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June


Looking long. Tuesday June 2, 2015

I try not to look back. There's too much there that can be regretted and it is unhealthy for my mind. However, if we stumble along a coastal path only looking forward or clamber up a hill never looking down, we are undoubtedly depriving ourselves of our achievement.

After talking about the beach on Lex's post recently, half term made it an easy decision to make a dash to the beach. My go-to place of recovery. Its cold. Windy. Beautiful in any weather. Beautiful in any mood. Feeling small there has a comfort of its own. My children were grumpy. They each had a reason not to go. I was driven. I could not be me without it.

We went. They laughed, then they fell out. They played, then they fell out. My youngest daughter fell out with us all and stomped into the sunset as we headed back. I stomped after her trying to catch her shadow. I remembered that she is (like me!) unreasonable at all times and so I decided she needed to burn out her anger and stopped trying to catch her. As I turned and looked back to see where my other children were, I caught the most glorious sight. My (anxiety driven and argumentative) son caught in silhouette. His shape dark against a sun kissed sea. He looked free and he looked happy. My camera clicked and clicked and clicked. And I look forward to seeing if I caught the moment as I remember it in my head.

Don't forget to look back, just a little, and see from where you have come. If it does not bring you pleasure, it will bring you perspective.

Love from

The room above the garage.
A Moodscope member.


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Comments

Di Murphey Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 5:32am

Dearest Room Above the Garage ~
Your post is clever & inspiring! It also allows me a bit of self-disclosed transparency while emphasizing the goodness of my journey. It was revealing (to me) to see that I have made strides, some small and some pretty gigantic while looking back just a bit.

I love the image of your son's outline against the sea. And while I live on a clear spring-fed lake, it is the sea that beckons me for more intense healing. I go in two weeks. Thanks to your post, I will view it with a new lens.
Lovingly,
Di

Hopeful One Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 7:21am

Hi RATG- what a wonderful post. As you suggest I look back just a little mainly to remind me of how far I have come , the positive things, the good things that happened there but at the same time avoid getting caught in the past despite its magnetic pull with 'ifs' and 'buts' The trick it seems is to not try and rearrange the past. It is what it is.It has nothing new to say as it has told you everything it knows.

crafty wee midden Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 7:22am

Good morning, room,
I loved that....and it brought back some happy(though bittersweet)memories of visiting North Berwick with my husband. Last week was the first anniversary of him beaming up; and my 60th birthday( the day of his last stroke).... I thought I'd feel better this week....but feel worse. Spock and Data keep me going. Sorry for the downer again. Thank you for helping me remember lovely memories which Im very thankful you have - I know not everyone gets to have that, so I shouldn't grumble. So, I'll say "Live long, and prosper" all, as a 60 year old female Trekkie should :) love Alex

Julia Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 7:47am

What a wonderful piece of writing ratg. So honest. I can picture you all there, strops and all. When I walk on the beach, the views are stunning 360 degrees so I am always stopping to look back.It's almost as if the view backwards is static, like a picture in the frame but the view ahead seems to be more fluid.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 8:02am

Dear RATAG,
Thank you for 'looking long'. I'm not a great one for rearview mirrors either. However, at a fairly advanced age, I am learning how to ride a road bike - with cleated shoes - in order to compete in a 100 mile sportive in 8 weeks' time. It is terrifying. It is frustrating. It is challenging and I have had my fair share of spills. As my skill in defying gravity improves, I to my great surprise and delight, I have gained a sense of perspective and enjoyed the thrill of achievement. Go well!

Rupert Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 8:27am

An interesting persective! I always think it is a useful tool when one is being haunted by regrets to try and focus on the achievements which itself brings perspective. Not always easy though! Rupert

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 9:32am

Oh, you say so much in so few beautiful words! We are blessed to have good memories; i have an elderly aunt who survives and thrives on them. Also so important to look back to see how far we've come when the looking ahead brings despair. And also important when regretful to "look back, just a little" and realize that, given who we were then and the circumstances in which we found ourselves, we made the only choices we could. We must forgive and have compassion for our then-selves. Thanks once again, ratg. susan xx

Julia Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 9:41am

"The trick it seems is to not try and rearrange the past. It is what it is.It has nothing new to say as it has told you everything it knows" This is a nice way of looking at the past, dealing with it Hopeful. Is it a quote or your own words? If it isn't a quote, it should be!

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 10:38am

I love your static/fluid observation, Julia. susan xx

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 12:43pm

Peace
Love

Julia Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 12:48pm

:-) xx

The Entertrainer Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 12:57pm

"Live Long And Prosper"... I felt this should never be said without the appropriate, heart-felt response.
L'xx

The Entertrainer Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 1:03pm

Oh RATG, you are wonderful... as is your writing.
I love looking at old photographs. They remind me of the times past but also of the fact that the camera always lies. There's a 'look' to some of the 60s prints, and 70s, and even the 80s that clearly mark the process as part of the times (as much as the fashions do). My all time favourite ones are pictures of our front garden in Ewell, Surrey. When I was 5, this garden was enormous. That's how it stayed in my memory. I remember the big snows and playing in the huge front garden.
A couple of years ago, I stopped near my old home and deliberately went to have a look. The front garden is tiny. That's all I wanted to share.
L'xx

Julia Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 1:28pm

Is this Richard?? How are you? (if it is!)

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 2:38pm

Surely you teach writing? For a moment there I got the gist of social media. Your gift is so wonderfully shared. Not only is your writing pleasantly descriptive, but your art [how to say it] is applied with love.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 4:41pm

What a lovely word, RABG, memories of stolid smalls (they always seemed square in photos, perhaps it was the stance) stomping off, but my mother was an adept stomper in her 90's on her zimmer frame. Nowadays a 'stomp' is preceded by a 'strop'. This must be accompanied by maximum door banging and furniture kicking. The Gardener

Mary Blackhurst Hill Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 8:10pm

What wonderful lyrical writing. I adore this. I was there on the beach with you as you ran to catch your daughter's shadow in the wind and the waves. We were at the beach too - and very windy and cold it was. Looking back. Sometimes it's good. I have come so very far - it's just that the infinite perfection I aspire to is still just as far away as ever...

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 10:53pm

Hello Di, I've been thinking about you! Healing at the beach, agree, very much so! I read that the negative ions from the sea help balance serotonin. I'm really glad you're going soon. Thanks for your lovely words, love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 10:56pm

I agree with Julia. Great quote "it has told you everything it knows". I can see that in the Thought for the Day... Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 11:00pm

Alex my love, never apologise "for the downer". Firstly, it wasn't. Secondly, you are amongst friends, downers are part of the entrance fee. Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 11:04pm

Julia, thanks for that! :-) You always boost others and deserve credit for that often rare quality. Have I just oxymoron-ed myself? Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 11:07pm

Brilliant stuff! Stay in touch and write us a blog... Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 11:10pm

Never easy! But we must keep on keeping on. Is rewarding ourselves with dolly mixture the way forward? :-) Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 11:15pm

Thank you Susan, it means such a lot when people comment. Banking memories is definitely a survival technique for us who struggle. I'm loving your wise aunt... Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 11:17pm

Two of the most important words we can surely ever meet. Peace and love to you, love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 11:22pm

H'lo Lex, I had a similar experience with my old junior school! The garden will always be large. Never look again!!!!!! :-) I'm surfing on the wave of being called wonderful, banking that one, I thank you. Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 11:27pm

Oooh wow, thanks! In all honesty I am as thick as two short planks...struggled to learn and so teaching will never be me! But I'm elevated to read that! Love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 11:29pm

Door banger here!!!! You've made me laugh :-) love ratg x.

Anonymous Tue, Jun 2nd 2015 @ 11:43pm

Hello lovely, I wouldn't want you infinitely perfect, I'm happy for all the real, interesting, multifaceted stuff. My journey to 'well' began when a friend I actually didn't know well at all showed me she could see me through depression. Something changed and I began accepting myself. Love ratg x.

Anonymous Wed, Jun 3rd 2015 @ 6:41am

Had an up June 2nd. Went out, roadtested a bass guitar, but hung back buying it, just in case I could find it cheaper on the web. I couldn't. I am setting a midlands-based soul band up with a family member, but we shall see. Finished the day drinking heavily and upsetting bar staff and customers. Any suggestions, friends?

Julia Wed, Jun 3rd 2015 @ 7:23am

Hi friend. No suggestions except today is a new day and you can forget the past and upsetting the bar staff. But if you can't forget and it's bothering you, write them a note (if you live near the bar) apologising for your behaviour. You could buy a first class stamp and post the letter to the bar. No need to go into details, a short apology is enough. Then get on with looking at more guitars. A soul band sounds wonderful. Like Soul to Soul? Good Luck Richard and onwards and upwards. Whatever you want..

Anonymous Wed, Jun 3rd 2015 @ 10:59am

Hi Richard, could it be your 'up' made you feel invincible and you took on more than you were ready for? There follows feelings of overwhelmed and disappointment? As Julia says, you can't change it, only move forward. See if you can work out what you really needed when you filled the gap with heavy drinking. That was key for me. I was overwhelmed, tired and lonely at a certain time each day and once I could put those names to it, it gave me power to see I didn't actually need that drink. The good news is, you had an up. Build on THAT Richard, love from the room above the garage x.

Anonymous Wed, Jun 3rd 2015 @ 11:39am

Dear Julia and RATG,
Thankyou so much for your kind words.
I studied at the Uni of Liddlepool.
On my wall/ceiling is a link you might like to pass on.
Peace and Love, Richard Harrison x

Anonymous Wed, Jun 3rd 2015 @ 2:29pm

Good to see you Richard. Love ratg x.

Julia Wed, Jun 3rd 2015 @ 7:42pm

Give us the link then Rich. We are waiting in suspense now!! All you need is love..xx

Anonymous Wed, Jun 3rd 2015 @ 11:25pm

Reeeeeeeally like this! ;o)
Suzy

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