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How would you react? Friday December 23, 2016

How do you deal with a bad situation?

It happened just recently, I was mugged! Fortunately the little twits got away with nothing, but I ended up with an injured knee and a very sore hand (from slapping the one twit!)

I thought I had just bruised my knee and by the next morning it would just be tender and bruised! Ha ha, I hardly got any sleep and my knee was three times its normal size and hurt like mad! I ended up on crutches!

My colleagues and people around me were laughing at me and making "hob-a-long" jokes and telling me how slow I was! I had a choice, I could have taken offence, or laughed and joked with them! I decided to take the second route as I did see it as being funny and yes, sometimes things said as a joke can hurt one, but sometimes people don't know exactly how to be sympathetic of ones injuries!

Everyone reacts in a different way to situations. Some have cool thinking heads in emergencies, others will panic and be all over the place - some will try and make the emergency about them and others will be bystanders! Not everyone can deal with emergencies, especially when there is blood or someone is in pain, this does not make one uncompassionate! Some, who are bystanders, offer the greatest help of all by being there holding the door open for the injured and helping carry things for the person!

It is the same when we are having "one of those days!". People who do not suffer with Bipolar, Depression, PTD, whatever we may call it, respond differently to it! I often get told to "Snap out of it!" or to "Grow up!". I wish it was that easy, but it's not! As each of you know and understand we need to deal with it and get over it in our own way! But there are many ways to deal with it:

1. Run after everyone who tells us to "Snap out of it" with a baseball bat and beat them! (Please don't do this!)
2. Look at them and try to explain the feelings we are feeling!
3. Look at them as if they are stupid, say nothing and then walk away.
4. Pretend that nothing is wrong and then go sit by yourself.
5. Scream and Shout and make it into a drama that could win an Oscar! Or
6. Find a bed and sleep it away!

Whichever way you wish to deal with your bad day, remember that there are pros and cons!

I can't tell you how to deal with a situation as each of us is different! But there is one thing we can all do, and that is to support each other and be available for each other.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Bearofliddlebrain Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 8:40am

Hi Talana,
You should be pleased the liddle twits got away with nowt...apart from a slap! However, sore knee and bruised ego apart, I do hope that you don't feel too scared to go out and about.
Something similar happened to me about ten years ago as I was walking back to my car after a business meeting...broad daylight. The only difference was the man was high on drugs and alcohol. It scared me for weeks afterwards and didn't help the depression I was already falling into, but there were kind peeps who came over to me after and I was grateful to them. Man ended up in prison as I was the third person he attacked that day and two more were assaulted later. I sort of wish I'd had the ability to smack him over the head with a wet fish, but being pinned to the wall and not having a wet fish about my person, that wasn't going to happen!
Am hoping you and painful knee are much bedderer and if you're still healing in any way...that you get pampered and looked after over the festive period.
Merry Christmas wishes to you and all,

Bear xxxx

Jul Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 9:10am

How frightening for you poor bear. Jul xx

LP Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 10:35am

Hey lovely Bear, yes the emotional impact sounds far greater than any loss or physical injury and I hope that time helps with the healing. Not easy on top of the struggles we already have to deal with. "Not having a wet fish about my person" made me chuckle! Will remember that on my ventures today! Crimbo mug out? :) LP xx

the room above the garage Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 8:52am

How awful! I like to think I'd have slapped them too, I hope I wouldn't have frozen. Hoping for a speedy recovery and that nothing lingers. Love ratg x.

Jul Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 8:55am

Hello Talana. You are so right about the different ways people react to problems. To other peoples' problems an their own. I hope your work colleagues were at least sympathetic about the mugging and didn't laugh at that. You sound quite an upbeat person so maybe that is the persona you show at work so it seemed natural to colleagues to joke with you about the crutches etc. You have raised very interesting points. Welcome to Moodscope and I hope we can read some more blogs from you in 2017. Julxx

Hopeful One Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 8:56am

Hi Talana- so sorry to hear about your mugging experience. The reaction of your friends, on the face of it seems inappropriate but Freud had an explanation for it.He called this reaction 'denial' which he thought was essentially a defence mechanism that protects the individual from facing a painful situation by laughing it off.An extreme example is an audience in a cinema who laugh when they see violence being meted out on the screen.

I feel none of the options 1 to 6 will be helpful when dealing with people who ask you to 'snap out of it' or 'pull up your socks'. The simple fact is that you would if you could. They simply have no idea of what a depressed person is going through. My strategy is to avoid them if I can and especially if I have heard them say that before or simply say 'Thank you' and change the subject.

I do admire your ability to laugh with your friends when they lacked any compassion and see the funny side of your injured knee. Not many can do that!

So in the same spirit here is a laugh -

A man has a dram of whiskey every night before bed. His wife feels that this is not a healthy habit and he should quit. She decides that the best way she can help him quit is to show him how harmful effects. So she fills two glasses one with water and the other with his whiskey. She fetches a worm from his bait box and puts it in the glass of water. The worm swims around happily. She then puts it in the glass of whiskey where it promptly dies. She feels pleased with herself that she has made her point. "What do you think?" He says: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

Sally Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 10:09am

Hi Talana. I particularly like your last sentence: "But there is one thing we can all do, support each another .." thanks for writing

LP Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 10:13am

Hi Talana,
Sorry to hear about your bad experience and injuries, I cheered for you that you gave that oik a good slap and they didnt get any of your belongings.
People can be so insensitive! If I can tell that they mean well I'm fine, but it's when I suspect that they dont that I struggle with how to respond or not. Some times I ignore, sometimes I am blunt.
When I'm in a good place I can see that I dont have to do anything! If they have an issue they can keep it, it's not mine to worry about! If they dont it's fine, so ther should never be anything to worry about! I rarely feel like that though.

I hit a bit of a low yesterday, but knew I was very tired and was just having a bad day. I was feeling really panicky and anxious, trying not to get drawn into the xmas hype about "only a couple of days to go!" And how family "stuff" feels worse at this time. At least I was aware enough to know what was going on and that it wouldnt last. It was such a struggle to have to go and get presesnts in the shopping centre with my daughter and her friend trying to hide how awful I was feeling. It went on Back at home, but at least my kids had a lovely pre xmas evening. Hiding it seemed the best thing. It was such a relief to get to bed!
Will be taking it gently today.

Thanks for your thoughtful and helpful blog Talana, it's reminded me to take a step back and not take stuff on board that doesnt really matter. Love and peace to all. LPxx

The Gardener Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 10:34am

Trying to find some 'pros' Talana, thanks for blog. The thought for the day is so relevant - only 'pro' today has been to nurture and enjoy the environment I have created in one year from an ancient shop. I love the quote 'Every prospect pleases', and I 'go for it' ignoring the bits I have no money for. A propos of my 'tidying' above, for my own pleasure. Harking back to yesterday, and the emphasis of furious tidying for Christmas, why do people add this extra stress? I know the 'take us as we are' cannot work if you can't find the kitchen sink to wash up or the dining table to serve the turkey, and need to dig spare beds from under bin bags which have been going to the dump since last Christmas - but, every cupboard? Much younger, if I was giving a dinner party, I would clean the WHOLE house - feeling I was under inspection. If people were nosy enough to look in bedrooms when they went to the upstairs loo that was their look out. Now, I think I might have put a Jack-in-the-Box or some such behind the doors. Talana, the 'One of those days' is now permanent, and has to be lived with somehow. After the early week crisis I saw the chief nurse of the Alzheimer unit at our excellent local hospital. With her was one of the respite helpers. They'd had a bad day with Mr G too. I nearly fainted on arrival, panic. They tried to instil some humanity into Mr G and failed - he pays me to look after him - I get his pension (got a perfectly good company pension of my own, plus the state one). The day is grim, grey and cold - if I want a decent word I have to go out - or - thank God (people are now convinced there is a God looking after me) communicate via the Internet. Every sympathy for those who have been mugged - I have been pursued in lonely places three times - still remember the horrible feeling as I walked faster, and he walked faster - lucky I was fit - and had a loud voice and the ability to say very rude things in the language of the potential attacker. Find a bed and sleep in it! Lovely thought - my advisers are now telling me to lock Mr G out to get some sleep - it's something I've always found abhorrent - but might have to come to it. HO ho!ho! Like 'what are you taking for it?' 'As much as I can get'. Any magicians out there? I'd love a long, hot bath with something expensive in it, a bottle of champagne and a smoked salmon sandwich. And, if I accidentally slide under the water, send the best-looking fireman - a bit like the Badedas advert - or Milk Tray? from long ago. I came in here to do REALLY serious office work, now look what's happened. Au travail.

Jul Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 1:00pm

Dear Gardener. I have had visitors all week and now have a brief lull before Christmas day. I am glad you had advice from and had time to talk to the Alzheimers nurse. They know what Mr G is like having had that bad day with him. Does he know it's Christmas Day soon? Have you bought him a present? I was wondering how normal your life can ever be again and whether you still celebrated certain traditions together like present giving at Christmas and birthdays. Or were these abandons long ago? I will be thinking about you on the 25th and hope you manage to get through the day presumably without help of any kind in the form of carers? Julxxx

The Gardener Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 1:31pm

Dear Jul - thanks for your concern - Mr G used to be proud of not knowing it was Christmas Day - like it was unimportant - he has always loved his own birthdays and I've always made a huge fuss of them - of the priggish character that it is more fun to give than to receive - nowhere more than in India - our lovely nuns have invited us for Christmas lunch, one of whom is very un-Christian about Mr G - she pops into the kitchen where he is in a most comfortable armchair, feet up, padded jacket, rug, obvious waitress service - she refers to him rudely as 'the pasha'. We've never bothered too much, either of us, about personal presents - house full of kids - traditional huge lunch before Christmas - fun of Italy - sheer rowdiness of Indian orphanages - nuns behaving like kids because we were there to take some of the brunt of entertaining. One lovely story - the town here had clubbed together for us to give a group present - we chose musical instruments - everybody had something to open - the children tried to help the beautiful, young Sister Gracie (in charge of music and dance) to open her present, and got slapped! The next year the rosary was said in chapel with all the musical instruments used! First year there they asked Father Christmas (us) if we could re-do their plumbing, Not very practical - so we brought them a TV. With friends' donations we've installed solar panels, a cistern (vital that year, the monsoon failed). Sorry to go on - Jul's reply brought up so much joy which is rather missing at the moment - all I feel is a desperate exhaustion

The Gardener Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 3:17pm

Above ambiguous - nuns are here in France - we're not going to India !

DAVE Fri, Dec 23rd 2016 @ 7:06pm

Hi Talana,

I comprehend exactly how you feel as you resonate those 'troublesome' situations which pull you down to the depths of those who just 'use' others to climb over throughout their lives !

Personally, a lot of the issues you describe, are the burdens that others' carry upon THEIR shoulders, and who try to 'UNLOAD on vulnerable sensitive people like you and I. These should never concern you...because of the following.

Why do I sat this...Simply it's because my life revolves around getting my persona into a shape that does not 'conflict' with anyone else....

I really do not care what others think or say in a detrimental way, it's very very negative, life is hard enough without others trying their best to destroy your personal building blocks !

I mean literally that I strive very hard indeed....(it has taken a few years of practice), to always do the right thing, in thought, word, and deed..
That way I cannot blame others for my mistakes, or that others' can take the credit for that which is my idea in the first place !

In a group of people especially at work, these 'Leaches' for want of a better word, will use our ideas to gain a 'foothold' up the promotional ladder etc etc.

The other trait I have learnt is...never ever, to allow myself to become offended at what anyone ever, says, thinks, or does...In so doing I retained poise, self respect and self confidence, In so doing, I always remain in control, NEVER allowing anyone the power over me,....which SAPS at most people's self confidence.

It is the very place where I find that..........'INNER' Peace and 'INNER' Happiness which escapes those who find themselves 'drawn into' contentious situations.

God bless, and remember, it is only my opinion, it may not work for you...

Dave X

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