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Life as a 'Pure Manic'. Friday September 23, 2016

First off, by diagnosis, I bear the label 'Unipolar Affective Disorder (Hypomania)', with pride. No stigma for me, no ma'am!

I'll introduce my world view with a short message, sent to a gal-pal enjoying the early stages of mania, but worried that she was 'too happy' and worried about the fall in to depression that would follow. (Her peaks of the high - falling off the mountain, to her lows - the foothills).

I will paraphrase slightly, to preserve anonymity.

"Fear of happiness is the most insidious trap of all, don't fall for it amiga.
We are highlanders, we touch the sky, to grasp the horizon.
The foothills are the pay-off, don't begrudge yourself the view."

This seemed to help her to continue enjoying her increased creativity (she is an artist) and she allowed herself the happiness.

As a result - no peak, no depression, just (if I may extend the mountaneering metaphor) some nice hill walking, with some fell running thrown in, for good measure.

Back to my point, because I am immune to depression (I've never cried, even as a baby and throughout my life, my only tears have been of joy or rage), I am unafraid of scaling that mountain, knowing that I won't fall, I'll climb back down myself, with a little help from my meds, both for prophylaxis and for short-term, acute stabilisation.

I don't intend the above to be helpful, because I know pure manics are as rare as hen's teeth, rather I hope to offer a little insight for those (beautiful) bipolar people who have wondered what pure mania would be like.

I'm happy to answer any questions if you'd like to know more...

Stay safe.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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sue Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 7:35am

Thankyou for sharing Duma,
I found your post really interesting. As my 18 yr old son has had mania twice and become pschiotic for short periods of time(hrs) and just needed medication for short period of time. I view my fathers side of the family as hypomatics, full of energy and life. My son has not fallen into pits of despair and is just flatter than usual. His memory is worse affected and it just takes time for him to recover fully after an episode. Sleep, exercise and diet appear to help. He has not been diagnosed yet, sectioned once but the type of bipolar you have clearly described I can relate to. Thankyou xx

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 10:53am

You're welcome sue. I hope your boy is on my parh. I seems to beat the alternative, hands down. Frankly yours, Duma.

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 9:42pm

"...path. It..." Stupid tiny buttons!

Andrew Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 7:50am

Your positivity in the face of, let's be honest, a difficult condition, is awe inspiring. You appear to have totally accepted. And as such, you manage, as far as you can, your condition. And not vice versa. Chapeau, mon brave!

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 10:54am


Barbara Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 7:57am

It sounds like a pretty good way to be, Duma. I, too, would like to be elated to be elated. But I am a true bipolar bear. And just a little bit envious. Btw, where did u get that amazing name?

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 9:46am

The name comes from a number of different languages. In Romani - the guarded language of the Proud Roma it means speech in four ways - chat & gossip and lies & bullshit. Me, it's my takenName.

Jul Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 8:08am

Such an unusual blog Duma. My immediate reaction was to say "You lucky thing" but I doubt you feel like this? I love being high but I always know it is temporary and my normal life will resume in no time at all. Sadly. Julxx

LP Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 8:50am

Hi Jul, keep searching, have faith, things can always be better than they are as we learn more. Sending you smiley hugs.xx

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 9:49am

Actually Jul. I'm not lucky - I am blessed. I do feel that way. As I am wont to say - "I walk with The Goddess. I'm in paradise. Right now."

Tutti Frutti Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 8:43am

Hi Duma. I found this very interesting. I am bipolar. I tend to get frightened before the happy stage (eg when not sleeping and jittery but keeping going to get things done). Then once I am obviously happy others get concerned about me and I just get irritated with them and it's all a bit late.

I am more prone to depr ession than mania and joined moodscope since my least manic episode. I find moodscope very good when I am low but have assumed that I wouldn't manage to use it when manic. How do you find moodscope helps you Duma?

Love TF x

PS I am a bit concerned about Hopeful One. If you are reading I hope you are OK or at least will be feeling better soon. Thinking of you and sending hugs. May have to add some jokes to the blog myself in your honour if you are not back soon - and I am afraid my jokes are rather limited in both quantity and quality. Sending hugs. TF xoxo

Tutti Frutti Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 8:45am

Least should say last above. Oops.

Tutti Frutti Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 8:47am

Also accidentally doubled the hugs but I guess that's good!

LP Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 8:53am

Me to TF, nice idea, no harm in anyone sharing a good dose of vit L. I don't know or remember jokes, but will keep an ear open too! LPxx

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 9:59am

I'm a great follower of the idea of strength as a virtue. It makes it harder for the evil in this world to get you to do its bidding. Knowledge is power, and wanting to grasp the 'normal' human condition (for my own edification) I had to learn about depression. It seems like the 'same disease as your neighbor'.

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 9:15pm

I just realised, I only answered the last part of the question/reply. I'm sorry to hear that your highs scare you. For me it is to touch the divine (which is a pretty strange experience for an atheist. As to Hopeful One - I hope that he(?) is true to the goodbye, and does not in fact need Moodscope anymore. I shall miss the jokes...

LP Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 8:45am

Such a positive blog Duma. I liked your advice to your friend. Sounds like you'd be a person who would enjoy actual mountain climbing and have no fear! If one can allow oneself to enjoy happiness and tread carefully on the way up and down it would be great, but it must be much harder for many.
I loved the phrase more rare than hen's teeth! My dose of vitamin L for today! :)) (Hope you're ok if you're reading HO x)
Thanks for an insight into your experience Duma, it's given me a nice boost to start the day! :)
Feeling thankful for blue skies in London, more rare than hen's teeth! :)) Hugs to all LP xx

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 5:55pm

LP. At your service. I'm glad to be seen as adding positivity, that's actually the opposite of what I expected to happen. I'm currently on a learning curve, here. Cheers, Duma.

The Gardener Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 10:44am

I love your acceptance and enjoyment, Duma. I have been regarded for years as 'manic' in that always doing things, endless new ideas - our GP in UK said I had 'more' energy than 'normal' people. Over the years, as I've suffered 'putting down', criticism, 'It's alright for you' makes me feel a freak. I have a very sick husband - but this brilliant day I am quietly and steadily doing all sorts of things, routine and new. I watch friends and acquaintances 'waffle' their way through life, achieving nothing, feeling life owes them a living - very discontented - often spending more money than they can afford on things they could do without or make themselves (cooking a major example).

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 5:58pm

Hypomania as a spectrum, now there's a thought. Thanks Gardener!

Mary Wednesday Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 12:13pm

Oh Duma - I knew it was you in the first line! Wonderful. Oh, the mania feels wonderful, but I hurt people with my insensitivity and arrogance and pride. So yes, I fear it in a way I do not fear the lows. The lows are there to be borne, to be endured, but they affect nobody but my family and very close friends - because I simply disappear. In the manic period, sparkling wildly everywhere, those sparks are hot, and can burn where they touch.

Your self acceptance is a joy. Thank you for writing.

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 6:01pm

Mary - I hope your sparks also illuminated, before they 'grounded'.

The Gardener Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 12:47pm

Mary, how I agree about mania. I look back at my 'hyper' periods with shame - insensitive, as you say - bullying everybody to be as energetic as you felt - but the energy was misplaced, and disorganised.

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 6:04pm

I hope that you can get past that shame, the psychotic are described as haviy DIMINISHED RESPONSIBILITY, and therefore an argument could be made for diminished culpability, no?

Nurse Tilda Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 1:24pm

Duma dear, don't quite understand. If you're hypomanic and it's so wonderful, what's the downside? Why be diagnosed? Perhaps you are energetic, joyful, upbeat, exuberant, etc. That's a wonderful way to be. However, not everyone experiences mania that way? There are deleterious effects such as poor judgement, spending, engaging in reckless behaviors, racing thoughts, etc. Why is your condition a problem? Or is it? You mentioned not feeling sad ever... but what about loss, or disappointment or rejection? have those things ever happened to you and were you able to experience them authentically? A very interesting post that leaves me puzzled. I sense your high energy even in your writing and that is invigorating. I hope you post again soon.

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 2:21pm

Nurse Tilda. I don't see any real down side NOW. In my late twenties and early thirties, I was a walking nightmare, totally blind to the fact that I was hyper intense company, sure I was the most 'present' person in any given group, but I exhausted people, burned through friendships and relationships at an alarming rate.

All because of my 'open secret' life.

I had to minimise myself, to others. This in turn set me up to explode again.

Not thinking in words, not having an inner voice, as I acted, I became.

A few months ago, I decided to 'come out' as someone who was 'up to something'.

Leading an adventurous life, cramming in experiences, and so forth.

Instead of rejection, I gained many friends.

There HAS been a price, but from my perspective, it's all platinum! Every bit of pain, has been worth it.

I do experience the other negative emotional states, but without depression, they lack emphasis.

Maybe I don't experience life authentically, but according to what standard?

Who sets this standard? On what authority?

I'm all for turning these standards off and on again. Because, right now we're not 'right in the head', as a species.

I hope that'll serve as some sort of answer.

Cheers, Duma.

Nurse Tilda Sat, Sep 24th 2016 @ 2:54pm

You sound like an amazing person, Duma. I bet you are an artist, too and whatever you are creating must be fantastic, full of light, colour, energy. You should write a book.

Duma Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 3:14am

I have, many poems and a play. My chosen medioum, however is the essay. I am an artist - a martial artist. I have my own stle - 'Berr', named for and designed to suit the want, needs and Giri ot the 'Bears' of this world. (Berr - noun (old Norse & modern Glaswegian) - someone with the build and temperament of a bear.

Duma Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 10:09pm

Oh, and thanks Nurse Tilda! I have a dreadful habit of being oblivious to complements. Sorry, I do not know where my manners have got to!Yours, Duma.

Duma Fri, Sep 23rd 2016 @ 10:24pm

Terra, our Earth is, currently, technically speaking -

"A low-tech, balkanised, hell-hole."

We need to get a grip, as a species, grow up and stop fighting like we had the sense of entitlement of an angry, spoiled, pre-schooler.

Trying to 'change the way everybody thinks', that is what I am 'up to'.

As my now-lapsed friend 'Muppet' once asked me - "How? With poetry, by example, what?"

"Whatever it takes." That was my reply, and our goodbye.

Duma Mon, Sep 26th 2016 @ 3:56am

Nurse Tilda.

Thanks for replying, I thought that I had killed yet another conversation.

I am writing - a boxing manual.

Incorperating and instructing my style - 'Berr' and four sub-styles.

Blade boxing - for the newbies, for everyone, quick and easy to learn, weaponising the body, so as not to need to carry one.

Then three styles, designed specifically for the needs of womenfolk.

The Down Rudder Dance - for Girls. The Maiden style, fluid and fluent.

Anvil Hand - for Women. The Mother style, dynastic (literally, in ALL uses of the word) and sudden, violent and victorius.

Station - for 'women of a certain age'. The Crone style, screaming "Get behind me!" and "Run my beauties! I'll deal with this!" Fighting to finalDeath.

To be learned in order: Blade Boxing; The Down Rudder Dance; Anvil Hand; Station. And then repeat, as desired, or needed.

Once one has achieved masterhood cycles ("Laps") enough of these four styles...

...then we'll talk Berr, including the use of weapons: intrinsic; happenstance, from the envirorment (a handy wall or corner, for example); melee; ranged (direct fire and parabolic, both); all the way 'up', to forward obervation (and direction) of Ortillery Strikes and, hitting people with your handiest planetery body.

Throw, sweep and crust-buster joke, sorry, I couldn't resist.

Cheers, Duma.

PS - I consider the above to be another 'inter-personal skill'.

A form of non-verbal communication, if you will.

A friendly chat, or gossip, by other means. ;)

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