8

October

I’m doing my best

Thursday October 8, 2020


Friday afternoon and I got my work done, deadline made. Kids were in school. I looked to the dog: ‘Come on, let’s go for a walk by the sea.’ 

We jumped in the car, parked, trotted over to the beach and walked along the shore. People swimming. Families paddling. Couples smooching. I didn’t bring a bag or money. Just me, the dog, his lead and poo bags, my phone, the car and house keys… 

Nooooooo! I wasn’t holding the keys anymore. (But I was holding a full poop bag!) Where were my keys? Me and the now-reluctant-dog retraced our steps searching for the keys amongst the pebbles, sand and seaweed. 

These were some of the thoughts that went through my head -

‘You’re such an eejit.’
‘How did you not notice?’
‘Did you not hear them drop?’
‘Can you do anything right?’
‘This was supposed to be a nice, quick walk - look at you now.’
‘This doesn’t happen to anyone else.’
'I must look so stupid muttering and looking down at the sand.'
‘Typical me!’
‘What if there’s something wrong with me? A sign of early dementia or something else weird?’
‘Mum was right - I’d lose my head if it wasn’t screwed on.’
Etc etc etc...

Just over an hour later, I collected my car keys from the local Garda station. I was still calling myself all kinds of foolish in my head. But a friend said these words to me -

‘Everyone loses their keys.’
‘You handled it very well. You rang the kids. You rang me. You made a plan.’
‘You had a hidden house key so you could still get into your home.’
‘You had a spare car key in a safe place in your home.’
‘You rang the guards.’
‘The guard complimented you on having a distinctive keyring for easy identification.’

Deep breaths. Everyone has mini emergencies. Everyone has mini dramas. We all make mistakes. When things go awry, we make a plan and we cope. 
I want to stop these miserable, negative voices in my head telling me I’m an eejit and doing it all wrong. How dare they!! 

My new mantra: I’m a good enough mother. I’m a good enough human being. I’m doing my bloomin’ best. We all are…

Salt Water Mum
A Moodscope member

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