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Living or hoping, dying or coping? Thursday August 14, 2014

I'm reviving again
Releasing the pain.
Coming up for air,
Letting go the despair.

Seeing the light,
After months of night.
After turning the tide,
In seas of suicide.

I can wake and be calm,
No longer with alarm.
I can relax in the shower,
From which I would cower.

I can go and buy food,
Not hide in a mood.
I can answer the phone,
Not just be alone.

I am free to read,
Not just a TV 'need'.
I can open my emails,
Without 'reading' my entrails.
I can go in the garden,
Without waiting for Aladdin.

As I lost my mind,
Mental thoughts so unkind.
I can go out with friends,
And think it's the end.

I can think ahead,
And find ways to be dead.
I can drive on the road,
And look for heavy loads.

I cross the rail junction,
Unable to function.
I look at the train,
That would end my reign,
In this disturbed world,
Pain bare and unfurled.

I can't go to meetings,
Traumatised with feelings.
I can't eat a meal,
Without needing to reveal,
That I'm dying inside,
I no longer have pride.
I'm a burden to anyone,
My heart weighs one ton.

So where are you,
On what is so true,
For many who live,
That need to forgive?
Themselves and their lives,
The husbands and wives.
The girls and the boys,
Lost and so coy.
Who can live out of sight,
Not showing how slight.
The difference can be,
Between thee and me?

A Moodscope member.

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Di Murphey Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 3:59am

Dearest Les ~
I don't know what to say. Thank you. Oh, thank you. From my heart.
Di Murphey

Susan Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 7:38am

Oh, Les such poignant words!... There, but for 'The Grace of God' go I. Please do not ever despair, thinking no one is there for you...I myself, my best friends, my family and husband have all given up on me at times but my one true friend on whom I can always depend is't switch off at His name!..I am not being weird or 'religious'.Just telling you the truth, .He is the ONLY friend on whom you can ALWAYS depend..Just ask for anything with faith, believing, in Jesus' name and your prayers WILL be answered. ( Not always how or when you expect) It is not that we deserve is purely by grace that we receive His love x

Anonymous Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 9:23am

This is the first time I've been moved to post. The poem is absolutely moving, fitting with the current times and darkness many of us are experiencing. The poem speaks of hope, the light and it's good to be reminded of these 'good' things. So thank you Les. Thank you very much.

Anonymous Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 9:26am

Oh and I meant to add that the poem reminds me too of kindness and connection between human beings in that we should always remember to reach out, to connect where possible, as there is no difference between us as we all have to some degree isolation, pain, loneliness, sorrow, disappointment to live with. Sometimes just reaching out and letting someone know that you're there for them or having someone 'sit in the same dark room' as you're in can make a huge impact and for a little while, you do feel less alone. We all need each other is what I'm trying to say albeit clumsily. Take good care of yourselves and each other.

Anonymous Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 11:42am

Les, you write straight from your heart. Not only is that therapeutic but it heals others too. Each sharp shard of doubt, worry and catch22 torment is softened to know we are round the same table. Power to your pen.
Love from the room above the garage.

Anonymous Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 11:45am

Anon 9.26, not clumsily at all. Perfectly clear and I'm glad you've pulled up a chair. Love from the ratg.

Anonymous Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 11:48am

Thats an amazing piece of poetry

Anonymous Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 4:31pm

Lea you are one of us and we are with you. Thank you for expressing what comes and goes inside all of your brothers and sisters of microscope. Its part of us as are you.
Peace and rest.

Jean Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 4:54pm

Is there any way to get our Moodscope reminder the way it started out? Without the wise words, inspiration etc ... Plenty of other sites offer this but its not why I subscribed to the site. Its attraction was the simplicity of use with no distractions.

Anonymous Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 6:37pm

Thanks Les for your beautiful words... they give me a flicker of hope. I'm just crawling out from some very intense days in the darkness (literally - had my eyes covered - and metaphorically), almost glued to my bed, unable to function, my mind a scrambled mess, two beareavements close togeather (one being my mother) hasn't helped. There is no-one. I feel alone. Your words make me feel a little connected. And anon at 9.26am, there is nothing clumsy about what you wrote, every word of it rang true. I wish I had someone to 'sit in the same dark room' as me. DC

Caroline Ashcroft Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 7:08pm

Hi Jean, I'm not sure what you mean, could you explain further. If you'd rather not receive the daily email I can sort that out for you. We've always sent a blog with our daily reminder emails.

Anonymous Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 8:47pm

Hi this is me Anon at 0926. Thank you both for your kind words. DC I'm so very sorry for your losses and pain. I hope with time it shifts, lessens somewhat and you get to breathe easier again. All these comments remind me of my own losses, and our shared vulnerability. May strength and hope be our closest friends. I bid you all a good and kind night. AS.

Anonymous Thu, Aug 14th 2014 @ 8:49pm

Thank you. AS.

Les Fri, Aug 15th 2014 @ 12:11am

Thank you to you all

It used to be always challenging to 'open up' and my ex wife used to want me to carry on as normal and thus live two lives - I couldn't.

I now speak openly about my depression, even at speaking events - as I believe we must 'show weakness to gain strength.

When a leader or speaker shows weakness, rather than the more usual success and ego (Edging Goodness Out), they offer safety to others. safety that results in 'selfless' behaviour and thus effective teams, families, communities.

If we sense danger (and the general male testosterone) we retreat in and become 'selfish' to ensure our own safety.....just as the body does when in danger....blood to the muscles for fight or flight.....or blood to the core when we are freezing......thus in companies we let those furthest from us go, unfortunately, when we use people to balance the books, which only started in the 1970s. Profit before people. Money before morals. Valuations before values. Head before heart. Competition before co-operation. And we wonder why there is more stress and mental health challenges?

How do we create safer places:-
- for anon (DC) 6.37pm to come out of the dark room
- for anon 0923 & 0926 to speak out for the first time (if I have that right)
- for Di to openly thank
- for Susan to show her belief
- for RATG to 'bring' us around the same table and embrace Anon 0926
- for Margaret from Pittsburgh to 'offer' brothers and sisters
- for Anon 1148 to offer their view openly

Who knows how, what each of us writes, may, just may, make someone feel less isolated and alone.

We all need 'others' to help us through - its all about interdependence and not independence - said as a Scot.

Moodscope offers that possible connection......all strength to you Caroline and her team (if there is one?)

Thanks to you all..............

Time to say goodnight,
At the end of the day.
Let there be hope,
Let peace hold sway.

Caroline Ashcroft Fri, Aug 15th 2014 @ 12:24am

Thanks Les. You and all the other members are the Moodscope 'team'. It's so interesting reading all the wonderful posts and comments. It's a great community and there always seems to be someone with another little gem of advice that can help us all.

Although some people add comments, there are so many more that read this blog, so thank you to everyone that takes the time to comment or give advice, you have no idea how many people you are helping.

Anonymous Fri, Aug 15th 2014 @ 12:49am

What a fab way to round up the day :-) Les, I've not yet managed to be open about my low, about 3 people know and it's not discussed. (I can't even use the 'd' word when speaking about myself). For me, it's my survival. Something I may try to write about and draw from the wise people around here. Caroline, I've come to the (Poirot/Marple) conclusion you work long days and too late :-D maybe you sleep late in the morning...

Night all, Ratg

Di Murphey Fri, Aug 15th 2014 @ 2:15am

Dearest Les ~
I am privileged to have read your latest work. Let me thank you, and all of you, for having dared to post your heart of wonderings. It is pretty heady stuff to realize your boldnesses. I love that you are able to do this and I hope to follow in your footsteps. Your words are incredibly healing to one who stays pretty much in the shadows.
Di Murphey

Sue Fri, Aug 15th 2014 @ 6:28am

Hi Jean, I was saddened to read that you find the daily posts a distraction...would you prefer not to connect with others online? I think although we sometimes need to listen not talk, that expressing ourselves confidently when so many parts of the world are unable to do so, is a huge privilege. Take care, Jean

Melanie Lowndes Fri, Aug 15th 2014 @ 8:43am

Thank you Les for another wonderful poem.

Caroline Ashcroft Fri, Aug 15th 2014 @ 3:05pm

Hi Ratg, unfortunately, late nights and early mornings!! Still smiling though - just!!

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