Moodscope's blog

24

June


I am NOT worthless. Saturday June 24, 2017

I find the book "Feeling Good" by David D Burns, MD, extremely helpful. I was dipping in today and came across the following, written by one of his clients.

Feeling worthless is a symptom of depression but just because you FEEL worthless does NOT mean that you are correct! If, dear Moodscoper, you are feeling worthless today, I hope that reading this helps you to realise that actually, you are eminently worthwhile!

"As long as I have something to contribute to the well-being of myself and others, I am not worthless.

As long as what I do can have a positive effect, I am not worthless.

As long as my being alive makes a difference to even one person, I am not worthless (and this one person can be me if necessary).

If giving love, understanding, companionship, encouragement, sociability, counsel, solace means anything, I am not worthless.

If I can respect my opinions, my intelligence, I am not worthless. If others also respect me, that is a bonus."

Can you add to this or make your own list? Put your list somewhere so that you read it every day.

Thinking of you, especially if you are suffering today and sending calm, healing, positive thoughts.

Marmaladegirl
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Molly Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 1:09am

Hi Marmaladegirl, I had to read your post a couple of times to digest it. I feel worthless but isn't that more from deep within? People tell me that I must be worth something to care for my husband, but if I wasn't doing it, someone else would be. If any of us have a break up or a loss, we are encouraged to move on. I apologise for being negative, but I don't genuinely feel that I worthwhile. I do not trust my own opinions let alone respect them, so I don't see how anyone else would. I fight to get above this feeling, but it is too deep rooted. Thank you for your last paragraph. Same back to you. Molly xx

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 8:17am

Dear Molly - As you know, depression is an illness of the mind. Some of the symptoms are feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. We feel sad and low (or worse) even though there may not necessarily be any reason to do so. Other illnesses have other symptoms - we try to reduce the discomfort they cause as much as possible. We need to do the same with the symptoms of depression. When you were born you were a very special, unique human being and you still are. Things have happened so you may no longer believe you are worthwhile and if you have depression, this will make you think that everything is hopeless, pointless and that you are worthless. You say that you don't feel worthwhile and I say that that is the illness speaking - you ARE worthwhile but the illness is warping your mind so that you mistakenly think that this is not true! You say you do not trust your opinions, and you are sensible not to do so - do not trust the opinion of worthlessness (or hopelessness or pointlessness - ALL these are the illness telling you lies!) Depression is an illness that taints every aspect of our lives - it really is as if a dirty, black, stinking muck has been poured over everything. Surely we should try every way we can to free ourselves from it? Knowing that we are worthwhile is a good start - you need to believe in yourself and be strong to follow the path to freedom. So don't just accept what your mind is telling you - make the most of your life, yourself and all the gifts you have been given. Start noticing what these are... Start telling yourself that you ARE worthwhile. "As long as I have something to contribute to the well-being of myself and others, I am not worthless." That's YOU Molly! Don't just lie back and let this ghastly illness waste your life - find ways to overcome it. This site will help you to do that! All the best, MG xx

Molly Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 12:29am

WOW - thank you - what a long response. I do agree with you, depression is a liar. How to overcome it, is not that simple but I am determined every day to fight it and constantly tell myself 'there is nothing to worry about' etc. I believe the illness is responsible for alot of my negative thoughts but my low self esteem will be with me forever. Others shocked by it sometimes (you are attractive, successful, etc etc) but for me, the damage has been done xx

Mary Wednesday Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 11:43am

Molly, ( I want to say, Molly, my darling - but I would hate for you to think I'm being patronising; I'm not.) You may not read this as its a day late, but anyway....You say the damage has been done. That damage can be repaired and I pray it will be. Big hug.

Molly Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 1:41pm

Mary, you can call me darling anytime ! Thank you for your kind words xx and thank you again MG xx

Frankie Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 6:35am

This is so good MG - thank-you! Especially the sentence with FEEL and NOT in capitals. I need to adopt this as a mantra. Spookily apt timing as I was sharing this very thought yesterday with my ex-boss, who was shocked at my revelation, which nicely proves the point of how wrong we often are in our thinking! Frankie x

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 9:52am

Dearest Frankie - Thank you so much for your comment. It is often amazing how at odds what we feel inside us is with how people perceive us! I hope things are getting better for you. Life is so cruel and tough to the people who least deserve it. I have been thinking of you and hoping that you are OK. Lots of love, MG x

the room above the garage Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 10:04am

Hello Frankie, how are things? I think of you often x.

Frankie Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 10:29am

Thank-you MG and RATG. On the plus side, life is flowing smoothly , at last ... On the minus side, there is no excuse for me to avoid the essential grieving ... Your replies soothe my aching heart ... Hugs all round. Frankie xx

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 11:09am

Oh Frankie - Sending love in a pot to act as a salve for your aching heart. MG xx

Isabella Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 7:22am

Years ago on a management course we were given an exercise to do where we had to go out into the garden and shout out 'I am a very important person' - to no-one in particular just to keep repeating it. You have no idea how difficult this was for most people. I remember struggling to say it - but once I had, it became easier and easier. I was a senior manager then, but I guess I still didn't recognise how successful I was. All these years later, I still remember doing that and often repeat the exercise - in my head or quietly whispered, not in the garden! I think we do need people to tell us, but failing that learn to tell ourselves. Thank you Marmalade Girl.

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 9:55am

Thank you so much for this Isabella. What a top tip - I will try it! I love where you say "I think we do need people to tell us, but failing that learn to tell ourselves." I think the Moodscope site helps us all to learn different ways of helping ourselves, so I am very happy to learn this from you today. All the best, MG x

Orangeblossom Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 7:27am

Thanks for the encouraging blog Marmaldegirl. I appreciate it lots. It is just what I need.

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 10:03am

Dear Orangeblossom - Firstly apologies, as I am replying to people but in an erratic order. All your contributions to this website are always so worthwhile. You are kindly giving out the goodness that is inside you, even if you can't see that goodness yourself. Keep searching for what you need and giving it to yourself, whether that is appreciation, rest, nutrition, fresh air, kindness... I hope that that helps to build your strength and optimism. MG x

jen Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 8:11am

Hi, I have to agree with Molly. I had been doing really well and feeling that I was doing a good job of being a supportive mother and nanny through family troubles and doing better at work and coping without the prop of medication thinking I had cracked the recurring downs . Then a sequence of worries brought me crashing down . I have tried fighting but am back in the depths . Feel so worthless and that my family need someone stronger and more confident and I can't be that person. Worse than that, my insecurities are rubbing off on 2 generations of my family. What a vile thing this anxiety and depression is. The positive messages are just falling on deaf ears and I have taken my first tablet for 3 months- another example of how this thing won't leave me !! Sorry friends - feeling a misery coming on to bring you all down too but hoped writing this might give me a spur to fight on.

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 8:33am

Dearest Jen - I am so sorry to hear that you have crashed. That is the worst part of depression - it can keep coming back. Life is a roller-coaster. Sometimes we go down, but hang in there because you will go up again. You have got better before Jen and you can do it again. Be really, really kind to yourself. Don't do anything you don't have to - you need all your energies and focus to go on getting better. I know how hard it is when you have family to care for, but your family love you - they don't stop just because you are ill at the moment. This too will pass Jen, I promise. You WILL feel better, the sun will shine, life will be good. It will come. Meanwhile, just get through today. Ask yourself what YOU NEED. For me it is always lots of rest, so I build my nest, curl up in it and stay there... Don't be hard on yourself for having an illness Jen. As I said to Molly, feeling worthless is one of the symptoms of this vile illness - don't believe it, you ARE very worthwhile, but you are having a hard time at the moment so take care of yourself. Sending love, hugs, strength, patience and hope, MG xxxxx

jen Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 8:55am

Thanks marmalade girl. Your kind and rapid response meant a lot. I have been resting but with guilt attached. At least I haven't resorted to cigarettes this time! Something to feel proud of. I can tell from your reply that you understand how tiring the fight is - and to give back to others when you are feeling better is a very fine thing. Returning the hugs x

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 9:40am

Hi Jen - Me again! Aaaah, the guilt! I know that too! We need blogs that will help us tackle the guilt, the worthlessness, the feeling of pointlessness and hopelessness and deep despair. And how to cope with it all when you feel about as strong as an amoeba... Yep, living with depression is not for the faint-hearted (ha ha). Massive congratulations for not having a fag. I have the urge to try anything to 'help' take the edge of my depression - booze, fags, drugs, sugar - but I have learnt over the years which ones help and which ones make it worse, so I try to avoid all the aforementioned! More hugs, MG x

Sal Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 9:06am

Yes yes YES, MG. What a helpful blog, thank you.

What comes to mind for me are those times when I and a friend can slow down enough with each other just to notice, and treasure, our connection - which can be in silence, not necessarily words.

When I am feeling worthless I struggle to do anything other than look inwards .... or else work-work-work outwardly to 'earn' some worth from the other. Having the courage and presence-in-the-moment to look outwards at someone else who is doing the same allows me to breathe an "Aaah" of relief that I am seen, and am accepted.

You seem a very kind person with great empathy. Thank you for being here. xx

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 9:48am

Dear Sal - Thank you for your comments. I hadn't thought of that - the striving to make yourself feel of worth. I do that! I was raised to know that I have to be doing things, making, earning, creating, giving out before I am worth anything. My worth is only reflected in how other people perceive me - although I am rejecting that these days. Being ill has meant I have had nothing - no job, no home, no husband, no money, no energy to do anything, no opportunities cos I shut everything down. Luckily I realised my upbringing had been wrong - my worth does not come from what I do or earn or have or what is reflected by other people. My worth is already there inside me. I like communicating with people on Moodscope because we do all have certain things in common, so I find the empathy that you mention comes easily... MG

LP Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 9:56am

Thank you M,

I have been shaken by the actions of someone at work after a very long time of being left to get on with my job.I was in a good place.

Because of the similarity between her and my mother, authoritarian, controlling and insensitive, I am not surprised. Looking back it has happened before and is a very predictable pattern.

Because of my response, I was feeling bad about myself, after being on such a steady path for a year and a half. I have been recovering well, but still feel less confident at work, especially as I'm still having to be guarded. There is someone else at work who I feel thrives in these situations and the dynamic between the 3 of us infront of others, leaves me feeling almost worthless.

I have been so guarded and scared, that I lose faith in my abilities and don't take the opportunities to shine that I normally would almost taking on board a feeling of worthlessness that feels like is coming from them, but I suspect is coming from me.

Anyway it's hard when feeling low to dismiss these feelings, but the chink of hope is awareness.

Before things started to get tough, I was at a point where if I had something to disagree about I would just say it.
Having responded emotionally in a difficult situation recently though, I have been cautious because I know that it can happen quite easily at the moment. Management are responding to pressure on them by putting pressure on us and I am fighting it, but from a feeling of powerlessness.
What I do have is determination.
With my friends, "determination" and "awareness" I know that I will be ok.
I am not worthless. My light may be weaker, but is there it always will be because I am a human being and that is an infinitely incredible thing to be. Also I thankfully have support.

What has helped me before has been rather than arguing against or trying to make management see my point of view (what a waste of energy!) I have simply stated that I don't agree with their way of doing things.
This difficult time will settle down and I want to get back on track. I definitely will get back on track and sooner than in the past.
It is predictable and I have a chink of hope that I will not be taken by surprise next year, but prepare myself and get support so that I ride the storm (which is in a teacup after all!) better. I just need to get out of the tea cup!

Thank you so much Marmalade girl. Just what I needed at this time.
Even though I have feelings resembling worthlessnes, in understandably difficult circumstances,
it is those very qualities, my sensitivity and connection with fellow human beings, that makes me infinitely worthwhile.
Sending light and love to you and all. LP xxx

the room above the garage Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 10:04am

LP so sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Remember "what is wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it and what is right is right, even if nobody else is doing it". You keep on your path and keep taking half steps regardless of their actions. It's a pressure. You are stronger. Love ratg x.

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 10:13am

LP - this is wonderful! Thank you so much for writing it down. You have explained your situation so well (one which I am sure many people will identify with). Your determination, resilience and strength are fantastic. But what I think will get you through above all is your incredible AWARENESS. What a skill! And your communication skills are brilliant too. My goodness, you have done well! (and I mean that totally genuinely even if it sounds patronising!) "I have feelings resembling worthlessness" - that is such a powerful observation. You are so full of power LP - it is shining through your words. Just keep tapping into it and know that it is there and you will get through the difficulties. Loads of love to you too, MG xx

Tutti Frutti Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 4:56pm

Hi LP I really feel for you as I have had a tough time at work recently as well and it has knocked my confidence as well. However it has just been uncertainty around some structural changes, my boss being promoted and wondering who I will now have to work for etc, nothing personally unpleasant like you have had to deal with. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and your awareness that the feeling of being worthless is more internal than external is key. I hope things improve for you soon. Sending virtual hugs love TF xoxo

LP Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 7:35pm

Thank you so much ratg, I will hold onto that in the next few weeks. Big hugs LP xxx

LP Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 7:42pm

Thank you MG :) Your spirit is also shining it's like blowing onto glowing embers! Together on Moodscope we keep each other going. A really great blog .LP Xxx

the room above the garage Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 9:59am

What a great post. That word, worthless, has hung on to my tail for a thousand years. I came out of primary school high on confidence and then worthless came along soon after and I've never shaken it. Watching my youngest daughter at this same crossroads has been tense. My other daughter is sunny about everything in life and has never doubted herself, my son does but is a willing learner and has strong achievements to plump up his self belief. Finding worth is a big thing for me and I watch my young daughter with wise eyes. I hope I can use my armour to see her through it, if not see it off. Even the words "I am not worthless" as a little silent mantra is a powerful shield. Thank you Marmaladegirl. Love ratg x. p.s. Your name reminds me of being small and my dad making marmalade. Sometimes we'd get to have a slice of toast at bedtime with the tester bit cooling on a saucer.

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 11:13am

RATG - It's so hard to watch our children go through the same struggles as we did isn't it? However, as you say, at least we can watch them "with wise eyes". 'Marmalade' is just a word I like the sound of (it's a mellifluous word!) Thank you for evoking that memory of marmalade-making - I can almost smell the hot marmalade in my granny's largest saucepan, bubbling away... :-)

Tutti Frutti Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 4:40pm

I think my confidence started disappearing aged 14 (the age my daughter is now). I remember seeing this girl in the year below me going on about how wonderful she was at everything (which for all I know she was). My rural comprehensive was a very small pond so I was a bit of a star academically and I remember thinking "Doesn't she sound awful. I really hope that I'm not like her" and I made a conscious decision to play everything down after that. I think the habit ended up ingrained and I started to believe my achievements weren't worth anything.

Tutti Frutti Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 4:47pm

Posted too early. Hopefully I am handling things rather differently for my daughter. She is in a very different school where she is doing well but isn't the obvious star and where it's not uncool to be academic. She also thank goodness seems to have a strong streak of her father's self confidence. Long may it continue. Love TF x

Molly Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 4:22pm

Hi Tutti, isn't it interesting that a small thing that happened in our childhood, can have some a major effect. I also dislike people who 'blow their own trumpet' although perhaps they are trying to convince themselves! Some people are brought up to feel really special which can bring on arrogance, others are put down, which brings on insecurity. Getting the balance right as a parent/teacher etc is almighty tough. Molly xx

Valerie Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 10:12am

You are so right.I think if just one word can sum up the way I feel when at my lowest it would be "worthless".If I could have an extra word it would be "tired".Overdoing things physically is something I have to watch.I may feel fine at the time,but it will backfire.

Depression and anxiety make us tune out anything about ourselves and our lives that is good and worthwhile.It is like looking out of your window at a beautiful rose garden,but all you see are the dirty smears on the glass.In my case,all my fault because I have been too "lazy" to clean them.When it really comes down to it,for me Prozac has been a godsend.I have taken 20mg daily for around 20 years,and occasionally an extra dose is called for.I feel no more concerned about this than I would if I was an insulin dependent diabetic.

There are also events in life that are so upsetting and unrelenting that even the strongest person will feel negative and hopeless.Trying to put a positive spin on everything is just plain daft.A good moan,rant or wallow in misery is fully justified,and may even help.

A very good and practical blog MG,which will speak to many reading this today.xx

Frankie Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 10:23am

This is so good Valerie, than-you; seeing only "the smears on the glass" instead of the beautiful roses. Also the comment about even the strongest person feeling negative; reallyhelpful . Frankie

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 11:17am

Hi Valerie - Great to hear from you. As I read through what you have written I found myself saying "Yes... yes, oh YES!" Thank you! MG

Molly Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 4:25pm

I agree - very good comment Valerie xx

Kelly Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 12:48pm

This is something I really struggle with. As much as I can intellectually understand this...it's hard too feel my own worth.

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 1:39pm

Hi Kelly - You are not alone! I don't think I would be far wrong to say that everyone who has depression struggles with feeling worthless. That is why I wrote the blog - to remind people that although that may be how they FEEL, their feelings are not necessarily TRUE. It is part of the illness. When we are depressed our minds tell us things but these things are NOT FACTS! So don't beat yourself up. However, do know that you ARE worthwhile, even if you don't feel it. If you can identify with just one of the statements in the blog, then you are not worthless. "As long as my being alive makes a difference to even one person, I am not worthless (and this one person can be me if necessary)." How about that one? The fact that you took the trouble to reply to my blog today has really meant something to me. It is rewarding to me that something I have written has touched you sufficiently to get you to respond. We have made contact. I value that; YOU gave that to me and I thank you! So YOU have made a difference and therefore you are not worthless. If you keep noticing the little things, maybe you will start to feel your own worth. Don't over-think it - just KNOW that you are and always have been an eminently worthwhile person. Wishing you well, MG x

Tutti Frutti Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 4:48pm

Me too Kelly. Love and hugs TF xoxo

The Gardener Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 1:28pm

Thanks MG - provoked a lot of 'good' stuff - at my age (80+) one COULD feel useless - but I've got a job to do - am said to do it well, applying management skills and experience of dealing with 'awkward' situations - work place, meetings, family and TRYING to keep rational, the most difficult to do. It sounds terribly smug and 'pi', but my philosophy is that whatever I do in the day is done to the best of my ability - no guilt about the 'errors and omissions'. I am SO lucky that depression is behind me, and that my health is good. I have had loads of aches and pains - but I am now convinced (no medical backing) that the fact that I CANT stop means all the aching bits I would have sat down under are quiescent - winter is a dread not to be thought of. The fact that my battered back makes me have to get up from all fours like a camel only amuses people.

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 1:44pm

You are so right, dear Gardener, when you say "whatever I do in the day is done to the best of my ability". That is not smug; it is something to be proud of and to give yourself a pat on the back for. The fact that you are having to do it with all those aches and pains as well means that you can feel even more proud. All the best, MG

Tutti Frutti Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 4:30pm

Hi Marmalade Girl
I just wanted to agree with everything you said in your blog. That was the first self help book I ever read on depression and was the only effective treatment I had during my first major depressive episode. (I did have Prozac from my GP but when I was in hospital later they discovered that Prozac has no effect on me.) I still do get feelings of worthlessness particularly when I feel low. I have a natural assumption that I am not that good at stuff and I have a great deal of difficulty accepting praise. When someone tells me something good i can't help wondering later if I am sure I heard them correctly (first happened when I went into school for my o level results and I kept thinking that I would look at the certificates again and the A's wouldn't be there after all). When I get favourable comments on my performance review at work I leap to the conclusion that it is only because the particular person commenting is a generous marker. However, fundamentally I do know that there is evidence that I am not worthless or rubbish at everything and that i should believe the evidence even if I haven't managed to yet. And I think that's a big step forward.
I would really recommend the book (or the later edition the Feeling good handbook) to anyone who is struggling. It is a pretty easy read and the exercises are really helpful.
Love TF x

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 4:48pm

Hi Tutti Frutti - It IS an excellent book, which is why I keep going back to re-read bits and re-do the exercises. I didn't know there was a new 'handbook' version - I could probably do with that. I also can't take Prozac! And SSRIs and NSRIs (that might be wrong - something with 'N' in) all bring on appalling vertigo, amongst other unpleasant things (like ulcers in mouth and noises in head). As a result I am on a self-help journey - always on the look out for anything that works to add to my armoury... All the best, MG xx

Tutti Frutti Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 5:12pm

I actually think the original version of the book is better but that's probably just because I know the format quite well. I mentioned the new edition because I think you can only buy the original second hand. I am sorry you aren't able to take antidepressants. I am lucky enough only to have had side effects on one medication. Prozac just does nothing to me - positive or negative. I have occasionally had venlafaxine since which thankfully does work on me. Love TF x

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 7:28pm

My copy is pretty old and well-thumbed. I just thought I might update it cos the pages will be falling out soon! Xx

Dragonfly Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 5:37pm

Really positive blog MG and you've given such lovely, considered responses to some really insightful comments. I often feel worthless too, along with tiredness as Valerie mentioned, and because I feel a failure don't really think I'm deserving of much self care. I think the difficulty is between knowing one is not worthless and truly believing it. I've emerged from a damaging 'friendship' which has unsettled all my values and I'm on the long path to rebalancing everything again. I lost myself and lost sight of what is good and true in my life x

Marmaladegirl Sat, Jun 24th 2017 @ 7:34pm

Self-care is so important Dragonfly - and often the last thing we want to do when we are depressed... I hope your journey towards finding yourself, rebalancing your life and rediscovering all that is true and good goes well (it is a long and winding road, but keep at it!) All the best, MG x

Nicco Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 1:01am

Going through a v.painful break-up atm so thank you for your blog, MG - I really needed to have my self-esteem lifted, and your blog did that. I will remember every day that, no matter how I feel, I am not worthless.

Marmaladegirl Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 9:43am

Absolutely Nicco. You are in pain now and may feel negative about all sorts of things but try to find ways that actively heal, strengthen and build the positive 'you' inside. Make a list of those things from the blog - "As long as.... then I am not worthless", stick it somewhere you will see it (bathroom mirror good cos you can look yourself in the eye as you tell yourself these things). Read it aloud everyday - you will feel foolish at first but you WILL start to feel it. At the moment you are suffering - but I always feel that troubles in life are like hammer blows onto hot metal on an anvil. The more blows you receive the more this metal becomes a sword and the more honed and fabulous that sword becomes. You will come out the sharpest, shiniest, most beautiful sword - you will be a wiser, stronger, better person because of this. Believe in yourself and just stick with it - you will get thru to the good times again. All the best, MG x

Nicco Mon, Jun 26th 2017 @ 2:39am

Absoluteltly, MG, thank you. I love the analogy of the anvil.

Jane SG Mon, Jun 26th 2017 @ 7:17am

I also love this analogy MG. well done. Nicco, so sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time. Sending you a big hug. You will come through. Xxx

Nicco Mon, Jun 26th 2017 @ 10:03am

Thank you so much, Jane. A bit shaky but holding on.

Nicco Mon, Jun 26th 2017 @ 9:43pm

Just to let you know, MG, that I have printed out several copies, cut them out, and stuck them in various places around the house - bathroom mirror, near my pc, on the kitchen fridge, on my bedroom mirror, so I have plenty of reminders!

Mary Wednesday Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 11:47am

BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT post. I need to read this every day. I dont think many moodscopers would say I'm worthless. None of my family and friends or clients would say so. But - so many times I feel it. Thank you sooooo much for writing this.

Marmaladegirl Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 12:46pm

Dear Mary - Great to hear from you. I hope you see this reply... Yeah, basically when we feel worthless I am pretty sure it is just one of the things that having depression does to us. It is a symptom of our illness not something we really are - along with those feelings we can have of everything being pointless, that everything will always be dreadful, that we will never be happy again so it is all hopeless... All lies and symptoms of being depressed but not how it actually as. I'm glad you responded to Molly saying that she will always have low self-esteem and the damage is done - I totally agree with you that things can change. I would say that Molly's feelings that it will be like that forever are another symptom of her depression. I hope all is well with you and the family. Lots of love, MG xxx

Molly Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 5:06pm

I thought I felt by ears burning there ! You describe depression very well MG. To throw a spanner in the works, I think the feeling of worthlessness can cause depression, so it is a vicious circle. I guess I need to do more work on myself to break that circle but as you know, when depressed, you cannot be bothered. I guess when I was working, I felt more 'worthwhile'. Losing that feeling of achievement and the sense of satisfaction when helping others has fed my depression. Feeling like I have no purpose in life. I am hopeful that one day that will change. Molly xx

Jane SG Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 7:51pm

Dear MG, I am late coming to this as my Mum was taken into hospital yesterday. This event has thrown me, once again, into family dynamics. I'm very tired so I have not read all the comments. I did however notice the effort you have made to reply to people so comprehensively and compassionately. You have my complete respect for this. Thank you for being so caring.
So self worth- for me personally it has been, and still is, a long battle. When I'm in the grips of paranoia then all I can see are negatives. However I have worked so,so hard this past few years to overcome this. Things are improving. I feel that I'm slowly 'growing into myself.' It's a long process though. Old traumas can remain deeply embedded. Thank you for your blog MG xxx

Molly Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 8:34pm

Hope your mum is okay Jane xx

Frankie Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 8:42pm

I will light a candle for you and your mum Jane; wishing you a peaceful night ... Frankie

Jane SG Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 8:42pm

Thank you Molly. I really appreciate this xxx

Jane SG Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 8:44pm

Thank you so much Frankie. That's lovely, thank you xxx

LP Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 8:58pm

Well wishes to both of you Jane xxx

Jane SG Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 9:05pm

Thank you LP. Xx I'm so touched by these messages. Thank you xxx

Marmaladegirl Sun, Jun 25th 2017 @ 9:40pm

Dear Jane - Thank you so much for your kind words. I really appreciate them. I too am working on my sense of worth and it is always enormously rewarding to have a positive response like yours. It's interesting what you say about "growing into yourself". I think I must be a late-developer as it has taken me so long to come to terms with my life and feel anywhere near comfortable in myself (still working on it!) But I know I have come a long way when I look back and compare how I am now with how I was maybe five or ten years ago. I hope you see my reply, although it may well be Monday when you do (hopefully you are getting an early night tonight!). Look after yourself at this challenging time Jane. MG xx

Jane SG Mon, Jun 26th 2017 @ 7:16am

Keep going MG. I'm still working on it! Thank you Xx

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