Moodscope's blog

22

November


It's a beautiful world. Tuesday November 22, 2016

I have been using Moodscope since 2010 and have found it very useful and it has helped me a lot. I think the simple act of just commenting on the day and why you have a good/bad/indifferent score clarifies and puts a little bit of perspective on situations.

In 2010 when I was 65, my husband of 33 years walked out unexpectedly and that sent me into a deep decline and depression. It was so hard to face the prospect of being single at that age and the loss of a partner, family unit, a lifestyle, his family and certain friends. It would have been easier to be widowed and Lord knows I wished that upon him at the time!!!

I tried all sorts of therapies and have adapted over the last six years of being alone. He recently married the younger woman which I must say was hard to stomach but I've survived.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June and have just finished radiotherapy and consider myself lucky. It was caught early. I have good relations with my ex's family, my family and my friends have been wonderful support and generally I am ok. Life is tough but I'm getting there...thank you Moodscope...just taking time out to put my thoughts and feelings down helps a lot.

My thoughts to everyone feeling so sad and depressed is that over time, pain lessens and its a beautiful world so look after yourself, cherish life and the friends and families that you do have.

Best wishes

Lyn
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 6:19am

Hello Lyn, you sound so calm and accepting, when you have faced one huge bucket of tripe! I'm in awe of that. Thank you for a beautifully inspiring blog today. Much love from the room above the garage xx.

DAVE Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 6:57am

Hi Lyn,

You're one of these dedicated ladies who have made a home for your family and husband, whose seen the grass greener on the other side of the fence.

You wish he'd made you a widow.
But that was his choice, his decision, he will have to live with that decision for time and eternity.

You must and havre by the sound of it, so long as you are NIT carrying 'His burdens upon your back'.

Explain...We in this life are only concerned for HIW we conduct our lives, we are NOT responsible for those who flaunt the ap'Laws of Heave in the Covenants made as husband and wife before God as we 'became one'.

For you to forgive him, for his actions, is something very few of us can accomplish p, it goes against the grain, 'why should I'...

Inner peace comes to the very. Soul of those offended, when looking at the 'bigger picture' allows the sub-Consciius to be liberated from the burdens of others inflicted adversities, and for the recipient, moves ontological a different platform...Ine of Self Resoect, Self Cobfidence and allows the head to always look up.

Judgement and punishment it in the hands of God.

Lyn there is a 'Higher Court than the Courts if Justivpce' that is the 'Court of Conscience' where freedom awaits those who can go to the perpetrator and forgive without becoming a doormat !

So if deep down in your apSub-Conscience you still feel bitter, go back and 'UNLOAD' give him back HIS RESOONSIBILITY, and don'tt allow him power over you conscience.

Good luck...You don't have to do anything...Its only my opinion, but it is the only way that I feel free of other people mistakes.

Dave X

DAVE Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 6:58am

Hi Lyn,

You're one of these dedicated ladies who have made a home for your family and husband, whose seen the grass greener on the other side of the fence.

You wish he'd made you a widow.
But that was his choice, his decision, he will have to live with that decision for time and eternity.

You must and havre by the sound of it, so long as you are NIT carrying 'His burdens upon your back'.

Explain...We in this life are only concerned for HIW we conduct our lives, we are NOT responsible for those who flaunt the ap'Laws of Heave in the Covenants made as husband and wife before God as we 'became one'.

For you to forgive him, for his actions, is something very few of us can accomplish p, it goes against the grain, 'why should I'...

Inner peace comes to the very. Soul of those offended, when looking at the 'bigger picture' allows the sub-Consciius to be liberated from the burdens of others inflicted adversities, and for the recipient, moves ontological a different platform...Ine of Self Resoect, Self Cobfidence and allows the head to always look up.

Judgement and punishment it in the hands of God.

Lyn there is a 'Higher Court than the Courts if Justivpce' that is the 'Court of Conscience' where freedom awaits those who can go to the perpetrator and forgive without becoming a doormat !

So if deep down in your apSub-Conscience you still feel bitter, go back and 'UNLOAD' give him back HIS RESOONSIBILITY, and don'tt allow him power over you conscience.

Good luck...You don't have to do anything...Its only my opinion, but it is the only way that I feel free of other people mistakes.

Dave X

DAVE Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 7:05am

Don't know how it's 'doubled' Lyn.

But hope you'll forgive me as my blog is not intended to hurt but to feel your pain and maybe anguish. It's how I strive to keep body and soul together, without extra loads of those who suck you dry and then spit you out! !
Life is grreat free if others persecution sand domineering attitudes.

God Bless Lyn.

You deserved better, and what's more you'll find it...With the right attitude.
DaveX

Christine Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 7:21am

Thank you for your blog Lyn, I do cherish my family and the life I have, but thanks for the reminder, I try to count my blessings every day and enjoy the countryside around me, whatever the weather!! good luck and best wishes Christine

Hopeful One Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 7:37am

Hi Lyn- Thanks for sharing your awesome uplifting story of getting through not one but two life changing events that would enough to drive any of us to depression.You have shown us that by appreciating the beauty of the world around us and remaining in communication with friends and family one can recover. Maybe you could post again and elaborate 'tried all sorts of therapies and have adapted over the last six years"?


The Squadron re patched the recent flak damage congratulated itself on its bravery to apologise ,chose 'forget' , refuel and take Debs advice and go up up and away

Here is today's sortie.

A famous scientist was on his way to a lecture in yet another university when his chauffeur offered an idea. " I've heard your speech so many times I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off." "Sounds great," the scientist said. When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and settled into the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech. Afterwards he asked if there were any questions. "Yes," said one professor. Then he launched into a highly technical question. The chauffeur was panic stricken for a moment but quickly recovered. "That's an easy one," he replied. "In fact, it's so easy, I'm going to let my chauffeur answer it!"

Tutti Frutti Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 7:50am

Definitely made me chuckle today. :) Love TF x

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 10:19am

Hello HO, yes brave, and dignified. Glad you didn't stay away, the virtual coffee would have become cold :-) love ratg x.

Sally Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 7:47am

How very brave of you, Lyn, to write this blog. After all, 6 years is not that long, and you have suffered much. Then the cancer. My heart goes out to you, and I really do not know how I would cope if such a life changing thing as my husband walking out on me happened. So much hurt and pain and disappointment to cope with, but you have triumphed over adversity and are reinventing yourself. Very well done, and good for you that you are doing all the positive things you can. I agree that writing things down helps, and also feeling able to treat yourself well. Unlike how your ex treated you! The little things really are the big things, and with age, I so appreciate nature, a pretty flower, a pink sky, the sun on my back, things that I used to just take for granted when much younger. Feeling able to stand up for oneself is a big plus too, and not always bow down to the views or will of others.
Go well, you deserve the best there is, Lyn. Thank you for writing.

Susannah Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 9:26am

I also find appreciating nature very helpful. Also, Lyn, please remember to be kind to yourself. You've been through so much - you deserve some treats. Take care Susannah

Anghared Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 7:49am

Good morning Lynn

I am sat in bed drinking a cup of tea, and wondering what sort of a day the weather is going to throw at me today here in deepest beautiful Dorset.

You have had a cart load of hideousness thrown at you through the years, and to have to endure and deal with being abandoned, because that is what has happened to you, is one tricky experience.

Deal with it you have, and going through breast cancer also, made me sit up in my bed, dust myself down look out at the sky and say a thank you as you suggested to the beauty of our world.

I would suspect if has not been an easy ride for your ex, and nor should it be, but you if you can, perhaps you need to forgive him his weaknesses but certainly never never ever FORGET the extreme distress and unhappiness he inflicted on you.

To forgive does mean you can shut that chapter on your lif, but remembering you do not forget this allows you to be in control.

I have just finished reading a book by the Dali Lama and Desmond Tuttu and in it they say if we all allow compassion into our heart we all will be in a stronger place. I have been trying to do this, be it in a tiny way and it does work for me.

Thank you fior sharing and yes Dorset looks lovely this morning.

Anghared

Tutti Frutti Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 7:53am

Antares Sounds an interesting book what is it called? Love TF x

Tutti Frutti Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 10:48pm

Anghared So sorry I got your name wrong in my comment above. I forgot to look out for unintended consequences of the auto correct. Love TF x

Tutti Frutti Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 8:07am

Hi Lyn, I am sorry you have had to go through so much difficult stuff in recent years and I am not surprised that you ended up severely depressed at one point. It is very encouraging to hear your story. It reminds me that we can be right at the edge and seeing no point in life or any possibility of things getting less awful during our illness and yet still appreciate lots of good things in life afterwards as we recover. I think this is a really important point to cling onto which could help me if I ever hit rock bottom again.

As you say it's a beautiful world. London is a bit murky today so perhaps not shown off at it's best but anyone who's been watching Planet earth II recently will have seen some beautiful and amazing stuff. (Apologies to those not in Britain but I am sure DVDs will come out at some stage.)

Take care. Lots of love TF x

PS Love and hugs to all those who are feeling low today. I am thinking of you.

Mike Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 8:10am

Hi Lyn

Your post today resonated sufficiently for me to respond for the first time ever on here, having been using Moodscope for a good few years.

I too experienced a sudden and unexpected divorce in 2010, when after 12 years together, my wife announced that she was leaving me for a younger model. It blew my life apart too, triggering another spiral into a period of severe depression. In particular, I understand your words in relation to being widowed - I often felt that if she'd died, I might find some solace in thinking that she'd loved me until the end, instead of the feeling of betrayal and knowing that she is still alive, but had dismissed my wellbeing sufficiently to unilaterally choose a different path in life. My sense has been that to be treated in such a way by someone who supposedly once loved you, effectively undermined any feeling that that love was ever genuine or heartfelt. But perhaps that's just my darkside kicking in.

My experience has also been that such a brutal and one-sided parting of ways has a relatively nuclear effect on the wider network of friends and family too - like tentacles of some kind of disease, reaching out to infect everyone else involved. Understandably, her parents and family felt compelled to support her, even though they couldn't understand her actions. Most joint friends were effectively forced to take one side or the other, because no-one (me included) had the emotional intelligence or nouse to bridge such a chasm between us - only one friend was sufficiently trusted by both of us, and had the life skills, to be able to hold us simultaneously - and he's a priest in another country, who married us!

Although I was eventually able to write and forgive her, relations remain non-existent between my ex-wife and me, and that's how I want it to remain. Why would I want anyone in my life who is able to treat me with such callous disregard? And at the same time, I know that life is less black and white than conveyed in that sentiment, and it still feels strange to have no contact with the woman I was closest to for a significant chunk of my adult life.

At the same time though, the experience of both depression and divorce have given me tremendous gifts, and helped me to develop and grow in other directions. I am now so much more in tune with myself and my needs than ever before and, in particular, the self-compassion I've have needed to nurture in order to help me overcome these challenges in life seems to reach out like the tentacles of some kind of strange benevolence, counteracting the disease I mentioned above, and positively infecting others - because it seems that learning to love myself better, flaws and all, has enabled me to be more compassionate to others too. It's a work in progress, but I guess that's just the wonder of life for all of us.

I hope you too have found some solace, hope and a sense of 'place' for yourself in the aftermath of your pain, Lyn. Thank you again for sharing your story on here, and I wish you all the best going forward. As one very wise friend said to me soon after my armageddon, "wisdom is crystalised sorrow".

Much love
Mike x

LP Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 8:45am

Hi Mike, I'm so glad you commented. You put into words much of the cruel and heartless pain I have felt too. There may be many of us on here who can give each other strength. It takes a long time to get through and can still hurt if we dwell on it, but in time it's possible to look for new life possibilities. I don't get how a person goes from living their whole life with another to cutting off contact. The simple and ( what feels like a callous) act turned me from someone important, a best friend etc to the status of potential stalker! It feels so cruel. All I know is that I wouldnt do that to someone I've loved. After 25 years of marriage the last six of which were simply living under the same roof, I had to initiate our separation and the only way I could do that was amicably. I couldnt shut someone out as if they no longer exist. I'd rather be me than someone who could do that. Thank you and Lyn for sharing your experience. Thank goodness that there is light at the end of the tunnel. LP

Jul Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 8:46am

I found your story touching Dave. So brave of you to write in such an open, vulnerable and honest way. You are an inspiration. Honestly! Jul xx

the room above the garage Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 10:15am

Mike that was beautifully explained. I understand those feelings very much. I have to see my ex-partner frequently as we still share children and properties but I so wish (6 years on) that I could have no contact. A clean slate. To not have the wound re-opened continuously. I feel I hang on for a time it can be a clean slate to be able to live freely again. I step into the friends and family discomfort and make them comfortable...I think this is possibly where the root of my depression lies. But, I know time will take care of it. It just a patience game. Thank you for writing, every little bit of understanding helps. Love ratg x.

Dragonfly Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 4:09pm

Dear Ratg, you are another inspiring person amongst the many who post on here and have faced such adversity. I've just got back from visiting my sister for a few days and had a lovely little parcel waiting for me. Thank you so much xx

LP Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 8:10am

Hi Lyn,
The pain of rejection, on top of loss is crushing. It feels so unfair. For you to have got through a breast cancer scare on top of that must have been so harsh, yet as you say the pain does lessen, even though it doesnt feel like it will at the time.
I loved your connecting that life is beautiful. It truly is. I get so bogged down by the stuff that it's hard to remember in the midst of it all, So thankyou for a beautiful blog ( I haven't seen your name before, is this your first?) and my very best wishes to you. I hope that you come out of it living a better life than you would have had! Take care, love to you and all LPxx

Angela Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 8:12am

Wow, you are all amazing, coming through such life changing things. Lyn you are an inspiration! Xxx

Orangeblossom Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 8:40am

Hi Lyn thanks for sharing your experiences and I found that you had discovered things to thankful for very helpful.

Jul Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 8:44am

Hello Lyn. What a story you have to tell. You were married for such a long time and for your husband to leave you at that age must have been bleak. Apart from anything else when one gets older, marriage can become more important in that it's good to have a partner for support and companionship as one ages. I speak to many widows and older women living on their own who miss that sense of belonging to someone and having someone to share worries and problems with. Divorce and a partner leaving at any age however is awful and a shock and a friend of mine (who has remarried) told me that when her divorce finally came through, she started a grieving process. It's so nice of you to write today and give us such a positive message. I hope your recovery from breast cancer continues and you are not troubled by that any more. Julxx

Linda Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 9:36am

Hi Lyn,
Your post touched a real nerve with me as I also went through this; his family had become my family & I also lost those for many years for various reasons.. My first husbands mother had been my best friend sharing a love of all things in common & replacing my own uncaring distant mother.
My ex had been the light of my life & I remember when my son was born that if anyone had asked to take one of them away, at the time I would have said take my son! I know this is terrible ! I find it hard to swallow now that I thought that.
I realise now that I was overwhelmed by my love for my ex & also suffering depression way back then. His leaving was a complete shock after 20 years of marriage with no arguments.
Unfortunately my ex husband was very immature regarding the whole break up & cut me out of his life as I had taken it bad & kept trying to fix it, I wasn't even allowed to contact him re my sons welfare & had to do this via his family even for emergencies. He remarried & his wife rejected my son & he was not welcome in their home, so my son would stay with his Grandma & Aunty (ex's mum & sister) during school holidays, then his father, if he wasn't away on holidays himself would pop in to see my son ! (Yes he even booked to go away during my sons visits)
I forgave my ex husband eventually I had lost this whole family & it was so hard at times I had suicidal thoughts & lived in extreme sadness, but forgiving him helped me to heal.
move on but without my son to care for I wouldn't be here today, he is the light of my life.
Even when I married my second husband who treated me like a princess, I still loved my first & I nearly ruined that marriage we had financial problems & I was going through counselling, other stuff came up & the counsellor actually got me over my first husband . To this day I do not know how!
So I'm in this place over my ex & had decided that I really didn't like my 2nd husband & eventually asked him to leave!
Looking back now I can see I was bi polar, but we stayed apart 9 months & luckily for me he came back to me when I told him I missed him & couldn't live without him, it took all that to realise how much I loved him & under appreciated him, now I love him with the passion I had for my ex, but everyone has their own personality & I still miss the intellect that I shared with my 1st husband but my 2nd husband comes with other bonuses!
In 2012 my ex mother & sister in law were dying of cancer & my ex husband told me not to visit them, but I ignored him & took my son half way across the uk to visit them in hospital & I stayed in a cottage so that my son & myself could see them. Sadly they died both in a hospital hospice within 45 days of each other, my ex husband ignored me in the hospital, & no thanks for bringing my son & staying in motels at a huge cost, as it was so far from home.
The last moments in the hospice with them were precious & I am so glad I just followed my instinct.
My son was the love of their lives & I know they appreciated seeing him in those last visits.

Lyn you've probably been given lots of advise, all I really want to add to that is; forgiveness & time really do heal & try to keep those close around you. I'm thinking of you & I hope you find peace & send you my heartfelt best wishes for the future.

Life is beautiful, I love that you get that but we can't always see it that way when the black descends, but it really is & will be there waiting for any of you when you are ready.

Take care Linda ??


Linda Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 9:36am

Hi Lyn,
Your post touched a real nerve with me as I also went through this; his family had become my family & I also lost those for many years for various reasons.. My first husbands mother had been my best friend sharing a love of all things in common & replacing my own uncaring distant mother.
My ex had been the light of my life & I remember when my son was born that if anyone had asked to take one of them away, at the time I would have said take my son! I know this is terrible ! I find it hard to swallow now that I thought that.
I realise now that I was overwhelmed by my love for my ex & also suffering depression way back then. His leaving was a complete shock after 20 years of marriage with no arguments.
Unfortunately my ex husband was very immature regarding the whole break up & cut me out of his life as I had taken it bad & kept trying to fix it, I wasn't even allowed to contact him re my sons welfare & had to do this via his family even for emergencies. He remarried & his wife rejected my son & he was not welcome in their home, so my son would stay with his Grandma & Aunty (ex's mum & sister) during school holidays, then his father, if he wasn't away on holidays himself would pop in to see my son ! (Yes he even booked to go away during my sons visits)
I forgave my ex husband eventually I had lost this whole family & it was so hard at times I had suicidal thoughts & lived in extreme sadness, but forgiving him helped me to heal.
move on but without my son to care for I wouldn't be here today, he is the light of my life.
Even when I married my second husband who treated me like a princess, I still loved my first & I nearly ruined that marriage we had financial problems & I was going through counselling, other stuff came up & the counsellor actually got me over my first husband . To this day I do not know how!
So I'm in this place over my ex & had decided that I really didn't like my 2nd husband & eventually asked him to leave!
Looking back now I can see I was bi polar, but we stayed apart 9 months & luckily for me he came back to me when I told him I missed him & couldn't live without him, it took all that to realise how much I loved him & under appreciated him, now I love him with the passion I had for my ex, but everyone has their own personality & I still miss the intellect that I shared with my 1st husband but my 2nd husband comes with other bonuses!
In 2012 my ex mother & sister in law were dying of cancer & my ex husband told me not to visit them, but I ignored him & took my son half way across the uk to visit them in hospital & I stayed in a cottage so that my son & myself could see them. Sadly they died both in a hospital hospice within 45 days of each other, my ex husband ignored me in the hospital, & no thanks for bringing my son & staying in motels at a huge cost, as it was so far from home.
The last moments in the hospice with them were precious & I am so glad I just followed my instinct.
My son was the love of their lives & I know they appreciated seeing him in those last visits.

Lyn you've probably been given lots of advise, all I really want to add to that is; forgiveness & time really do heal & try to keep those close around you. I'm thinking of you & I hope you find peace & send you my heartfelt best wishes for the future.

Life is beautiful, I love that you get that but we can't always see it that way when the black descends, but it really is & will be there waiting for any of you when you are ready.

Take care Linda ??


Sophie Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 10:02am

Thank you Lyn, and other Moodscopers with your comments, for helping to remind us that no matter what adversity we are facing, we really do live in a beautiful world, if only we are able to look for it in our times of sorrow as well as our times of happiness. Genuinely hope we all have a positive, strong day today. Take care everyone :)

Milliecat Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 12:22pm

HI Lyn
Thank you for sharing your story with us all. It reminded me that staying inspired (as much as is poss) and aware of what is actually around you is important for keeping negative thoughts at bay.
Thank you
S

Vickie Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 12:36pm

Thank you Lyn for sharing your story and to everyone who commented. Your messages of hope have come at just the right time for me. In July 2015, I was diagnosed with an auto immune disease and then in December (5 months later & just before Christmas) my husband of 23 years decided that he had enough of being married. The last year has been a roller coaster ride with the most intense emotions I have ever felt...rage, anger, sorrow, depression - AND ALSO LOVE & GRATITUDE for the people who have been there to help me pick up the pieces. My children saved my life. To honor them I work every day at rebuilding a new life but there are times that the effort feels too much. Moodscopers always seem to be able to say the right thing to inspire me to keep going. Nature, meditation and appreciating every act of kindness have helped me keep moving forward. Virtual hug to all:)

The Gardener Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 1:07pm

Hello Lyn - your blog has flushed out a load of response. Your last sentences are so positive - and so hard to keep to! The saying 'life's not fair' is horribly true - some people DO seem to get more than their fair share of horrors - if they are doled out like cards. Having little to do but 'dissect' my friends lives (particularly during a dreadful week when every mail/phone call brought fresh bad news) that emotional shocks/breaks weaken the system, letting things like cancer etc creep in - might be silly? But if half your life is cut off, like Lyn, do you bother with yourself? It's an awful job to keep the spirit going behind the 'brave face' (or bravado face) which those in Lyn's situation put on. I have a great theory about the 'broom cupboard' syndrome. That is, usually a bloke, is thrown together with a younger woman in the work place. She will be bright and perky - she has to be. They are attracted, physically then sexually, and the inevitable happens. It has to be clandestine, hence the broom cupboard. I worked as a temp in a company which stopped at lunch-time so affairs could be conducted - blackmail was involved as well. This may be 'against' women, but in several awful examples which have totally wrecked families the younger woman is unwilling to continue among the hoovers (or a hotel bedroom) and wants the bloke to herself. He is too bedazzled to go back to his older wife. In many cases, where the younger one was also married, the man they had the affair with was a far better 'catch'. Not being bitter or blaming the woman. The catalyst for my parents' break-up was a younger woman, attractive, and the word 'gold-digger' could have been coined for her. She was trying to get money out of me when she was over 80, and my father long dead. The marriage was breaking up anyway. She left my Pa because he could not obtain a divorce, got tied up with another man, became pregnant then discovered he was married with four children! So, if my mother had known, at least she could have 'crowed' a bit. Dreadful tale - but Lyn - keep at re-building that life - the women nearest to me in your situation have carried their bitterness to the grave, wast. Love and strength. Little bit of cynicism, my painter has been in - fixed hand-rails, curtains, draught excluders. Now he IS a catch - but he is guarded from poachers by a very beautiful and intelligent wife.

Salt Water Mum Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 1:32pm

Dear Lyn, Mike, LP, RATG, Linda, Vickie (and I'm sure there other Moodscopers who have experienced a traumatic marriage breakdown),

I remember when I first went to my therapist (in 2011 following my marriage breakdown) I sobbed and kept apologising saying it wasn't a tragedy, that I was healthy and so were my kids (my late dad was terminally ill at the time so I was trying to distinguish different types of heartbreak) and she said with an absolute certainty - 'marriage breakdown is a tragedy. With children involved, it's a tragedy of Greek proportions. And your grieving is absolutely authentic - all the hopes and dreams you had of a family, your future together, they have been torn apart. The only way to survive is to grieve. Then move on... '

I was so relieved that what I was feeling was 'normal'. That the pain, the loss, the disappointment and the grief was real and most importantly that it would pass. In time.

I had my children to keep me busy and distracted. They were young and needy and I went into SuperMum mode. Protecting them from the pain and sadness.

Interestingly, it's in the recent years, they ar pre-teens now, that I find it harder. They have questions and comments and judgments that at times I feel I am not able for. We rarely see their dad now. He does love them. I know that. And they love him. And I work very hard at keeping things civil between us. But it's not easy. There's a lot of anger and resentment still. But it has faded somewhat.

I am just beginning to come out of a dark number of weeks. I was in despair recently with my therapist - telling her 'I can't do this all on my own' ( I meant rear the kids, make decisions, sort out finances, work, cook the dinners, do the Xmas shopping (!), deal with pre-teen meltdowns, work, make more decisions....) and she said 'You say you can't do this but you are doing it... you're getting up every day and doing it. Some days work out better than others but the kids are okay, they are loved and they know that and sometimes that's enough...'

I wish you well Lyn (and Mike and LP and RATG and Linda and Vickie and anyone else who has felt abandoned or lost - which I guess includes most of us at some point in our lives!!!

Virtual hugs

SWM x












Dragonfly Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 4:30pm

Dear Swm, you are strong and inspiring too. As your therapist said, you ARE doing it, and doing it just great by the sound of it! XX

Salt Water Mum Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 1:39pm

Ps That wonderful J.K. Quote - I think it was Dumbledore who said that to Harry Potter in front of the Mirror that lets you see what you wish for ? I bet Mary will know it too? I love that line...

Tutti Frutti Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 10:54pm

Hi SWM I am enough of a Potterhead to confirm that you are right about the Mirror of Erised. The quote lead my daughter and I onto a discussion of our favourite Dumbledoreisms. I most like his idea of "saying a few words". I think the speech goes "nitwit, oddment, blubber, tweak"! Love and giggles TF x

Dragonfly Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 4:02pm

Dear Lyn, what a brave and inspiring blog. I wish you continued good health and the strength to carry on facing life with your amazingly positive attitude x

Salt Water Mum Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 7:20pm

Thank you Dragonfly ... x

Lesley Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 7:28pm

Dear Lyn, what a brave post. Your difficulties put mine into context - far less. I have been through 2 divorces - 1st out of the blue after 16 years (I was ill and the younger woman was all career and glamour called Camilla!) and the second was due to my own immaturity in part and deep emptiness in the frozen Sweden. In both cases i would gladly have been a widow than dumped. I have lost two families and a whole lifestyle in another country which seems more rational than the mad UK. I take my hat off to you. I am still grieving 5 years on for some of my losses but i do have good people in my life too and i know my talents now. You are the bravest person I can think of it. Sending you bugs and by gum you are the greatest as R Kelly would sing!
Now to learn the lines for a very silly play with actors who are a band of brothers. xx

The Gardener Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 7:34pm

Dear Lyn, again. Looking at what I wrote all a bit objective, statistical. Women are left by bereavement, another woman, or, as I am, lost my husband to Alzheimers. But suddenly I recalled, vividly, our life when I was 65, in 2000. To have been abandoned at that age, as you were, is inconceivable - the shock (as it was for you) would have been horrendous. Even if a couple live a 'semi-detached' life, in that their interests are so diverse they are not often together - there is still the mutual sharing, of family, of problems, big celebrations if you're that sort of family. I thought mostly of the mutual friends - I may have 'lost' a husband, but all the rest still exists. I think of your age now, and of what I was doing at that age - 70th birthday spent whooping it up in Paris. I'm glad you have survived - wish you as much joy as possible in what is termed our 'declining(!!!) years. XX

Anonymous Tue, Nov 22nd 2016 @ 10:03pm

nice post today

Garry Wed, Nov 23rd 2016 @ 3:29am

Hi Lynn, well done. Your post reminds me of a mantra kind of thing an older friend comes out with when I'm telling her my troubles "Time the Great Healer"

Eva Wed, Nov 23rd 2016 @ 6:58am

Hi Lynn, well done on blogging, you may have proved to yourself looking back that you have inner strength and reserves? Strike your wonder woman pose and sally forth into the bright future.

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