I have been 'off' alcoholic drinks due to a diet that I am proud to say I have mostly stuck to, and only allowed myself some alcohol during a weeks' all-inclusive holiday, in June. But, as a celebration of dear friends becoming grandparents, last week, we opened a bottle of champagne! They also provided us with more bottles of wine that evening...and that's where the problem lay...they wouldn't take the unused ones away with them. So, I knew they were there; it's like a box of chocolates or a packet of biscuits...if they are there they have to be eaten! I proceeded to drink, on my own, over the following three nights. I felt as guilty as a guilty thing on a guilty day...but still, each evening, I went back to find the other bottles...and surprise, surprise, after drinking, I was starving...you know, the craving 'I-need-to-eat-ANYTHING-I-could-get-my-mitts-on-hungry' then I'd feel quilty all over again, m'lud!
Each morning, I woke too early, thirsty and dizzy; I felt depressed - so flipping low that I could barely function properly. And was extremely ashamed of myself for getting in that situation.
A friend came back to visit last week.
She'd been gone a while - I wasn't so weak!
But she stayed three days, well evenings, really
And the very next mornings she'd made me feel guilty.
I sort of welcomed her - drank in her perfume,
Consumed her wholly, she made me bloom.
At first I told no one, I hid her from sight,
I knew she was wrong for me, my life she could blight.
It was so easy to love her, have her back here so soon,
(Enjoy her when others are not in the room.)
I was being rather selfish, I didn't want to share -
The luscious colours that she's able to bare.
Early in the mornings I awoke with a thirst,
And a head that was pounding, it wouldn't be the first
Of many hours,
to wake, to lie there, ashamed,
Cos I knew who had done this - it was me who's to blame.
And the guilt that I felt the very next day,
Made me realise what I was doing - it wouldn't go away,
Unless I stopped now, stopped letting her win,
Stop drinking the wine, champagne or the gin.
I'd thought she had helped me, when feeling so low,
I felt more relaxed, she always cheered me so!
I didn't understand, how much she could hurt me,
As I relied on her daily - I just didn't want to see.
It had been quite a while since I let her back home
In the evenings with my husband,
...or here on my own.
But, you made me depressed, dear, you made me so low.
I am sorry to say, dear, you just had to go.
The last bottle's gone, I'm back on top form,
My depression is better, my weight is the 'norm'!
The dieting helped, it's made me feel better...
Wine will depress you - but only if you let her!
It FINALLY dawned on me that me and my friend Alcohol, don't really get on! It has been said, it's not the second or even the third glass that causes the problems.....it's the first. So I have spoken to myself - quite severely and had words too...and resolved not to go mad again!
Karen (bearofliddlebrain.com) x