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I believe in you all... Sunday May 4, 2014

Why do people say "If you're ever feeling down, pop by for a coffee". Really? When I saw you at school last week you walked straight by me as if I didn't exist. Is this just my loneliness coming through or am I sending out bad vibes?

One thing I have decided is that social networking is not good for people with depression or any other mental health problems. I got so fed up of feeling low because people didn't like my posts, or jealousy, seeing what I assumed to be people living the perfect life, or the not so perfect life maybe!

You added me on Facebook, but when I see you in the street you act as if you dont know me?! Nothing has achieved the feat of making me feel quite so lonely as Facebook has managed to, so I decided to do something about it.

I have now been Facebook free for the best part of a week and I am so glad. I just wish it had been sooner! I am so looking for a buddy and have now taken to replacing 'Fakebook' efforts with a blog to you guys; the real, decent people who truly understand...I believe in you all...

Did I just blog my feelings today? Erm I think I just did :) Although this isn't twitter, I just want to say #massiveacheivement.

A Moodscope member.

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Cat Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 7:28am

Hi Holly,
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and echoing what others, myself included, feel. Social media has, ironically, made many people less sociable and more self-obsessed with who can post the most flattering photos, which is not helpful for those who suffer with mental health difficulties. Countless times I have felt very inadequate, particularly as I'm at the stage of life where everyone seems to be getting married and having babies. I get down if friends don't reply to messages, and technology makes it worse as I can see that they've read it. Anyway, you're looking for a buddy and so am I... not quite sure how it works but I'm happy to buddy up if you are! :)

Anonymous Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 8:06am

I tend to find my reactions to people friends and strangers is illustrative of my mental state, and I use that as a warning sign if I am on the way down. If I notice that I am becoming very hostile or irritated with them, or paranoid of folks in the street, I prick up my ears and review. Then the annoying thing is that instead of retreating I have to make an effort to go amongst them as this is one of the things that helps to turn the descent. I don't do much social media, its a time sucker and I just can't motivate myself to do it, I am too busy living my real life, happily my close friends know that i abstain for the most part and let me know of social events,

Richard Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 8:17am

Dear Holly,
I am so glad I read this today. I fell foul of the social media thing with my sister-in-law months ago. I am still feeling bad about it, but thankfully, we understand each other a little more. I heard a local band sing a song called " No secrets anymore " which hit the nail on the head.
My sister is my buddy. Not ideal, but it works for me.
I wish you all the luck in the world.

Anonymous Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 8:48am

Hi Holly thank you for sharing this

i can relate to what your saying about social media and used to feel very isolated till i started finding and joining some of the brilliant groups on facebook plus liking alot of inspiring pages too :) i dont really have friends on facebook itself but finding groups of people that share similar interests mindsets and goals is helping me know end i get really involved with my online friends and at the end of the day its just what i need
its having a big effect on me too in the real world it is helping me too as my depression is slowly lifting my moods dont drop as much because i can post in the groups get the support i need and feel so much better about myself

i dont have many people in real life mainly because of my depression and health issues im not able to get out and about like i used to plus i was hurt and betrayed by afew of my so called real friends that i retreated and the ones that i have left dont live that close but because im part of afew online communities its not getting me down as much as it used

for some they most probably think im sad but i dont really care what they think im happier and things are looking up for me

sending gentle hugs your way hun x

Anonymous Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 8:49am

"social networking is not good for people with depression"
I had similar experiences to you regarding Facebook, but enjoy being on Twitter - there are lots of folk with issues like us and it is easy to say 'hi' to someone you've never met when they say something that strikes a chord. It also makes me feel like I am still part of the world even if I am feeling less than sociable!

G Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 8:57am

I have been Facebook-free since January 2012, so that is more than two years for me now. It's great. I only have four close friends who keep in touch with me via emails and phone messages (as a highly anxious person I am allergy to calls), and that's more than I can ask for. I have been recovering well and gradually feeling happier on average days.
I do use Twitter and Tumblr because I use pseudonyms that none of my friends know (and I don't invite them to follow me). So at least I am still keeping track on what's going on in the world and indulging in hobbies that I enjoy :)

helen Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 9:01am

Hey there Holly. I want to apologise if I am one of the people who didn't take the time to respond to your blogs before today. Xxxxx

Anonymous Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 9:01am

More power to your pen Holly! Like someone said above, I notice my mood has changed when facebook irritates me and I agree it has great and really bad points. For me, it can make me have more to think about so I don't need to load my mind with anymore! I feel blessed that my generation (early 40s) knows the world before and the world after and so we can choose what feels good. I joined fb to learn about the world my children will be in and hopefully be able to highlight the benefits of stepping away. Stepping away seems to have energised you and I'm all for that feeling! Love from the room above the garage.

Anonymous Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 9:03am

Hi Holly, the clarity with which you express your feelings is great.

I agree with Anon 8.06; that my reactions are a barometer of my mood and I may be projecting that onto others. That's a "may", not a given!

I find Facebook can be helpful, but to be used selectively and not as a substitute for other ways of relating. I live in an area with a thriving creative scene and that's my thing. So many of the gigs, exhibitions and performances are promoted via FB pages. I find this very useful. Also, to keep up to date with friends who live overseas - that's in addition to private emails.

Day-to-day general postings can be a bit tricky but also entertaining. As you say, people sometimes present a very positive view of their lives when I know it's not so good. But maybe they feel better by creating an illusion? Then there are the martyrs looking for sympathy, nothing ever seems to be right for them. Then the egotists who post the minutiae of their day, hour by hour.

FB can be addictive, it can also be boring but it has practical uses.

Each to each and good for you that you are able to be honest about your feelings, express them so clearly and take action.

Keren Oakley Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 9:54am

Hi Holly, great blog post thank you, and I can SOOO relate! It is difficult when you don't have many friends and therefore turn to networking sites, (like me), but they can end up making you feel more isolated and even inadequate as their lives can seem so exciting and 'together', it's a vicious circle. Anyway, I will be your buddy if you'd like? I don't have a buddy on Moodscope either, because I don't have many friends at all, but I'd love to make more to share the everydays with :-) K

heather Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 10:20am

Dear Holly, I am really warmed by all the positive response you have had. I have only been commenting on Moodscope for a short time but am already feeling the benefit of having "Moodscope friends".
One sure sign for me that I am going down is the feeling of loneliness and that nobody likes me (which often really means I don't like anyone very much). It seems that if I don't make the first move nobody bothers about me and I start to wallow in self pity, but even knowing this does not stop it happening and it is terrible. I am quite sure that you will find this site much more helpful than Facebook which Anon 9.03 describes perfectly in her fourth para. Plus I get inundated with all sorts of Quotes for You. Very lovely they are in small doses!
So good luck Holly, we are routing for you and may this be the start of a happier life.

Julia Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 10:36am

One of the problems with Facebook is you can't be anonymous. Twitter can be as addictive as Facebook but you can tweet incognito. On the downside anonymity can lead to bullying. I read a funny novel recently where someone said to her friend "Hands up. Stand back from the Internet!" Great blog Holly and believe me, you will not miss Facebook. Facebook may miss you but that's Facebooks' problem not yours.

Adrian Longstaffe Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 11:12am

Hi Holly
thank you so much for this post – I am just realising what a double edged sword Facebook is – I joined it more or less to publicise the workshops I lead but it is absolutely no substitute for genuine relationship. On the other hand it does enable me to 'like' the posts of friends who are halfway round the planet just as a way of saying I'm here and I still love you.

So , as a result of your post, I'm going to limit myself to once per day and put it way down the bottom of my to-do list.
keep posting

Adrian :-)

Lex McKee Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 12:27pm

Look at this flood of positive response, Holly! I don't think "friendship" is defined by Facebook... I sense a much more authentic form of friendship shared in these comments today. Clearly you are in very good company with lots of people who feel the same way.

Anonymous Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 12:28pm

Hey Holly, great post (as was Rose's y'day). I have tried Instagram several times and have cancelled my account every time. I liked the idea of sharing beautiful daily moments, not of myself or social life but of the world around me. Alas, each time I tried, it would unravel me quicker than a ball of wool with 10 kittens. It's not for super anxious, highly sensitive persons perhaps. It's not for me anyway and Ive learnt that that's ok. Anyway, well done, great post. Suzy x

Anonymous Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 12:58pm

Hi Holly

Thanks so much for your comments, with which I can identify. I also find social media a double edged sword. It keeps me in touch with younger members of the family and friends but if I am feeling low it can increase my feelings of isolation as I am quite a private person and it leaves me wishing I could express myself more freely and contribute without worrying that I have said the right thing.
Good luck with it all.

crafty wee midden Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 1:13pm

.....One thing I have decided is that social networking is not good for people with depression or any other mental health problems......
I'd be wary of generalisations.....every persons situation is different. I am a depressive, with panic disorder, anxiety, and ome other mental health difficulties, but I also have agoraphobia. I don't use FB a huge amount, but daily messages and posts from a few genuine friends there as a huge help o me. I am very much a loner, and also have Aspergers and social anxiety, and the small but regular contact I find on FB helps keep me a wee bit more in tune with myself. Then again I was never one to enjoy going out for coffees, socialising, so the 'distance' suits me.
Not trying to say you are wrong.....what you do is right, for you, but ythere are other folks such as myself who find it very helpful, and I just wanted to say 'beware of generalisation'.
Best wishes

Allison Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 1:40pm

Hi Holly,
I can relate to what you've written here. I too, have found that Facebook has played a factor in my moods and feelings of self-worth. At times, Facebook can be very uplifting and is a great source for keeping in touch with friends and family who live far away, or a convenient way to keep in touch with friends when time isn't always on our sides. However, I have also felt what you mentioned and have questioned why some people don't like my post (but they've liked others), or getting annoyed or fed up with some of my family or friends for the things they post as I feel like some of it has been overkill. For example there are the people who are constantly "woe is me...", complaining about their lives, ailments, relationships constantly. It can also be annoying on the other side of the spectrum when you see people post things such as: 30 days of why I love so and so, or about why their life is peachy perfect. I'd also get so annoyed to see how many people liked their posts, but hardly any would like mine. I don't like to feel that type of jealousy and annoyance and thought I was above that.
I have found that filtering my facebook (yes even some of my friends and family) so that way I can still stay connected to them, but look at their posts when it's a good time for me. It's been SO helpful and has made me more genuinely concerned or happy for people. I've also decided to take a back seat in what I post on Facebook. I realized I was also posting stupid stuff all the time and maybe people weren't "liking" it as much because it wasn't all that interesting.

Dande Lion Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 2:09pm

I find that what enery frequency we are vibrating at is what we tend to attract, so whilst that can be difficult in person when i'm not well, i can more easily be lifted into a positive mood by joining pages such as 'positive news' on fb, or some groups dedicated to cutting edge health research which i find gives me greater hope and knowledge (power) I also find it gives me an opportunity to get on the frequency of some light humour which helps me be less problem focused. I also use it to do a lot of campaigning about the causes i care deeply about such as animal and human rights, and to gather inspiring images which i save to my pinterest account. So, for me, whilst i can sometimes find myself losing an evening or two to fb (i live alone and don;t much care for tv, don't smoke, drink or do drugs) i find it a therapuetic distraction. Everything in balance and your generalisation about 'people with mental health' reminded me that its not helpful to generalise. Thank you for that and also lovely to read all the other posts. I will add that i feel a bit of healthy and respectful, constructive disagreeing is not a bad thing, and whilst the Moodscope community is beautiful and powerful in its support, i also feel it is healthy to share opposing views too. with love x

crafty wee midden Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 4:11pm

Dande Lion,
Thanks for such an eloquent and empathetic post

Anonymous Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 4:45pm

Great post Holly. I too find FB difficult. When people don't respond to my posts, I feel ignored and rejected yet again. And I also feel annoyed by the people who seem so popular yet, to me, they seem inane and self absorbed. When friends wish each other Happy Birthday but forget mine, it really hurts.

Gill Cooke Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 5:51pm

wow - I deleted my facebook account two days ago too - for similar reasons - and I feel much lighter actually (although I have been obsessively knitting - but that's no bad thing!)

Mellie's Mum Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 7:51pm

Hi Holly

Well done! If it liberates you to dump Facebook, then that's something less to worry about. I'm too wary of the lack of privacy to use any social media but your comment about folk who say "Give me a call or meet for a coffee when you;re feeling down" resonated with me. They just don't get it, do they? The last thing I feel like doing when I'm low is answering the door or the phone, let alone making the call or dropping in myself. I would love a real friend who would just boil the kettle and listen, but acquaintances really only want you to be chatty and happy somehow. If you're not, you loathe yourself even more for being a self-pitying bore so why would anyone want to spend time with you anyway?

Keep doing it your way Holly.

Anonymous Sun, May 4th 2014 @ 11:32pm

Wow...we are not alone. I am the same about What's App.

Caroline Ashcroft Mon, May 5th 2014 @ 12:07am

Hi Cat and everyone else, if you'd like to be a buddy to another Moodscoper just email us at and we'll see what we can arrange.

Anonymous Mon, May 5th 2014 @ 12:46am

Holly, I know exactly what you mean. I stopped telling people a long time ago how I really feel as their reactions were either to gloss over what I'd said or to use it as an opportunity to talk about their own problems. I'd just end up feeling even more isolated and alone. I'm glad you're turning over a new leaf, and wish you lots of luck in expressing how you feel, I hope you get the support you need and deserve

Anonymous Mon, May 5th 2014 @ 9:22am

Thats really interesting, to be honest I find myself less and less on facebook these days, I only use it as a tool to arrange to meet vertual friends well for me!..lets be honest, alot of the 186 people I know on there most are dotted around the country and will never meet again!..others from school, past colleagues etc.mmm, mass cull is probably the way forward!
ive discovered 2 types of friend that anyone will have in their lives, gainers will support, hug, listen and witness you in a right ole state ans still return to make sure you are coping, then there's the drainer, ive learned the hard way that these people suck the life out of you with their problems and when you offer them what you think is good advice and then do nothing about it,your frustration begins to take over and overwehelm you.the selfish thing about them is they are unable to understand the sheer hell that is creating a storm in your own head, so the whole relationship is one sided.needless to say I learned the hard way,but for you out there who feel sad, low, tearful, lonely and need support and someone to listen, choose only those kind people who give you hope,light and fill you with inspiration to think, im a good person, I deserve to be at peace and content, but will always return to you when you need you all a cyber smile...

Anonymous Tue, May 6th 2014 @ 11:52am

Great post. It very much depends on you as an individual how you 'see' FB. Personally I'm a believer - I feel glad to read other people's glad news, I feel irritated or occasionally ;) educated to read opposing views. If I begin to feel that people don't like me, I recognise that I am thinking in a way which is inconsistent with FB use. In other words, FB is not responsible for how I feel - rather, how I feel dictates whether I should be enjoying FB or spending time in other activites because I clearly need to bolster my coping strategies. As a new mum and FB user I cannot 'thank' it enough for getting rid of my strong sense of isolation, being 'forgotten about' and feeling 'left out'. It makes me feel part of the world. But we must always remember that the real world is Out There and go out and seek it when we start connecting FB with -ve feelings. My first baby was born before the invention of FB and my second baby after. The difference in how I have felt both times has been largely down to the amount of social interaction I've been able to have. And a lot depends also on how we use FB (for example I restrict my 'friends' to only people I regularly see and talk to).

Anonymous Tue, May 6th 2014 @ 9:58pm

The thing is saying soical networking is not good for people with depression or other mental health distress, is not really helpful? It may be difficult, and sometimes if people cannotget out soical media can be a lifeline surely?

Also even if depressed it's good to try to socialise out and about as well. of course it will be difficutlt, and its more isloating to stay inside and be constantly alone worrying about what people do or don't think


Anonymous Wed, May 7th 2014 @ 4:49pm

People look at me as if I have two heads when I state I don't have F/B. If I'm not in touch with someone there is a reason and I really don't want someone from my past popping up in my life again. Whilst on a personal level I believe this stance helps me but there is a feeling of isolation regarding information, events, gigs, lectures etc that I simply don't recieve.

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