Me, my funk and I.

17 Aug 2016
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We are due to move house in 6 days. You'd think I'd be busy packing and sorting. I'm very aware this needs doing and that the panic about the imminent date can only be contained by actually doing something to be ready for it. But, as per the ever helpful manner of an addled mind, I instead seem to be in a state of temporary suspension. I feel like I'm just floating around in the air, drifting aimlessly, looking on at the chaos below but unable to be part of it.

In truth I feel quite overwhelmed. You know that feeling when you know you have so much to do, that it paralyses you into doing absolutely nothing? (Again, thank you brain, for your ironic paradoxes). My motivation, energy and ability to take any sort of productive action are out of my reach.

What's also joyful in this already frustrating situation is that I then feel guilty about not doing all the very many things I should be doing. Frau Should was introduced by a kind Moodscoper recently, and I realised I knew her well. She pops in frequently to feed the negative voices that I'd successfully locked up in a cage for being too loud; she helps them escape, and then they all pick up the sticks I'd forgotten to tidy away, and start beating me for doing nothing; for being such a failure.

It's no wonder all I actually want to do is pack myself into the nearest box and just wait for it all to be over...

What I am managing to do, quite successfully I might add, is mope and flop around, sighing dramatically, crying over every little thing, and claiming, to absolutely no one listening, that I can't do this.

Even as I write I know how absurd this all is. My behaviour is neither helpful, nor does it actually serve any purpose. My claims are simply untrue.

My other half describes this as my "funk" that I get into now and again and I quite like this description. It makes me feel less ridiculous. Perhaps my funk has a bass guitar and hangs out with James Brown, which in fact would make it rather cool.

Whatever it is or does, we just have to wait for it to pass. We both know it will; that I will wake up tomorrow, or the day after, or lets at least hope before we actually move, with a renewed sense of productivity and positivity. We both know that of course everything will get done, and we will move into our new home, and start the next chapter of our lives together. In our inevitably funky house!

Fiona

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Comments

DAVE

Aug. 18, 2016, 6:20 a.m.

473 times quoted in the bible....."And it came, to Pass'......(note where the comma (added). sits). Everything comes, but everything passes ! Enjoy the moment Fiona...Time and Tide wait for no man. How short is this, Caroline's message was absorbed ! Dave.

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Caroline Ashcroft Moodscope

Aug. 18, 2016, 8:38 a.m.

:-) Caroline

LP

Aug. 18, 2016, 8:57 a.m.

Sorry I missed Caroline's message. Has there been a plea for shorter comments? I know I'm guilty of writing how I think! It's very hard to change, but I will try. LPxx

Caroline Ashcroft Moodscope

Aug. 18, 2016, 6:18 p.m.

Hi LP, no there hasn't been a plea for shorter comments, all comments are most welcome. Carolinex

LP

Aug. 18, 2016, 10:13 p.m.

Oh cool, thanks Caroline :) xx

Orangeblossom

Aug. 18, 2016, 6:22 a.m.

Thanks for your blog which I could echo entirely. I am sometimes paralysed by the amount of tasks that needs to be completed but have little energy. Mostly it is because I am not living in a balanced manner. Or it seems this way to me.

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waterfall

Aug. 18, 2016, 7:15 a.m.

Can resonate with you, "This too will pass" in my darkest moments I hear myself say "what if this is it and it wont pass, this is how it is going to be!!??". Congratulate yourself for thinking it will pass and everything will get done. In one of my downs my CPN said to me don't think about what you can't do, start with what you can whatever that is, if it only picking something up, say a cup, you have achieved something, and something leads to something else (what a lot of somethings) Really good luck with your move in a few weeks time you will look back on this moment and have a chuckle that the funk has lifted.

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Anonymous

Aug. 18, 2016, 7:33 a.m.

Hi Fiona, I feel for you. Perhaps from a false sense of inadequacy, or a fear of the unknown, our courage deserts us at times. When I am in the same boat as you, I remind myself of John Wayne's phrase "Courage is being scared to death...but saddling up anyway". I know you can and will cope with your move and wish you all the best. Go well.

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Ella

Aug. 18, 2016, 8:45 a.m.

Hi Fiona, Great post, thank you, oh so familiar! Last move (of many) I managed to scupper myself well enough to while away the vital time in A&E ;) Seems to me you're well on the way to action.... Awareness - check Self knowledge - check Sense of humour - check Nowadays what seems to work for me is to make a conscious decision at bedtime and tell myself what my first priority is for the morning. Sometimes I put a reminder on my phone. Mostly it seems to get me doing that one thing which is sometimes all I need to make a start. Good luck with the move and happy new home to you. X

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LP

Aug. 18, 2016, 9:12 a.m.

It's a familiar feeling for me too Fiona. Overwhelming. Scary. The one small thing to make a start helps me too. I also sometimes physically start at one corner and work my way back, so at least I can see from that point to where I make it, however small, has been done and I can pick up from there next time. It usually gets me going enough to get stuck in and end up pushing myself too hard. I try not to look at the entire task, it's too overwhelming, it's like don't look down! You dont need this advice, it's kind of helpful to remind myself really! It's great that you and your supportive partner recognise the funky dude who will come good in the end! Best wishes for your move and I look forward to when you get a chance one day to let us know how it went. Fresh start! Lovely! LP :)

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Richard

Aug. 18, 2016, 9:43 a.m.

Dear Fiona. On Tuesday, I nervously attended my "New Patient Medical" at my new surgery. I moved house two months ago, and went through most of what you have been describing. The nurse weighed me, measured my height and we talked of my history of depression. Halfway through, she said this: "I think you've done really well. Moving house is a stressful time for anyone." I stopped looking at the floor and talking. A few minutes later, I shook her hand, left the surgery and carried on with my life. She'd never heard of Moodscope until I told her. Remember: Pack kettle last. Peace & Love, Richard.

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Anonymous

Aug. 18, 2016, 9:54 a.m.

Thank you Fiona. Exactly described what I feel at the moment and like you my funk also happened when I was moving house. Thing that seems to work for me is to say the timer on my phone. 15 mins Hoover the room, 10 min prepare notes to phone that person you've been putting off. Sort of small victories. Oh and go for a brisk walk preferably where you compliment dog walkers on their pooches (doesn't feel like you are talking to people). And yes pack the kettle last in a special open this first box with milk sugar and most importantly biscuits and something today to toast you getting there. Good luck!

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Andrew

Aug. 18, 2016, 10:37 a.m.

Kettle maybe - corkscrew and glasses DEFINITELY! Seriously though, all the best for your move. it is colossal as an experience, and I am not in the least surprised that Frau Should and the Funksters (possibly not the best band name in the world) have put in an unwelcome appearance. but, as others above have said, and as you also acknowledge, it is only an appearance. Not a residence. Not a permanence. They have appeared. They will dis appear. And when they do, a different sort of funky music will play, and you will be amazing! Every good wish...and remember - corkscrew and glasses! (And kettle)!

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Tutti Frutti

Aug. 18, 2016, 5:52 p.m.

Andrew I have been away and have just caught up with all the blogs but I wanted to say that I liked your blog last week and I have found quite a number of your comments helpful. Thanks TF x

Andrew

Aug. 19, 2016, 8:34 a.m.

Thank you TF! That's really kind of you to say so...

Nicco

Aug. 18, 2016, 12:24 p.m.

Thank you, Fiona, for your blog today. You have described beautifully how I feel most days - having M.E. and Fibromyalgia doesn't help any. Not that I would wish it on others, but you have made me feel less alone in feeling like this. I have found, when able, that cutting tasks into bite-size pieces is helpful. I have a large task I'm tackling at the moment which took me weeks to get around to because I was focusing on the larger part, instead of picking a smaller part of it to get me started. It was like standing at the foot of Everest and looking up, wondering how on earth I'm going to get to the top. Then I realised that even the most proficient climber has to start with one small step. Thanks again, and every good wish for your move - I've only done it twice in my lifetime and when I was in a healthier state - it is very stressful but you will get through it because, as Dave says, everything comes to pass.

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Nicco

Aug. 18, 2016, 12:26 p.m.

Ps: I would say 'corkscrew, kettle and curtains' because we woke up the morning after our move, having failed to locate the bedroom curtains, to several workmen peering into our bedroom window - they were on scaffolding working on the next door house!

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Andrew

Aug. 18, 2016, 1:43 p.m.

Great add - curtains!

Hitchhiker

Aug. 18, 2016, 12:54 p.m.

Thank you Fiona. I had a whole year to prepare for my recent move. I did very little before. Funk after funk! Here now in the new house 6 days. Have the kettle and glasses, but cannot locate the bedsheets or towels. They went in last, but seem to not have come out. This too shall pass. Best wishes for your new home and for all who've been uprooted! Once again, Moodscope sends me the cheer of knowing others in the same boat and we all still floating on! I marvel at the strength of those who get through and vow to get funky instead of stuck! Also, somehow today I am conscious of all who are uprooted without their consent or many resources. I will try to keep my woe in perspective and know I am lucky to have my particular brand of funk! Best wishes to all on the move!!

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The Gardener

Aug. 18, 2016, 3:47 p.m.

I have the most idiotic and long-lasting funk - asking people - anything - money on poppy day - to come for drinks - now, help to load Mr G's wheelchair in car - waiting to meet neighbours in road to ask them for a drink rather than just plain and simple go and knock. Fear rejection? Now that IS idiotic. Moving - put them down now to an act of ***. First house shoved out by M25 - Ministry of Transport dithered about paying out - two house to keep going, 5 kids, camp in the vandalised new one, pay security guards on other to stop squatters. We had moved from 8 rooms to 17 - given loads of chuck-out furniture (mostly 30's) to live in at all. 5 years later back to 8 rooms - white chalk crosses on all the junk to be left - but two pantechnicons turned up on the U-shaped drive and raced each other through the front door and narrow hall. Absolute panic, diverted them to grain store (on steadle stones) and barn, where some is still rotting, I think. Somebody found my knitting needles 15 years later. Just popped over to house for sale for a single rose, and to 'new' garden to tie up tomatoes. This move across the road, last one across the channel. For the UK moves - never mind curtains or anything fussy - school uniforms and the office - PAYE had to be done weekly - the auditor was sitting among the chaos when a large piece of ceiling fell down. He is imperturbable - dust off his smooth suit and carried on - I think he was nervous enough to have an extra biscuit with his coffee.Another lump fell in daughter's cereal, bent her spoon like Uri Geller. I thinks our moves could not be funked, we just went numb for the duration. The cat howled all the way down the Cherbourg peninsula - then did battle with any French cat she came across. Know which way she would have voted at the referendum. Not that there were many immigrant cats to the UK.

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Tutti Frutti

Aug. 18, 2016, 5:22 p.m.

Gardener I totally identify with your reluctance to ask people things. I think it's a mix of fear of rejection and fear that the other person will feel obliged to do something they don't really want to do. I also identify with your inability to throw straight. I threw a book at my boyfriend for winding me up once in the dim and distant past and hit the wrong person. I am glad to see you seem to be having a better day than yesterday. Love TF x

Tutti Frutti

Aug. 18, 2016, 5:56 p.m.

Fiona Good luck with your move. I am sure it will be fine. I would echo what loads of others have suggested about finding something small to start with. Love TF x

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