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Let it go... Let it go... Friday February 24, 2017

Families, eh? Can't live with 'em... Can't live without 'em!!

When I am in the middle of a family fued/fight/disagreement/issue or even simply sitting watching from the sidelines or listening to others, I try to think...WWJD? (As Christian teenager's wristbands often remind them... "What Would Jesus Do?")

It makes me stop before I speak and try to see things from the perspectives of:

A. God the Father, our ultimate judge and Jesus His Son, our Saviour
B. The 'instigator or aggressor' and their loyal friends and family
C. An unbiased onlooker
D. Myself as a child and as an adult

Looking at an issue from different perspectives can help me avoid saying or doing something I may later regret. Once hurtful words are spoken we have no control over their impact. (Even if you later apologise - the damage is done - you can't take them back again!).

This is the first time I have had the courage to write a blog, although I have commented occasionally in the past...

I feel empowered by simply putting my thoughts into words on yet another restless night at 4.30 am on the morning and sharing with this wonderful moodscope community so I'd encourage anyone who is a bit nervous of blogging for the 1st time..'JUST DO IT!'

I was diagnosed with bipolar about 30 years ago and have to take meds with nasty side effects, but if only I could practice what I preach I am still hopeful life could just be calm enough for me to manage without the meds at all.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Nicco Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 12:18am

Thanks for your blog, Sue. Some great advice there, and I applaud you for your tenacity. I try to do the same, although I do find it difficult at times when I seem to be sumhow embroiled in a nasty verbal onslaught from someone. It's even harder when the depression's set in, as it has for the last few days but, like St Paul, I forge ahead with my eye on the goal. Thanks again.

Molly Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 3:00am

Whoaa - I do not believe that religion is for everyone and I don't believe that anyone should preach religion to others. I hope I am not being hurtful, but I read your comments about saying things to others that one might regret, I do this all of the time, and I do not think I will be saved by Jesus or that Jesus will stop me from doing it. If you truly have bi-polar and think Jesus can cure it without meds, then good luck to you, but if Jesus was that powerful, he might have done it for you 30 years ago ? Sorry - as I do not want to be disrespectful, I just do not agree with your post at all.

Mary Wednesday Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 7:26am

Hello Molly. Of course you are right that not all of us have a religious faith, and for those of us that do, we are of many different faiths. I do not think that Sue was trying to preach to we Moodscope readers here, but expressing her personal point of view into our caring and accepting community. As for healing, well, while miraculous healing does occasionally happen, for most of us, whatever long term condition we have, it is our cross to carry and the thorn in our side (bringing in the religious metaphors on purpose and with a rueful smile). For Sue, it is the discipline of living out her Christian beliefs she hopes will lead her to a place where she can manage her condition without drugs. For me, as you will know from my blogs, I have concluded reluctantly that I will be on drugs for the rest of my life, and I give thanks for them and to the scientists who worked to develop them. Surely there is room here for people of faith and of no faith. We are all looking at the world from the perspective of depression and bipolar, and that is what draws us together, not what religion we may or may not follow.

Susannah Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 7:31am

Easy, Molly! Sue has just published her first blog. That is pretty scary. I'm certainly not religious (paid up member of NSS and BHA) and I didn't find the message especially preachy. Maybe I can just let things wash over me a bit today. I guess that some readers may find it helpful, and that is the point of these blogs. Personally, I don't relate to poems, but if they help others, then that's fine by me. Deep breaths and listen to the birdsong. Susannah

Leah Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 8:14am

Mary and Susannah, I think moodscope is a place where we all feel free to say what we think.Molly emphasised she was not being hurtful and did want to be respectful. Molly is entitled to her opinion as you two are as well.

Jul Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 8:40am

Hi Molly. I happen to be one of those who believe religion should not be part of our blogs as it can be very divisive in every context except the context of those who are members of that particular religious belief which is quoted. Political belief should be avoided too! There have been instances of Moodscopers assuming we voted one way in the Brexit referendum and the American election when in fact there must be many who didn't vote that way. I think assumptions about religion or politics are to be avoided here partly because they raise hackles and not the point of Moodscope. But that's my opinion. I would hope if I had an active faith, I would still think this. I think what annoys me is the assumption that the writer is writing for us all when in fact there are Atheists, Agnostics, Muslims, Jewish, Catholics and a myriad of other religions who might well feel excluded. Anyway in the majority of blogs and comments neither religion or politics is mentioned. And I think Sue's blog today is harmless and actually very helpful even though I didn't like the mention of Jesus etc. I hope Molly you are feeling OK? Julxx

LP Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 9:50am

Hi All, I didnt pick up that Sue was intending to impose her religious beliefs onto anyone. I also agree that personal life styles opinions and beliefs are not for everone and that's ok. My opinion is that there are boundaries that if crossed, can make some feel less safe and comfortable. For me, above all Moodscope is a respectful and caring community even if we dont agree. Religion and Politics can bring out strong feelings, when people disagree, so I tend to tread carefully and try to stick to the point of the blog. Our views are personal and if we make that clear and are not making assumptions, trying to promote and respecting that others may have different views. With that in mind, think it's then ok to illustrate a point in a way that helps one, even if it doesnt suit everybody. A political example is that personally, I admire Nelson Mandela's approach of dealing with the issue, not the person. De personalising difficult disagreements helped him to communicate positively with people he didnt agree with. A religious example, (and I happen not to attach my self to one particular religion but am open to hearing helpful ideas) is that i personally also admire Mahatma Ghandi. I may not have the quote word perfect, but he said something along the lines of if you have a truth, share it with love, or the message and the messenger will be rejected. Ok with love might be a tall order! But for me it's about intent and how a message is put across. Peace and harmony to all, LP xx

Molly Sat, Feb 25th 2017 @ 4:06am

Thanks Mary, I think that is the first time you have used my name. You are right in what you say, I just cannot relate with religion and I was maybe too harsh. Susannah I hear you too. Thank you Leah and Jul, for understanding where I was coming from. I was a bit concerned about what I wrote so I thank you for your support. Sue, if you are reading this, I do hope I didn't offend you. Molly xx

Eva Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 6:52am

Different perspective are great, yesterday in quite time after yoga, the bloke next to me kept rubbing his leg, it pissed me off because it was distracting and I love my quiet time after yoga, I've earned it! However during quiet time I managed to grudging note to myself that maybe he has sore legs and so needed to rub them. I was still slightly irritated (with fatigue comes super sensitivity and easy irritation) but also pleased that I introduced a less selfish view point.

Thanks for the blog.

Susannah Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 7:21am

Hi Sue

Firstly, congratulations on writing a blog. It takes some courage to put your deepest feelings 'out there'.
I'm an atheist so I ignored the Jesus bit, as I ignore other religious contributions. I don't find them helpful.

Your message could be udpated to "What would XXX do?" where XXX is anyone you truly respect (Nelson Mandela/David Bowie/Victoria Beckham(!))
And the only one to judge us is our true self: "Is it REALLY OK to say x?"

It can be hard to zip it when annoyed - there are those who say "Let it out!" and let others deal with the consequences.

I think that it can be right to say what you're feeling and apologise after, if necessary. Perhaps the person you're dealing with doesn't realise how much you are angered/hurt by their behaviour/words.

Is it possible that there are other meds out there without the unpleasant side effects? Have you discussed this with your doctor? (rhetorical question for you to answer to yourself)

Good luck with writing more blogs, but please remember for the future that moodscope is not a religious site, and religious messages may not be appreciated by your readers.

Best, Susannah.

Tutti Frutti Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 9:31am

Hi Sue and Susannah I thought this was an interesting and helpful blog about thinking before we speak. I am sorry you ran into strong feelings about religion the first time you blogged (and am counting myself lucky that it didn't happen to me on the only occasion I have blogged since I did give references for a couple of Bible verses I find helpful). Personally I am happy to receive helpful ideas on mental health from any religion or none and I think I only feel compelled to defend my faith if someone writes something that I think misrepresents Christianity, rather than just saying that they don't believe it. I will be a bit more careful about mentioning religion if I blog again though. I like Susannah's idea of using anyone you respect instead of Jesus if that works for you. Even for those of us who are Christian it might feel a bit easier! I also think Susannah has a good point about sometimes needing to tell the other person how they've made you feel. If you can possibly manage to do so later after having had time to reflect so much the better. Love to all TF x

Mary Wednesday Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 7:44am

Well done on writing your first blog. Well done too, on managing yourself and your faith in those situations. I find that, when I'm in my manic phase I am so convinced of my superiority (spiritual and otherwise) I walk roughshod over everyone around, and when I am in depression my faith (in everyone and everything) evaporates. So, for me it's the Meds. At present I am on my knees, giving thanks (although not fasting!) for Lamotrigine, which seems to be (although it's early days yet) keeping me more stable than I can ever remember being before. Don't be hurt that others here do not find religion helpful and do please write again.

Orangeblossom Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 7:46am

Hi Sue, I read your blog with a great deal of interest and found it very helpful. I have noted some of the points in my journal which I keep daily. Thank you.

Anghared Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 7:55am

Thank you for your first post, I haven't been that brave yet. Please Molly take a deep breath and remember there is room on this planet for all of us, and respect is the key word here. I follow the Dali Lama and his teachings, and yesterday someone posted Mingur Rinpoche as a Tibetan monk to perhaps choose to listen to on Youtube, give him a listen, his enthusiasm and cheekiness coupled with his tale of his anxiety attacks, will I hope leave you if nothing feeling refreshed and in my case a little humble.
If Jesus had met him, they would have had a lot to chat about about.
Look up at the sky fellow Moodscope members and embrace "the birth of a new day"
Storm Doris has gone.

Leah Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 8:19am

Well done in writing your first blog.

Jul Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 8:25am

Hello Sue. Congratulations on writing your first blog for Moodscope. How does it feel to see your words in print/ there on the screen? I am pleased Caroline decided to publish it and now you can continue with your writing. I agree Just Do It is a good mantra. It's like learning a language. My Spanish teacher told me that I should just speak Spanish whenever I can while in Spain as making mistakes is the only way I would learn. If I waited until I was certain I had the grammatically correct sentence formed in my head before opening my mouth, I would lose the opportunity and would learn nothing new. I am sorry your meds for bi polar have nasty side effects.Will you try speaking to your Dr again (I am sure you must have many times) and see if there are any alternatives? Blog on Sue. Julxx

Sue Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 9:05am

Thank you, Jules, your encouragement is appreciated and yes, I love speaking Spanish on holiday..My main learning sentence is (Como se dice en español?...) How do you say in Spanish...? I apologise to anyone I may have offended by mentioning the J word. I was not trying to preach but just suggest what helps me cope when it's all a bit overwhelming. I will try to blog again as felt great seeing my thoughts published

Leah Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 9:21am

Sue That first feeling seeing one's blog online is so special isn't it. As I said before I think it is healthy to have discussions and I am always interested in views different from my own. I look forward to your next blog. Take care

Jul Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 1:23pm

Hi Sue. I really liked your blog and I look forward to seeing more from you! The trouble with wishy washy me is that I agree with most points of view here on Moodscope and many express themselves far better than I ever could. Tutti Frutti is a case in point. I always think Oh why couldn't I have said that. I sometimes write things I regret. Actually I sort of regret giving my two pennyworth today about religion. When I read comments from those who obviously have a faith, I think what nice people they are. I am a scaredy cat who wants the best for everyone. BTW, Lex calls me Jules. I like it. Julxxx

Tutti Frutti Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 7:12pm

Hi Jul, I am flattered but I think you express yourself just as well as anyone else. I've also sometimes written stuff I regret on here and I know that I have occasionally upset people by being too blunt. I know it is hard not to compare ourselves with others and be self critical all the time but perhaps we should all try to see if we can avoid this horrible habit at least while we are reading moodscope! Love TF x

Jul Sat, Feb 25th 2017 @ 8:27am

xxx Julxx

Sue Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 9:08am

Sorry, predictive text turned you from Jul to Jules!!

LP Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 9:08am

Hi Sue,
I'm glad you went for it with your first blog!
I picked up that you were being a little hard on yourself about your advice and the meds. Humility is a quality that I like and perhaps thats all it is. With a diagnosis though, I would imagine that it isnt so simple to come off the meds, or that you're not practicing hard enough! The tips are helpful ways of managing as we go learning all the time. Your will to feel better than you do will carry you forward.
Have you spoken to your gp about any alternative meds without the nasty side effects?
Your blog gives a really helpful tip to try to pause and think what someone else would say. I had some counselling years ago and after a while found myself thinking about what the councellor would say and it was enormously helpful.
Thank you for the reminder Sue!
Wishes for peace and harmony to you and all. LPxx

Angela Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 9:43am

Thank you Sue for braving it and writing your first blog.

The Gardener Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 5:24pm

Interesting little 'spat' on religion. I have been a church-goer most of my life (Anglican in UK, Catholic here) with a life-long problem in actually 'believing'. Having spent a lot of time in countries with other religions I find that (sadly not practiced) the basic tenets of ALL religions are a good policy to live by. All I do know is that in grim times something/somebody has been there - own spirit? Guardian Angel? Devout friends say they pray for me daily - believe in it or not, those people are thinking of me, and positively aware of the struggles. Our second son has always said 'avoid confrontation'. I loath rows and shouting - all part of my life now living with Alsheimer. Loads of discussions as things get worse are making many people very suspicious that Mr G actually enjoys rows, relieves the boredom, and, also, who knows? Beneath the calm exterior may be there was a strong belligerent character? All I know is, I do not like it. As the thin veneer of an 'imposed' civilisation (starts from 'taming the toddler') wears off, does the real character emerge? I am sure loads of people have written about it.

Brum Mum Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 6:04pm

Sue, thank you for blogging today and may it be the first of many. I have risked people's wrath by blogging about politics but tried not to make the assumption that my views were shared (although Jul may wish to correct me on this). Living in a place of many religions and none we can respect other people's views even if we don't share them. My son goes to a school where 31 languages are spoken but children are encouraged to 'bring out the best in each other'. Mood scope normally achieves this but has been a bit pricey today. Go well and may His face shine upon you.

Jul Sat, Feb 25th 2017 @ 8:29am

Not you Brum Mum! In fact it was one comment someone made which has stuck in my mind re. Brexit but no matter. Definitely wasn't you though. have a nice weekend Brum Mum Julxx

Brum Mum Sat, Feb 25th 2017 @ 11:32pm

Thanks, Jul. Glad I haven't x

Brum Mum Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 6:04pm

Prickly not pricey....damn autocorrect!

Maria Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 7:16pm

Thank you for this blog Sue, and may it be the first of many... It's always interesting to hear other moodscopers opinions, and that's how I took your blog. You are offering your thoughts today. Even if I don't relate to your religious comments I think there is value to looking at things from different perspectives. Thanks again!

DAVE Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 7:20pm

Hi Sue,
I really loved your blog.
I also commend you for striving to come off medications. Please don't give up.

I'll not bore other Moodscopers, your Jesus analogy is an excellent example of the nature of a (what we are led to believe) as a kind caring person, like the modern versions Mahatma Ghandi, Nelson Mandela and others, including all other religious leaders who follow Christlike principles.

Personally I believe in Deity, not perfect am I, but with a heart large enough to encompass all whether Athiests, Agnostics, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Jehovah Witnesses, Dali Lama and other religions who practice the way in which Jesus is portrayed as good, kind, compassionate irrespective of clolour, country, class or creed.
Life is all about improving ourselves in order to embrace all types of adversities...Not in fault finding of someone's opinion, whatever their subject, but 'LISTENIBPNG' for how can we posibly find the place in our hearts to serve others irrespective of faith or situation....After all would you or I, seeing someone lying in the street, care or even ask others orientation or religious beliefs before assisting them.

I refuse to allow myself to become offended by others with hurtful notions or verbal abuse towards me or other people around me...By choosing to strive to live a Christlike attitude (away from Church on Sunday) during the week...That is not a 'Holier than Thou' attitude, but a decent way of living, even if after my demise I find no God and No Heaven...

God bless you Sue for your 'testimony' and your dedicated faith.
Love Dave XX

Di Fri, Feb 24th 2017 @ 7:40pm

Dearest Sue ~
Hooray for your courage and bravery!

You share how you go about your life praying to the god of your understanding. You make it clear, this is your way. You do not preach nor do you ask us to believe in your god.

We all struggle in our journeys & appreciate the shared theories here on Moodscope. I thank you for your boldness, authenticity, and willingness to step up to the plate for the good of humankind.

Hopeful One Sat, Feb 25th 2017 @ 7:59am

Hi Sue- thank you for your courageous and brave blog. . You picked up a lot of flak today. . Ignore it. If it helps you at all I picked up some tremendous flak on two or three of my jokes which I was told were not suitable because they were non PC. I voluntarily asked them to be pulled . And the reason ? Not that I was not brave enough but my belief that what defines a gentleman is that he causes no pain .... and I had caused pain. Curiously jokes have given me a great insight into the inner world of people. I realised that the people who objected did not appreciate that a joke is just that - a joke. The joke for me today is the irony that your blog is entitled " Let it go ....... Let it go'.

Keep writing.

Jane Sat, Feb 25th 2017 @ 9:49am

Dear Sue, well done on your first blog. I hope you will blog again. Have a lovely day xx

Sue Sun, Feb 26th 2017 @ 10:09pm

Wow! Well I thought... If I'm brave enough to write this blog then why
be afraid if it causes a strong reaction and that is certainly what I got! Must admit I hid all day, fearing to read the responses after the 1st dozen or so. So be prepared..I will return....Watch this space ( well not THIS space exactly,but. )

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