Moodscope's blog

6

November


Love you gran. Friday November 6, 2015

I hit a low. I'm always low but I have different degrees. I was expecting it differently, at this time of year a slow but regular descent into winter. Nope. Not this one. Jollying along, feeling slightly superhuman maybe, then a cricket bat to the knees had me reeling.

I think I swore. I know I did. I find it cathartic. I spent a few days licking my wounds and internally wailing (I may have wailed externally once or twice, maybe even in this virtual world!). Then I pulled up my socks and grudgingly started the wheels of survival once again. Got myself outside on foot and walking pavements. Crossly. In the cold and the rain. Yuck.

Passed a little old lady (love them!) in her mac and her plastic head wrap. That sent me into thinking about my beloved granny... me and my brother pulling on that amazing headgear and laughing at each other, at ourselves but also at how funny the world sounded through the plastic. There followed a trip in to her wondrous ways and her ability to crack us up.

There. I'd learned. The world can keep turning. We only need to do ONE thing and we learn we can do it. We can. It's usually the thing you want to do least that you need to do most.

(I know, I wish it was crisp sandwiches too.)

Do one thing.

Love from

The room above the garage.
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Kelley Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 6:15am

Hang in there ratg - your knack of seeing the beauty and poetry in the world will be there for you... :)x

Debs Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 6:43am

Dearest RATG - thank you so much for this, I need it. I hit a low on Monday and have been spiralling down ever since. I've done a lot of wailing - last night I felt like I was screaming for my life. Today I woke up just wanting the world to swallow me. But it's not an option is it? I need to get up and keep moving. Do one thing. I will do that. Much love dear friend xxx

Debs Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 8:48am

Just wanted to say thanks again Room, I did one thing - a set of yoga poses - and now feel slightly stronger than I did. One step at a time. Big huge thanks for the gentle nudge in the right direction. xxx

The Gardener Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 8:27am

Thanks RATG - I am seriously low - pain, gloomy weather, what on earth is going to happen to my husband and I? Total limbo. Then you remind me of 'Nanna'. I looked at her life, and if bloody-minded determination to overcome difficulties is in your genes then hers have passed to me. Born in the Isle of Wight, she married my grand-dad (I never saw him) when she was 18. He was an army cook, and she followed round the barracks, Dublin, then London. She had 13 children, 12 girls and a boy. Four died, including the boy. Nastier souls say he took one look at his sisters and died. In fact, I believe he was burned on the fire, never spoken of, what a tragedy. Her husband had I presume dementia in his early 60's, and was actually locked up. So she was in the same position as me, but for much longer, and with no glorious life to look back on. I think she was so poor had to take in washing at one time.She lived in Brixton with one of her daughters and son-in-law, another daughter and her husband in downstairs flat, so she was never alone. But visiting her! 2s1p workmans ticket, awful Northern Line. Then the tea and breakfast, then, down Brixton Market. This instilled a lifelong passion for markets worldwide. Giles could have modeled his famous Grandma on mine, but mine was cheerful. But she also loved Guiness and horse racing (I inherited the latter). She taught me to knit, and somehow found me odd balls of wool every time we visited. She had, I think, very little time for my mother, full of woes. My Ma and Pa had 'walked out' for four years. Nanna and Pa had endless spats, but I think they respected each other's refusal to give in. She warned them both again and again that marrying would be a disaster, and boy, was she right. The last time I saw her was a bit sad - in her late 80's she was brought to visit us in our 2nd house - had been a wreck - but it was a huge 17 roomed farmhouse in its own 'grounds' and I think she was utterly daunted by the surroundings of this grand-daughter. So she was not herself - perhaps she was near to death and tired. But, dear RATG, you've brought Nanna back, if she could cope, I can cope.

Leah Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 10:11am

Gardener, I can see you have an encyclopaedia of tales, one for every occasion. I can see you writing a book of inspirational stories- short one for ever day of the year.It would be a great book. Grans, nannas are amazing. Mine always smelt of sausage rolls and lavender and wore overalls, so she was called teddy as she looked like a teddy bear! Cheers leah RATG , a great blog.Hope your one thin g is helping you. Leah

Anonymous Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 8:53am

Dear TRATG - so sage as ever. Thank you. Just about to hit the wet pavements myself now. Go well.

Hopeful One Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 8:57am

Hi RATG- this is cool.Take that one step however small. And you know what? 9 out of 10 times Providence will take a step towards you.

Sorry to read about your low. Here is a laugh to lift a little of that gloom.(And for Mary, Frankie and Bear if they read this.)

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 10:18am

TEe hee...brilliogs HO!

Mary Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 10:28am

Love it! I also remember visiting an hotel in Cornwall where the real proprietor was the huge black cat who occupied a chair with a red cushion in the reception area. Any child who made a beeline for the cat and behaved with respect towards him so that he purred, was welcome. I never did discover what they did with the children who did not treat him with the respect he both demanded and deserved - but the hotel was at the top of the cliffs with a hungry sea beneath...

LillyPet Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 8:57am

Hi ratg, I had a very unpleasant exchange yesterday with a manager who as les described does not make me feel safe. It is always only a matter of time before this happens. My anxiety levels soared through the roof yesterday, I was the wailing wounded. I forced myself to bed at a decent time, had disturbed and semi concious sleep, the conversations haunting me. I am going to have to push through this to make sure That having been knocked down that I get back up. Be resillient.

My gran was a strong and wonderful lady. She gave me confidence in who I am. She had us cracking up when she tried to read our favourite book, doing her best with the cartoon voice that she'd never heard!
Thank you for your lovely writing ratg. I'll have my gran to get me through today too. LP xxx

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 10:18am

Onwards and upwards Lillypet....today's a new dawn, it's a new day. Try to put yesterday behind you and don't look back on it...it's and your horrid manager is not worth your thoughts. Keep your thoughts lovely, lively and happier as it is Friday! Hopeyoudonthavetoworktomorrow.com x x x x

LillyPet Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 9:24pm

Hey Honeybear, yep cracked on today with a bit if annoying replaying of it catching me off guard from time to time, but defo happy it's Friday! Worked late to make sure weekend is clear! So good to have had a nice start to the day with lovely blog. Thanks B xxx

Lou Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 9:51am

Good morning RATG!

"It's usually the thing you want to do least that you need to do most"

This is so very apt for today! Determination and bravery to the fore!

Have as good a day as possible fellow Moodscopers - we'll get through it together!

(If I sound positive maybe it'll take?!;) What's the phrase "fake it til you make it")

Lou

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 4:26pm

Yay, Lou, I got the dreaded ironing done and the Magical Wardrobes are full again!

The Gardener Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 9:58am

HO - joke lovely - I have many acquaintances (you'd think honest) who regularly clear everything movable from hotels - no wonder they cost so much. Local restaurant has a corner table where people can have their dogs discreetly - when one couple insisted that doggy had his din-dins served at table the owner threw the lot out!

Mary Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 10:31am

This was just lovely, RATG. Do one thing. Hmmmm. In the words written on a teenagers tee-shirt. "I'm up. I'm dressed. What more do you want?" But yes - I will do one thing. When I've got the energy to think what it might be. Oh, and I've done my Moodscope score.

the room above the garage Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 11:08am

Good morning all! I'm off to a VE day celebration and taking some oldies with me and so can't reply individually. This was written a few weeks ago and I love when I pop up in my own inbox as it has shown me that I am beyond where I was. I'm not filled with vitality but I am not thumping the pavements with only a fractured will. I have a little more than that. I wish that for you all too. Debs, brilliant. One thing, I find, is just enough. It has to be something you are tending to resist and the impetus follows...well done my friend. Another win x. Hopeful One...I simply love you. There. Its out. :-) Your reliability and presence is not just assuring but makes me smile. A gift I cannot rate highly enough. Waving to everyone xx.

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 12:10pm

Waving back RATG....enjoy your day! Last poppy crocheted today so am thinking of you and your chums! Bear x

Frankie Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 11:58am

Lovely RATG; simply brilliant ... and one thing leads to another and to another ... and thank-you Hopeful One - made me smile! One day at a time, dear Gardener; and sometimes it may well be one hour at a time ... we are with you ... Morning everyone!
Frankie

Debbie Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 2:07pm

Thank you RATG - it reminded me of a poem which I found after my dear Gran left us. I hope this is appropriate use of the Blog - enjoy.

The Saint in a Pinafore Dress

David Prowse

She stands in the doorway with Dad at her side
And smiles in the way I recall
And the moment is captured as though it were now
And time altered nothing at all.

But it’s only a photograph perched on a shelf
To remind me of how I was blessed
By the blameless tuition and undying love
Of a saint in a pinafore dress.

She came from that mould of especial design
To which only mothers aspire
With a deep-seated instinct to give of her best
And her hands seeming never to tire.

Those hands and those arms would reach out and beyond
Our dilemmas of juvenile strife,
We were more than mere fledglings to rear and dispatch,
We were part of her mission in life.

What she gave us as children was only the start
Of the calling she’d see to its end
As a child’s guardian angel, a boy’s guiding light
And a man’s most unwavering friend.

She never stopped giving nor ever asked why
Nor faltered in what she believed
And all she would seek from a sacrifice made
Was a smile from the one who received.

And yet she was funny, she’d mimic and mime
With a talent of consummate ease,
Her dry, wicked humour could tickle the soul
And crumple the straightest of knees.

She was bright, she was clever, articulate, shrewd,
The world should have echoed her name
But so many gifts were dismissed or decried
For a role without glory or gain.

Now I look at her picture and, whenever I do,
Her voice calls me back to her side,
But the portal lies empty, the threshold is bare
And the warmth of her smile is denied.

But oh, what a lady, how grateful I am
For the love she would freely confess,
That face and those eyes were but earthly disguise
For a Saint in a Pinafore Dress.

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 4:24pm

Simply beautiful - a way for us all to remember a loving mum/grandma - thank you Debbie. Bear x

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 4:31pm

Hi RATG....hope you've had a fablious day today celebrating VE Day..despite the gloom in the weather at times...well it's been hissing it down here for some of the day! I did reply earlier today but everything disappeared into the ether...then I lost tinternet, then I lost the plot! Anyway, Doggit has been walked a second time and we've kicked up some more bright and cheerful leaves and he has sniffed lots of sniffs so his work being done, he is fast abodies, snoring like a good 'un! Main horrid job of ironing has been done - tick! So it's just dinner to prepare then collapse in a heap with crocheting more blankie! Glad you are on the mend from a few weeks ago. Bear x

The Gardener Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 7:36pm

After Debs' poem I would like on my gravestone 'she was a good granny'. The future is uncertain,tonight I am doing routine historical research (can't settle to TV). But our random diaporama of photos is passing - SO many with grandchildren - we reckoned to give them what their parents did not have time or money to do - Cambodia with no 5, Club Med with 5 and 6 - loads of places with 3 and 4 - 22 visits here on his own by No 2, (claims he has a lien on the place). They've ordered their own hand knitted sweaters - made me take an interest in sport - in castles, up mountains, eating their heads off - crazy picnics - one went and met our Indian 'daughter'. We've been in 'loco parentis' in may places while parents swanned off (or just had 'quality time' together) No 5 and I nearly put in for the job as gardeners in the Hilton Hotel on Bali. Memories of having a super 'Nanna' myself, and, I hope, being what a Granny should be to the grandchildren - will act as balm to my very troubled soul.

The Gardener Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 7:42pm

Ps to above - looks as though my husband is excluded from all this - of course he was there - but could not be persuaded to take an interest in sport - as a born worrier would have poured cold water on the more spectacular schemes, so it was 'Granny' who was the pushover.

Frankie Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 9:30pm

You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight dear Gardener ... Frankie

LillyPet Fri, Nov 6th 2015 @ 10:49pm

So glad you're out of the woods ratg. LP xx

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