Instant Karma

7 Jul 2021
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If the laws of karma apply, they do not act promptly. I still wait in vain for real comeuppance to strike certain individuals.

 

On the other hand, I have experienced some modest but gratifying examples of justice doled out swiftly, without any effort on my part. Occasionally what goes round comes round at a rate of knots.

 

Take the other day. Spock glanced up from his Sudoko.

 

“Did you know you have started making grunting noises?” he asked pleasantly.

 

“What do you mean ?”

 

“Like just now, when you came up the stairs”

 

“Oh, my hip is hurting, but that’s not grunting, more like groaning in pain” I said defensively.

 

He smiled, warming to his subject.”Oh no, you definitely grunted.

And it’s not just when you are on the stairs, you often grunt now.You were doing it the other day, just sitting reading”

 

We used to go to a local café which I called “God’s waiting room”. It was popular with  old people, and I used to comment how the odd vocal sounds they made got on my nerves.

“If I ever get like them please kill me” I recall saying. This was clearly my comeuppance.

 

“Well, thank you so much for pointing that out. What a very attractive and sexy picture you paint of me”

 

“Don’t mention it, I know you would rather I told you”. He returned to his puzzles, looking rather pleased with himself.

 

I did not have to wait long. Next day a friend was describing a benign skin cancer she had removed, when she stared hard at Spock. He has a short neat beard.

 

“You really ought to get that  lump looked at” she said, pointing at the wart thingy on his chin.” Maybe shave your beard off to have a good look at it?”

 

“No way, the one time I shaved my beard off, Val said because I am pale and  bald, I looked like a boiled egg, and she kept bashing the top of my head with a spoon”

 

She shrugged “Its probably just a senile wart, but I’d keep an eye on it. Sadly these things happen to us when we’re old. I hope you don’t mind me mentioning it, but it has got  bigger”. I certainly did not mind her mentioning it.

 

Another very satisfying example goes back years ago, when I was really struggling with weight problems.

 

My friend in the village, no Twiggy herself, joined me in trying to lose weight. We both dropped a dress size, but I  fell, nay leapt, off the wagon and quickly slapped it all back on. She dropped by after being away.

 

“Oh my God, you poor thing!” she gasped dramatically  when I opened the door.” After all your hard work, bless you, just to end up even bigger than before by the look of it.” She did a little twirl, pulling her gaping waistband. ”I lost another 4 pounds last week”.

 

Now I should mention that like me, she was  a single Mum, poor as a church mouse.The  local farmer had a shop, and did deliveries. She once confided in me that in return for being “nice” to him, he brought her a free weekly box of veg, with a bit of extra meat thrown in, so to speak. I did not judge, times were hard. I was stung by her cruel comment, but said nothing.

 

Soon after, we were chatting in the street, joined by The Village Voice. The farmer went past in his van, and this lady chuckled. ”Off to do his special deliveries” she winked. ”God knows I don’t have much money, but I have never got that desperate. Mind you, he’s not very choosy himself, he singles out the real old slappers”. Now I don’t have a catty bone in my body, but Miaow!

 

I admit it, I smiled quietly to myself.

 

More recently a neighbour was always giving me horticultural “advice” and making digs about my garden. On my way out , she was there as usual tending to her roses. I commented that I would have to attend to my garden later.

 

She started laughing “I was saying to my sister, my neighbour Val doesn’t have a clue about gardening, but she will not admit defeat and get someone in to make it look presentable”. Well, thank you so much. On this occasion the wheels of Karma got going in record time.

 

Barely an hour later I returned  to find two ladies taking photos of my garden.

 

“Hope you don’t mind, we always look forward to walking past your lovely garden. It’s so vibrant and colourful, such a change from  these boring ones“ they called out, gesturing at the one next door. She was  behind her hedge, scowling.

I smirked with pride when they requested cuttings. She never commented again.

 

Have you ever had the pleasure of seeing the biter bit, or maybe been on the receiving end  of a karmic slap yourself?

Val

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

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Comments

Dido

July 8, 2021, 4:15 a.m.

Hi Val, Good to hear your form of gardening gets appreciated. I love weeding by annoyance, everything gets to grow until it annoys me then it's out. I live in a world ruled by karma (part of the belief system, I follow) find it makes things easier to accept but means I get to have long periods of intransience. It was difficult not to feel smug when the woman my ex left me for ended up fleecing him. I note I also feel very uncomfortable admiting to feeling smug. Long may your form of gardening flourish! *** Dido

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:08 a.m.

I would certainly feel entitled to be smug in that situation Dido,no need for guilt! ***

Moodie

July 17, 2021, 3:10 p.m.

haha 'weeding by annoyance' Dido - love that!

Little Lighthouse

July 8, 2021, 4:42 a.m.

I understood karma a chance for others to learn. Little lighthouse

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Little Lighthouse

July 8, 2021, 4:45 a.m.

And to learn about oneself through karma Little lighthouse

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Little Lighthouse

July 8, 2021, 4:51 a.m.

Karma a chance to to change behaviours and approach things differently once you've learned your lesson that is.... What my dad says hope you've learned you lesson. Little lighthouse

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:10 a.m.

I think I am still learning my lesson LL.

Little Lighthouse

July 8, 2021, 1:50 p.m.

Me too that's what it's there for Valerie so my daughter says gave me another way of looking instead of feeling otherwise. ll

Cappuccino

July 8, 2021, 5:27 a.m.

Dear Val, Thanks for giving me a good tickle this morning. I needed that :) xx

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:09 a.m.

Pleased to oblige.x

Sally

July 8, 2021, 6:03 a.m.

Val, your blog was hilarious! I read it out loud ( only to my husband, ..relax!,.. who was also amused!) Thank you so much! I know exactly what you mean! I probably didn’t know it was called Karma. I thought people were saying calmer, calmer! Ha! As a busy-doing -nothing person, that made a lot of sense!! I love your examples, if I remember rightly, Spock has some Asperger tendencies, which perfectly fit in with his honesty ! My Dad, bless him!!, was always brutally honest about us three children and his wife . No false modesty to spare our blushes there : “ Move over, Fatty”, a perennial . Once though, he used it to my sister in law. Now she is no public speaker, or Lady in the Lords, but she drew herself up to her full height of 5ft 3 and exclaimed “ I beg your pardon??!!” In a schoolmarmy , deeply offended fashion. Well, you’ve never seen a person bluster, apologise and retract faster! It did the trick with bossy, holier-than-thou, misogynistic Dad. Pity not more people and we his family didn’t ever have the courage to stand up to him......life may've been a bit sweeter ......Life, eh! One experience after another .....some hilarious in retrospect, deeply embarrassing at the time !

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:12 a.m.

Hi Sally,I have found that people like your Dad enjoy dishing it out,but can be very bad sports when it comes to taking it. x

Sally

July 8, 2021, 6:02 p.m.

You are so right, Val!! Xx

Mortimer

July 8, 2021, 6:08 a.m.

Brilliant!

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:13 a.m.

Thank you! x

Leah

July 8, 2021, 7:18 a.m.

Val, I have had similar comments over the years about my weight, my cooking, my gardening, my parenting my feet,and many other insults. I have had 2 people twenty years tell me I had u guy shoes b3 sues I wear comfy shoes and not high heels or girly shoes. I have yet to see or hear the bitter bit. I have imagined a gunner or biting comment I thought about hours later but never spoke out loud. I enjoyed you hearing others getting a karma slap. Thanks for the blog.

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:16 a.m.

I have some very nasty thoughts of revenge Leah, they can be such a comfort! x

Leah

July 8, 2021, 11:58 a.m.

No idea what gunner was meant to be , maybe funny and auto correct went wild.

Orangeblossom

July 8, 2021, 7:48 a.m.

Thanks Val for the blog which I thoroughly enjoyed reading. I am still waiting for the baddies that I know receiving their personal sting. They have damaged many lives. When I think of them I want to growl. I practice from time to time!

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:17 a.m.

Yes,I know the feeling.x

Daisy

July 8, 2021, 7:51 a.m.

Hi Val Karma sometimes takes a while- I was on a bus once and in back row we’re the rugby boys. One in particular noticed nerdy gawkey square me and started making drunk loud obnoxious negative comments about me A couple of years later. One of my housemates was one of the glamorous trendy netball team. We were friends. Rugby boy fell for her and called round trying to woo her. My room was next to door so I let any visitors in. It was great the look on his face when I opened the door. “Yes???” And watch him squirm then worry what I was going to say to her about him. I did say to her he wasn’t that nice person. Unfortunately his persistence paid off and then he did the dirty on her…. Great blog

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:18 a.m.

That just proves it Daisy,leopards don't change their spots.x

Jul

July 8, 2021, 8:10 a.m.

Oh what a laugh Val. You have cheered me up no end. I really want revenge on someone from my past but don't have any contact so I have to exact revenge in my mind. I live in hope something ghastly will happen to this person or is happening at this very minute. But thanks Val. Great writing. A gem of blog. Jul xx

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Dragonfly

July 8, 2021, 9:29 a.m.

Oh, I'm completely with you on that Jul! Yes, fantastic blog Val :) xx

Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:22 a.m.

Inside little me there is an absolute She Devil who would show no mercy at all if I got the chance to exact revenge. I keep meaning to thank you Jul,those packs of Dhal and curry sauces are a regular on the shopping list now.Thank you for your kind words.***

Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:23 a.m.

Good to see your name Dragonfly ***

Jul

July 8, 2021, 1:50 p.m.

I've just sent my OH to Waitrose to replenish our supply. So glad you found them Val. And like them. Julxx

Jul

July 8, 2021, 1:55 p.m.

Hi Dragonfly. We need dolls to stick pins in. I've known that to work once (not with me). A coincidence of course but I've never forgotten. Someone I worked with had a knitted doll in her drawer at work and each morning she stuck another pin in its throat. Sometimes when I was talking to her in her office, she would open her drawer while we were talking and stick a pin in. She got her revenge. Jul xx

Sue

July 8, 2021, 8:28 a.m.

Great blog Val,I can just imagine some of that. I once worked for an awful manager who once dove one colleague to tears and when I remonstrated said, 'if she can't take it she's no good to me'. She subsequently set up her own successful company while he was made redundant. Last I heard, he was working for her!

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:28 a.m.

I hope she never lets the little creep forget it.What utter bliss that would be.x

The Gardener

July 8, 2021, 9:06 a.m.

Val, WHAT a blog. You have achieved the impossible, silenced me. Doing a 'logic' course, don't understand, don't understand 'karma' either, thought it was achieved sitting cross-legged contemplating your navel (if you can still see it). Tapping Spock on head with a spoon! We went on a pilgrimage to Sicily, led by a nun in Bermuda shorts and three lively priests. One was elderly and bald, rather deaf but with it. The nun would tap him on his forehead and say 'Anybody there?' We had the last dinner with him, he ordered another bottle of wine, whereupon we understood each other perfectly. Please send cheerful Karma, dark, cold, wet here - son being operated on again today. Will be clinging to physical and metaphorical lifebelts quite soon. ***

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Dido

July 8, 2021, 1:11 p.m.

thinking of you Gardner ***

Jul

July 8, 2021, 1:57 p.m.

I do hope your son is OK Gardener. Thinking of you. Jul xx

Sally

July 8, 2021, 6:23 p.m.

Sending very best wishes to you, Gardener. I do hope your son's health will improve after this latest operation. Also that your area gets fine weather. Too much rain, not enough sun, it really dampens the spirits!

Valerie

July 8, 2021, 11:31 a.m.

I am sure we all send loving thoughts today TG.What a horrible time you have had ,let's hope things change for the better for you and your son very soon. I don't know why, but the words "a nun in Bermuda shorts and three lively priests" has really ticked my funny bone.Sounds like the opening line of a joke.***

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The Gardener

July 8, 2021, 1:23 p.m.

This is the only pilgrimage we ever went on. It was to Sicily, and after several 'run-in's' on that island decided we'd go with a 'nanny'.They were super, said happy to have us (Anglicans) along for the ride. Scaries when they said mass in the ruins of a Greek temple, instilled a strong fear of Nemesis (whose ***. Have to ask Mr Google).

The Gardener

July 8, 2021, 1:28 p.m.

She was Greek, retributive justice, and punishing rulers who got too big for their boots (sure she was wished on to Trump). Sorry for the diversion! Useless information 'specialite de la maison'. xx

Lexi

July 8, 2021, 12:30 p.m.

Val, I don't have much to add this morning except to say please keep writing. I kept laughing and I needed it .Hitting your husband's head with a spoon and calling him a boiled egg...."***'s waiting room...." lololol. xoxo Lexi

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 12:54 p.m.

Thank you Lexi.I think we are all in need of a laugh right now.***

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Patty

July 8, 2021, 1 p.m.

So enjoyed your stories, Val! I was SO angry at my x and his wife one time that I performed my own Karma. I drove to their business when it was closed and spit on the window. I'm sure the rain washed it off, but I felt SO much better! And ha ha to them even though they never knew!

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Valerie

July 8, 2021, 2:22 p.m.

Good for you Patty.x

Paul

July 9, 2021, 3:14 a.m.

Hi Val late to the party sorry. I really chuckled reading your blog, you could be a script writer for Miranda. I do t have an example of karma but I do hope it exists. Laughter definitely helps lift my mood and your blog certainly did that. Let’s hope you write another soon Thanks for your very entertaining blog. Paul

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Valerie

July 9, 2021, 6:59 a.m.

Thanks love x

Teg

July 9, 2021, 7:28 a.m.

Good Morning Val Sorry I could not send a comment yesterday, things got very hectic. Your post was interesting but I don't feel very knowledgeable on this subject to comment further. I hope you can find your Karma peace.

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