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In the face of rejection. Tuesday July 25, 2017

Today I received an email from an old friend. I had written to her the night before to ask after her as we hadn't spoken for about a year and I wondered if she was feeling so bad that she didn't feel able to contact me as she suffers from (unacknowledged) depression. I tried to contact her several times before but had no answer.

The response came as a surprise and a shock. Not only was it a rejection (Please don't contact me again etc): but it was written in such a way as to have no regard for my feelings. There is honest and there is brutal. This hurt me more than her telling me that she didn't want to know me any more – something I had suspected.

It was really unnecessary to address me in such a blunt and uncaring way and it put into question what over 12 years of friendship had been about. She said that we no longer have anything in common, but for me difference is something that can make a relationship more interesting so that's not an issue. Friends are very important to me, as I don't have a partner, children or much close family so the loss of one of my social group can really affect me.

I could say to myself that it's her depression talking and that I had been valued as a friend in the past but I wonder if I was just a "project" for her as she was the "well" one and I the "mentally ill" when we first met.

I worry that she is such a loner now with few social contacts that no good can come of it but maybe that's just how she is – she prefers her own company as some people do.

So, now I have to let go not only of a person who meant something in my life but also of what the relationship meant – I can't know the reality of it as far as she is concerned. Can we ever be sure of how people feel and think about us? I doubt it. As my therapist said; really, we are all alone.

I will try not to take the rejection personally as that will only do me more harm. So, it's up to me to be a better friend to myself than she has been – I deserve that and at least I'm going to stick around for the rest of my life.

Meggle
A Moodscope member

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Molly Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 2:50am

Hi Meggle. This has also happened to me and my next blog (which is due soon) is along similar lines to yours. It is very hard when you are torn between taking it personally and worrying whether the other person is ok. I tend to take it personally so it is good that you are trying not to. I also agree that at the end of the day, we ourselves, are the only ones we can truly rely upon. Sad as it may be, true friends are hard to come by. Even the few I do have, often disappoint me. There are several ways of looking at your dilemma. I think that people do end (or attempt to end) friendships because they are depressed. Often they think they are not worthy enough in themselves, so why would anyone else want to be with them (they think they are rubbish company), or of course they just feel like they want to be alone. Another theory is that when people are horrible, I think they are often hurting themselves and so they take it out on those closest to them. But saying all that, I also believe some friendships do run their course. Friends come and go. I have found it particularly hard to keep friendships with people I used to work with, for instance, even though I would like to, as our common interest has gone. I would suggest you tell her you are there for her if she needs you and leave it at that. If she does not come back, it is her loss. Sorry for the essay! But I can honestly relate to your blog. Molly xx

Silvia Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 5:06am

I would say nothing, as in my case, I didn't My friend knows me, in case of need she may call me and I will be there.

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 8:55am

Hi Silvia Thanks for your comments. People can be quite mysterious can't they? I suppose it's true that we never truly know anyone so perhaps we should feel privileged that they let us in at all.

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 8:58am

Hi Molly Apologies for the late response! It's true that people come and go in our lives and I find that quite hard so maybe that's something I need to look at. I will be interested to read your blog and perhaps get a different perspective.

Molly Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 6:56pm

You are not late Meggle, I am just a night owl. My blog is on Thursday, it is a slightly different take on what you are saying but it is along the lines of rejection. I also find it hard that people come and go. It is hard to understand isn't it? As you have said above people can be very mysterious! I try and think of a hundred reasons as to what I have done wrong. Because unless someone had really hurt me, I wouldn't cut them out of my life completely for no reason! You have made me think of lots of examples and maybe another blog. Some people don't like confrontation but I say 'let it all out' and try and resolve any issues. It can be very hurtful and frustrating when everything is left up in the air.

Meggle Wed, Jul 26th 2017 @ 7:46pm

I look forward to reading your Thursday blog Molly - thank you

michelle Sun, Aug 6th 2017 @ 9:26am

Please can I give some advice, its up to you where you take it. I've been in this situation where I rejected others. Unbeknown to me I didn't realise the pain I caused. One of my victims, never gave up on me and would send me a inspirational card every now and then. Not many words in the card . Knowing that she was there in the distance gave me strength and pangs of belonging. Eventually I picked up the phone and explained my behaviour. Today we are more like sisters, she gets me and I get her. Please be patient and don't see it as a rejection. Sometimes our stories are not always ready to share. Xx

Meggle Sun, Aug 6th 2017 @ 12:27pm

Thanks Michelle very wise words! I know my friend has a lot of "unfinished business" that she hasn't wanted to get help with so this may well be getting in the way of our friendship. I'll keep in mind what you say and offer her a way back in if she wants it. It will help me to change my attitude to the problem. Best wishes Meggle.

Molly Sun, Aug 6th 2017 @ 8:58pm

Nice comment Michelle, I will remember this too xx

Silvia Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 4:58am

Molly, I thought I would be the first! I live in South America, it is 0:50 am!

David Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 4:12pm

Is it a race to comment if so I will reply from Australia!!!

Molly Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 7:02pm

Sorry Silvia, I am a night owl :-) I don't actually like being the first to comment but if I have something to say, I just say it :-) David I never came first in a race. I came second in a three legged race once though when I was about 8 and I still have the certificate to prove it :-) Perhaps I have progressed over the years. M xx

Silvia Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 5:03am

Meggle,

I had a similar experience. Not the rudeness, but the shock. I hope to have time enough to explain tomorrow. For years I was the only person in her house who was not a member of her family in her birthday. I took this as a signal of friendship for almost 20 years!!!

Silvia Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 6:44pm

Meggie, as I won't have time, let me tell you what a psychiatrist said: he examines whatever he has done to a person. If he has find no fault at all, he can do nothing. And he moves on. Yes friends come and go naturally (they move, they get overwhelmed with other affairs etc). But those ruptures are different. My aunts have close friends for 50, 60 years along their lives or even more. One has six close friends who are at her side. They are so loyal! I do not have this luck. They and other old people I am friends with always repeat, this is a signal of modern times. In so many cases I see, those people do not have an idea of how precious is a lifelong friendship.

Silvia Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 6:44pm

Sorry, there were paragraphs and they dissapeared.

Lex Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 6:18am

Hello Meggle, I am utterly convinced that your 'friend' did not write to you from a position of truth. As a big fan of Anne of Green Gables, I remember the horrible school mistress that Anne worked with. She was cruel and spiteful to Anne, but only because she was coming from a place of pain. Anne, at the time, had the resilience to persist, and the 'enemy' became a 'friend'. I am, surprisingly, not recommending you persist with your 'friend' as this takes a lot of work 'against the flow' - but if and when you feel strong enough, I would wholeheartedly doubt anything they have said to you, and keep the door to the warmth of your heart open for their return.

Orangeblossom Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 8:10am

What a wonderfully warm suggestion Lex. Perhaps if we have experienced something similar it is something to take to heart.

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 9:02am

Hi Lex I have not closed the door on this friendship - but I'm not going to pursue it as I don't think it would do any good at the moment. Who knows she may contact me again one day. Thanks for what you've said - it's reassuring.

David Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 7:39am

I sometimes wonder if the commentators on here have a life. My reply is short and sweet friends come and go in life but my handful of mates I WOULD die for remain for ever.

Jul Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 8:43am

Hello David. I am intrigued by what you say about some of the commentators here! What exactly do you mean "have a life"? I often hear that expression..'he should get a life' or similar. I would love to hear what exactly you meant by your comment. (Leah's blog on Saturday produced some very interesting takes on what we really know about other people.)

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 12:52pm

Hi David I'm not quite sure how to respond to your comment but it's useful to be reminded that friends come and go in life - it's something I do find hard to accept so need to think a bit more about letting go. Thank you

David Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 4:35pm

Hello Jul, Well what I mean is there is a life being lived outside Moodscope and all the Digital World of so called Social Media. Where people have no sense of Decorum and are very violently abusive. The reason there is very high episodes of mental Health problems in young people is due to the self image they project to the World, which in most cases utterly deluded. Hello Meggie, Yes I have had to accept my own Mother has become very distant from me by distance (Australia)and in the mind. We have not seen each other for 17 years and may never again. I WORK FOR THE MINISTRY OF DEFENSE and see by death in war zones mates dying for each other, rather than the Covenant between Queen and Country. I therefore have a wonderful insight of the Characters of people and it never fails to astound me the resilience of people in adversity.

Molly Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 7:20pm

David I am not sure where you are coming from with your comments. I agree that social media can be damaging but you are on here yourself. Your comments may be short and sweet but they are often hard to understand and if moodscopers like to express themselves what is wrong with that?

Eva Wed, Jul 26th 2017 @ 8:06am

Hi David, as many of us write on here about our lives outside of Moodscope and social media I think it's safe to presume that we do have lives. ;)

David Wed, Jul 26th 2017 @ 8:33am

Yes I agree with you but a great number of people live in a false digital reality World. I met Stephen Jobs and one of his goals in life was to connect every one up to computers and he has nearly achieved this look at the zombies walking about holding handsets ignoring the real World.

Daisy Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 7:48am

This also happened to me. Dropped by a close friend she never explained and when I saw her again years latter she said sorry for loosing touch. Took my phone number then never called, but sent a xmas card, just as she moved house didn't give the address. I never found out why. It confused and hurt me for a long time glad you are pragmatic and moving forward take care

Daisy Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 7:48am

This also happened to me. Dropped by a close friend she never explained and when I saw her again years latter she said sorry for loosing touch. Took my phone number then never called, but sent a xmas card, just as she moved house didn't give the address. I never found out why. It confused and hurt me for a long time glad you are pragmatic and moving forward take care

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 9:07am

Hi Daisy - it is confusing isn't it? We then have to draw on our own resources to make sense of it. I have spoken to a number of people and they have all said not to take it personally - advice that I am trying to follow but it's quite challenging. I hope you got lots of support when it happened to you

Orangeblossom Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 8:05am

Hi Meggie, thanks for the blog which Yes, I can sense the deep hurt. Just want to give you a big hug!

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 9:07am

Lovely! Thank you!

Jul Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 8:48am

Hello Meggie. I feel so sorry this happened to you. It sounds as if your "friend" was very brutal in her language which must have been a shock to read. Friends are so important in life. My parents actually preferred to stay living where their friends were when they got older rather than move close to their family. I have a husband and children but my friends are so important. I get upset if one of them says something I misinterpret so to have a friend reject me even though it could be her illness speaking, would have me upset and analysing for weeks. I am glad you have written a blog about your experience as I know many if not all who read it will have experienced some sort of rejection in their lives. Jul xx

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 9:10am

Thanks Jul! As I have a very small family my friends are very important to me so each loss can be quite devastating. I hope the blog will have helped people in some way even if it's just in recognition.

Mary Wednesday Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 9:21am

I can't understand it either; my friends are the most precious thing to me (even more than family, sometimes). Even in my dark places I am grateful for them (although I did try to push Raz away for a couple of days in the grip of that last, dreadful mania. It didn't go well). So have a huge hug, Mettle. We can never fully understand another human being And, as Lex says, your friend is writing from the depths of her pain. Just as a normally friendly dog will growl at you and even bite if in pain, so too do we humans. Leave it for a while and then return with a few coaxing words. It may take some time, but treat your friend like an injured animal which is hiding itself away. More hugs to you.

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 12:12pm

Thank you for the hugs Mary! I'm not sure if I dare approach my friend again but will consider it. I do think her reaction is covering up for a lot of hurt which she doesn't want to address.

The librarian Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 9:36am

Dear Meggle,

Being rejected is horrible, and I'm sorry you've been rejected so painfully and confusingly.

There's a lot of 'self-help' stuff on the internet these days about ditching the people who drain you and don't serve a purpose in your life - I've even heard it said here on Moodscope. It is as if friends are something that can be consumed and then rejected, bought and sold, taken to the charity shop when the next thing comes along - repellent symptoms of our consumerist culture.

I am not one - generally - to give up on people. However there are times where unhealthy situations have to stop and the space be given for emotions to settle and be worked through. Sometimes this has to be done alone without the rumbling noise of background feelings than can emerge in passive-agressive ways.

When friendships drift or end abruptly and bafflingly without a reason being given, that can be as painful as the short sharp shock of a brutal communication, but I guess one is always left wondering why, whatever the situation.

I hope the gap left will fill with lovely things for you, Meggle - perhaps it will open up new life and new opportunities for you?

And leaving the door ajar... who knows?

Wishing you all the best.

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 12:17pm

Many thanks for your thoughtful reply. My experience has made me think about friendship quite a bit and like you I am not keen on the idea of ditching people who may not be "positive enough". I will leave the door ajar but focus on other relationships.

Molly Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 7:25pm

Really like this response from the Librarian.

The librarian Wed, Jul 26th 2017 @ 7:56am

Thank you. There's a really good quote about using things and loving people, not the other way round but I can't find it just now...

The librarian Wed, Jul 26th 2017 @ 9:15am

Found it, but not who said it: People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason why the world is in CHAOS, is because things are being loved, and people are being used.

Caroline the Moodscope Team Wed, Jul 26th 2017 @ 3:39pm

Love it. So true! Caroline

Sharon Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 9:45am

This post resonated with me (enough for me to leave a comment, which I very rarely do, although I read most of the daily blogs). It resonated because I am on the other end...in the last year I have found myself reassessing my friendships and what I get from them...this has resulted in me letting go of some people who were no longer serving me or making me happy. It has not been easy, I have felt a lot of guilt over it, and have questioned myself a lot - wondering if it could be a symptom of depression, of wanting people to just leave me alone, or maybe just my age (late 30s) and not wanting to waste precious time and energy with people who I don't feel positive around. But I have gone with my gut instincts and tried to trust in them...one of the friends has, naturally, come back into my life and that has been very positive. Others have generously said that the door is always open. What I wanted to say is that my decisions bore no reflection on them - they are not bad people, I just felt that we have come to the end of the line with our friendship. It is a shame that the message you received was so harsh and blunt...in my communications, I have done my best to be compassionate and considerate of the other person's feelings, but perhaps your friend is in a darker place and unable to take your feelings into account. Perhaps, given some time and space, she will be back...but if not, then you are maybe just not part of each other's journey any more. I am not sure if this helps or hinders (I hope the former!)...it has taken a lot for me to be honest about my experiences, as I have felt quite guilty about upsetting people, but at the end of the day we are all doing the best we can, and if I have made mistakes then I hope I will learn from them. Take good care x

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 12:27pm

Hi Sharon whilst I am not keen on "ditching" people I can see that it could be very helpful to reassess relationships. I think you've been quite brave! I realised recently that almost all my friendships had started at the initiative of the other person. Whilst this is quite flattering I would like to feel that I had chosen my friends more and not be so passive. I have decided to be more proactive and seek out people to make friends with. Riskier perhaps!

Vivien Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 9:47am

Hi Meggle -been there, done that, got the t-shirt! I confess (if that is the right word) that I do prefer my own company. However, I know that I have to let my 'guard' down at times, if I need to get on in life. Over the last few years, whilst caring for my Mum, I found out who my true friends are/were. They know who they are. Yes, I too have lost friends/aquaintances. If I then meet them, I tend to adopt the 'hostile' attitude. After all, I offered the hand of friendship and it got refused. But there is room for give and take in some circumstances. My problem has been who can I trust? One person who wanted to be friends with me, then went off and truly stabbed me in the back. I passed on information to her, and within a short period of time, she had passed it on to several others. Nice not. Still that's life. Although I prefer my own company, I find coming on to 'moodscope' and talking about my feelings, and hopefully supporting others,makes me realise that maybe 'moodscopers' are my real friends?
Anyway, take care, sending you lots of hugs (oh and also cuddles from my furry friends - teddy bears and all) to you. Viv

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 12:31pm

Hi Vivien thanks for the hugs and cuddles! I feel very comforted today by everyone's responses. I find trust a big issue and if I'm not going to trust anyone completely (probably best not to) - where do I draw the line? It's very hard to know and I suppose it's just life that sometimes it goes wrong. It hurts though! All the best

Poppy Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 10:36am

I've experienced similar with three close friends. I have wondered if my depression has scared them off, even though all three of them were experiencing depression at the time of the break. Was I somehow giving off signals I didn't know I was giving? Only two of them knew directly from me that I was depressed. Was I expecting too much? Was it just their own feelings that caused the split?

I think what hurts me so much is not the break in the friendship, but not knowing why.

In recent years, I have lost my only close friends and have serious rifts in several close family relationships including my mother, daughter, and brother. Although I am now among the functional folks in society, I am still wracked with pain over these losses. Wondering what's wrong with me.

I thank God for my husband, but it's not healthy for him to be my one and only source of comfort and support. I have an unnatural fear of losing him.

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 12:38pm

That sounds really tough Poppy. I find the not knowing very hard too. I hope you are able to heal the splits with your family and friends although it's not all your responsibility! Also that you can find some salve for the pain. Take care

Molly Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 7:44pm

Poppy, this was really interesting for me to read. I have lost family members too, I think they are prepared to come back into my life but I am not sure I want them to, whilst I deal with my depression and know they do not understand. But your last paragraph, I could really relate with. I think my husband quite likes that I am totally reliant on him. It is not healthy for either of us. Saying that I have always been scared of commitment and often wish I had never got married for this reason. Will I cope if he dies? Did I cope better alone? He often says "all we need is eachother" but I don't believe in putting all your eggs in one basket. My forthcoming blog touches on this subject as well. People may well come out of the woodwork if such a tragedy happens, but for how long? And how genuine? I feel friends and family let me down all of the time but I ask the same questions that you have. Is it me? Or are they just consumed elsewhere? My friends are so important to me and I feel utterly failed by them when they cannot be bothered to make contact. Molly xx

Poppy Wed, Jul 26th 2017 @ 11:50am

It's comforting to know that my thoughts and feelings are not totally foreign to the human race, but Lord, I don't want others to feel as I do. Reading Moodscope blogs and responses is very helpful in my journey of a life well lived.

The Gardener Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 10:51am

hello Maggie - no way would I defend your friend's bad behaviour - but there may be extenuating circumstances which she does not wish to share. I've been rude to 3 people (in writing) in my life. At the time I was severely up against it - and the people in question were rushed and rude themselves - I apologised afterwards - but I was so stung I did not count to 10. Not the case with you. I suffer from lack of communication from at least 10 old friends (two, in fact, close relatives) who just stopped writing, even the very regular Christmas card. I can only presume that they are dead, did not have an address book so people could be informed, or whoever dealt with their death could not be bothered. I fear some may be alone and in an Old People's home, and would like to know someone still care's for them. When my mother was in a care home in UK and we were in France I sent a FAX to the home every week, from wherever we were in the world, and the staff read them to her. When she died the staff said they would miss my FAX's - thought they would be relieved of a chore, but they said they really enjoyed sharing our life with my mother. Poppy, sorry you feel so lonely - just seen Mr G off to respite for a week - I am so exhausted don't know where to turn, dizzy trying to organise for UK. We are estranged from our youngest daughter - a great sadness to me - all over a misunderstanding - a letter to her husband when they were breaking up which she opened and objected to. I hope, one day (5 years now) she will forgive me - I'd like her to see her Dad while he is still compos mentis - but, sadly, he sees her as 'Good Riddance'.

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 12:44pm

Hello - I think you are probably right in that there is probably something going on with my friend that she didn't want to share. I feel quite humbled by the losses others including you have gone through - especially with family members. It's such a shame as relationships are one of the most important things in life. I hope you are able to resolve things with your daughter. Best wishes

The Gardener Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 1:41pm

Thanks Meggie - this daughter is adopted, her actual birthday, 50th, is next month - but the 'big' day is when she (and her sister before her) came into our family. The last one came at 5 weeks - a scrap of a thing, perfectly healthy, who weighed less at 5 weeks than her brothers (our natural sons) weighed at birth. As you can imagine, I have thought, grieved, kept in touch (never a reply) during the whole estrangement. I look at family photos, never was there such a lovely (she still is) happy child - until 17 - been 'dodgy' since then. I hope she will be happy, and not be lonely as she has not maintained any long-term relationships - and that, like your friend, she does not alienate too many people.

Millie Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 11:24am

Hi Meggle, I can truly understand the shock of receiving such an email as I received one from my sister shortly after my mother died. She rather bluntly asked me never to contact her again and that was almost 4 years ago. I saw a picture of her wedding on a facebook post - which was shock no. 2, particularly so as both of my other siblings were there. People do have the capacity to hurt for sure and when they do so, they are not thinking of the other person, simply themselves. I've lost both of my parents, have no relationship with my siblings, (my other sister also told me she would never talk to me again and hasn't)and like yourself, I have no partner or children. (I'm sounding like a real catch!). I'm constantly amazed at the way people behave towards one another and the hurt they cause, but if I am to be truly honest when reflecting on some of my past behaviour, then, I rather shamefully, have to admit that my actions have caused hurt to others even if I didn't know it at the time and that was not the intention. Relationships are a complicated business and we rarely know what's going on for another person. I've never closed the door on anyone and despite my sisters requests, I will welcome either of them if and when they are ready to make contact. Forgiveness and kindness are key, of others and oneself. Tend your hurt with kindness.

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 12:49pm

Hi Millie - thank you - I admire the way you are still open hearted despite such hurtful experiences and I will endeavour to follow your example. It's a lovely thought - to tend hurt with kindness and I will try to put it into practice. All the best

Valerie Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 1:23pm

Hi Meggie,

A clinical psychologist once told me that throughout our lives,we will be disliked,in varying degrees,by more people than we are liked,usually without any obvious reason.I recall being in a Gestalt group 30 years ago,and being told by one of the other women that she had a real problem accepting me,simply because my blonde hair reminded her of the woman her husband ran off with.

Some of those who secretly dislike us must be among our friends and family.

I wonder if the fact you contacted your friend several times without response accounts for the cruelty of her email to you?
She maybe hoped you would take the hint,and when you got in touch again she was so exasperated she wanted to leave you in no doubt.She may have been in a bad mood,and could well be feeling mortified and embarrassed herself now.

I have been on both sides in these situations.You may ponder for ever and not know what caused her to "unfriend" you.The dynamics of friendships change,circumstances alter allegiences.Many friendships I suspect carry on for years out of habit and fear of being left friendless (like some marriages!)

The fact is,she is just one person.Her feelings about you don't define you.If all your friends drop you,then it will be time to worry! You may be one of several people wondering why she has cut off from them.You could be right that she no longer feels herself to be the strong one.

For a period of 5 years or so in the past I was heavily overweight.My great popularity with some other women during those years,followed by reserve and bitchiness when I became slim left me rather cynical about female friendships! xx




Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 2:43pm

Hi Valerie - thanks for your thought provoking comment. I had wondered if my persistence might have annoyed my friend but if only she could have said that rather than being so harsh. I'm sorry to hear about your female friends - I'm not surprised you felt cynical. It's all a bit of a minefield isn't it! Best wishes

Lexi Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 6:31pm

Hi Meggie, it is so hard to lose a friendship and not know really why. I've been stopped in my tracks by a friend who told me she didn't need to know me anymore. My sister also has been horrible to me as well as my mother at times, telling me that I am not wanted in their lives. What gets me through is recognizing that it's their stuff. I apologize for my behavior if I did something wrong or for any wrong I could have caused without knowing it (and may never understand what I did). But at the end of the day I let go, because it's their stuff, not mine. I always pray that they come to a place of peace through their pain. But I also refuse to be a doormat for someone's abusive behavior. Lashing out in pain may be the reason, but it doesn't mean I have to sit for it. I can forgive someone if she truly is sorry, but I walk away from being a punching bag just because she is in pain and I'm the one standing in front of her. xo Lexi

Meggle Tue, Jul 25th 2017 @ 9:14pm

Hi Lexi - thanks for your comment. It is useful to remember that it is their stuff but also for me to accept that other people have different ideas of what friendship is. Not everyone wants friends for life perhaps but it's what I would like at least some of the time. Best wishes Meggle

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