Moodscope's blog

25

July


I woke like Lily Munster. Saturday July 25, 2015

Can you be a touch bi-polar? Can you have a streak of it running through you like the white streak in Lily Munster's hair? I apologise in advance if this blog is flippant to those who are bi-polar, I really don't mean it to be. Humour is my default to coping. It's just that through reading Mary's blogs, so much of what she describes of her highs and lows, resonates with my own behaviours that it makes me curious.

I'm not bi-polar because I have a steady low that can go from bad to worse. But when I get very busy (stressed to the hilt) I can jump on the steam train on steroids and then the silly stuff happens. Normal thoughts float elegantly to the ground and instead my thoughts turn into something like cartoons with all of the outrageous sound effects, only not so fun and happy.

I'll be going on holiday soon. Naturally I am going to die on the plane. Like I did last year. And it will bring comfort to those mourning me to know I squeezed in an eye test before I left. As they sift through the 42 years of gathered stuff they will thank me for washing the kitchen floor and changing all the beds. Piling up donations to charity they will love that I frantically cleared out and glued all the broken toys. Why would I want to meander into holidays feeling calm and relaxed when I can create tension and anxiety that a film maker would pay top dollar for! I lose half of the holiday to recovering from this trip to the fair ground on fast forward.

I've been using meditation to grow my peace. It has helped. Only, at these times my brain is so strong in its quest to be a cartoon, that exhaustion takes over and I can't stay awake to meditate. Sleeping like a koala bear (up to 22 hours a day) would still not be enough.

So I ask you...can you be a touch bi-polar?

Love from

The room above the garage.
A Moodscope member.


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Comments

Anonymous Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 6:17am

This really stuck a chord with me; I have asked myself the same question, as when I get agitated I go into overdrive and try to do everything on my to do list all at once..and then a day or two later crash almightily when my body tells me off for being so stupid and seriously overdoing it. Please let me know when you find a way to mitigate these highs as they feel impossible to stop!!

I wouldn't wish it on anyone else, but it is nice to know I am not alone!

Thanks!

Lou

Sally Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 6:19am

I think you can. I also recognised myself in much of Mary's blogs on bipolar. The spending certainly. The feelings of elation, of being super capable, which grind to a halt sometimes overnight.
I like your comment that humour is your default to coping. I seem to remember reading that a sense of humour is a sense of perspective, which would make sense to me, because when I am very low, humour is totally absent, even the wry sort!
I found this blog very interesting and well put, RATG. Thanks.


Hopeful One Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 7:37am

Hi RATG - a great blog. Your last sentence confused me I am afraid - like were you asking me if I was a touch bipolar (no ) or were you asking somebody bipolar whether they could be a touch bipolar as opposed to being extremely bipolar. From the replies from Lou and Sally it appears to be the later so that's settled.

I can contribute something to the last para as meditation is my default to coping in addition to humour. When one's mind is racing away don't expect it to settle any time soon. As Andy Puddicome suggests think of it as a wild stallion you want to tame. If one can manage to get a rope around it then that will steady it a bit. Once that is achieved one pulls the rope towards one self letting go a little as the stallion wants to bolt again until slowly the stallion calms down and one is able to hold it steady in one place. During this time maintain an attitude of no self condemnation for being useless,no self hatred for not having a steady mind at will, no self loathing for the same ,or self contempt for the feeble effort and look out for one's NUTS( negative sub conscious thoughts) which can disrupt the best of intentions.Accept that things are as they are . Be forgiving to yourself at all times.You might think your meditation was a waste- but that's it meditation is meditation- nothing to achieve . But in doing that one does achieve for meditation is "subtle,intangible but profound ( Andy Puddicombe) I hope this helps.

Sarah M Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 8:48am

I haven't heard of Mr Putticombe but I like his image of Stallions. I have an entire herd(?) meditation is extremely hard for me - but I am always open to trying it again. If I google him will I find some stuff? I particularly like NUTS :)

Anonymous Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 8:59am

Hi T-ratg - in my experience "yes". Mary describes 2 sorts of bi-polar and I suspect, like me, you might have the less exciting sort i.e. Bi-polar 2, which can be equally exhausting - and devastating. Once on the plane, you will be in a "bubble". Removed from that frenzied activity, try to let go and allow yourself, albeit temporarily, to be guided by others. Hopefully seeing your family having fun will help ease your mind and you will be able to enjoy the holiday too. Go well!

Anonymous Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 2:15pm

Hi RATG...I think you should be jolly proud of yourself for getting so much done before going on your hols! His fantastic to have washed the floor, changed the beds and got everybody ready for the trip! And all this (and a blog to boot!) whilst coping with depression, be it bipolar or not....be kind to yourself on holiday, with the mountains and sea around you and do your meditation whenever you can. Try to enjoy the break from the usual, with love from Karen (bearofliddlebrain.com) x

Hopeful One Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 2:43pm

Hi Sarah- Andy Puddicombe is the author of a book available at Amazon for approx £6.50 called "get some headspace" he explains it all there, it was the best £6.50 I ever spent . I can honestly say it changed my life. Best of luck in your endeavour.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 3:02pm

Hello Lou, exactly this...have zero energy, have a surge, then crash, back to nothing. But we learn more everyday... Hope you're day is ok. Love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 3:04pm

Hi Sally, that's interesting about humour and perspective! Perspective is so important and one of my first things to go... Thank you, love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 3:09pm

Hello Sarah, I came across Andy Puddicombe on an app called Headspace. Exactly as HO said just in a different format. I did the 'Take Ten' free trial to dip in a toe...loved it. Presented very humourosly and extremely easy to follow. He has a great voice for it and guides you through step by step. After that you can sign up and be guided everyday. The app is a very easy starting point. Hope you find help there whether it's app or book. Love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 3:11pm

Hello HO! Indeed I meant it as in 'you' 'us' 'we'. Thank you for your reply...maybe time to change to Helpful One, love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 3:14pm

Thank you. I recognise you from your 'Go Well' that you are often here, sending me encouragement. Thanks for that, I'll investigate it a bit more and see if I recognise myself! Love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 3:17pm

Oh thank you Karen x. But it is a frenzied state and damaging and so needs reigned in.
This was written a wee while back and I'm now home :-) love ratg x p.s. Your brain is large :-D

Anonymous Sat, Jul 25th 2015 @ 6:12pm

I thought you had probably been on hols already from your blog about the mountains and sea and how it all got to you when everyone else woke up and something to do with Ninjas and Eleanor Rigby!??
I know what you mean about reigning it all in...twice this week I have done too much as I have wanted to get a major cleaning job completed and I'm nearly there...just four more cupboards to empty, sort and clean out! But this bearofliddlebrain is pooped.com x x x

Anonymous Sun, Jul 26th 2015 @ 6:32am

Thanks ratg; it was pretty good. Hope yours was too, Lou x

Pennie-Lynn Sun, Jul 26th 2015 @ 8:01am

It is important to remember that Bipolar Disorder is not the only cause of mania, especially the lowered hypomania being described here. It can be associated with other mental illnesses. Also, a mania can be induced by medications (such as anti-depressants) or sleep disturbance, even in people who don't have Bipolar Disorder.

sally ann Mon, Aug 10th 2015 @ 3:55pm

I have just found this blog, wow it is so helpful. Had a diagnose of Bipolar a while ago, not sure if it is really helpful or not. I am still "suffering" the swings and not happy in either state. But reading the blogs have made me realise that I am not alone in this state of minds.

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