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March


Is everything out to get me? Friday March 17, 2017

I made a small breakthrough the other day.

Things weren't going well.

I was trying to list a piece of furniture and the app on my phone crashed again. Just as I was taking a deep breath to upload all the pictures and text again, I remembered, my car! I left if it on the high street yesterday and should have moved it by 10am! It was raining, so I put on a jacket and headed round the corner and started thinking about how good it would be to find a house with off street parking. Except, in the two months since we decided to get our own place, we can't find a house to rent at all. Oh, but wait, my partner didn't get his contract renewed so he leaves next Wednesday, so maybe now is not the best time for a bigger financial commitment...

I felt a woe list starting. Instead of heading down the spiral, as it's easy to do, something clicked.

I've always felt a little bit of pride about being an intuitive sort of person and living my life that way. Feeling an accumulation of signs leading me this way or that.

I suddenly realized, a series of little wins or losses can be totally unrelated.

If I get a parking ticket, it's my own fault for being parked in the wrong place. It's not an occurrence, specifically designed by a malicious force, to attack me at my lowest moment.

The parking attendant doesn't know that my Dad died last year and since then I've been struggling to cope. The rain doesn't know we can't find a house to rent and the app doesn't know I might be about to get a parking ticket.

It's tempting sometimes to feel that things are out to get you.

But don't be tempted to see a pattern that isn't really there.

Kate
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Mary Wednesday Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 7:11am

What a fantastic breakthrough! This is possibly more profound than you realise. While one of our strengths and survival strategies as humans is our ability to recognise patterns, it is precisely that ability which keeps us stuck in the thinking patterns of earliest man. In the ancient equivalent to the series of events you mention, stone age man would have assumed that the gods were displeased and needed to be propitiated by sacrifice. In making that profound jump into a new way of thinking, "there is no pattern here", you have mentally evolved ten thousand years! So many people ate still stuck back there. I wish everyone was as wise as you. Now go and do your score, making sure to mark pride as a 3! (Um.... that last comment was meant to be humorous, not condescending, by the way!)

Kate Sat, Mar 18th 2017 @ 9:16am

That's ok, I definitely took it as humorous! It's something I have a hard time doing though - accepting that I've done something well. So with your permission, I gave myself a 3! :)

Mary Wednesday Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 7:12am

Oh-and I am very sorry things are not going well for you. I hope the outlook improves soon.

Sally Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 7:34am

Well done Kate for unravelling this old chestnut.something I know well! I have wept at traffic wardens, and other officials and found it all "so unfair"! But with you, the important thing kicked in where you rationalised that there was no conspiracy theory, or things out to get you. Admirable. I enjoyed reading your blog, Kate, and shall try to apply what you advise!!

Sally Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 7:35am

So sorry to hear that your Dad died, Kate. Sending you every good wish that things will get better.

Kate Sat, Mar 18th 2017 @ 9:19am

Thank you, and thank you so much for leaving a comment. It was my first blog attempt, so it's lovely to know you enjoyed it.

Leah Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 7:38am

Kate
What a wonderful blog that I can relate to.
My mother passed on her belief of things going in threes.So when two things go wrong I wait and maybe unconsciously will a third thing so I can move one.
There is no pattern- wow- why didn't I think of that!

My dad died 10 years ago I remember that first year was so hard, Something that helped me was to write to him on the computer and tell him how I was going and what was happening. I noticed that but the end of the year I was writing about once every month or so but in first 6 months I was writing several times a week i and by end of 6 mths once a week Take care

Kate Sat, Mar 18th 2017 @ 9:29am

Leah, I'm so glad you connected with what I wrote; it really was an important moment for me when the penny dropped and I saw - there is no pattern! - so it feels good to share that moment. Thank you for your suggestion too, it's a great idea. I often wanted to speak to Dad, but worry I'll feel crazy... Writing on the computer seems like the perfect way. Thank you.

LP Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 8:13am

Hi Kate, yes I can relate to this too. I call it one of those days and I seem to drop things and loose things as well. Like Leah I picked the theory up from my mother. She used to say that when things started to go wrong she felt like giving up, turning around and going home as it was going to be a bad day.
Far better if she had said there is no pattern!
There isn't a pattern between external events. I also think we can convince ourselves about how badly things are going and lack the confidence or motivation for what we do to go well.
My negative thinking has tended to be around wondering whether certain people were "out to get me".
For example an unhelpful idea I have had is that I dont know who to "trust" at work. It's better not to worry about it at all though as I'll never really know what others are thinking and the chances are that it's nothing to do with me! In general people are not out to get me, even when I was in a bad place full of negative energy.
Coming back to your blog I'm sorry too that you have been through a tough time. I hope that the worst of it is over and that you'll feel lighter.
Thank you for a refreshing blog! Now where are those keys... :) LPxx

Kate Sat, Mar 18th 2017 @ 9:36am

Hi LP, I'm so glad this resonated with you. You make a good point - I was just thinking about events. But you're right - it actually applies to other people's moods just as much. We may really have nothing to do with someone else's mood. Everybody has their own things going on, which are probably nothing to do with us... Thanks for reading and commenting. Hope you found your keys! :)

Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 9:34am

Hi Kate...an enormous break-through...and I hope that changed a miserable day into a better one!
Great blog with some supportive responses in return.

Like Leah, I too found myself talking to my Dad after he died and it gradually slowed down to when I would need answers ger questions in life and thought 'What would Dad do?' Twenty one years have passed and two years ago Mum died. I missed not phoning her each day...it does get easier in a way because we get used to the new normal.

Can I just ask...cos I'm a nosey Bear....did you manage to escape the parking ticket???!! Do hope so!

Bear hugs xxx

Kate Sat, Mar 18th 2017 @ 9:43am

Thank you Bear. Yep, there's definitely a lot of new normal happening here. It's really good to hear that things get easier, I do believe they will, but still each time someone tells me, I believe it a little more :) Also...I escaped the ticket! But, happily, I now feel more accepting and less victimised about the possibility of ever getting another. Ah, little lessons...

Lacey Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 10:07am

Hi Kate
I needed your blog so much today...so thank you
I have a recurring dream that I've left my car somewhere, can't remember where though.......;-(
Why does my worry of stuff make me havevthis dream?
Last nights dream was scary though and didn't involve lost cars..but that's another story.Maybe a blog
So,I agree, tell yourself what you said,small probs don't always mean you are going into that downward spiral.Not of it is personal
And I shall tell myself the same
Thank you for your thoughts-today is a good day and we can all spiral up,not down.Its our choice after all.
Happy St.Patricks Day to all x

Kate Sat, Mar 18th 2017 @ 9:47am

Hi Lacey, thank you for writing. This was the first thing I've ever written for moodscope (in fact the first public thing I've ever written) and I've been very touched by the responses. Maybe you should write a blog about your dream(s)? I hope you slept better last night, take care. x :)

Di Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 11:44am

Dearest Kate ~
My personal experience is that when I "wallow", an accompanying sentiment is one of self-loathing. You got to experience a life with your father who passed on to you some excellent gifts.

You sound so strong. You are strong. And, you have chosen not to wallow in self-pity. Hooray for Kate! More, please.
Lovingly,
Di

Kate Sat, Mar 18th 2017 @ 9:52am

Di, so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for writing - I believe Dad did pass on some excellent gifts and though I grieve not having him around, you are right that I shouldn't forget to be grateful for having him in my life. Also, this was my first blog, so your comment means a lot to me. Thank you Di, huzzah!

Molly Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 7:04pm

Hi Kate. Like Bear said, I am wanting to know if you got the parking ticket !! But it really is good to remind ourselves that the world is not out to get us. It certainly sometimes feels this way, when several things all go wrong at the same time. The way you wrote this will stay with me, next time everything appears to be going wrong, I will apply some logic. Thank you xx

Kate Sat, Mar 18th 2017 @ 9:54am

So... I narrowly avoided the parking ticket! But... I think it's important that had I got it, I would have realised it wasn't a bad omen. Just a ticket. Thanks for your comments xx

Jane Fri, Mar 17th 2017 @ 7:29pm

Hi Kate I really like your blog and I agree that it's a great approach to life although sometimes very difficult to apply. I also feel that if you put out positive vibes then positives come back. Again not always easy to do. I'm very sorry about your loss Kate x

Kate Sat, Mar 18th 2017 @ 9:57am

Hi Jane, thanks for writing. Yep, it's funny... even though it all sounds very strong and positive, sometimes we have to remember that it takes energy to be strong. It's hard, but it's worth trying to try :)

Tim Fri, Mar 24th 2017 @ 11:14am

Hallo Kate. Well done with a first public outing (!). Even doing that can be a fillip or a release. When low and perplexed by it, in my early days, I actually found that the whole world seemed unusually kindly and patient, not just with me but with itself and in individuals' exchanges. Odd. Bizarre, even. I was struck at the time. I wonder if others have felt that. Perhaps a reflection of my yearning for a protective and soothing parent in those moments.

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