Let down by the Authorities

24 Jun 2019
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Following on from Jul's blog recently about the lack of mental health services, I wondered if anyone had experienced the detailed letters, after an assessment from mental health, sent to your GP and usually a copy to you. Often the content is inaccurate.

My first assessment, this time round, I asked for the letter not to be sent to me, as I had mentioned personal things in it from the past and didn't want my husband to read it.

Today I had another appointment, to which I thought was going to be the outcome of the treatment they were going to give me. It wasn't, I was told there wasn't enough information in my first assessment to know what they should be offering me, so it was to be another assessment with more questions.

I was told this time that they agreed I had borderline personality disorder but I was showing no traits or symptoms of it. I said I know I have it, and she said, yes you have it, but you are showing no signs of it. I wasn't sure what that meant.

She then said to me "You have tried to commit suicide haven't you?" I haven't, and I told her that before in the last assessment. She said to me twice, "Are you sure?". I said "Yes I am sure".

I am not lying! She made me feel like I am lying. I haven't, what is it they want to hear?

This is the best bit that has really upset me. She asked me if it was okay to send the detailed letter to my home address of today's assessment. I said yes it was fine and then I asked if she could give me a copy of the letter from my last assessment.

She did so in an envelope. I scanned the letter on the way home and hid it in my bag and worried for four hours.

The letter said that I had 'Wished I had married my ex'. Totally, totally untrue!

And it said that 'I had an affair four years ago and my husband didn't know about it'. What????? I have never been unfaithful to him!!!

I was so very worried about the content of this letter, and whether to tell him, in case he did not believe me, but I do not hide anything from him, so I made the decision to show him the letter.

He was very supportive and believed me. I do wonder though if there is a bit of doubt in his mind now. Wondering what I had said to begin with for this doctor to get it all mixed up about what I told her.

How can this be?

I had so much trouble getting there today due to my anxiety and now I am back in that place (not depression) but out of control about the authorities judging me and getting it all completely wrong.

I totally understand how people are tipped over the edge, when dealing with, and being let down by, the authorities.

Molly xx

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

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Comments

Leah

June 24, 2019, 11:50 p.m.

Molly, Thanks for your very honest and open blog. It must be frustrating when you trust people who say they are there to help you, then they let you down but twisting your words and writing complete untruths. I think when people are assessed they are very vulnerable. I am not sure what the answer is. Maybe having more health professional who have lived experience of mental health issues, may help with understanding. I really appreciate you writing this very open and informative well written piece. Leah xx

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 12:10 a.m.

Thanks Leah. I was so upset about it. I had told her something really personal and she got the wrong end of the stick. She has apologised to me since but I have another appointment with her and another assessment with someone else. When I questioned this she said she was not a therapist so I’m rather confused with it all and I don’t think it’s a good way to treat people. The letter was amended but the damage has already been done. My husband thinks it’s quite funny as I have not left his side so he said that would have been very clever to have had an affair as I am always with him. Well the DWP are even worse. Trying to prove to them that we are both unwell is unbelievable. I literally have to switch off because there is nothing we can do about it. Then mental health do this when I’m seeking help. Sorry for the ramble and thanks again xx

Daisy

June 25, 2019, 4:33 a.m.

Dear Molly I am sorry to hear about your experience. It. Must have been very distressing. I have heard of other people having asked to see their medical records then finding there was an operation on there they hadn’t had. When they questioned it they were told you must have forgotten about it but you don’t forget that type of thing. After a figythey got their records changed but I remember it sent them into depression. You could ask for it to be changed . Modern life seems to be filled with frustration from being on hold trying to phone up the electricity company to trying to get details right on electoral register. I don’t really understand why everything is so difficult Take care and thank you for highlighting this as I am sure others will be experiencing this wrong records too

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 4:45 a.m.

Thank you so much Daisy, I was in tears and in a real state about it. You have just reminded me of when my husband was to have an operation on his back and they refused it because they said he had a heart problem and he never ha. It was all embarrassing for them but they tried to cover their backs so he still had to wait for the operation. Gosh like you say, modern life is so hard, we are dealing with something every day now and none of it is serving to help us in any way xx

Adam G

June 25, 2019, 5:20 a.m.

Hi Molly. Just a thought - do you have a trusted friend or family member who could attend appointments with you, if you think that might be helpful?

Molly

June 25, 2019, 5:38 a.m.

No I am capable myself Adam thanks xx

Valerie

June 25, 2019, 8:23 a.m.

Is it permitted to record these sessions, to back you up if you are unhappy with what is later described?

Bearofliddlebrain

June 25, 2019, 8:23 a.m.

Hi Molly, maybe as Adam says, if someone trusted could go with you, they could confirm what you told the 'professional' person! Otherwise, record each conversation so there’s no ambiguity. Hugs, Bear xx

Bearofliddlebrain

June 25, 2019, 8:24 a.m.

Jinks Val!! Bear x

Sally

June 25, 2019, 11:54 a.m.

Molly, before reading the others’ comments, I was going to recommend the advocacy service . It was brilliant for getting the NHS to agree to funding for our son’s care. They know so much more about the process than we “first time rounders “do, honestly. Husband went to important meeting I couldn’t attend, and came back singing their praises. Don’t let the clunky system knock the stuffing out of you.

Molly

June 25, 2019, 4:52 p.m.

Hi Val and Bear, I don't think I would want the sessions recorded to be honest, I would be too conscious of it and what I am saying, although I will be very careful what I say in future which defeats the object really doesn't it. Thanks Sally I will look into that. I hope your meeting brings something positive ***

Liz

June 25, 2019, 5:48 a.m.

Hi Molly. That's just awful what you have had to go through and my heart goes out to you. I started to question the behaviour of some professionals a long time ago due to experiences I had myself. We put a lot of faith and trust in them to get things right and when you are going through challenging times, this sort of thing is the last thing you need. The questioning that you went through sounds highly unprofessional to me and when we are fragile, it starts to throw you into doubt about yourself and other areas in your life - the last thing we need and ask for when we are wanting it to be simpler, non-judgemental and best of all, correct. I am sorry you have had to go through this trauma. I think you have been very brave in your way of dealing with what you have been through. The people we put our faith in are not infallable. I'm afraid these days I put on the silent boxing gloves and fight when something is not right. You have so not been supported. People need to be taken into account for mis-information and the reverbations from this which are wide ranging. Sending hugs x

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Sally

June 25, 2019, 11:47 a.m.

That’s such a good phrase, Liz, putting on the silent boxing gloves! Might have to adopt the technique Sunday , (big meeting re son's deplorable care.)

Bearofliddlebrain

June 25, 2019, 12:02 p.m.

Good luck Sally...it’s disgusting the way your son and others are being treated. Bear hugs x

Molly

June 25, 2019, 5:01 p.m.

Thank you Liz, yes it does make you doubt yourself. I did complain but then I felt guilty, as the assessor was very nice. What made it worse is that I told her something that I didn't think anyone would understand and she appeared to 'get it' but she obviously didn't and this was due to a language barrier xx

Maggie May

June 25, 2019, 6:04 a.m.

Hi Molly, the one main skill someone working in mental health should possess is good listening skills! They not only didn’t listen when you had given them lots if your time, but they violated your personal information with untruths . I would make a written complaint and ask to be seen by another appropriately qualified professional . I am really angry on your behalf Molly, and people with mental health problems sometimes have problems with assertiveness- I somehow don’t think that you do . X

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Sheena

June 25, 2019, 6:18 a.m.

Molly this is such a sad tale. I do not think you are alone in this. In my opinion diagnoses are plucked out of the air and then the symptoms attributed. We are all diverse and unique. It sounds like this practitioner is not useful. Ask for another one? Sleep, eat well, move, and mix with people who you find joy with. Appreciate your own very apparent strengths and those who love you with them. Sheena

Sheena

June 25, 2019, 8:52 a.m.

So sorry MOLLY the aboves was meant for you .... apologies also to Kath, who I do agree with

Molly

June 25, 2019, 5:13 p.m.

Hi Kath, thank you, no I don't really have assertiveness issues ha ha, you made me smile. But like you say, a lot of people do, and I worry how this may have affected someone who was much more vulnerable than me. I did plan to make a written complaint but I think I will be better off putting it to bed as I have so much else on my plate at the moment xx

Molly

June 25, 2019, 5:28 p.m.

Hi Sheena, thank you, yes so true. They spend an hour with you and then judge you. It is like a points system. If you tick this box and that box. I do have another appointment with this assessor but I also have an appointment with someone else for another assessment. I am confused because said person (in blog) said she is not a therapist! But she has given me two assessments xx

hilary

June 25, 2019, 6:04 a.m.

Don't forget that under GDPR you have a right to have your data corrected or deleted. This applies to hard copy as well as digital, so if they have recorded something in accurate about your assessment, it would be well worth insisting that they correct your record.

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 6:32 p.m.

Hello Hilary, yes they have corrected the letter but the damage has been done and I cannot help thinking that the original letter is still hanging about somewhere blackening my name! Xx

Orangeblossom

June 25, 2019, 6:21 a.m.

Hi Molly, your experiences of the authorities sounds horrific. But not all the individuals who work in Mental health are horrific. She may not have been listening or got her notes jumbled up. Was she a doctor who specialised in Mental health issues? So often they are the worst because they think that Mental Health is the easy option to elect to do. Have you tried your local Mind organisation. www.mind.org.uk I have referred some to them & found them helpful.

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Mandie

June 25, 2019, 6:46 a.m.

I to found myself let down by the local mental health team. To be told by a pyschologist that I was first to complex a case for them to help and referred else where to then be told by that department that I needed to be with the pyschologist, I turned to my local mind organisation and have found them to be a wonderful source of support. It's a shame in this day and age that a charity is picking up the slack for the NHS but it's not all the fault of the NHS I'm not going to get political here we all know the stories. My advice to anyone who is struggling who can't find the support they need try mind .

Molly

June 25, 2019, 7:05 p.m.

Hi Orange, she was listening but she misunderstood me. She was a junior doctor but she later told me she wasn’t a therapist so I might ring someone to try and understand this procedure as I’m a bit confused. That’s interesting what you say. I’ve had bad experiences in the past with mental health people so I was very reluctant to go back to them and then this happens xx

Molly

June 25, 2019, 7:20 p.m.

Hi Mandie, yourself and Orange both mention Mind. I do get emails and post from them but have never contacted them on a personal basis. I do ring the Samaritans sometimes and they tend to calm me down if I have got myself in a state. Your experience does not sound good at all xx

Mandie

June 25, 2019, 7:59 p.m.

Hi Molly, I to have reached out to the Samaritans in times of major crisis rather than try to get to talk to the local crisis team and have found them to be very helpful. My local mind organisation run weekly meetings as well as one to one sessions they are not councilors but a willing to listen and offer advice and support when needed I don't know what would be available in other areas but would say to anyone with mental health issues not to discount them as a resource. X

Molly

June 25, 2019, 9:51 p.m.

Thanks Mandie, oh the crisis team I have also had bad experiences with. I really don’t think I would contact them again, that’s another story! Thanks for the info. I do need to be seen to being under the mental health team with the DWP as I have had so much trouble claiming benefits otherwise I just wouldn’t bother with them to be honest xx

Ruth

June 25, 2019, 6:58 a.m.

That's awful. I would complain to her manager. It sounds like she was told to find the answer to what was wrong, so had to make something up! That is so wrong.

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 7:30 p.m.

Thanks Ruth, I did complain and the manager rang me back very shortly after so I can’t fault that. But you have hit the nail on the head there, she made her own story up. She looked very reluctant when I asked her for a copy of the letter as if she knew and on my way out she said that I should let her know if anything was wrong in the letter. That seemed to be an admission to me! But at the time I was grateful until I read the letter! Xx

Tutti Frutti

June 25, 2019, 7:43 a.m.

Molly I am sorry that you have had such an awful experience. Thank goodness your husband reacted well when you explained what happened but you absolutely shouldn't have been put in that situation. If you can bear it then I agree with others that getting your records corrected is a good idea but you might not be in the right place to take on that battle. You have to put self care first. I have some things on my records that I don't think are true but which I haven't tried to change, partly because I just can't face it but also because it relates to a time I had psychosis and so I can't be completely certain that my recollection of events is correct. I have also come across some pretty unsympathetic mental health professionals over the years, most recently an occupational health doctor specialising in mental illness who declared time was up on the assessment and kicked me out shortly after we had got to identifying the problems (which I could have told him at the start) and I had started crying. He didn't even have a sympathetic member of his admin staff lined up to make me a cup of tea and make sure I was OK to leave. Not that this experience was anywhere near as bad as what you have gone through. Sending love and hugs TF xoxo

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 8:09 p.m.

Hi Tutti. The letter has been amended. I do wonder what else is on record that we don’t see and is inaccurate. I hate it when they look at the time and then it’s ‘time up’. Especially when crying. It all seems so mechanical somehow. Thank you. Love and hugs back to you xx

Valerie

June 25, 2019, 8:02 a.m.

Hi Molly, I know you have beaten yourself up for years about things that happened when you were a single woman,so to be told you "confessed" to cheating on your husband must be so distressing.It all sounds so sloppy and unprofessional. For example,I understood that the reason personality disorders are not classed as illnesses is because they are about patterns of behaviour that are intrinsic to that person's character.So how can you suddenly not have it? Have you had your personality deleted? It almost sounds as if they have mixed up your records with someone else's It must have been hard sharing this information with your husband,but I am so pleased he trusts you.It's bad enough battling the misery of mental illness without being "gaslighted" by those who are supposed to be on our side.***

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 8:37 p.m.

Hi Val, your memory and insight amazes me. This was the exact issue that I wanted to get off my chest and she got it all wrong. I told her I had lost contact with my ex four years ago, next thing, I was having an affair with him. I was unfaithful to my ex some twenty years ago and she got all muddled up. So I don’t think it was a case of getting me mixed up with someone else. I was so mad that I didn’t feel I could keep it from my husband. I wouldn’t have been able to complain without him knowing because he’s always by my side. Which is why he knew that it was not possible for me to be having an affair. But I had no idea how he would react. Yes my personality must have been deleted. Thanks Val xx

Bearofliddlebrain

June 25, 2019, 8:41 a.m.

Hi Molly, This is such a sad tale. None of us need this kind of 'help' when we are vulnerable. There should, as others have said, be an opportunity for you to have your records amended and don’t let anyone tell you it can’t be done. People who have had distressing news of a health scare, often cannot remember what else was said in the doctor’s surgery, because the news was so devastating, so ask if you could record the conversation on your phone if you have one that does that. If it was me, I would ask this woman if she had muddled your notes up with someone else’s...that seems the most logical notion. Years ago, I had a fairly new psychologist talking with me (after I had a major traumatic episode with a drugged up, angry man who attacked me). I was very tearful even though the episode had happened months before.....I was on a long waiting list (!)... but she just seemed disinterested and kept yawning. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and managed one other session with her and then gave up. Not everyone is like the one I saw, or the one you have seen - so see if you can talk to a different psychologist. Big Bear hugs x x x

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 9:26 p.m.

Hi Bear, the letter has been amended but the damage was already done. She didn’t muddle up my notes, she just totally misunderstood me. I’m worried now that my husband knows I was talking about my ex but what can one do. He already knew most of it, but it almost looks like that’s why I needed therapy. I have got an appointment with someone else next month. Thank you and Bear hugs back to you xx

Benjamin

June 25, 2019, 8:47 a.m.

This recalls a saying: "Question authorities before they question you." Of the many appropriate responses to the 'care' you are being given, most tend into the 'political' - that is, comments about how society should or should not attempt to organize itself. Weberian bureaucracy is a demonstrably poor strategy for mental health. Some people you can trust because you pay them directly. Others, because they love you. Bureaucrats - are neither. Some of the others address the psychological claim to 'authority' in the technical sense, which has been shredded by the reproducibility crisis, and in the legal fictive sense. This does a bit of injustice to many well-meaning, caring mental health providers who go beyond the bounds of their official capacities to serve patients in whom they take a personal interest, but who are nonetheless ill-equipped and miseducated by the profession and 'system' as a whole. The key vignette you raise so poignantly is how two people - shoulder to shoulder or back to back - hemmed in by the system that is (in this case apparently negligently and carelessly) trying to pry them apart - can either truly care for each other or can trust instead in the 'authorities' and break faith. It can be some comfort and satisfaction that, like with a good knot, the strain that was recently introduced should serve to make your personal bonds even stronger.

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Valerie

June 25, 2019, 8:57 a.m.

Yes,I hope Molly can take some comfort in knowing that her husband is taking her side.She took a risk in sharing it with him,and he has not let her down.What a horrible outcome it could have been for both of them.

Molly

June 25, 2019, 10:04 p.m.

Thank you Benjamin, you explain it so much better than I could. I think in a way it has made our relationship stronger and we are grateful we can be open with each other xx

Bridget

June 25, 2019, 8:50 a.m.

So sorry to read your story Molly. It is not at all nice to be told that you said something that you know you definitely did not and so very sad that, for a while, it made you feel that you couldn't share this with your husband, who has always supported you. It's good to know that you feel confident enough to attend future appointments on your own and don't feel the need to ask someone to attend with you but, if you can trust someone, it may help to ask someone to raise a letter of complaint on your behalf so that, hopefully, you are treated with respect from now on? Bridget

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 10:17 p.m.

Thank you Bridget. I think it’s awful when you are accused of saying something you didn’t say, it’s a bit like when someone is sent to prison for being found guilty when they are innocent. Okay I know this is totally different, but I have had such a battle. Not only with the NHS but with the DWP who decided that what I had said was not true. And the same happened to my husband which really hurts me as he is so unwell. I prefer to attend appointments alone and I don’t need help to write a letter. I’m just really all out of steam and wondering what the point is anymore as it doesn’t really get you anywhere xx

Bridget

June 26, 2019, 7:50 a.m.

Molly Hopefully you will have the strength soon to tackle the authorities that are affecting your well-being. Sending a big hug Bridget

Jul

June 25, 2019, 10:17 a.m.

Hi Molly. I haven't had a wrong diagnosis in writing but have had to ask my GP to change something in my medical records which was misleading. It was a simple thing but took ages to get it corrected so I can imagine how difficult it will be for you to get the diagnosis of your mental health issues rectified. If you presented with a physical illness which the medical assessor could actually see or diagnose in text book fashion, I doubt if any misunderstanding would arise. I find when I see my GP about my mental health issues, I feel pretty ashamed and guilty for asking him to diagnose or treat something obscure and not straightforward. I rarely come away satisfied.. JUl xx

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 10:27 p.m.

Yes Jul, it’s a minefield really. I’m not so bothered about the diagnosis, although I do get annoyed with the question “why are you depressed’ or ‘describe your depression’ as I can’t explain and feel they should know what depression is! That aside they should not be writing stuff that is totally untrue xx

Jul

June 25, 2019, 10:18 a.m.

I'm sorry for all your frustration with the system Molly. I couldn't write that in the last comment cos laptop crashed. Jul xx

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The Gardener

June 25, 2019, 10:50 a.m.

Molly, this all seems an awful bungle where you end up the one who suffers. Don't know if my experience can be any help. During my husbands illness he had 3 monthly check-ups with the geriatric specialist, a charming and efficient man. At the same time I had 3 weekly visits by a psychiatrist nurse to monitor how I was coping. I'd always kept a diary, but for these two I listed events, behavioral changes, sleep patterns, reaction to medicines, changes in dietary preferences etc etc cont

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The Gardener

June 25, 2019, 10:54 a.m.

There was a practical reason for this, in French, in the half hour session, could never have coped. The two individuals already had all the scans and personal details, so they could look at my 'up-date' and see if anything more could be done. I think in personality disorders a think a 'log' can be helpful, see patterns anyway. Just as important for me was that I HATED talking about my personal struggles in front of Mr G, written down the pros could make their own judgement after, of course, checking him up. You may do it already, but might help the awful frustration. xx

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Jul

June 25, 2019, 11:25 a.m.

Hi TG. I replied yesterday about our French house up for sale. But my laptop crashed before I could send it. Once I get back to the UK tomorrow I'll explain. Jul xx

Molly

June 25, 2019, 10:43 p.m.

Thank you Gardener. I’m not good at keeping a proper record of everything. I used to but I’m really all out of strength now. I jot things down in my diary to relate back to with appointments and things. Personality disorders are there all of the time, in my opinion. It’s the way we feel in general and not something that’s comes and goes. Some think there is a cause but we are either born with it or our childhood brings it on. Maybe different for others but that is the case for me. Life is very hard, there are really no patterns to it xx

Anonymous

June 25, 2019, 1:01 p.m.

I have had MANY occasions where I have been let down by MH services. Some of them were very traumatic. They include having 2 sessions of ECT without my consent as a ‘lifesaving emergency’ for ‘severe depression’ under the Mental Health Act, only to be told a couple of days afterwards that they were stopping my medications cold-turkey and sending me home because I wasn’t depressed to begin with! All of that trauma for nothing!! That was all because that trust had decided that I was lying for attention, as I must have BPD/EUPD, despite not fitting ANY of the criteria. A subsequent psychiatrist at a different trust, who knew me better (I was a student moving between uni and home for many years due to breaks in study from ill health) said that I categorically didn’t have a personality disorder. He explained that BPD/EUPD has become a ‘dustbin diagnosis’, which means that anyone (usually women due to the sexism that exists in that diagnostic category) who they can’t figure out a diagnosis for, ends up with that label. The term ‘dustbin diagnosis’ isn’t a slur on anyone who actually has BPD/EUPD, but a term resulting from lazy diagnosticians who can’t figure out the true diagnosis. As such, it is a very common misdiagnosis for women who present atypically - a friend had undiagnosed autism and was misdiagnosed with BPD until correctly diagnosed; I was misdiagnosed with EUPD until correctly diagnosed with schizophrenia, and I have another friend who experienced the same thing. That’s not to say that I’ve fared much better with the other trust either. I was once sectioned because they had my address and name information, but someone else’s medical information. It is impossible to convince psychiatrists that you have not ever had a baby and been in a mother and baby psychiatric unit when they assume you are crazy! Once I was sectioned and after my family had all confirmed that I had never been pregnant, the social worker did admit they must’ve confused two cases, but that was never admitted in the paperwork or subsequently. It took me two and a half weeks to get a tribunal date to be released, and nobody in the MH services believes that it was their mistake: I have no proof of the social worker’s confession, and they covered their tracks. So it’s now dismissed as my ‘paranoia and persecutory delusions’. I say all of this to say that the NHS does indeed make plenty of mistakes, especially in psychiatry. A lot of psychiatrists are, what we called in medical school, ‘40 percenters’, as in they got the bare minimum needed to pass exams. That’s not to say that there aren’t brilliant psychiatrists out there who go into psychiatry for the right reasons, but in my experience, they are the minority. A lot of doctors end up in psychiatry because they couldn’t handle their preferred specialty, as psych is seen as ‘easier’ because of its exams and reduced on calls compared with other specialities, and I personally know of 3 colleagues from my medschool days who, unfortunately, ended up in psych for that very reason. It is unfair that, when already unwell, we also have to battle against the very systems that are, supposedly, there to help us, but that is our reality. I have had to become a lot more assertive in my dealings with these people, which does not go down well with them as they do like to think that they know best, but it’s very necessary. I have fought to have certain errors corrected in my notes, others I’ve had to let slide. For me, I have had to limit my contact with the NHS since all of the trauma that they have caused because they create more by blaming me for my wariness of them. It’s certainly not a perfect solution though. It really shouldn’t be this difficult for us, but I hope that everyone who reads this finds a way to get the help that they need, whatever that may be.

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Anonymous

June 25, 2019, 1:29 p.m.

Also, Molly, I thought it worth asking if you had ever heard anything about Complex PTSD? It’s not as well known as BPD/EUPD, but shares quite a bit of overlap in terms of emotional dysregulation etc. I mentioned it because of them weirdly saying you have BPD but not showing any signs of it, which is as confusing to me as it is to you. People can move past BPD/EUPD, usually with a lot of therapy and hard work, to not display those behaviours anymore, but then they are said to have a history of it, in the past tense, not still have it in the present tense just with no signs of it. So I can understand your confusion there, and it made me think what’s very similar to BPD/EUPD, but not quite the same. It’s very possible to have both BPD/EUPD and Complex PTSD, or to have had BPD/EUPD in the past and still be struggling with the symptoms of Complex PTSD. As others have mentioned, psychiatric diagnosis is not straightforward, and I always say that knowledge is power, which is why I mention this in case it may prove to be of benefit to you. If not, please feel free to disregard. Wishing you all the best.

Valerie

June 25, 2019, 2:29 p.m.

Hi Anon, I watched a fascinating Ted talk recently,given by a psychiatrist who has amassed the biggest database of brain scans in the world.He described conventional psychiatry as throwing darts at patient's brains in a darkened room.His frustrations led to the research, which shows how many mentally ill and persistently criminal people have had blows to the head in their past.Some incidents had not seemed serious at the time,often in childhood,and forgotten about.

Sheena

June 25, 2019, 3:20 p.m.

And a very high percentage are either 'Me too' or have been subjected to emotional abuse which has not been acknowledged.

Jul

June 25, 2019, 4:04 p.m.

I find what you write very interesting Anon. But disturbing at the same time. It probably does pay to be assertive with the medics but as you acknowledge not many of us feel we can be. Well done you. Go well. What a struggle you'e had but thank you for letting us know as it really will help many of us I'm certain of that. Juxx

Mandie

June 25, 2019, 8:07 p.m.

Hi Anon , I have complex PTSD and after many years of being misdiagnosed with a variety of mental health issues ( *** I hate that phrase) from eating disorders to anxiety and depression I was finally given a diagnosis that fit all of my as I call them malfunctions their doesn't seem to be much in the way of understanding of this condition so if you know of any useful resources please let me know thanks X

Molly

June 25, 2019, 10:57 p.m.

So interesting Anon, thank you for sharing. Too much to reply to here and I’m quite worn out but it has been mentioned to me before about PTSD from a friend. It’s kind of been picked up with mental health people but it really feels that I’m back to square one. Thanks so much for sharing all this this with us, it’s very helpful xx

Anonymous

June 26, 2019, 1:43 a.m.

Hi Mandie, I’m afraid that I don’t know much about complex PTSD myself. I was only reading about it recently because I believe that my mother may have it. I read a blog about ‘emotional flashbacks’ https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/traumaptsdblog/2018/10/emotional-flashbacks-in-complex-ptsd and it seemed to me to explain so many of my mother’s (from my perspective) ‘overreactions’. I don’t know if I am right about this diagnosis, and she is not interested in pursuing it right now when I brought it up with her, but that blog really helped change my perspective on why she may be reacting the way that she does to things.

Lexi

June 25, 2019, 2:37 p.m.

Molly, I am sitting here reading this and thinking, WTF, is this the way mental health is handing in the UK? You have an assessment, and then they deem you worthy of treatment? It seems so demeaning....I know our system here is broken but if I need to see a therapist, I look one up and make an appointment, try him/her out, and if I don't like the person, find another. And I cannot believe that this person would write all those lies...can you report them? Thank *** your husband is understanding. That is horrible. And to say that you have a borderline personality disorder but not treat you because you aren't displaying symptoms at the moment is unconscionable. Are you supposed to act like a raving lunatic in order to get treatment? I am so sorry that this has been your experience. I want to punch that assessor in the nose. xo

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 11:18 p.m.

Lol Lexi you did make me laugh out loud about the punch in the nose. Yes I do believe you have to be a raving lunatic, I guess I’m on the borderline (not related to BPD) but seen as ‘ok’ compared to others. It’s a sad state of affairs as I’m not ok at all. I did make a complaint about the letter and they amended it and apologised. Need to let it go now. Thank you for your support xx

Anonymous

June 26, 2019, 1:50 a.m.

I once waited 18 months for an assessment with a psychologist, to then be told that I didn’t ‘qualify’ for any help! So, yes, that’s how the NHS works. Even self-referral to certain wellbeing services, considered Improving Access to Psychological Therapies under the Govt’s big push to be seen to care about mental health, requires an assessment of some sorts. Many people are stuck in the limbo of being ‘too ill’ for IAPT, yet ‘too well’ for secondary mental health teams. Also, your point about acting like a raving lunatic reminded me of this quote I heard a couple of years ago: “if you are ‘crazy’ enough to ask for help, you are not ‘crazy’ enough to get it!” Unfortunately, it’s a sad state of affairs.

Molly

June 26, 2019, 4:22 p.m.

I like that quote anon ! My GP’s have told me three times over the years to self refer myself for CBT, to which you name under the umbrella of IAPT. Each time they have referred me to the mental health team (GP’s never did). Then discharged because I was only offered group therapy which I hated, so I think I fall into that category you refer to, just going round in a circle. Will see what happens this time xx

Molly

June 26, 2019, 4:38 p.m.

Hi again Lexi, I was just thinking that you probably pay for your treatment over there? With the BPD she didn’t ask me questions relevant to it in the first assessment, which meant I had to have another one. She then told me I had been accepted to see a psychiatrist but I have to have yet another assessment with them! The more I think about the more I feel how wrong it all is xx

Lexi

June 27, 2019, 11:54 p.m.

It is wrong Molly. Yes, we pay over here. Insurance pays for some (not all usually). Well, my therapist is "out of network" which means I pay her 100% and then I submit a form and in about 4 weeks I get a check back for about 30% of what I paid. I only see her when I can afford to. But I don't have to wait six weeks or a year either. If you had a heart condition, would they make you wait this long? It seems so wrong. xoxo

Molly

June 28, 2019, 12:20 a.m.

Thanks for your reply Lexi, my husband is in a lot of pain but has to wait for injections and it’s really affecting him. We have no money to pay. One way to fast forward the system is to call the emergency services but last time we did that we had a 17 hour wait to be seen. It did fast forward things a bit in the long run but I only called them because he collapsed. So we just have to wait. We are not having much luck with anything! Xx

Emma

June 25, 2019, 10:58 p.m.

This is awful.... but too often it happens. I have experienced similar where things are recorded but simply not true or never said or didn't happen then you're fighting the system to get your point across. I came across it in the pain clinic too and that didn't lead to any help. I got forgotten or over looked. 3 times in three years with 3 separate referrals, which was linked to mental health .... very sadly happened to both my children too in the Camhs service and is still on going. My youngest now has a chance with a new dr who has said she's read over the notes of 7 years and is so sorry and what they have done or not done is tantamount to abuse.... but no one wants to listen... no one seems interested in listening to help just listening to give their own reply and judgement. As an adult it's very hard but for a child... these people should be ashamed of themselves .... but they seem accountable to no one

Reply

Emma

June 25, 2019, 10:58 p.m.

This is awful.... but too often it happens. I have experienced similar where things are recorded but simply not true or never said or didn't happen then you're fighting the system to get your point across. I came across it in the pain clinic too and that didn't lead to any help. I got forgotten or over looked. 3 times in three years with 3 separate referrals, which was linked to mental health .... very sadly happened to both my children too in the Camhs service and is still on going. My youngest now has a chance with a new dr who has said she's read over the notes of 7 years and is so sorry and what they have done or not done is tantamount to abuse.... but no one wants to listen... no one seems interested in listening to help just listening to give their own reply and judgement. As an adult it's very hard but for a child... these people should be ashamed of themselves .... but they seem accountable to no one

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 11:25 p.m.

Hi Emma, it is shocking really. My sister has tried to get help for her daughter, she is now 17 but has had real problems since she was born, it started off that her parents were in denial a bit but even when they came to terms with the fact something was wrong, they have not been able to get much help for her. Thank you for your input, it’s good to know we are not alone xx

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Molly

June 25, 2019, 11:33 p.m.

Thank you everyone. There have been some really interesting comments here today. I was late in replying to most as it’s been a hard day. My husband is very unwell and I’ve been all over the place. It was unfortunate that my blog was on today at the wrong time. This incident also happened a while ago so it brought up bad memories which made me a bit angry when I had tried to put it to the back of my mind, but I really appreciate everyone’s comments, thank you. Molly xx

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Leah

June 25, 2019, 11:44 p.m.

Molly, Your comments you write and the time and effort you take to think about and write them is appreciated by everyone on moodscope. So we are all thanking you. xx

Molly

June 26, 2019, 4:41 p.m.

Aw, the support on here is so lovely xxxx

Nicco

June 27, 2019, 12:33 a.m.

Dear Molly, I'm sorry i've only just come across this as not been on moodscope for a cpuple of days. What an awful thing to have happened. Thank goodness your husband understood & believed your explanation - it sounds like you both have a wonderful strong supportive relationship with eachother. I can empathise a bit because years ago i saw a psychoneurologist, believing he woud inderstand both the physical pain & emotional anguish i was in at the time. He saw me for literally 15mins & sent a letter to my gp with a copy to myself saying that i have bpd. I was furious but all my then gp said was that it shouidn't bother me as we're all a bit weird that way! Gee! It wasnt til recently when i saw a specialist dialectical behavioural therapist that i was told yes i have some traits of bpd (now termed eupd), & i also show signs & syptoms of cptsd, but it would be a lenghy process to get a proper formal diagnosis & she thought it would be best for me to carry on putting into practice what i had learned in order to cope with it rather than pursue it. I'm glad you managed to get the letter amended I'm wondering if the person you saw was actually qualified as she seemed to get quite muddled. Personally i didn't find my locali Mind of much help as they only had counsellors not therapists. Sending hugs of support & hoping you will be anle to get some good sleep & rest. xx

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Molly

June 27, 2019, 12:47 a.m.

Hey Nicco, it’s so good to hear of other experiences and wise words. I think my husband believed me because I am always with him but if I was working, for instance, it could have raised some doubts! I guess if there was any truth in it I wouldn’t have shown him the letter, but I am amazed that every personal detail goes down in writing, doesn’t really help the paranoia! Jesus your experience makes me mad like mine, they seem to want to fob you off. There is no proper care is there? We are all just a number. Thank you for your reply Nicco. Good to hear from you xx

Nicco

June 27, 2019, 11:09 p.m.

Thanks Molly.x

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