Moodscope's blog

10

July


Moray Moodscope 2. Thursday July 10, 2014

Last Sunday I wrote some words,
For my Moodscope return.
The response affected me,
Some made my warm heart turn.

They were so rich,
So kind so pure.
Such authentic words,
Like a lady so demure.

Since then I have come home,
From my friends in Motherwell.
In this lonely house,
Where so oft I've been unwell.

The first two days I hardly moved.
Endless TV took my soul,
It often felt like another mind,
My heart had lost its goal.

I stayed in one room,
And in that gloom,
I hardly could get up, another day, another way,
Night couldn't come too soon.

It's when I feel human,
It's when I do feel safe.
Yet I know that in the morning.
So many thoughts would chafe.

Now I've ran out of food,
I'll have to move.
Go shop tomorrow,
Into the world and prove,
I can do it,
I can return,
Into a world,
That surely can burn.

So many of us struggle,
To be 'normal' each day.
The stories in Moodscope,
Say it in so many ways.

Tonight, even at sunset,
I sat in the garden and thought.
And picked and cleared and sat and stared,
At what my actions had bought.

What if I had done this and that,
What if, what if, what if?
But I am here now,
At a precipice.

The young birds chirped late,
The swifts glided up above,
The doves coo'd and coo'd,
Where do we all find love?

So many hearts out there,
Saying such constructive things.
Comments on our Moodscope,
Support and care to bring.

Tonight I sit with my music,
A good indication I am able,
To open my heart and feelings,
To offer you all my table.

A table of life,
A table of loss,
A table of meaning,
No candy floss.

Words of wisdom,
Words of wounds,
Words of wonder,
That come with tunes.

Music that lifts,
Music that learns,
Music that leans,
Into dreams and concerns.

When I am me,
Music is always here.
A musicscape to my life,
Words and feelings always near.

'If I should fall behind',
Is a song from Bruce, (Springsteen)
Live from Madison Square Gdns,
It feels like a truce.

or

'If I had a son',
Such beauty from James Maddock,
That says in so few words,
If I had all the luck.

How are you all my friends,
Out there in daily blogs?
How many yearn to connect,
Instead of life's long slogs?

We all suffer in some way,
In our mental minds.
We all lose our balance,
With thoughts that become unkind.

I dedicate this one to you,
These words that just fall out.
As I sit and feel connected,
I don't need to scream and shout.

So this is my tale,
Of my week so far to you,
You have all helped me,
Not to feel so blue.

Les
A Moodscope member.

If I fall behind (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmUG1ffgKFw)
If I had a son (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnRtfFboT40)
(listen to the song without visual the first time to truly 'hear' the lyrics)


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Comments

Anonymous Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 1:02am

Hello Les; what wonderful words; such beauty and eloquence flowering from pain and anguish ... thank-you for updating us. I have been wondering how you are. Is it time for that walk yet? I wish you peace of mind and heart (and a flask of coffee with sticky bun for the walk) Frankie

Anonymous Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 8:00am

Good morning Les, I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I have a son and he's fractured my heart. I hope it's not permanent - for him and for me. It hurts like hell and I have to deal with it, and my failings as a parent and the person he is at present. Luckiily I'm not so down that I can't see the undulations of life. Look after yourself Les and I hope you stay on the upward trajectory.

Julia Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 8:29am

Keep listening to that music Les. "How did we fall?" Melanie C sang this wonderful song, not sure who wrote it and that's not the title. Sorry!! Will look it up. She referring to a homeless man on the street and how many pass him by but I always think How did I fall? As an antidote, listen and dance to Happy by Will Pharell.Better still watch the youtube clip. You must do that today Les. Then I'll be happy too.

Anonymous Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 8:40am

Your poetry is beautiful Les and your words so moving. I wish you well and give you virtual hugs. I will listen to the music you mentioned now.

SallyAnn Hay Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 9:12am

One step at a time. If you are able to shop for some food and eat some of it that would be good. A walk after supper when there aren't many people about works for me. I hope you have a good day. Well done for coming home. How's the lawn?

Trisha Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 10:14am

Thank you Les your words made me feel I am not alone. Today I should have been going for yet another interview but instead I am sat staring out of the window at a world I cannot reach. Listening to Bruce made me cry and now I know I can still feel something. I will go for a walk now hope you do too.

win4timezdo Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 11:22am

Good job Les - your words are as eloquent as those you direct us to listen to. Here's wishing you a chink in the gloom tomorrow.

Mary Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 12:27pm

Out of pain comes beauty! Lovely poem. Huge hugs to you Les.

Now remember to eat!

Love Mary

Anonymous Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 3:34pm

Hi Les, you have brought out one of my most treasured songs. I'm a huge Springsteen admirer which is not the only reason I adore it...it is pliable so that it bends around so many feelings and situations. (And he happens to be handsome to the point of fainting which is a mild sideline of happiness for me but hey, us 'lowlifes' (kidding!!!) have to take happiness as it comes! I'm blabbering... loving your post, it not only shows us you're picking through the cornfield but also that you are trying to raise us with you. Immense. Thank you. Marydoll, I happily answer to anything, ratg feels perfectly comfy :-) I'm going to keep the mask at the mo, my nearest and dearest are (a) too young to carry that and (b) someone who is more of the 'be thankful for what you have' support. Your response did make me laugh...of course, holidays are stressful! I thought it was only me! Hermit on a hill if I had the chance :-D Hi Frankie, more coffee, more buns, you are heaven sent. p.s. I was wondering how Les' grass is too...it will stay and recover in equal measure regardless of its shortterm treatment. Not unlike unwanted leg hair. I fear I have over shared. Must be the holiday air. Love from the room above the garage.

Anonymous Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 5:37pm

Hi room above the garage - I love your name! It takes me back too many years to a very dear friend who had just that (a room above a garage) - with birds singing in the creepers outside the window. (Just had 2 Eccles cakes! - back to a "fasting" day tomorrow on my 5:2 diet) Frankie

Anonymous Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 7:40pm

A beautiful poem. And thanks for the links to the songs. Enjoyed listening to them this evening. Thanks, Jen

Anonymous Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 8:17pm

Fasting 5:2, have read lots...tell me how your body feels on it...

Anonymous Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 8:18pm

it's me, ratg and I adore the room you describe!

Diana Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 8:39pm

Never heard BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, and party before. This particular song
is lovely. Listened twice - and even my dog seemed moved, and closed her eyes
exctati-ecly ( well, spelt something like that ! )

Anonymous Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 9:00pm

Hi Anon 8.17pm; after initial adjustment period, body feels (and looks) great! I find fasting in one day too hard; so I fast from lunchtime (e.g Sunday) to lunchtime (Monday) - it is not so hard for me to do that way; but you do feel hungry and that is the point; when we are hungry, our body then uses up the fat - wonderful! So I have to remind myself "I feel hungry, which is how it should be - still, salad for supper; small breakfast, then from lunch time onwards I can eat what I like". People have commented on how good I look - I lost a stone / 6 kg in 6 months; I seem to have stabilised now. I can really recommend it - but you do and should feel hungry ... 2 days a week. I have never had so many cakes/chocolate/drinks of wine etc. in a week on the other 5 days - and it is OK! Good luck! Frankie (one bar of chocolate, 2 Eccles cakes, 1 choc ice and red wine today plus meals - Tomorrow 500 (600 for men) calories from tomorrow lunch time to Saturday lunch time) Then back to the chocolate/wine/ice creams etc!!! It is great. But you will feel hungry - and that is OK! Frankie

Les Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 11:38pm

Getting close to that walk............thanks Frankie

Les Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 11:40pm

Hi Julia

Good vibes for sure........thanks

Les Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 11:41pm

Hi SallyAnn

The lawn looks good - a real sense of achievement and some bushes done as well...........

Les Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 11:43pm

Trisha

Your comment was powerful....I'm glad you did not feel alone today...such feelings and connections are possible when we are open, vulnerable and authentic.

Hope you enjoyed your walk

Take care
Les

Les Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 11:46pm

It's just the music for me - Room above
It's only the lyrics & music, that I love

Les Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 11:47pm

The 5:2 diet really works for myself and others.

I initially trued the 2 days together - too much.

Les Thu, Jul 10th 2014 @ 11:48pm

Aye - animals are wise
Humans are clever

Anonymous Fri, Jul 11th 2014 @ 11:22pm

That's fine, I can faint over him enough to cover Lothians, Grampian and the Central belt!! He is a lyrical genius in my eyes. Glad music is working for you. Poor signal here but it's working now so I'm away to have a listen to your other guy...

Anonymous Wed, Jul 16th 2014 @ 8:00pm

I wished I'd written on the 10th, like all above did... I can't keep up with the daily blogs, too down, too distracted, too empty... but your words were so powerful Les, and had I been so eloquent could have come from my own heart and soul, they spoke to me so personally "... this lovely house
Where so oft I've been unwell

The first two days I hardly moved
Endless TV took my soul
It often felt like another mind,
My heart had lost its goal

I stayed in one room
And in that gloom,
I hardly could get up, another day, another way,
Night couldn't come too soon

Thank you for writing this, for sharing your vulnerability... though I don't know you, it made me feel a little less alone. DC.

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