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August


How You See People Changes What Happens Next. Monday August 14, 2017

If you'd like to see my first reaction to the main video I'd love to share today, here's me in the car: https://youtu.be/L3cIzpqKByM

If you don't have the time or the access to YouTube, it won't spoil the 'Aha!' moment.

I'd like to share an experiment run by Canon Cameras in Australia.

I began to think about this in the context of every single relationship I have: the way you and I 'see' others prejudices and affects where our relationships go next! Thus, if you want different results, change the way you see everything!

I really hope you can get to watch this video. I'm going to explain what it shows anyway, but much better for you to see it for yourself. It's stunning.

https://youtu.be/F-TyPfYMDK8

In the video, six different photographers are asked to take portrait photographs of the same model. The catch is that they are each told a different story about the model's background. One is told he saved someone's life, another is briefed on the model being a psychic, a third is told that the subject is a multi-millionaire, another that he is a recovered alcoholic, and, finally, that he is an ex-offender.

The result, if you didn't get to watch the video, is that each photographer portrayed the portrait in a different way. The results looked like six different people.

As a Father, I see my sons differently to the way you will see them. As a partner, I see Penelope in a totally different light to what others see in her. We all see "through a lens". Now, given that changing the lens changes the results we get, I wonder if it is time for you, just like me, to change the way we see some people?

Hit pause on your day right now and list the 3 most significant people in your life:

Their name................................................

Their name................................................

Their name................................................

Great! Now for each one, answer this question:

"If I was to see them in a more favourable fashion, in what way would I see them now?"

That photography video really touched me.

So, my 'Moodscope Monday' thought is:

"How do I see myself?"

"How do you see yourself?"

...because the way we see ourselves will have the most profound impact on how today will unfold. May you see yourself in the best light, and find the best lens through which to see all those you engage with today.

Lex
A Moodscope member.


Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Molly Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 3:36am

Nice Molly here. I watched this video and found it interesting. We are all guilty (I think) of being judgemental - whether that be about appearance or what we are told about someone - or our own interpretations or instincts. The other interesting fact is how people see things in different ways. I guess if anything, this has made me realise I am a bit stubborn (my thoughts must be right etc) it goes some way to be a learning curve and whilst we cannot change who we are, you have got me thinking. Love from Nice Molly xx

Jane SG Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 6:45am

Definitely 'Nice Molly' xxxx

Molly Tue, Aug 15th 2017 @ 3:41am

:-) :-) Jane xx

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 4:51am

I totally agree Nice Molly - every time I rewatch this video, it re-sets my intention to see everyone through a more generous and flattering lens. This, I find hard, as there are many behaviours that still hit my 'hot' buttons but at least I'm thinking twice!! I do find it helps when I discover more about a person. Understanding the challenges people are facing really empowers my sense of empathy or at least sympathy (Another Sally being such a recent example where we can share one another's sense of loss) xx

Molly Tue, Aug 15th 2017 @ 3:43am

Very true Lex xx

Carol Anne Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 6:36am

I love this post...especially as my start for a new week. I see the best in others and I most definitely have a different lens for myself. Even after all this time of learning to be kind to me I still have massive doubt around how others see me.
Only a few weeks ago (in work of all places) were we buddied up in a workshop and given compliments from a buddie - what I heard and what I (allow) myself to see were very far apart.
The process of giving the compliment I found really lovely and uplifting and no surprise I found it difficult/uncomfortable to receive the lovely things being said to me.

So.....thanks for the reminder. For me it's about using the generous lens I have for others for 'all'.

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 8:25am

I wonder what 'code' has entered so many of us that we 'feel uncomfortable' - i.e. an emotional state is triggered - when we are given a compliment. We should shine and beam with pride (in the positive Moodscope sense of pride). How many of us feel the same as Carol Anne, as indeed I do?

Maria Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 2:20pm

I too love to see the positive in others, and it makes my heart happy to see others smile. When I start to see myself through a cracked lens I challenge myself..."How can I see myself that way when I would never look at anyone else so negatively?". It helps me realize that I need to view myself through the same lens that I see others.

Maria Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 2:21pm

I too love to see the positive in others, and it makes my heart happy to see others smile. When I start to see myself through a cracked lens I challenge myself..."How can I see myself that way when I would never look at anyone else so negatively?". It helps me realize that I need to view myself through the same lens that I see others.

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 4:02pm

Be kind to ourselves first - is a great approach, isn't it? Thank you, Maria. Almost, "Do unto oneself what one would do to others!" That's a great shift in thinking.

Lacey Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 10:03pm

I did the same with a therapy group many years ago but we were all strangers and knew nothing about each other except what we looked like So,not unlike the video. I had so many compliments such as 'a gentle person, like a fluffy bear(?) and the like. I remember being embarrassed yet flattered at the same time...... Did wonders for my feelings of lack of self esteem

Jane SG Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 6:45am

Thanks for the interesting blog Lex. I'm in Virginia trying to sleep but I'm hurting and I feel like 'gullible Jane' right now. It's not a big thing, especially not compared to what other Moodscopers are going through. But I always feel on the outside in life looking in. I was invited to a wedding which I have been really looking forward to. Now I have just found out I've been un-invited and just invited to the evening do instead. It's down to numbers but I feel hurt. May be I'm over reacting. And I'm over tired. I brought my daughter a long way to see her friend and her friend has been grumpy with her. I need to find the 'generous lens.'

Orangeblossom Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 8:01am

You feelings are entirely understandable on every count. I hope that the evening at The do won't be marred by this disappointment and feeling partially marginalised. Jet lagg may have had a detrimental effect on your sense of well-being as well?

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 8:28am

Hi Jane SG, this is rarely about the logic, is it? I actually had a 'go' at the worship team in Church yesterday! Why, because I'd hurt my back coming into the building! Logically - was this their fault? No it wasn't, it was because I have a vulnerability at the base of my spine, and I was running late, so I moved inappropriately. However, my emotions exploded and I was rude to very lovely people. The emotions rule! When we can direct and control them, we will truly have ascended to a higher state!

The Gardener Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 11:14am

Jane SG - your feelings of being outside life - my incredible father never had a 'good' relationship - I tried to write his life story - title 'Always on the Outside'

Lexi Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 5:23pm

Jane SG. I can commiserate with you. Outside looking in is my daily feeling. Being over tired always causes me to be more emotional too, but I think feeling hurt about the wedding is a just reaction. I would feel the same way too. Try to be good to yourself today! Since no wedding afternoon activities, perhaps a mani pedi or massage somewhere!

Jane SG Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 7:27pm

Hi all, thank you so much for your responses. Being awake all night definitely made things feel worse. I like your idea Lexi. The wedding isn't until Sept so I may book something nice for myself that day. I do t think I will go to the evening do. Thanks for all being so supportive. I know it's a minor thing really xxx

Jane SG Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 7:29pm

Don't not do!! Lex- I will find the generous lens when I feel less tired I'm sure!

Molly Tue, Aug 15th 2017 @ 4:01am

Jane, similar has happened to me before. I was invited to a friend's 50th party and then she uninvited me for no reason other than to cut down on 'numbers'. We had not seen eachother for a while and we didn't see eachother after that either, as I was hurt and unforgiving!! But to be fair, when I held a party to celebrate my marriage, I really did not want too many people there so I know I offended people by not inviting them but I had to draw the line somewhere. Although I didn't invite and then uninvite as that is a bit cruel! I would just say to you that some people do not 'think' and not to take it personally at all. Two other incidents come to mind as well but I won't make this into an essay. Tiredness does make us irritable for sure but if you are hurt, you are hurt and if you boycott the evening 'do' then let that be a lesson learnt to whoever invited you (but hey just go anyway, and have a bloomin' good time!!) Molly xx

Adam G Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 7:53am

Great post Lex, thank you!

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 8:28am

You are most welcome, Adam G!

Orangeblossom Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 7:56am

Hi Lex I looked at the YouTube video. The subject of the video strongly reminded me of someone I knew & for whom I had an affection. Therefore I did see the video through the colour lens of my own personal experiences. However, recently I have changed the lens through which I saw someone I had known for awhile. I saw her through a more positive lens, approached her and shook her & thanked her. That was a very positive connection for both of us I think.

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 8:29am

It's reminding me, Orangeblossom, of the wisdom in the cliche: Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder. Whatever virtue or vice we see in others is in our eye first, isn't it?

Sally Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 8:01am

Hi Lex. Thanks for this! I watched your first video twice wondering what I'd missed...silly me, then scrolled down and saw the Canon video and was fascinated by the whole thing. So true. The ex prisoner photograph was especially telling I thought! Intimidating.
You have such great enthusiasm for life, Lex, it's lovely. I hope some of that rubs off on me today. Smiley face. And thanks for a nice start to the day.

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 8:31am

Thank you Sally, and I receive the compliment (in light of what Carol Anne shared above!) When I'm 'up' - my enthusiasm is contagious (and when I'm down... hmmm) Shine like the star you are!

Leah Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 8:11am

Lex, i looked up the YouTube link and showed my partner who is a professional photographer and he liked. Plus I watched the inner critic one which was most interesting.
I think if everyone sees you as something negative it is very hard to see yourself differently. I am finding asI age I become invisible as people stereotype me by my age but not by whatI can do.
Thanks Lex.

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 8:52am

Aint that the truth, Leah? I was briefly unemployed a few years ago. As a 50+ I couldn't get a job... even in roles where a mature applicant would help with customers. It was shocking. Now I know that there is a bright future for those of us in our maturity, but it is one that we must make for ourselves, or in partnership with other mature people. Thanks for sharing.

Dolphin Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 9:41am

Loved the video Lex - thanks. I want to use the concept creatively myself on how I view issues, people at different times and moods. Looking forward to doing this and seeing the photographs that result.

On a different, emotional level, however, something came immediately to my mind when I read your blog. A few days ago, I came to the conclusion that I consistently over-estimated my ex and gave him the benefit of the doubt when he behaved hurtfully or disrespectfully. I probably stayed way too long and got more hurt than I would have if I'd left sooner. In reality, I'm not sorry that I stayed - I always would have worried that I'd acted rashly and unfairly if I'd left earlier - but in the future, I think I need to be wary of my rose-tinted spectacles. All the signs were there from the start. Not everyone is capable of treating us with love and respect through immaturity, lack of emotional awareness, selfishness, laziness, down right cruelty etc.

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 10:20am

Hi Dolphin... I'm beginning to see transferrable wisdom in so much I'm learning at the moment. In Conflict Resolution we're taught to 'keep issues small' - and deal with them there and then when they arise. I've never thought about that in relationships before until you said, "All the signs were there from the start." May you and I have the grace and courage to challenge issues in relationships right from the start - to keep those issues small, to test our understanding, and, if compatibility isn't going to happen, to move on!

Lou Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 10:23am

Excellent Blog Lex; very thought provoking.

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 1:49pm

So glad it was thought provoking - I keep re-watching the video! I have much to learn, integrate, and then change about the way I see people.

Mary Wednesday Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 10:29am

Well now......


Gosh.


Amazing video. Thank you for sharing it.


With very few exceptions I see people positively, and so have an overwhelmingly positive experience of life. When I am hurt it is always a shock.


Seeing myself however? The other day I had someone tell me how wonderful I am. It was embarrassing as - although I like to be recognised (recognition is my motivation in a commercial setting), I feel uncomfortable with being praised. "Well Done," "Good job," is what my ears long to hear. "You are wonderful," is exquisitely painful, as I know I am not.


When Moodscopers praise my blogs I get a warm glow of appreciation, but when they comment on who I am, then - no. Please, no."


Given my faith, I believe that only God knows us completely - we each see only a facet of each other. And God accepts us and loves us completely. If we accept that the facet we see in each other is only that, it gives us the understanding to love that person more, because we know there is more to love - we just can't see it.


I totally take Dolphin's point, however. Sometimes the facet shown to us makes it impossible to form a healthy relationship. My former husband is a wonderful man, but with me, he was unable to create a healthy marriage. No doubt I was to blame too. His present marriage appears to be much better, as is mine.


So - for me - this was one of your best blogs to date - and they are, of course, all wonderful. (Do you feel that? That's the lovely sensation of me stroking your ego! - And I mean that in the nicest way and if I were with you then you'd get the biggest hug).


I hope you are up and ebullient today, that your back is pain-free and that you have made peace with the worship band. Go well, my friend.

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 1:51pm

Mary, YOU are wonderful. Mary, you ARE wonderful, Mary, you are WONDERFUL... MARY, are you hearing me... enjoy the exquisiteness!!!

The Gardener Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 11:24am

Lex, why do you write blogs which need a book in order to reply. I shall be succint (!!) and cheat. Significant - my father, because he never believed I could not do something, or that I ever wanted to stay in bed. He threw me in the deep end of life in my early teens, business and socially - I obviously managed to swim. Mr G, of course, having known him 70 of my 82 years. Significance now is that I am a prisoner of his illness, and I have a job coming to grips with my 'cage'. Then, eldest son - we've been through SO much together, not always amicably because the situation was often impossible, but I think now we are good 'mates'. Those 3 are family, so I shall cheat. My lecturer in economic and social history - who set my nose to the research grindstone and it's never come off. How do I see myself? Bossy, over-optimistic, capable of boring people to death (they won't let me) passionate about injustice - and, I've said before, like an over-friendly labrador dog who sometimes gets kicked and wonders why. Sleepless, worried to death, nevertheless we have a night market, the weather's great, and I'm going to have a party - Pimms laid on. Have a nice day, y'all. Oh, postcript - chased son in Abu Dhabi - he's in Houston - superb photo of Greenland 7 kms up. And photos of chaos from eldest son - one of our ex workers (thank goodness) drove too fast on a tractor with 15 tons of grain, and tipped it over on the A4 on Saturday afternoon! As if the South East has not got enough trouble.

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 1:53pm

You Enchantress! Your prose carries me away, and it is a good day! Bless you x

David Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 11:55am

Lex, great post so thank you. The Canon video was definitely thought-provoking but for me equally so was your own video in your car. I have no idea how you really are, all I have is the outsider's view of you in that car video, bright, smiling, cheerful. Rather like I wish I was! Your blog today coincidentally followed me explaining to a recent (but now good friend) what Moodscope was all about and how it helps me. He previously knew nothing about my struggles with anxiety and depression, nothing about my attempt to commit suicide when I was in my darkest moments. I'm mostly a World expert at hiding how I really feel. My recent score on Moodscope was 34% - my friend was in disbelief and doubted how I could possibly be less than 60%. Your post postulated that "How you see people changes what happens next" : for me it also helped provoke the reverse question of how people see you, and does that change what happens next? Does it really matter if Moodscope tracks me according to my view of how I am? Is there any way of "calibrating" what my Moodscope score "should" be?

Mary Wednesday Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 1:22pm

Hello David. While not at all wishing to hi-jack Lex's blog, I would like to reply to your last comment/question. I think one's "perfect" Moodscope score is very individual. Because I joined in 2013 (I think), and have the total Moodscope (not sure what it's called), I can track my graph for those four years. As I have annotated them, there is a wealth of data from which to extrapolate information. You will get to know what is a "good" score for you. You will also get to know how that score is made up. I know that my "perfect" score is 73, made up of all 2s on the red cards and 0s on the blue. Thanks to the medication, that is now my normal score (although I am now getting good at distinguishing between 73.1 and 73.9). Prior to my medication I might also have scored 73, but it would have been made up differently, with 3s on the red cards, but also 2s on the hostile, jittery and irritable cards. That was when I was in my mania state. I would encourage you to keep track. If you cannot subscribe to the full moodscope, then at least keep a record yourself of what the cards say, and what your comments are. The more data you have, the more information you can gather. And the more information you have about your condition the better you can manage it. And, yes - your friend knows nothing. No recent friend, no matter how close, can. Before I went public with my bi-polar, everyone knew me as "Mad Mary". They only ever saw the "up" side. Only my family and my closest friend, the one I made in the lunch queue on my second day in Secondary School, ever knew I suffered from depression. They just didn't see me then because I disappeared from view. Nobody ever saw me "down". So - every good wish as you don your deerstalker and wave your magnifying glass while you carry out your investigations. I'll let you off the cocaine and violin!

Mary Wednesday Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 1:22pm

And grrrr.... I hate it when Moodscope removes all my paragraph breaks!

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 1:57pm

Thank you for such deep sharing, David. I've discussed with folks whether or not I really exhibit bipolar symptoms - I certainly know heights and depths, and rarely any middle ground. For me, my moodscope score is a muscle group. Like all muscle groups, the 10 positive and the 10 unresourceful states create an equilibrium where my 'score' is. I only compare myself with myself, so I can track accurately my shift. I have score 100% and I have scored 6%, and few believe that I struggle!!!

Lacey Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 10:13pm

Hi Mary, Same with me; a close friend said to me a few years ago that I must have been well and having fun as she hadn't seen me for months. It was,in fact, the opposite-I'd hidden away for four months because I couldn't bear facing anyone. Turns out she suffers depression too,yet she didn't get that I was going through it too. When I got my diagnosis of BP I didn't let on as I don't really think she could comprehend. She's still my pal though. I haven't forgotten about my Havening blog; will put pen to paper and send to Caroline and yourself Take care Lacey x

Lexi Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 5:49pm

Hi Lex! I loved both videos today (and especially loved putting a face to your name!) Your post today reminded me of a quote (perhaps from Moodscope) about being kind to everyone we meet because we don't know what battles s/he is facing. Not exactly what the video was teaching I k

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 6:00pm

Hi Lexi, I think that quote is very relevant. It's the lens we see people through - the kindness lens. Love it!

Lexi Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 5:51pm

sorry - technical difficulties! To continue - not exactly what the video was teaching but the quote reminds me not to prejudge people and like Mary said, we can't really ever know exactly what a person is about. I myself often wonder what I'm about....I also have to remind myself that thoughts be

Lexi Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 5:53pm

third time's a charm! Ok time to wrap up - that thoughts are energy and what you think can become true - your point on quantum physics I believe? - and so we must always pay attention to where our thoughts go. Ok! Enough rambling! Lovely post! xo Lexi

Lex Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 6:01pm

Let's change the World Lexi! (Or at least the way we see it, and then watch what happens next... xo!)

Vickie Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 7:28pm

Hi Lex,
Your video was so cheerful and positive. Great start to the week. The canon video touched me. My 2 children are the most significant people and I see them through the lens of unconditional love. I need to try that lens on for more people, including myself.
Thank you for the positive energy that your post created.
Vickie

Lex Tue, Aug 15th 2017 @ 6:34am

Do you know what, Vickie? You've inspired me! I guess you could call me a 'Professional' Photographer in that I get paid to take photos. As a Pro, I use cameras with interchangeable lenses. The lens you use for your children, that lens of unconditional love, can be placed on another camera, or used any time for any other 'portrait' - it's a transferable viewpoint. Thank you for being an inspiration.

Salt Water Mum Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 7:47pm

Thank you, I loved the video Lex - Photography and Psychology all in one, super !! smiley face!

Lex Tue, Aug 15th 2017 @ 6:34am

Thanks Salt Water Mum... I'll add a bit of poetry next too!

Lacey Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 10:22pm

Evening Lex
Loved your blog,very uplifting. Sent it to my hubby as he has just bought a Canon camera. It's all singing and dancing and totally beyond me but I know he will enjoy the video and your message behind it! Plus he will get an idea on how to photograph people ( instead of trains!) and possibly take more of me,his wife!
He's out in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia as lead safety assessor on the metro that is being built out there; I miss him ;-(

Lex Tue, Aug 15th 2017 @ 6:35am

Big hug, Lacey, and thank you for sharing. With the photo bug, trust me, hubby will photograph you too!

LP Mon, Aug 14th 2017 @ 11:25pm

I struggled a lot today with how I see myself. I'm hoping the feeling will pass for tomorrow.

Lex Tue, Aug 15th 2017 @ 6:35am

Would that you could see yourself through the lens I see you through, then you'd feel deeply appreciated, treasured, and loved.

LP Tue, Aug 15th 2017 @ 8:57am

That is so lovely Lex and exactly the point of your blog! I'll save that as a way forward for if ever I feel like it again. I hit a low point last night, but feeling like the only way is up this morning. Big hugs, thank you. Love to you and all LPxx

David Tue, Aug 15th 2017 @ 6:18am

Hello Moodscopers,

I cannot understand the present method of driving a car and having a discussion or presenting a point of view on a subject.

This must be distracting to the driver as much as talking on a mobile telephone and can be dangerous.

I found the content of this blog interesting and the comments that followed.

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