I've got a dream

7 Sep 2019
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"Play that song again mummy", she said. And so we did. Again, and again, and again. But then, on the umpteenth rendition, the lyrics sang to me as if for the first time.

I've got a dream. It's a song from Tangled, the Disney version of Rapunzel, in which all kinds of unlikely creatures from the underworld sing about their much more virtuous dreams. One dreams of being a concert pianist, another of falling in love and another about collecting ceramic unicorns. They all have dreams.

And that's when it struck me: what's my dream?

As a teenager and early adult I had all kinds of dreams. But I have either achieved these or they have faded into the mists of un-achievability and the realities of adult life. Children are encouraged to dream, to aim for the stars. When you're young anything is achievable.

But what about as adults? I've been feeling lost for perhaps the last 10 years, and these feelings of aimlessly trudging through life have intensified since I had my children and stopped working. Perhaps this is because I don't have a dream, and haven't for a long time? I don't have anything that ignites fire in my belly, gets me excited, or fills me with ambition.

So that's what I'm going to work on: find a dream or two (or ten!) to give my directionless amble through life a bit of a kick in the derriere and to act as an upper to all the downers of everyday adult life.

So, dear Moodscopers, shall we share our dreams and get some passion spreading through the blog comment walls? I'd love to hear what dreams you have.

I'll start us off: one day I would dearly, dearly love to run a marathon. And, once my kids are at school, I'd also love to find a job that truly helps people.

With love,

Shizzle

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

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Comments

Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 2:35 a.m.

Thanks for the blog Shizzle. It’s good to hear you have dreams and goals which are achievable and I hope you achieve them. I am guessing you are younger than some of us here, so I look back to my younger days, to which I realise I never had any dreams then either! I think getting through each day, work challenges, relationship turmoils, health issues, family issues, kept me too occupied and ‘full up’ to even give myself time to dream. Some might say ‘never too late’ but it pretty much is unfortunately, regardless of whether I have a dream or not. I guess, a normal life, would be my dream. One of my ex’s (sure I’ve mentioned many but honestly I’m not a tart), he was so ambitious it drove me crazy. For all his well meant efforts, to encourage me with my own interests, I remember saying to him “we all die anyway so what’s the point”. He was quite taken aback by this. Especially when I bought him a birthday card that said “another year gone, another year wasted”. I thought it was really funny, but he didn’t. Think he sulked for the rest of the day. Thing is he forgot me in the process you see. He was so full of dreams and ambitions, and he became very successful. But none of his relationships worked, neither did his marriage. He described her as ‘mental’ well he must have attracted that type then, because the two before his marriage were mental, including me. I don’t mean to put a dampener on your blog. But realistically, life isn’t a bowl of cherries, it’s more like mouldy bananas. Good luck with your dreams though Shizzle. I admire anyone who is able to have them. I just never understood what they were. Molly xx

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Oli

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:40 a.m.

I reckon life is more like the punnet of strawberries I found in my fridge yesterday: some were soggy and furry so I threw those into the garden so the slugs could get something from them, the rest were delicious. (I put them in a bowl and did some freshly ground black pepper over the top.) And just like life, I enjoyed it (not the mouldy, soggy bits obviously) even though the sell-buy date was up! But unlike life, you won't find it in Tesco :-)

Bearofliddlebrain

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:42 a.m.

Oh Molly, you do sound low and like life is just too hard. Have you not just sat and wished? Wishing and hoping is sort of dreaming too. Maybe by not even trying to wish or hope - your are fulfilling what you see is a hope-less life? A self-fulfilling prophecy? 'We all die anyway, so what’s the point?'...you said to an ex (and no, none of us would think you were a tart!!) the point is, by doing something for yourself you are giving yourself joy. Joy brings hope, gladdens the heart, makes life worth living and yes, we all die anyway, but wouldn’t you enjoy life more, if there were little nuggets of joy in there too? You might make something...it pleases you, you give it to someone, the joy passes on with the gift and pings straight back at you - because you’ve done something for someone else. Little sparks of joy help us to live. Hopefully we are going to be 'here' for a long while so put some wishes, dreams and joy in you. Also, Molly, I haven’t been a well Bear and have missed a few blogs this week so looking back, I was so glad your friend will be in touch soon....now THAT must have sparked joy and was a wish/dream - and it might come true ve ve soon! Sorry to have rambled...making up for missed days here! Big Bear hugs x x x

Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:58 a.m.

Hi Molly, I don't think it's ever too late to dream. The dreams just change with time. And perhaps "dream" is too big of a word. How about challenge, or aspiration? It could just be finishing that book that you still haven't got round to, or meeting up with a friend you haven't seen for a while. My mum, who lives in London, always wanted to see the millennium bridge. Many walk across it every day but for her, to go and see it was a dream. It took her 19 years to, but this year she did it. And in doing it she got to spend a day out in London that she wouldn't have done otherwise. So it was, to many, a small dream, but it brought positivity and a reason for a nice adventure for her. You mention wanting a "normal" life. Could you perhaps take one step towards it? Or even a step towards describing what a "normal" life means to you so you might be able to get ever slightly closer to achieving it?

Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:59 a.m.

Oli: love that analogy Bear: hope you're feeling better soon. Nice to have you back.

Valerie

Sept. 8, 2019, 12:06 p.m.

Bear,sending hugs,hope you are on the mend? ***

Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 1:17 p.m.

Oli, love it, but I have to say black pepper on strawberries? Did you run out of cream? :-) xx

Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 2:11 p.m.

Bear, I’m sorry you have been a poorly Bear. I hope you are feeling a bit better. You always make time for everyone else regardless of how you feel. You must be a care bear! It’s not set in stone about friend and dog, and it could be some time regardless, but more hopeful yes. Doggie brought us both plenty of nuggets of joy. Thanks Bear and hugs to you xx

Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 2:26 p.m.

Hi Shizzle. Not possible. Severe anxiety stops me going out, severe depression prevents me doing numerous other things. Physical health not good. Husband disabled. No money (just enough to live on). It’s our anniversary today. Can’t celebrate. “Make a nice dinner or have a takeaway” people will say. Can’t cook anymore, and have no appetite regardless. I miss my food, that was another nugget of joy in life. So you see there isn’t a lot I can do about it. That’s what I mean by a normal life. Apologies to those that have heard it all before. Feel free to pop round with your violins and serenade us. Bring champagne. Molly xx

Oli

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:47 p.m.

Molly, freshly ground black pepper on strawberries is lovely! I was dubious when I first heard about it (long story) but that was back in the day when I'd put sugar on everything. Happy anniversary for you and your husband today! xx

Valerie

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:28 p.m.

Happy Anniversary to both of you Molly.Hope you at least raised a glass ***

Hopeful One

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:49 p.m.

Hi Valerie- So say all of us for she is a jolly good fellow ....

Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 9:22 p.m.

Aw thank you xxxx

Sally

Sept. 9, 2019, 3:05 p.m.

Molly, it pains me to think you’re too badly off to afford a nice dinner wish you were just round the corner, and I’d bring youround a large bag of yummy groceries with luxury eats. However, just to add that dreams are possible at any age . Could you watch a feel- good dvd together? Sometimes works for us. Xx virtual hugs. Sally

Molly

Sept. 9, 2019, 4:54 p.m.

Aw Sally, thank you, you are so kind, it’s not so much money, it’s more lack of appetite. Neither of our appetites are very good but husband does treat himself to a Chinese now and again. Going out is too difficult for both of us, also expensive of course but maybe a dream could be going to my favourite restaurant again one day! With or without husband! Can’t beat a feel good DVD. Thanks for the reminder. Love Molly xx

Hopeful One

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:06 a.m.

Hi Shizzle- thank you for a thought provoking blog. Yes we all need dreams be they large, small ,extravagant. unrealistic or realistic,colourful or just black and white......The important thing is to have them.In one form of therapy called Solution Focused Therapy this is a central event called the Dream Scenario. Here the client is asked to state their ideal dream .This is then explored to see if it might contain the solution to their mental issue. My dream? I have previously mentioned it here before so I hope I am forgiven for repeating it since you ask. I would like to busk on a street corner in my town and raise money for Alzeimers dementia research. I have not achieved it yet but to use John Lennon's lyrics in "Imagine" " I am a dreamer ......I am not the only one" Meanwhile a laugh will keep me going....... and you too I hope. At dinner with guests , little Johnny was asked to lead the prayer. “But I don’t know how to pray” he replied. “Just pray for your family friends and neighbours, the poor et cetera “said his father. “Okay “the boy said “Dear Lord .....thank you for all our visitors their children who finished all my cookies and ice cream.Bless bless them so they won’t come again. Forgive our neighbour’s son who removed my sisters clothes and wrestled with her on her bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all the poor ladies on Daddy’s iPhone who do not have any clothes. And provides a shelter for the homeless man who use mum’s room when daddy is at work. Amen” Needless to say dinner finished early.

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Bearofliddlebrain

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:14 a.m.

Much laughter here, HO....that was really funny! Bear x

Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 7:01 a.m.

Brilliant HO. Love it. That's a wonderful dream too. I hope you can achieve it. I absolutely love hearing buskers as I wander the streets. They bring such joy.

Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 2:31 p.m.

I am HOPEFUL, Dear Hopeful One, that you will achieve this dream. What is stopping you? Xx

Hopeful One

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:36 p.m.

Hi Molly- I am working on it. I booked a voice coach and got myself lessons having never sung a note before. I started guitar lessons and now have a repertoire of about 10 songs that I can sing accompanied by my guitar!

Hopeful One

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:51 p.m.

Hi Molly- I too am Hopeful that you will overcome the issues you face in your life - so eloquently put in your comments elsewhere.

Rachel

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:11 p.m.

Dear hopeful one thanks for making me laugh ? and good luck with achieving your dresm

Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 9:33 p.m.

HO that is SO good, I do get the feeling you have a talent there already and you are being very modest. Thank you so much for your kind words xx

Sarah yellow rose

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:11 a.m.

Hi Shizzle, thank you for your blog today. I agree it’s good to look for your dream. I think you will find yours because you have awareness. I have 3 grown up children and 3 grandchildren and one on the way. They’re all lovely. One thought I’d like to pass on to you is that, sometimes I wish I could go back in time and do it again with the knowledge I have now. I wish I had played more with my children and worried less about everything that I needed to do. They grow up so fast. Also you didn’t really stop working ( imagine how much it would cost to pay someone to do everything you do and it’s 24 hours). Someone said life is like a jigsaw one piece maybe difficult but it doesn’t mean that’s the whole of it. My dream is to feel healthy physically and emotionally. I’m working on that and Moodscope is a great support. Have a lovely time with your children today xx

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Bearofliddlebrain

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:26 a.m.

That’s a beautiful response and so true...spending time with loved ones is precious because the time to do it soon disappears....no matter how old they or you are x x x

Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 7:07 a.m.

Ah Sarah. Thank you. This is something that I struggle with. I know that I will look back on being at home with my children and not regret it at all but at the moment it can be such a slog! Thank you so much for the reminder and I like your jigsaw analogy. Thank you xx

Maggie May

Sept. 8, 2019, 10:01 a.m.

I agree Sarah Yellow Rose, the saying ‘life is was happens whilst you are making other plans’ is something you tend to understand in retrospect . It seems to get harder for each successive generation to see the beauty in today I think.

Bearofliddlebrain

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:24 a.m.

Morning Shizzle, What a great start to Sunday! You’ve cheered me up because you have made me thInk of dreams. As HO said above, they don’t have to be huge. It only needs to be a realistic dream, to get you started. Just like our fragile mental health...one step at a time. Now in your case....getting to a marathon, two or three steps at a time! So do as I did earlier this year: I followed the Couch to 5k plan. Hard going some days, but I got there and the sense of achievement was amazing and THAT spurred me on to the Park Run, where I live. I’ve managed four Park Runs and have volunteered for two as at the moment my fibromyalgia is flaring up and I can’t run. I was a good long distance runner as a teenager, but that all stopped when I met my OH! So for nearly thirty nine years I haven’t run! Everything aches! But the sense of achievement is fabulous when you cross that line! Loads and loads of runners pass me....I pass hunger, people too, some walk, some clever peeps run with a dog or push a flipping pram with baby or toddler in it...but an 89 year old walks nearly every week - she’s amazing! So small steps....Shizzle, you CAN do it...and your children can do it too. So, now we’ve sorted that dream out...... Big Bear hugs x x x

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Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 7:12 a.m.

Hi Bear. What wonderful commitment and improvement to your running! It can be so hard getting back into it. I did a half marathon 15 years ago but haven't run anywhere near that distance since (and it was a huuge slog at the time). I keep discounting marathon running as a dream but it keeps coming back so I think one day I will just have to do it. However you are absolutely right. I am a 200% high octane person who needs to do everything perfectly and do it now so your advice for small steps is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you! I need to look into local Park Runs though. Everyone raves about them and that 89 year old at your park run is amazing! Maybe one day I can get the kids to do it too. I'm so pleased that the blog cheered you up and that you have enjoyed thinking about your dreams.

Oli

Sept. 8, 2019, 7:02 a.m.

Hello Shizzle, lovely blog and its core is definitely where I'm at. Life is about going towards the things which are meaningful to you, to me, to any of us. Doesn't matter what age, doesn't matter what physical ability, and even in the presence of a life-limiting diagnosis/ condition it makes sense to take a step towards whatever has meaning. The weird thing is that the other direction makes sense too -- and I never understood that before. I.e. heading away from the painful stuff makes sense too however the light bulb moment was sussing out that escaping cr*p is not the same as moving towards what's important. For me, I just want to be a few things: honest and authentic are right up there. So what you see is what you get. Also, I'm driven by curiosity, always have been, and I really like sharing my curiosity. And I would love to be able to do a decent loving relationship too. So any of my goals will be like little milestones, or maybe the odd mountain top, but they'll be goals in those directions. What I also know is that with all of this meaningful stuff I also have a pit of self-doubt and fear so I have a history of escaping those feelings with stuff like alcohol; intense (but probably not wise) relationships; and social isolation. My dream, and basic plan, is to do more towards the meaningful stuff moves, and fewer escape the painful stuff moves. Thank you for a such a lovely blog! :-)

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Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:17 p.m.

Hi Oli. You always have such self awareness! You're right about escaping stuff being attractive too. Although does it help in the long run? I've my own unhealthy escape mechanisms which I've battled with for years and it often still feels easier to find the escape than fight that attraction. Maybe one day that balance will shift. But your dream/plan sounds like one that's relevant to us all here. See you on the journey!

Jul

Sept. 8, 2019, 7:24 a.m.

Hi Shizzle. An uplifting blog which has made me think a level up from my normal morning feelings. Hopeful One's mention of John Lennon's Imagine has also lifted my spirits. The very act of day dreaming is good for me and it's comforting to know "I'm not the only one". I dream to be free of obligations, free to be a free spirit. I know that might seem selfish but it's about time now after years of doing what is right by others, mostly my family, to be able to break out without feeling guilty or worried I still need to look after people/children. I think a year of breaking free would probably do! A great blog Shizzle. Beautifully written. Thank you. Jul xx

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Maggie May

Sept. 8, 2019, 10:08 a.m.

I understand your feelings Jul . I have settled in the meantime for just afternoons away. Phone ‘out of range’ for anyone to get hold of me. ( Really left in the car) I feel so refreshed .

Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:22 p.m.

Oh yes. A good old daydream. That's a lovely escape too! I'm not very good at doing it, but I find the same as Maggie May. Leaving my phone in a different room can really help to escape, even if I'm still in the same room as the kids. Somehow I feel lighter when my phone isn't around and I'm more centred in what's going on in the real life in front of me. But I completely understand about the dream of freedom from obligations and I can imagine with time that dream becomes even stronger. I love my 6 monthly haircut for that reason . I'm the only person who doesn't talk to their hairdresser. I just sit with my eyes closed, enjoying the silence (and hoping I like what I see when I open them again!). Hope you find a break Jul xx

The Gardener

Sept. 8, 2019, 7:43 a.m.

Hello Shizzle. I need a strong 'pick me up' and NOT alcohol. Seriously fed up, Brexit poses REAL problems. It's cold and miserable. Can't realise any of my dreams/plans at the moments. Problems with veins in legs, hope will not cause travel problems. Advance photos wedding, I look positively ugly. For the next one, I have an Indian outfit (tight) and I thought, brainwave, a turban - big hats can't be worn all day and evening. Turban looks like a bathing cap. And that lot is only to go on with. Cont

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Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 2:40 p.m.

Sorry you are on a downer Gardener but you are funny and always raise a smile xx

The Gardener

Sept. 8, 2019, 7:47 a.m.

This morning, nothing to get up for, wish I had got up. Dreams stemmed from visit to elderly neighbour - very nice but nothing but moans about doctors. Her husband would not use a cane, broke his hip on way to loo and that was it. I dreamed Mr G was back, kept getting out of wheelchair, and falling. I got hurt picking him up, lots people helped. Then I dreamed I had lost my medical card (my neighbour has lost hers) and that I had to pay all the medical costs (a looming fear with Brexit, French govt won't issue 'Titre de Sejour' (like an ID card for French residents). In fact, woe is me! xx

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Ach UK

Sept. 8, 2019, 11:30 a.m.

Dear TG, It is getting colder now, Autumn season is upon us, and many of us are, consiously or unconsciously, slowing down a bit towards hibernation. I bet when you watch the Horse Trials you'll see lots spectators in scarves , hats and big coats . . .Yes it' s great fun to be there but wrapped up with a cup of kir . . er tea in the warm with us cheering you on you'll probably see more with the camera too. But you know, TG, we know that just now is not an easy time for you. I think you have lots of people to lean on a bit, but I don't know if you are that good at whispering help . . . .and the nights can be lonely. There is a big hole where Mr G was, n'es pas?, and no matter how one reshapes one's life sometimes it is very hard. Dear TG, You are on my mind. You are being sensible and pragmatic, I love that you tell us you keep making little plans, setting out routes for the coming weeks . it helps me keep going too . . . and probably lots others of us. Just now so close on a year, what can I say . . . just repeat what you know . .:" this will pass" Thank you, and listen Harder when you are low , and you will hear us all scampering about our businesses -- Yep the Moodscopers supporting each other through the blogs -- loads of us and all carrying a bit of your advices which make the days go round. Who knows, today I may win a rosette :-)) Hugs XX Ach.

The Gardener

Sept. 8, 2019, 3:08 p.m.

Just watched those beautiful, beautiful horses. The last one I rode had a brain tumour, I was lucky to survive. Thank you Ach. It's odd, the last few days I have felt incredibly lonely - poor Mr G, awful end, but I had somebody to care for! xx

The Gardener

Sept. 8, 2019, 8:17 a.m.

I've found my 'fix' for this afternoon, Horse trials. I dreamed of having an 'eventer' and bought a failed race horse. He was a black beauty, a stallion when we bought him. He had by law to be gelded - super pix of his antics when being 'tamed'. Then we borrowed a side-saddle, and all the 'togs' including top hat. Fabulous photo of my groom, she and horse so proud. Alongside is g-grand-daugher, very different horses, but she and horse also looking proud. So 3 hours in front of TV.

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Jul

Sept. 8, 2019, 8:30 a.m.

Oh Gardener. You made me laugh about you looking "positively ugly" in the wedding photos. Who actually likes seeing themselves in photos?! Also you'll look back at these photos in a few years time and think how young you looked. But a turban is a good idea for any occasion. I love them. Enjoy the horses. Jul xx

Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:27 p.m.

TG I'm late coming to the comments after a very busy day. So I'm pleased to read through all of yours and see that you found a wonderful way to spend a few hours escaping the trials of all that is going on. This is such a hart time of year anyway, regardless of everything else you have going on, and coming up. Plus, of course, unsettling feelings that come up when your unconscious kicks in at night. I love the idea of the side saddle, togs and top hat! That plus your turban comment: my head feels positively naked right now! xx

Leah

Sept. 8, 2019, 9:09 a.m.

Shizzle what an interesting blog. Thanks. I dream a lot at night but not the dream you are talking about . I assume the title of your blog references Martin Luther King jr famous speech. So I see dreams as being life changing and a potential to change the world. So I don’t have dreams like that. As a child I was in trouble ar school for day dreaming.

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Oli

Sept. 8, 2019, 9:33 a.m.

Leah, moving up my list of things to do is my wish to learn how to do lucid dreaming. I.e. where you experience conscious awareness whilst still doing dreaming and are able to direct the dream wherever you want to go. This definitely sounds like fun even if I can't actually think of a practical use for it. Like most things you read about on the intertubes there seems to be a lot of rubbish talked about it but if there's a kernel of substance I want to see I can get it to work reliably. I know the phenomenon exists randomly cos I had a lucid dream as kid.

Valerie

Sept. 8, 2019, 12:13 p.m.

Hi Oli, I have had quite a few lucid dreams lately,no apparent reason.I have even managed to intervene in one very upsetting recurring dream,stop myself ******** up.Now I just need to find how to do that when I am awake! x

Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 2:45 p.m.

I dream a lot, dreams totally intrigue me and sometimes disturb me, but I have also experienced lucid dreams before xx

Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:29 p.m.

I have a friend who trained herself to lucid dream. I've no idea how. I never have positive or neutral dreams, only ever nightmares and often ones where I wake up screaming. They're totally horrific so I wonder if I could intercept them somewhere along the lines too. Interesting thoughts! And Leah: The blog title is the same as the title of the song from Tangled. No where near as high brow as Martin Luther King from me! xx

Leah

Sept. 8, 2019, 7:58 p.m.

Oli, lucid dreaming sounds better than disturbed dreaming which I was what I have. I wrote a blog. abkjt how I wake up very affected by my dreams which drain me. Shizzle My dreams sound like yours, I wake up really low and disturbed and sometime s crying.

Mandie

Sept. 8, 2019, 9:56 a.m.

A very thought provoking blog shizzle. Maybe you have more dreams than you realize thinking back to when my children were young and I like you had put my career on hold to be a mum my dreams were simple then. Every year my children grew and more of my dreams for them either were achieved or replaced by another. In my experience we all have dreams but often don't realize that they are a dream or a goal to be achieved. Take pride in the small achievements in life and the bigger things will come X

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Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:31 p.m.

Hi Mandie. Thank you for your reply and for getting my grey matter going again. I wonder if you're right and whether I do have some hidden away. I'm going to mull that one as something in me feels like you might be right. Thank you! xx

Lauren

Sept. 8, 2019, 10:10 a.m.

Thanks Shizzle for being so honest about how you are feeling which resonated with me. There seems to be such an emphasis now on achievement, living life to the full, being one’s best self etc. Did it all come from America? I wonder if in the not too distant past people were just focused on surviving and being good enough to friends and family. Not such great expectations. Back to dreams. I too have achieved a few without acknowledging it which I think is quite common – we think about what we don’t have rather than appreciating what we do. For me the last couple of years have been plagued by anxiety and depression. A good and kind therapist, medication and Moodscope continue to get me through. My dream is that I get some equilibrium back so I can feel confident about being out in the world without that constant itch of anxiety.

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Valerie

Sept. 8, 2019, 12:16 p.m.

I really relate to this Lauren.My goals for myself are very modest,and I can't say I have ever had a strongly ambitious streak.x

Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:36 p.m.

Hi Laurel. That's an interesting one too. I wonder if you're right about, historically, life being more a case of survival. And interesting about achieving dreams without acknowledging them. I can think of two dreams of mine which were really big ones and, once I achieved them I just dusted my hands off and got onto the next thing. In fact, having children and being able to talk to them about my achievements has allowed me to enjoy the memories again which I otherwise wouldn't have done. But its an interesting one. I hope you find your equilibrium soon. xx

Ach UK

Sept. 8, 2019, 11:46 a.m.

Dear Shizzle, lovely to get an uplifting blog today. It made me chuckle. Thank you. Good for you, for getting plans made . .now you need the " Boots" to " Start walkin" in. I'm hoping to get back to regular "little" swim routes in mid October . . Lol I got a new swimsuit lol . .just got to get it wet :))) XX Ach.

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Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:33 p.m.

Ach how fun! Time to stand on the side, hold your breath and jump right in (literally or figuratively as you see fit!). Glad the blog lifted you this morning. xx

Oligarch

Sept. 8, 2019, 9:24 p.m.

: * ) A-ch, e

Elizabeth

Sept. 8, 2019, 12:26 p.m.

Thanks Shizzle. In a small wooden house in Cambodia at the moment. The French owner said tonight that he’d been very unhappy when working in France and so travelled to Cambodia where he got married and set up a business. A living example of being unhappy and making the dream of breaking free a reality. Inspiring. All the best

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The Gardener

Sept. 8, 2019, 3:11 p.m.

Elizabeth, memory jerker. Took 5th grand-son to Angkor Watt - an experience, of course, but underlined how I love the company of the young (he was then 15) still a lovely person with a super Aussie girl friend.

Shizzle

Sept. 8, 2019, 5:38 p.m.

Hi Elizabeth. It takes great bravery to do that. I once met someone who had a high powered job in The City and decided to pack it in to become a decorator. It takes a strong person to make that kind of decision, but as you say hugely inspiring to honour yourself and your happiness in such a way. How I'd love to go to Cambodia one day. I've visited Thailand and Laos but have heard that Cambodia is something else again. Have a wonderful time there.

Valerie

Sept. 8, 2019, 12:28 p.m.

Hello Shizzle, During my fat years I dreamed of being thin,and eventually I made it happen.Now my dream is for someone to invent a magic pill that will enable me to stuff my face and not gain an ounce. I can get very enthused when it comes to causes dear to my heart.For myself I want to behave with kindness and tolerance in the time I have left,to make up for hurt I have caused in the past. You have been bringing up a family,whilst battling mental illness,and I think that is truly heroic,you should be proud. x

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Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 3:02 p.m.

Lovely comment Val. Apart from the ‘fat’ bit. I have found myself very lucky in the past that I could eat what I wanted and never gain weight. I’m one of those people you hate. Although now with the opposite problem, losing weight. As I’ve said above, how I used to enjoy food, a simple thing in life which brings pleasure. Something to look forward to. Now I’m lucky if I get manage to get a sandwich down me. It’s very frustrating! ***

Valerie

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:34 p.m.

Is it lack of appetite Molly,or are you scared of setting your sensitive gut problem off? It must be hard for you,but not eating enough can trigger depression and exhaustion.Be careful,your life is hard enough without malnutrition.***

Molly

Sept. 8, 2019, 10:16 p.m.

No It’s not intentional Val. Gut problem doesn’t change whether I eat or not. I get hungry but then full up after a few mouthfuls, it’s been going on some time. I have food supplement drinks but the last consultant prescribed me the wrong ones which don’t taste that nice. Not been able to get to the bottom of it all really. I do put off eating as some control thing, but mental services are just suspicious I’m anorexic, certainly not the case!! Gastro consultant staff have put me on a waiting list even though I have already seen them twice. I’m fed up of fighting the NHS and DWP. Husband went to bed at 9.30 in terrible pain. Happy anniversary to me! Gosh don’t I whinge. Molly xx

Valerie

Sept. 9, 2019, 6:59 a.m.

It sounds very like anxiety Molly,affecting your appetite,making you feel full.They call the gut the second brain I believe.You have got plenty to whinge about,*** help you.When I feel very low,feeling thin gives me much comfort,there is one thing in my odd life that I can control.***

Molly

Sept. 9, 2019, 2 p.m.

I’m sure it plays a big part Val, I have in the past not been able to get food down me at all in times of stress. Then I guess the stomach shrinks ***

The Gardener

Sept. 8, 2019, 3:15 p.m.

Shizzle, sticking to the point, the blog. My huge dream is to have a book published, loads articles over the years but a book next level. Neighbours must be fed up with me playing 'Drupi' and 'Vado Via' all the time. He was a 'one-track' wonder. But I danced to that song in the 70's in the middle of Sicily on a pink marble dance floor! Magic. My three children were left with my 'partners' mother, a daughter got locked in the loo, she never held it against me.!

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Lucas

Sept. 8, 2019, 3:35 p.m.

I've had, and continue to have many dreams, and I think that's part of what keeps me going--particularly realizing one of them from time to time. At the ripe old age of 35 I've come to realize the importance of having dreams in a variety of sizes. The smaller ones are much easier to achieve, but if they're important or meaningful, it still feels really good. For me, it has also meant a lot to remember childhood dreams, sometimes realizing that I've already accomplished them, other times realizing that some of them aren't too far out of reach for me. Some dreams are also just that, and it can still be fun to imagine things that are pure fantasy. As a kid, I grabbed onto the idea of being a teacher so much that I made it into a frequent pretend play activity at home (complete with props). I eventually made it a reality and taught elementary music for 9 years. I imagined writing music and having it performed in a concert. When I shifted my perspective a little one day, I realized I'd already accomplished that--during my time as a teacher, I wrote short pieces for my students to perform during our seasonal concerts. At the age of 12, I figured out how to play a couple of songs from a video game on my cello, which I thought was cool, but it was just something to amuse myself at home or to show to friends for some once-off excitement. I wanted to play an arrangement of one of those songs in a group, and play it for other people. That's something I did eventually, too. Playing in a rock band? Yup, just no big stadium tours ;) Record an album? Working on that currently. Write music for video games? I'm learning that now as part of a new job--that's been a big, long time dream of mine. I really wanted a station wagon for my first car, but it wasn't to be. When I moved on to my 4th vehicle, I finally got one. Some of those things are big, some of them small, but a lot of them have proved to be easier than I expected (like recording an album--my bandmates and I know a guy who has a studio in his basement, but it's good equipment and he's giving us a discount because we've known him for a long time).

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Valerie

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:38 p.m.

How I envy you Lucas,if I could have one wish for myself it would be to either sing or play an instrument really well.It is something that unites all people,the world over,brings such joy.Lucky Lucas! x

Lucas

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:56 p.m.

It's never too late to start! Sometimes the learning curve is slower in adulthood, but there are other advantages you get over learning an instrument or singing as a child. If you want to, go for it! And just remember to be patient, because there's no substitute for practice ;)

Rachel

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:04 p.m.

Hi Shizzle:-) thanks for your blog. And I'm inspired by your dreams. I think wanting to have a job which helps people is great. I am a support worker and I find my job very challenging but also really rewarding. And there are lots of jobs which help people. And I admire your for just thinking of running a marathon. I know many people do it for charity but some people do it for themselves. My dream was to have a family but hasn't happened yet. My partner and I ended up having to try ivf which was was very expensive and emotionally harrowing and didn't work. But maybe I shouldn't stop dreaming science is always coming up with new stuff

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Rachel

Sept. 8, 2019, 6:04 p.m.

Hi Shizzle:-) thanks for your blog. And I'm inspired by your dreams. I think wanting to have a job which helps people is great. I am a support worker and I find my job very challenging but also really rewarding. And there are lots of jobs which help people. And I admire your for just thinking of running a marathon. I know many people do it for charity but some people do it for themselves. My dream was to have a family but hasn't happened yet. My partner and I ended up having to try ivf which was was very expensive and emotionally harrowing and didn't work. But maybe I shouldn't stop dreaming science is always coming up with new stuff

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Valerie

Sept. 9, 2019, 12:13 p.m.

Be careful what you wish for Rachel! A friend's daughter had several IVF attempts,then gave up.Then out popped 4 children at the rate of one a year,the first when she was approaching 40,all conceived in the "old school" way x

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Rachel

Sept. 9, 2019, 1:01 p.m.

Hi valerie I wouldn't mind 4 :-) just the chance to be a mother. And my partner is longing to be a dad it's heartbreaking

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Molly

Sept. 9, 2019, 2:08 p.m.

Very sad Rachel, is there any chance of another round of IVF? So many people take it for granted that they can have children. I know a couple that actually split up over this as the stress and hurt became too much. Stay strong together and patient, I’m sure your time will come. Loads of luck xx

Violet

Sept. 9, 2019, 5:10 p.m.

Today is 999 9/9/9 and I would like to in person give a "Hi5" to Dominic Calvert Lewin from Everton football club, footballer. I hope to meet this star one day! : * )

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