I had one of those "I feel a blog coming on!" moments while commenting recently on Mary's blog called Once Upon a Time. It was about acknowledging one's demons or dark side.
Mine has been my anger. My mother was always angry with someone, it was like she was on a loop. I always wondered "Who's in for it next?"
For as long as I can remember, I have had long lasting inner feuds with particular individuals who impose themselves on me in some way and who I am unable to avoid completely.
It has worried me that perhaps I have somehow needed to constantly be in a deep dark angry feud. I don't want to believe that. I just want those people to go away.
I'm thankfully in an ok place at the moment. I live with the feuds, and am wanting to be gentle on my self.
So how do I deal with my anger? What do I do with it without burying or fuelling it?
Mindfulness is wonderful. Remembering to stay present has rescued me many times.
Writing down all my angry thoughts and putting them away or physically getting rid of them has helped in the past too.
This ongoing feud state is still with me though. I know that to forgive and forget everything that goes on is probably much healthier. That feels a bit "should" for me. Like I'm not being true to myself.
Mary mentioned acknowledging and bridling them and it really struck a chord with me. Yes, I can acknowledge my anger, it's a valid emotion. Acknowledge it, but keep it in check.
Analogies can be really helpful. At the moment though, in the sprit of learning to love ones self, I don't want lots of dark imagery to blow my anger out of proportion. For ME it's like looking behind the curtain and discovering the little man operating the projector. The real Wizard of OZ and the machinery that magnifies a dark side, those demons, surrounded by smoke, noise and fiery fury!
At the moment I don't want a part of me to be a "dark side". It works for many and has done for me. Right now I want to take the power that has scared me, out of it.
I want to learn to love all of me, not just the nice bits.
Anger is just a natural emotion. I feel it. There's a reason why I feel it. I'm entitled to feel it. I don't have to justify it. Maybe that's what I prefer to write down. Make it concrete. Important.
If it comes up (and it will) I can acknowledge it properly, feel it and let it subside.
I've realised that my anger is actually my buddy! On my side. That makes me smile, I love that my anger is there for me!
And that is what it is, one of my human emotions, no more and no less.
In this chapter, I'm making friends with my anger.
A Moodscope member.
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