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In Praise of Buddies. Sunday March 9, 2014

Especially mine!

I have a Moodscope buddy and wanted to write about what I see as benefits of having one.

To be honest, I resisted having a buddy for a long time. I didn't want someone checking on me every day and I also thought having someone monitor my card scores would make me answer the cards dishonestly, in a way which wouldn't shock them if it was too low or make them think I was so much better (recovered even!) if my score was high one day.

In other words, I didn't want to have to answer to someone. It was hard enough answering to myself most days and having to explain my complex character, moods etc, was just too much effort.

I am sure there were many other reasons going through my mind when resisting the idea. Many of you might have some.

However one day, I hit on the idea of having my husband as my buddy. Wrong choice! He never looked at my score and I could sense irritation in his manner when an email came through alerting him to my score. So he went. Then I asked a semi friend to be my buddy. She didn't seem to respond at all! Strange. She went too and I decided no buddy.

How wrong could I be.

I am not sure how my buddy and I hooked up. But we did and it has been so beneficial for me and I think her. We don't have to write long emails each day but keep in touch via the messaging system in a smallish box for buddies which Moodscope sets up for you. It can be two words,"good morning!" or a few more, "how are you?" or we can "chat" in a bit more depth.

We both like each other, really like each other. We are quite different in our approaches I feel, but she cheers me up no end with her quirky look on life.

Admittedly I have found a buddy who clicks, who is so good for me, who always and I mean, always, says the right things. She is spot on in her observations. I am so so lucky. I wish she could be all your buddies.

So before you do what I did and reject the idea out of hand, maybe think again. I think having a buddy is a good idea. But what works well for you is the main thing.

A Moodscope member.

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Quacko Sun, Mar 9th 2014 @ 3:20pm

I am in a pretty crappy place right now. I am not sure who I would ask for a buddy among people I know. I feel right at this exact point in time that I am in such a difficult place and am not able to make any motion forward that I do not want to put anyone through this- also do not know if I could stand the rejection of someone not wanting to help with this. I am in therapy, she is a good therapist. I am doing everything to change this misery of a work situation I am in, There are some things that are making it beyond me to change- I am 60- have hit the age wall with many places, I do not have any money to Just Quit-as many people, my economy is fragile and in the moment. So any suggestions here would be welcome.

Richard Sun, Mar 9th 2014 @ 5:52pm

Fear of rejection is normal. You don't have to have a buddy. Your therapist might be able to help here. I hope this helps you.

The Entertrainer Sun, Mar 9th 2014 @ 6:55pm

I'm pretty sure we hold in common the desire not to 'dump' on our buddies. I would really like it if I could choose to share with my buddies each day or not share. With the sharing with buddies being automatic, I find that this has coloured (in a blue and red way) my response at times. I don't think I'm dishonest - I just don't want to be a burden. This is especially true if I've had a string of bad days.

So, how do we find the right buddy? Perhaps a nearly anonymous but willing buddy would be a good idea? Someone who willingly puts themselves forward to support one other Moodscoper?

I know the buddy scheme has worked for me - but the all or nothing doesn't work for me.

Anonymous Sun, Mar 9th 2014 @ 7:05pm

I don't have a buddy. I feel my therapist, who's had many years training and has an understanding of where I'm at is preferable to someone - however well-intentioned - commenting on my day-to-day feelings from their emotional base.

In the end, I guess it comes down to me being my best buddy. And really, that's what it's all about really. Isn't it?

Vicky Tue, Mar 11th 2014 @ 12:27pm

I'm catching up on blogs.. Your comment about your husband as Buddy made me laugh, Julia!! I do not have a Buddy and sometimes wish I did but I find the idea of putting that responsibility on anyone tricky mainly because I can't really think of anyone who would be suitable. And I don't do the tests regularly (tests! hark at me, Freudian slip methinks). I can see the bonus of it, especially if it can be a reciprocal arrangement. Glad you have found someone good. I am sure knowing someone else is keying into where you are at each day, without judgement. Maybe I do have a sort of Buddy in that I regularly email/text my sister. Not the same I know but is something, and she does "get it" ("it" being the curious experience of anxiety/depression that has marked out my life so far). You wrote a blog a while back titled More Blogs Please - which has stayed in my mind. I am now toying with idea of having a go myself! (don't hold your breath, tis just an IDEA at the moment but who knows? would be boost to confidence as long as it didn't yield stunned silence!!).

Anonymous Wed, Mar 12th 2014 @ 8:19am

What about those of us who simply don't have anyone to ask?

Julia Fri, Mar 14th 2014 @ 6:00pm

Hi Vicky
Only just read this. Have you written a blog yet? If not you must! I am sure it would yield lots of nice comments. Your sister sounds like a good buddy for you. She sounds really nice and an ideal "buddy" if she understands where you are at. Good luck.

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