoughts and do things outside of myself. Caring for loved ones, serving those in need, and trying to make a positive impact with the time I have left to me.

So many of my past birthdays depressed me, and I wallowed in self-pity and remorse. But now I focus on the time left, and what I want to accomplish, and the opportunities that I may have.

Do you find any solace, focus, or motivation in your finite time? Am I being too morbid? Let me know in the comments. I'm always interested to see what others may think.

John C
A Moodscope Member.

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