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Let's talk about endings again. Wednesday January 22, 2014

Today I'm going to share a story which I hope will illustrate how the way we handle endings can be linked to anxiety and depression.

For thirty years my mother has lived in a large farmhouse in the West Country, complete with roaring fire, Aga, and enough bedrooms to allow dozen guests to stay. When my stepfather was alive they hosted huge garden parties, intimate dinners, you name it. And never was the house as full of love and laughter as at Christmas, when my brothers and I would drive down the M4 to celebrate with them. As we grew older, so young offspring came too, and in recent years there have been three generations enjoying yuletide together.

Sadly, three years ago my stepfather passed away and since then the house has felt too big for my mother. Moreover, she has just turned eighty, so now it no longer seems right that I'm over two hours' away. As a result she's bought a flat and soon will be coming to live near my husband and me in Brighton. But whilst Mum's new place is lovely, it's much smaller, so she won't be able host guests en masse.

We each reacted to the news this Christmas was to be our last in the ancient farmhouse differently. My niece, Polly (10), burst into tears at once, while her cousin, Tessie (9), told me she'd lain awake 'for hours and hours all sad' about it. It's no wonder they're upset: the place has been a large part of all our life stories. Polly and I made her first cake with her standing on a chair to reach the work surface; Tessie has spent hours sitting at the kitchen table writing and drawing.

I too have been anxious about the change, and on my first night in the house this Christmas, I was too shaken to sleep. And as I lay there, I reflected on how I've dealt with endings in the past, and remembered that I usually shy away from them. It was then I decided to try something different, and to mark this ending. So I made a suggestion the following morning, and tomorrow – in the last of my blogs on the subject – I'll tell you what it was...

A Moodscope user.

P.S Yesterday I also blogged about endings.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment on our Blogspot:

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Anonymous Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 6:47am

My desire to avoid endings often leads me not to start things. It seems you've hit upon something that resonates deeply with many Moodscopers Sarah. Nice one.

RationalSpin Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 7:11am

looking forward to hearing about "the following morning".

curious212000 Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 7:29am

Wonderful Blogging statements, World Class.

curious212000 Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 7:31am

Please continue Sarah and Good Luck with your endings.

sarah Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 10:56am

Thank you for your kind words Curious 212000. I am basking in the glory of being called world class! It's always lovely to get positive feedback.

Lostinspace Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 12:20pm

I can cope with endings when my participation in them is voluntary or my input has been requested, I think it's arbitrary endings that are more difficult. Of course endings implemented by authority are even harder to cope with. In 1967 the London Council issued a compulsory purchase order for a whole block of land near Russell Square. My mother was dead but she had built, as an investment and inheritance for her 4 children, a block of 12 flats and 3 shops in this area. My father was 76 at the time and unable to face moving, took his own life. So endings are hard to deal with and have consequences. I like the saying "Be careful what you wish for" and now I am going to add "Be careful what you finish!" Thanks Sarah, I enjoyed this and the train of thought it set off. Seriously! No sarcasm here.

zvaresk Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 12:27pm

Funnily enough your blog arrives just as I am having to let go of living in an idyllic country cottage, overlooking a mill pool on a river, surrounded by woods and meadows, inhabited by kites, kingfishers and egrets. I am going back to live in a city. It is bittersweet. I will miss the beauty and tranquility, but not all the extra work I was having to do just to pay to live there. So a strange brew of sadness and relief.

Anonymous Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 1:26pm

so weird that selling the family farm this year is so similar to other's experiences. and OMG, I never thought about starting things so I don't have to "end" something.....that is an eye this blog.

Anonymous Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 1:54pm

What is "Aga?"

Julia Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 3:54pm

Hello Anon 1.54pm
This is what an AGA is.

Cookie Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 4:16pm

It is true, endings are hard and to be honest my problems are mostly because of this. Unfortunatly I just can not face all the things I need to, so I'll just keep going round and round. I thought I was strong by carrying on and switching off- which I can. But in time it does creep up on you.

Anonymous Wed, Jan 22nd 2014 @ 5:28pm

I struggle with endings/change also... I spend so much time worrying about whats going to happen next. I get so anxious and I know that is not the proper way to deal with things. I need to learn how to transition into new situations in healthier ways. Like think of all of the positive things that can happen instead of all of the negative things. Or think of all of the positive things that happened in the previous situation instead of seeing it as how I am going to "miss" so many things from the past. I just need to learn to be more mindful in live in the present, appreciate the past, look forward to the future. I will work on that in 2014 ( I am dealing with this now as my roommate is moving out this month).

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