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I feel. Saturday February 22, 2014

Life as a highly sensitive soul isn't straight forward. Often I just want the mind to hush and my heart to stop feeling so intensely.

Were there to be a pathology report on my heart I'm sure they would struggle to lift it intact. It would be like trying to get a biscuit you've dunked in your tea that moment too long, out, whole. It would simply disintegrate. And what of my brain? It would show signs of great wear and tear from the constant analysis. It would sag in parts where the anxiety has driven, backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards. And my gut would reveal rawness and bruising. Such is the sensitivity I feel in life. Everything can feel like a kick to the solar plexus.

Maybe you too feel that you wish you'd been born with some kind 'Fragile, handle with care,' notice.

If you buy one book on psychology, I hope it's 'Dibs, in Search of Self.' It's a moving, true story book about a disturbed young boy and how he comes to terms with the complex world about him through play therapy. At our core though, are we not all little children in some way, trying to glue together tiny, broken pieces of the little boy or girl inside? This is surely why the book resonates with so many.

As Dibs starts to heal he exults in his sensitivities and feelings. 'However I feel.' He rejoices, 'However I feel, I will be.'... He walked around the playroom, patting his chest and calling out, 'I, I, I, I,...I am Dibs...I can do things. I like Dibs. I like me.'

The author and psychotherapist, Virginia M. Axline, who treated Dibs says: '...many times we have little control over those (outside) elements, but if we learn to utilize our inner resources, we carry our security with us.'

We can carry our own security with us. Just dwell on that for a moment. Now isn't that something worthy of attaining? Imagine how much happier we'd feel and how much healthier our relationships would be if we all carried our own inner security.

So, no matter how sensitive or fragile we may feel, know that it is okay to feel. Be like Dibs. When asked: 'And how does that make you feel?' 'Like that,' he said. 'I feel'.

A Moodscope user.

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Anonymous Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 9:22am

Great post! 'We can carry our own security with us' - love it. I wish it was easy to believe as it is to say. Great reminder tho. Thank you. Xx

Julia Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 9:29am

I love your bit about your brain Suzy. I often think my poor brain is worn out and needs a little light relief. I actually found myself laughing last night (I was reading something Jeremy Clarkson wrote about hi vis safety jackets) and felt my whole body relax. I hope my brain benefitted from this rare feeling. (Everyones' lovely kind comments helped me enormously yesterday too and hopefully my brain too)

Anonymous Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 10:01am

Hi Suzy - thanks for another great post. When I read your recent comments on HSP it set me wondering...I've always felt like a peeled pink prawn, too open and vulnerable to the world around me.

I started to read about HSP (I'd not heard about it before), did the questionnaires and realised "that's me!" A great feeling of relief as I understood that I'm not alone in my hypersensivity. Through childhood and adulthood it's always been used as a form of criticism against me, this in turn caused more sensitivity as I thought I was unique and strange.

I cherished my intuition but felt inadequate due to my need for solitude after socialising. I couldn't understand why I needed to be alone when sometimes I'm highly sociable and enjoy dancing, chatting, laughing with friends. I've learned that I always need a day of rest or two after being with a group - and that that's okay.

I've been labelled an introvert and an extrovert, depending on how people see me at the time.

Colours can make me feel uncomfortable, sometimes nauseous, music can bring heightened joy, other sounds create a wish to run, surrealistically echoing in my brain. I can't cope with neon lighting, softer lighting brings pleasure. Extremes of temperature cause extreme discomfort.

This is the first time I've written about these feelings, feeling embarrassed, fey, precious, and your post on HSP at last allowed me to realise that I am not alone.

My coping strategy is to nurture my HSP and also my depressive bouts. Not to hold them at arm's length like an unwelcome visitor but to recognise that they are parts of me that benefit from kind understanding and tolerance.

HSP has benefits, heightened awareness of beauty, joy, paintings, music, light and colour. I cherish these things and and I will also continue to comfort the part of me that can't stand motorway lights, city noise and all the other things that cause me to feel like that vulnerable pink prawn.

Thanks again Suzy. If it were not for your recent post I wouldn't now have these understandings and greater awareness of myself.

Anonymous Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 10:14am

Suzy, your blog is the best so far. I am going to a bookshop. Now. Peace & Love, Rich.

Anonymous Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 11:30am

....and you write so well ...Suzy.

Tere Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 11:41am

Suzy's post and YOUR reply really have helped me! I've actually be labeled as agoraphobic because I simply have had enough of the outside world -- but am considered a really helpful resource in class (I am attending school for the first time since age 16, when I graduated ahead of everyone else!). I only like school when I'm IN my classes, and I absolutely hate the first week. Now I know why. When my husband and I first met, it was an adventure every day; now he has those without me. I intend to show him this and your reply, so maybe he can start to understand. Plus, my therapist needs to see both. It will help us both tremendously!

Simon Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 12:00pm

Good morning Suzy, and all Moodscopers

thank you for this morning's post

That feeling of being fragile- like the digestive biscuit that has spent that nano-second too long in the tea- is quasi-permanent. When the feelings of anxiety and vulnerability do disappear, which they do from time to time- what is left? Often with me it is not a sense of security and strength, but a sense of loss of something so familiar. Filling the absence, what has been called in AA the 'hole that cannot be filled', is the challenge.

have a great Day

Anonymous Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 1:38pm

Suzy, you know me!!! And we haven't even met in person. Bless you for this post. It sums so much up so simply. xx

Julia Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 3:36pm

For me when those feelings disappear it's sadness at how much time I've wasted feeling awful and not able to operate effectively or how I would like. But I think you might say that however we feel, it is us and we just operate differently. I try to make up for lost time when I feel better but this is difficult, impossible to do in one day.(I never have two days in a row when I am feeling good, only one precious day 24 precious hours)

Anonymous Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 3:39pm

I have realised after 8 years that a job which has 'tolerated' my ups and downs, my memory lapses and eccentricities is not where I will EVER be cherished, so I will take the plunge and trust that God has a better plan for me.After all He gives us all the significance, security and self worth we need..if we look to other people for those 3 essentials, there will always be a hole in our lives.

Anonymous Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 4:39pm

I love your blog Suzy. Dibs, in search of self sounds a book worth reading for insight into our sensitive natures.

Mart Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 6:49pm

Great post Suzy. I'd like to meet Dibs, he sounds very human. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 7:28pm

It's not often I notice someone's punctuation. Makes me sound like an over-zealous English Teacher ( which I'm not ). I bought Virginia's book. I know it will be good. Thankyou, Suzy. Write back if you feel alright. Rich.

Suzy Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 10:04pm

Yes Tere is right Anonymous 10.01, your comment is superb. Maybe you would consider putting your comments into a blog post?? Bullet points of all the things that may help sensitive souls? I think it would go down well. I can relate to so much, if not all, of what you say. So thank you!
P.S. I like your prawn analogy. It feels like the internal version of having one's skin blown off doesn't it? But permenantly! This presents so many challenges, especially in such noisy, non-sensitive world, but as you say, so much to cherish too. ;o) xxx

Suzy Sat, Feb 22nd 2014 @ 10:21pm

Dear lovely people,
Thank you all OODLES for taking the time to write such heartening comments today.
I wrote the above (and several other posts) the day after I'd scored just 2 on Moodscope. (My lowest score ever. Eek!) I was still feeling uber fragile when I realised this morning that this post was on. Because of how I was feeling I dreaded checking the comments section and put it off all day. But I'm so glad I did take a peek from behind the proverbial blanket. ;o)
The HSP's of the world owe Elaine N. Aron much, I think, and I hope we hear more and more about this very real personality trait.
Thanks again all. May the rest of your weekend be as ticketyboo as a ticketyboo thing. ;o)

Julia Sun, Feb 23rd 2014 @ 9:02am

I felt just the same as you did when my most recent blog appeared. I didn't want to look at any comments and wanted to hide under the proverbial blanket but I was so very grateful for the lovely messages I felt driven even in my fragile state to answer every one of them. And then regretted that! I was actually that day going to email Caroline an SOS, saying please do not publish my blog! But too late. Imagine how I felt when I saw it. Did you read that comment saying it was your best blog yet! And you scored no.2 on the cards. Now that's interesting and a great boost for you. Well done!

Suzy Mon, Feb 24th 2014 @ 12:51pm

Yes, it's funny isn't it Julia, I think it's perhaps when we are at our lowest ebb that we can really articulate better how the black days feel.
What's that saying about trials? 'The richest chords require some black notes?' Something like that anyhow!
Thanks Julia for your loveliness. xx

Julia Tue, Feb 25th 2014 @ 11:44am

That's nice... the blackest chords....How do you manage to find these lovely quotes Suzy? Thank you too. xx

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