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March


In the room above the garage. Tuesday March 22, 2016

Once upon a time there was a girl who did not know she had depression.

She was running free one day and smashed into an invisible thing. It was a glass wall. It hurt. She would look out at the world and wonder why there was a glass wall in front of her. Nothing could be reached, nothing could touch her. And the wall was very cold. She would cry.

One day she walked and found a room. It was above a garage. It had a large box in the corner with buttons. The box was magical. It had life inside. And paths. It led her into the world. It showed her words she understood. She realised there was a name for the glass wall and that other people had a glass wall. Some people broke their walls and it hurt them. Some people painted their walls the same as Other People's walls and hoped Other People would not notice. Some people decorated their walls and hoped Other People would notice.

The girl visited the room above the garage every day. In that room she could be free. She met a friend in that room who stood beside her and said "Now I know you, I will never not know you". Her friend didn't have a glass wall but her friend said they could share one.

In the room above the garage, the girl spent years learning about glass walls and how they are different depending on which bit of the wall you are looking through.

One day she wrote a story about glass walls. And someone read it and found it useful. And so now the girl keeps her glass wall in the room above the garage. She doesn't know if the glass wall will be hers to keep forever but she does know that she has somewhere to belong, in the room above the garage. And that makes her smile. And it is better than ok.

Love from

The room above the garage
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Sheena Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 5:53am

Hello Ratg I never realised I was depressed, as each of us only has one childhood. This adolescent that 'hit the wall' (thank you for telling me it was glass) did find the wall hitting thing totally life changing. The rather tough enlightenment hasn't all been bad. It has been enlightening though. Thank you for your further insight, beautifully expressed.

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:03am

Hello Sheena, me too, somewhere around 13 or 14 and I never knew for years and years and years. Enlightening it is, and always makes me wonder would I keep it if I had the choice... Thank you x.

Nick Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 6:31am

What a loving friend. xx

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:06am

Hello Nick, indeed! Thank you X.

Debs Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 6:37am

Oh Lordy Room, I've said it before and I truly mean it, your writing touches me to my core. I hope you're writing professionally because if you're not you should be. I think this is one of the best Moodscope blogs I've ever read (not that it's a competition!) - it's just exquisite.

I can totally picture your room and the glass wall. I think I have them too in my own way, although for now they are - thankfully - in storage. Thank you for sharing that with us, beautiful beautiful words and a stunning metaphor. With so much love and a hug coming your way xxx

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:07am

Hello Debs, I can't fit my big head out the door now :-D Thank you x.

Debs Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 10:11am

Its all true roomy, I don't say anything lightly. Please tell me you are writing a book or a blog or something... your talent is too great to keep hidden xx

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 12:47pm

I think I might have a children's book in me...age range 3-5, with beautiful illustrations drawn by someone else since I can only draw stick people! :-D writing in here is it, and it's both fun and I use it as part of my self-care. I've progressed since I started saying things in here, as well as receiving replies, ideas, different angles of seeing something. There is as much therapy in here for me as a counsellors chair. Blessed to know you all X.

Leah Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 7:14am

Ratg,
If I smashed into a glass wall even an invisible one I would break it into smithereens and end up bleeding!! That me and my life!! I had an invisible friend once who didn't like me!!
Back to your wonderful blog- I enjoy your whimsical writing. Take care. Leah

LillyPet Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 8:33am

Leah, I'm risking speaking out of turn here, so feel free to object! It's with love that when I read your comment I thought that not using harsh words about myself and my life, even jokingly, may have helped me. If I sort of observe and express those harsh ideas that I have from a step away, but not use them about and against myself directly, even jokingly, they seem to distance themseves. The more you say it about you, the more it'll seem to stick. Nothing may seem to change, but using more gentle and compassionate language about yourself, might be another way of seeing the story of your life. Then again I'm probably over thinking a joke about you saying that you've tripped over alot! Am willing to risk being seen as preachy. (I'm not there yet with the stories and negative or positive language I use about me), but I'm just aware, since I've read it a couple of times and believe that it matters. I thought it was worth saying just incase helps a bit, even if I'm way off the mark! Xxx

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:08am

Hello Leah, we are invisible and we like you. Job done. Love ratg X.

Leah Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:45am

Lily, not out of order and not preachy. I am touched you care.Kf you knew me I sometimes look at things from a quirky perspective. I am not being negative. It is just me. If you knew me in real life and in my blogs, I have a dark sense of humour at times.Maybe it is my Aussie sense of not taking myself seriously. I hope I did not upset you. I will watch what I write in future and think how others may view it. Thanks again for caring!!! xx

Mary Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 10:13am

One of my favourite poems: Imaginary Friend. My imaginary friend has an imaginary friend Whose imaginary friend Is me.

Mary Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 10:14am

And I hate the fact that I cannot seem to format these comments. That poem really needs to be on four lines!

Anonymous Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 11:28am

Please do not watch what you write Leah. I don't think any of us including Lillypet would like that. You are lovely and yes quirky, different but the same if you know what I mean.Please continue to be yourself, which is the Leah we have grown to love Julxxx

LillyPet Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 5:38pm

Hi Leah, my pleasure! I definitely dont want you to watch what you write, it makes sense now I know about it being dark humour! It didn't upset me at all, just thought you were being hard on yourself! :)) xx

Pennie-Lynn Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 7:28am

Thanks for writing this.

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:09am

My pleasure, thank you, love ratg X.

Lou Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 7:38am

Oh, Ratg! You put this so brilliantly; you brighten all our (often grey - or worse) worlds with your writing and help us feel like we are not only not alone, but understood. Thank you.

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:11am

Hello Lou, I think not feeling alone within the battle is paramount to success. Even if it's just in here that we get that feeling, it's enough. Thank you, love ratg X.

Lex Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 7:41am

This is beautifully written and with way more meaning than I have already gleaned from it. Thank you RATG for giving us prose to prize, words to wonder at, and a friend to cherish Lxx

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:12am

Friends...you can only be one if you have one, thank you my friend, love ratg X.

Hopeful One Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 7:43am

Hi RATG - Oh my word ! I have not read something so eloquent for a long time. Just sooooo beautiful. Yes those glass walls. I remember them well . I felt like a goldfish in a bowl or a stuffed creature under a bell jar. I could see everyone but they could not see me. I could not touch them and neither could they.Oh that profound loneliness !But slowly as I learnt more about the wall I was able to see beyond and then lift it one day. And that's where it has stayed.

Here is something to keep you in your precious room with a smile.

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now

LillyPet Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 8:36am

Ha! Nice one H! :)

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:14am

HO, I'd like a range of HO postcards!! Love this! Thank you, love ratg X.

Mary Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 10:16am

Giggling so much here!

LillyPet Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 7:46am

Morning beautiful friend :) I too am blown away by your blog today, but I thought I'd pop back to have a chat! :)
I love the idea that our depression is a glass wall. It's there, but we can move it. On here we learn how it can be polished to let the sun in. Sometimes we don't have the energy, but our friends here help us with ours. Sometimes we do the same for them, even with little energy, or just look through knowing that others are there in our safe place.
Mine clouded over yesterday, truth be told I knew that I was putting the wrong stuff on it as my scores had dipped a bit, but did it anyway. I also knew that it's a temporary blurr and that I've found a steady place for it. There's beautiful hazy sunshine in London. Birds are singing and it feels good :)

I liked your "good feeling that it is going to be ok" for you the other day and like "better than ok" even more! Thank you for your magical story ratg, love to all Pxx

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:16am

Hello LP! Hazy sunshine and birds...oh to be sitting in that, I can feel the peace! Thank you, love ratg X.

Sue Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 8:03am

Oh my goodness,
Breath takingly beautiful writing this morning, I just had to tell you!
Thank you so much...

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:17am

Hello Sue, thank you! Breathtakingly stunned people actually like it. Love ratg X.

Salt Water Mum Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 10:18am

What beautiful writing RATG. Delicate yet poignant. Thank you.

Wise words, Lillypet.

swm x

Can I ask? Does anyone know how SoulMansBlue is doing? If you're reading SMB, hope you're feeling a bit stronger.

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 12:49pm

Thank you SWM, love ratg X. And hello SMB...

Mary Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 10:18am

OK - in tears here. Yup - thick glass plate wall. That describes it just so well. Life going on the other side but we can't get out to it and it can't get in to us. Completely beautiful, my dear Ratty. Thank you. (Thank fully my glass wall is in storage at the moment too)

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 12:50pm

I'm am very happy that your wall is in storage as you have enough to deal with in your leg! How is it doing? And you?

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 12:52pm

Love ratg X

Angela Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 10:22am

Thank you for this blog, it helps knowing there ARE people who understand living with an invisible illness. I have also stopped being so angry & frustrated with myself; being kind & patient to oneself is a much smoother ride! Love to all x x

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 12:52pm

Brilliant Angela, that is a huge step forward and once done isn't ever really undone. Great work! Love ratg x

Lexi Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 10:33am

Thank you for such beautiful writing RATG. Glass walls - I remember being afraid to move for fear of breaking it. I would sit for hours. You describe it so eloquently. I am so glad you found a room and a friend in those early days. I too have a place I go when my glass wall reappears and I sit quietly until it disappears again. xo.

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 1:00pm

Hello Lexi, sitting for hours I understand. When my children were tiny I could play with them and wonder how I was going to move this great big slippy thing with no handles. We will all get there one day, love ratg X.

Skyblue Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 11:01am

Yay to the day you found the magic box with buttons. This is just beautiful, ratg, gorgeous. Your glass wall is my brick wall. But it's coming down. Thank you for helping with that so many times. xx

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 1:00pm

What a wonderful thing for me to read, thank you, love ratg X.

Anonymous Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 12:36pm

Hi ratg. What a lovely piece of writing. I must admit that my tired brain couldn't understand your blog first thing this morning. But having read it again with pleasure, and reading the other comments I totally get it! I understand about the glass wall and am I right in reading into it that you are suggesting that you found Moodscope in the ratg and the members who have helped over the years?The paths in the box maybe are the paths of discovery we have all followed via Moodscope? I am probably wrong here!Actually to be honest it can be a bit of a worry for me sometimes as I find many of you are so much more tuned into difficult concepts and get it immediately whereas me, I have to re read some blogs before I truly comprehend. First thing in the morning is not a good time for me.
Anyway your blog is beautifully written and that I did appreciate first thing. I am now thinking about glass walls. Normally I am worried about metaphorical glass ceilings. Merci ratg. You are a gem. Julxxx

the room above the garage Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 1:15pm

Oh you and me both Jul! If I happen to read first thing, it can be hit or miss for me. I know it's my head and so I re-read later and then often run out of time to comment (since I'm strict about my sleeping). You've got it...in desperation, I discovered depression from my computer in the room above the garage and it led me to all kinds of things...some good and some not so. Until then, all I had was a living prison. I was so desperately ashamed but over the years I found little bits of information that have been like jigsaw pieces. Moodscope has been possibly the most important piece in halting the shame. Have made myself well-up! The shame has not yet gone. I need to work on that. Thanks for talking, lovely to see you, love ratg X.

Skyblue Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 1:17pm

Hi Jul, you aren't the only one who often re reads some blogs. Bet we're not the only two:). Your comments are always apropos and enjoyable. xx

Anonymous Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 1:29pm

Hello ratg. Thank you for this.I cannot imagine why you feel ashamed still or why you ever felt ashamed.But you know why you have used that word to describe how you felt/feel. I suppose until we understand ourselves and by that I mean understand our depression or understand that we are depressed (we may not understand it), we might be ashamed of our actions, feeling and thoughts. Looking back I don't blame myself though and I do hope you don't either. Shame is a word with connotations of self blame however. But for today, just be happy with the response you have received from your beautiful piece of writing. And maybe reframe the shame you felt? Ha! Your own advice (it certainly helped me this last Christmas, around the time you wrote about reframing, to re frame my reactions to stress) Love Julxx

the room above the garage Wed, Mar 23rd 2016 @ 11:09am

I'm not sure either and its why I know I need to prod in there to see. It may be because my partner did not really want to understand it, or to discuss it, it was uncomfortable and inconvenient and was to be swept under the carpet. And so perhaps I have learned it is to be ashamed of. Before that, it was simply not identified and so I felt quite stupid for not knowing once it dawned on me. I try to run a transparent home with my kids in the hope they will not feel this in whatever they have or do.

Anonymous Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 1:21pm

Ah thank you Skyblue. You made me laugh. Julxx

Norman Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 1:40pm

Ratty hi! wow that is so beautiful. Have you thought of adding to it and making it a short story? I'd love to hear more about that little girl.

the room above the garage Wed, Mar 23rd 2016 @ 11:10am

Hello Norman, I left you some replies on your marshmallow blog and on my mud one but I was late to respond and so you maybe have not seen. Hoping you are well, glad to see you.

Susannah Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 4:32pm

Superb writing, RATG. Thank you.

the room above the garage Wed, Mar 23rd 2016 @ 11:10am

My pleasure, thank you, love ratg x.

Les Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 5:06pm

Sumptuous - Soft - Serene - Savoury - Salient & Sanative

the room above the garage Wed, Mar 23rd 2016 @ 11:12am

I'm curtsying and bowing and blushing and I thank you, love ratg x. p.s. how you doing?

Les Thu, Mar 24th 2016 @ 1:16am

Hi RATG - I'm doing better.....been abroad working for 4 solid days which has helped shift my mind. When I have to focus and be 'in the room' and I do it for long enough...it rewires things. Being self employed doesn't help tho......when you have to create your own work from a dark place...... I'm back tho. Loved the feel of the blog.....and a great respone - fab. Lx

The Gardener Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 5:52pm

Ratg - in a confused day you've added to it. Are you looking through a kaleidoscope? Being alice through the Looking Glass? I wrote children's stories for grand-children - one, a series, Gordon the Goose - he became a character, a lot of in naughty, and wrote his own stories! I want to be in a dream world, Mr G so awful staff at respite do not know how I continue

the room above the garage Wed, Mar 23rd 2016 @ 11:18am

Hello TG, I was describing my depression as it felt...like I was against a glass wall unable to touch or hear or 'get at' anything but able to see the world going on. Finding a box was finding a computer which taught me what depression can be. I met a friend in there who liked me anyway and gave me the strength to stop being defeated but to learn and grow. I'm sorry the staff shared with you that they 'don't know how you continue'. It is their job to care for him and give you peace of mind to have a break. I hope you are having a bit of break and that in some small way you can feel refreshed, even if it is just short lived. Love ratg xx.

The Gardener Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 5:59pm

Les what does sanative mean? Through the looking glass again. I am looking at pretty things - in a life which is almost pure misery - it's a nightmare - I'll wake up - too late for Prince Charming - seen loads of people - so nice - but say 'bon courage' and run. But at least when I go to bed I think of the nice things it is possible to do tomorrow - and avoid bigots - who are beginning to hate all Moslems, a nasty atmosphere.

Les Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:50pm

Hi TG - 'sanative' means 'conducive to physical or spiritual health and well-being; healing.'

The Gardener Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 8:02pm

Why am I thinking of Mussorgsky's Night on a Bare Mountain as I re-read your blog - still reading too much into it? I don't make sense, but today does not either - nor can I get the idea of a kaleidscope out of my head, looking at the different walls as the turning gives the wonderful pattern and colours. Or perhaps you're too young for kaleidoscopes?

Frankie Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 8:59pm

Evening dear Gardener; I am not too young to remember kaleidoscopes - thank-you for the memory. Full marks to you for going to bed thinking about nice possibilities for tomorrow despite your tough current situation- you are an example for us all ... Frankie

Frankie Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 9:00pm

Evening dear RATG; you write SO beautifully - thank-you; and please write more! Frankie

the room above the garage Wed, Mar 23rd 2016 @ 11:20am

Hello Frankie, its good to see you! Thank you for your loveliness, how is it going with your care home quest? Experiencing similar here.

Eva Tue, Mar 22nd 2016 @ 11:06pm

Hi Ratg, this as well as being apposite for us as a community is so atmospheric, I believe you could apply your talent to flash fiction (stories of less than 1000 words). Are you up for a challenge, there is a good flash fiction evening class in Edinburgh if that's close by?

the room above the garage Wed, Mar 23rd 2016 @ 11:24am

Hello Eva, thank you, what a compliment! I'm not up for that challenge yet but maybe one day! Hadn't heard of flash fiction. Love ratg x.

lee Sun, Mar 27th 2016 @ 2:21am

Mario games: best Super Mario games and top Super Mario Bros games for you. Go http://www.mariogames.name now

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