You know the one... that little voice that says “you can't do” or “you're no good at”... here are some of mine.
“You're no good at marketing”… (my business) …what is the result of that? I have always had to have a second job to supplement said self-fluctuating employment. Yet it brings in an okay amount. I tell myself I am not good with money. That I am terrible at dealing with certain pieces of paper (currently a raft of small pensions for my husband and myself and trying to put everything into one futurely-accessible pot (is futurely a word? It is now!)
Now it could be that the voice was heard from others who thought they were being helpful at the time (or perhaps not) and I just stuck with the stories. I had an art teacher who was a good-looking bully. All the mums loved him and he made most of the girls cry. He said to me once “those fingers look like pork sausages”. The result – I don't ever do humans, portraits, nada. Now I can live with that one.
I want to work on the money one. I could tell myself “You'll never give up wine” or “You'll never get toned” or “You'll never sing in that band”. Perhaps it's because I take on so much and jump about from one task to the next that I never finish anything so I can add “You'll never complete your art projects” to that one. I found one painting that I emulsioned over, so sick was I looking at that magnificent partly painted buzzard on a post with Scottish mountains behind. He had to be put out of his misery at sitting forlornly in a cupboard for all those years.
Instead, I shall have a new mantra which says “Try it, you'll never know until you do”. “Go for it”. For example, I tried being a support practitioner (new posh word for worker) and lasted one week. It wasn't the right fit for me and I knew pretty much after the first shadow shift.
I'm starting a new part-time job soon as there has been way to much month at the end of the money. I'm becoming better at marketing but it's a slow burner and always has been. I'll learn this year to trust my inner voice more but also be brave and try new things and to hang with the self-limitations. I can and I will. And so can you. I believe in you. Now do you believe in you?
Think of the self-limitations you have and the inner voice that speaks to you. I know I need to change my dialogue to say “I find this hard but I am going to do my best and it will be good enough”. It doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be right for me. I will have faith. And sometimes I will let slip things that I feel I ought to be good at but make me miserable trying because no one can be good at everything. I'll be good at what is important to me. And I will get there in my own sweet time”. Wishing us all luck for 2022.
A Moodscope member.
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