How do you feel?

17 Feb 2019
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We have lots of previous posts about how other people feel and many of you have responded to them.

Today is all about you. How do you feel today?

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at support@moodscope.com to submit your own blog post!

Comments

Hopeful One

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:14 a.m.

Hi All- I feel great! The thing that intrigues me most about that is what comes first. The thought or the feeling . I have analylised that and I seems to me it’s the thought. Now there is no linear relationship between the two.- sometimes the feeling a thought generates completely clouds the original thought . Also a thought will generate another but feelings rarely do . If I may obe bold ( and probably controversial ) I also notice a gender difference. Women primararily deal in feelings and respond to each other through that medium while men primarily deal with each other through thoughts. This is to me one of the principal reasons for the misunderstandings between the genders . So when I am dealing with the opposite *** I switch on my Mantranslater and ask myself how does she feel ? Once I have figured that out usually I find further communication proceeds smoothly. I think I will put on my flak jacket on ! But let’s have a laugh first. Two married friends are out drinking one night when one turns to the other. “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom, I ease into bed – and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!” His buddy looks at him and says, “Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife’s a** and say, ‘How about it darling …and she’s always sound asleep.”

Reply

Dragonfly

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:25 a.m.

Controversial or not, dear HO, good for you for trying on another’s shoes, as it were! And I couldn’t possibly comment on whether the joke made me smile ?

Dragonfly

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:25 a.m.

:) not ?

Hopeful One

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:29 a.m.

Hi All - forgot to give my usual warning :this joke has adult content which some readers may find offensive .

Hopeful One

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:33 a.m.

Hi Dragonfly- in a way the joke illustrates my claim - neither of those two took a moment to establish how does she feel don’t you think ?

Dragonfly

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:55 a.m.

Do you know dear HO, I hadn’t even realised that aspect of the joke - just smiled at it. Which backs up my claim that I’m not very astute or insightful!

Nicco

Feb. 17, 2019, 1:16 p.m.

Great joke, HO - made me laugh out loud! x

Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 5:30 p.m.

Hi HO, I don’t think your comment was controversial at all. There are differences between men and women and always will be. I’m thinking too much about the thoughts and feelings concept. I think I get it! I do think women are deeper thinkers in general therefore feeling more? I might be on the wrong track... can I say how wonderful it is to have you (as a male) trying to understand us women! Love it. Loved the joke too xx

Hopeful One

Feb. 17, 2019, 5:43 p.m.

Hi - thank you all for your insightful comments.

Oli

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:16 p.m.

Here's my take on it: other animals have feelings (fear, hunger, **** etc.) but without language they're not going to have thoughts about those feelings, at least nothing like the extent we have. So I reckon feelings underpin thoughts. However, something odd happens with language. It means we interpret the feelings as well as feel them -- and we have a great deal of wiggle room in interpretation. Before I used to go on stage I'd be sweating, heart racing, dry mouth, breathing fast, feeling anxious and wanting to run away and get it over with. Then I heard Bruce Springsteen describing how he felt before a show, "I'm sweating, my heart's racing, my mouth's dry and I can feel my breathing -- that's how I know I'm ready to rock!!" Same feelings, two totally different interpretations.

Hopeful One

Feb. 18, 2019, 6:37 a.m.

Hi Oli- Good points. But I would separate out the feelings the ‘flight,fright freeze ‘ response you are talking / thinking of ( giving the stage fright symptoms you mention) centred on the amygdala common to most species from the thoughts entered on the prefrontal cortex which is almost exclusive to the **** species based on language. It is these thoughts I am thinking about. In my book they come first and the neurotransmitters so generated create the feelings we experience like happy sad good or bad .

RC

Feb. 18, 2019, 12:55 p.m.

Hee hee ?

Dragonfly

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:32 a.m.

I feel so sad as we interred Dad’s ashes yesterday. A beautiful, touching service in the Spring sunshine, amidst the crocuses as he wanted. He’s home and at rest after the dreadful illness but I’ve felt so desperately sad. And the next couple of days we’re continuing sorting through and clearing his flat which is a difficult task. But on Monday I’m going back with my sister to London and we do have some nice things planned. Love and best wishes to you all x

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Hopeful One

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:36 a.m.

Hi Dragonfly- my condolences. Your sadness is very understandable and a natural reaction to your loss.

Sally

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:14 a.m.

Sincere condolences, Dragonfly. I’m glad you and your sister have some nice things planned. Tell us a bit about your dad. Was he kind? Humorous? Take care. Xx

The Gardener

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:41 a.m.

Really with you, Dragonfly - I shall wander down to the cemetery today - the local council have just made a beautiful garden with clever 'niches' for urns, nice seats, Mr G faces fields and woods, pleases family - glad you have nice things planned.xx

The Gardener

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:42 a.m.

I met another widow in the bread shop, 5 years. She was 88 yesterday. Her mentally handicapped daughter spent the day with her and cried for her Dad all day, tough.

Dragonfly

Feb. 17, 2019, 10:34 a.m.

Thank you for asking Sally , we didn't always have the easiest of relationships, but he loved us all and I miss him x

Dragonfly

Feb. 17, 2019, 10:35 a.m.

Dear TG, thank you and hope you find peace in the beautiful garden x

Ach UK

Feb. 17, 2019, 10:46 a.m.

Dear Dragonfly, big hug. Thinking of you. Take your time. Clearing and sorting is painful but also an opportunity to be close once more and be surrounded by your father's presence. So many memories and so much love. You may have to do lots mopping up and sitting down and 5 minutes at the window. Glad to hear you will spend some time with your sister. XX Ach.

Dragonfly

Feb. 17, 2019, 12:40 p.m.

Thank you Ach my love x

Nicco

Feb. 17, 2019, 1:21 p.m.

So sorry to hear, dear DF, but pleased the sun was shining, & I can imagine the crocuses (I have some peeping in my garden). As Ach says, take your time with the clearing - & give yourself & your emotions time, too. Sending a big (((hug))).x Nicco x

Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 5:37 p.m.

Dear Dragon, I have been thinking about you and worrying whether you were ok and so I’m glad you have popped up here today. Of course you will feel sad although I hope some peace will follow amongst your emotions. I like the way you have planned some quality time with your sister. Sending love to you xxxx

Dragonfly

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:17 p.m.

Dear Nicco I know you're having a tough time at the moment so sending big hugs back xx

Dragonfly

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:20 p.m.

Dear Molly thanks for thinking about me, but please don't worry. Love to you too and I'll be in touch soon xx

Christine

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:43 a.m.

I feel fine, we went to see my mum yesterday, she has Alzheimers and is in a Nursing home, but it was just so good to be in her company, chat and be in that moment with her, she was having a good day, she smiled and I read her some poetry, which she likes, my dad lives on his own now and I think he's coping, I do worry about him, perhaps more so than my mum. Tomorrow we have a funeral to go to, my father-in-law, but at the moment everything is well, love to you all X

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The Gardener

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:45 a.m.

Hello Christine, I was where you are now this time last year. I should/could have gone to 4 funerals in the last 10 days - not 'strong' at the moment, come out cold and shivering, gave two a miss, regretted another, went to the first. x

Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 5:47 p.m.

Christine, you did make me smile “I feel fine” and “everything is well” yet you have all that to cope with. It’s the sort of thing I would say if I was being sarcastic but I can tell that you meant it and that you are taking the positives from the negatives. This is so admirable. Hope the funeral goes off ok tomorrow. Love Molly xx

Maggie May

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:43 a.m.

Hi , It will be very interesting to see how today’s responses generate tangents of thought. Firstly, my response as to how I am feeling today is ‘pensive’ . I have been well for a while ,but over the last few days have become concerned about the mental health of my son. This is often a trigger for my own mental health to decline. Does anyone have any advice on this ? Secondly, in response to ‘Hopeful One’ , in my case your theory holds true. I can wake with a feeling of panic, dread and depression before I have had any thoughts. Incidentally, i thought HO was a woman- not sure why. Men are usually better than women at jokes so that should have indicated otherwise! Another bold controversial statement.

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Hopeful One

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:10 a.m.

Hi Dragonfly- I am very much a man I am afraid since you mention it. I am sure I have made similar incorrect assumptions on fellow many fellow Moodscopers although generally the monikers they use are a give away . . I am glad you made the ‘controversial’ observation about the gender differences when it comes to telling a jokes . I will often ask a female companion to tell me a joke after I have told them several and invariably they are stumped! However they love to hear and laugh at them . This leads me to another controversial thought :Are women in general more serious than men?

Nicco

Feb. 17, 2019, 1:23 p.m.

I'm with you there, Jen. I, too, can wake with that dreadful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, shaking with panic before I've had any thoughts.

Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 5:54 p.m.

Me too Jen and Nicco. This is interesting because I said to one of my rubbish therapists a while ago, that the first thing I think when I wake up is how I feel. She told me I had got the thought process all wrong. Reading these comments, I realise that I doubt I had the thought before the feeling!! Xx

Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 6 p.m.

HO, men are better at telling jokes yes! My almost absent father is very jokey in general, he makes people laugh with his humour, yet I have adopted the same humour and it often falls flat or is misunderstood! Another interesting theory there! I agree also that women are more serious than men. I’m quite serious really but I much prefer male company. Less intense maybe. Oh and whatever women say, men are better drivers!!! Lol xx

Ang

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:52 a.m.

I am feeling let down by a long term partner and undecided whether to end the relationship. I am very good at filling my life with positive activities as distractions, but find it impossible to sit down and make decisions about the big things. I hope that makes some sense. Happy Sunday to you all x

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Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 6:06 p.m.

Hi Ang, go with your instincts on this one I’d say. Breaking up is horrible, but if you are not sure about the relationship and they have let you down (shouldn’t happen, unless real remorse is shown for what they have done). Maybe you could start with a ‘break’ so you can both evaluate your feelings and future. Good luck xx

Ang

Feb. 18, 2019, 5:43 a.m.

Thanks Molly ***

Lynzi

Feb. 17, 2019, 8:13 a.m.

Ang, that is a tough decision. I woulder: does your partner let you down more than support you? Do they understand you and laugh with you? Would your life be more positive with or without them?

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Ang

Feb. 17, 2019, 11:03 a.m.

Lindsey those are very good questions, which I'll think about, thanks for your help x

Lynzi

Feb. 18, 2019, 4:51 p.m.

My pleasure. Glad to help. X

Eleanor

Feb. 17, 2019, 8:17 a.m.

Suffocated, empty.

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Sally

Feb. 17, 2019, 8:58 a.m.

So sorry to hear this, Eleanor. Hope you can get help and relief from these feelings.xx

Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 6:11 p.m.

Hugs Eleanor, talk to us on here if you feel able, plenty of support here xx

The librarian

Feb. 18, 2019, 7:09 a.m.

I'm sorry to hear that, Eleanor. They are horrible feelings, aren't they? I keep telling myself that one way or another, all feelings pass and I won't always feel like this or be in this situation. In the meantime, breathe and rest and do what you can, when you can.

Lynzi

Feb. 17, 2019, 8:17 a.m.

I feel doom in a morning, dreading the day ahead, not wanting to get up. Not even. wanting to see my little boys and husband. Pretending to be asleep. This makes me feel ashamed and negative thoughts kick in. I'm on my third week of an add on medication and thought I was feeling a bit better on Weds, now I'm not sure. Does someone have tips on how you cope with morning anxiety. Please. Lindsey.

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Hopeful One

Feb. 17, 2019, 8:49 a.m.

Hi Lindsey- do a 10 minute meditation while lying in bed before you get up . The theory behind this is that the thoughts ( of some loss personal to you in the future leads to feeling of panic and anxiety ) stimulates a part of the brain that secretes cortisol the ‘flight or fright’ hormone that gives you the symptoms you complain off. Meditation neutralises this by stimulating a part of the brain that produces ‘ feel good hormone including oxytocin the ‘caring hormone’ . It also stops the ‘ chatter’ of the left brain ( in right handed people ) allowing the right brain to exert its emotional intelligence .

Nicco

Feb. 17, 2019, 1:29 p.m.

H Lindsey. I go through bouts of feeling very down in the mornings, waking with panic. As HO above says, I also find meditation works. Jason Stephenson does a wonderful online meditation for acute anxiety & panic attacks, & Michael Sealey is good, too. Look them up - they both do lots for all kinds of things, including 'switching off at nite', insomnia, coping with change, inner child healing, etc. I had to increase my meds as was going through a bad relapse - it took a few days before I noticed any improvement. Sometimes in the past I've increased & things have improved but then gone down again, & so I've had to increase again until I find the right dose that works. Hold on in there. x

Maria

Feb. 17, 2019, 2:43 p.m.

I agree with HO about meditation. It has made a huge difference in my life. Insight Timer is a wonderful meditation app, and it's free. I just listened to a guided meditation and feel so peaceful. Every night I listen to a deep sleep meditation and I always fall asleep before it's over.

Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 6:24 p.m.

Hi Lindsey, do you feel a bit better once you get up? Sometimes I can lay there worrying about everything in bed especially if I have been having bad dreams (that usually have some resemblance to my thoughts and feelings and life). I agree with the others about meditation. I’m not active in using the apps, although I keep meaning to do so and I’m grateful for the suggestions on here. On really bad days when I wake up, I try to do it on my own, in my head, try and WIPE those thoughts, and send them away into the sky and remind myself 100 times that things are ok, I will get through another day. Your feelings about not wanting to see your family are not real, they are a symptom of the depression and anxiety so shame is something you must NOT feel, remind yourself it’s NOT your fault and it will get better xx

Lynzi

Feb. 18, 2019, 4:54 p.m.

Wow thank you for your replies. I'm very grateful and will have a good read. HO I did a body scan in bed this morning before l got up and it really helped. I've had a much better day, coped with school hols outing and enjoyed it!!

Lynzi

Feb. 18, 2019, 5:10 p.m.

It's so good to remember it's "the" anxiety not "my" anxiety and not just me that feels it. Thank you for your kindly reassurance. I'm grateful for your support. It feels lovely. Nicco l love Michael Sealey and try to listen to him at nights and will give Jason a try too. Maria I'll try Timer. I'm fast asleep before Michael has finished most nights too, he's delightful. Molly yes give them a try. Michael's just on youtube and l find he has a mediation for pretty much every mood, like Nicco says. You're right; shame is ****. I've had a gorgeous day with my boys, sister and nephew. Two fingers to shame; we beat you today.

Sally

Feb. 17, 2019, 9 a.m.

I feel I should be feeling better than I do. Everything to be thankful for, don’t even have to work now a pensioner.

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Maggie May

Feb. 17, 2019, 10:34 a.m.

That is the hardest part of depression, don’t you think? When you have a reason to be down, it is easier to talk about and get heeling sympathy from others, and yourself . It is when it hits without reason or warning that it hurts the most I think. But do not start the ‘shoulds’ . You are Feeling what you are feeling, and need to rebuild your mental health . Retirement can be difficult because you can lose a sense of purpose to your life. Do you think it would help to search for another reason to look forward to your day to give it purpose again. Live

Nicco

Feb. 17, 2019, 1:33 p.m.

I echo what Jen says, above, Sally, especially that you are feeling what you are feeling. It can be hard when the working life comes to an end to replace it with purposeful things that are enjoyable. I know well that feeling of 'I should be more grateful - what do I have to be depressed about?' So please don't feel guilty for how you're feeling. I do hope you can find a way forward that that your spirits lift soon. Sending a (((hug))) x

Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 6:44 p.m.

Sally, depression is an illness in itself and there does not need to be a reason. This is something I feel so strongly about. I have got many problems or challenges (the new word from Andy!) but I see them completely separate to the depression. I will say more below, once I have got through the many comments today, I felt I wanted to respond to. Hope I’m not annoying people! Saying all of that, we can of course do things to relieve the depression and retirement is a big life change. I feel I retired almost four years ago when my career ended, but I’m not at retirement age. Scary this is! Somehow (no idea how) I am going to have to pick myself up and start again xx

Sally

Feb. 18, 2019, 12:05 a.m.

Thanks all for really helpful views. Feeling more hopeful tonight. Xx

The Gardener

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:49 a.m.

However hard I try I am still 'brain-washed' by events at Christmas. I know staying there is trouble, but unavoidable, worse than expected. Keep looking at photos, thousands, happy childhood,holidays,events - tell myself, others din it it, nothing to reproach for. Will go out to lunch, prepare for major works, week iris garden planted as a 'garden of remembrance' for a Moodscope member last year - I just feel wrung out, dead white, no energy, marvellous Doc does all tests, just time, I hope. Have a good day, y'all.xx

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Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:26 p.m.

Gardener, just got to ride it out I think. I know you have mentioned many times how much this has hurt you, and I can only compare it with something that really hurt me, family behaviour, it’s now lessened and I don’t think about it so much, even if it is loitering in the back of my mind. It just takes some time and a reminder ( in my case) that it is their problem and not mine xx

The Gardener

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:52 a.m.

'Week' is 'weed': Agopanthus added more than 300 tulips growing well in containers- need to add to roses, also, need energy - any to spare? Any suggestions? All my energy givers are calorie givers as well.

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Nicco

Feb. 17, 2019, 1:42 p.m.

Wow, Gardener! I am trying to picture those fantastic flowers - what a wonderful place. I understand about feeling wiped out with no energy as I often feel like that. Someone described it as 'remember the worst hang-over you've ever had, & remember what you felt like when you had 'flu, & remember what jet lag feels like - now add them all together & multiply it by 10 & you're getting near'! Yes, energy-givers can also unfortunately be calorie-givers too. I find that pacing myself helps sometimes, ie., divide tasks up into low, medium & high exertion, & low, medium & high mental stimulation (ig., gardening would be high physical, light dusting would be medium physical, watching tv would be medium mental stimulation, resting would be low stimulation, etc.,) & try not to do too much of any one task at a time, thereby making sure you mix them up throughout the day &, very importantly, rest in between tasks. You'd need to fiddle about to see what suits you best. For instance, there was a time when I couldn't shower without resting for 15mins after or I'd be wiped out - that 15mins made all the difference. I hope this helps.

Sally

Feb. 18, 2019, 12:09 a.m.

It does help, Nicco. Well put.

Vivien

Feb. 17, 2019, 10:01 a.m.

How am I feeling? Hmm good one. Not sure to be honest. Rebuilding my life after losing my Mum last year. I'm on my own (through choice) but although I feel slightly wary of what lies ahead, I'm also focussing on the options/challenges and good things in life. I've always preferred my own company, though, yes there are times when I have to open the front door and venture out. Breathe Viv, you can do it! Stop worrying about what others think and do your own thing. It's your life, not theirs. Today the sun is shining, yep, tis a bit chilly but so be it. This week I changed my car. Yay. So thats my challenge this week - sort everything out to do with that (whatever happened to the paperless society) and above all, KEEP SMILING! Take care all

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Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:29 p.m.

Vivien, you are doing well. I love my own company, just don’t get it anymore. Swings and roundabouts I guess. Paperless society made me smile, I have so much ****** paperwork and do most things on line !! Take care xx

Liz

Feb. 17, 2019, 11:53 a.m.

Hi, i wish I could say I feel fine, but I don't. I feel anxious and depressed and tearful. I've felt like this for 18 months. I have some good days but I am desperate to get back on an even keel again. Just writing this is lifting my mood. I just never know from one at to the next if it's going to be a good day or not so good. I think I am quite strong but sometimes I run out of energy to fight this. It all started when I had cellulitis in my right ear from a very old ear piercing. The lack of sleep did it for me. I feel better for writing this post. Thanks Moodscope for prompting me to do this. A less tearful Liz x

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Vivien

Feb. 17, 2019, 12:49 p.m.

Liz, I'm sending you love and cuddles. Take care. xxxx

Nicco

Feb. 17, 2019, 1:47 p.m.

Liz - have you looked into ME/fibro/MS? All of which can be triggered by stuff like cellulitis & cause the most awful depression, anxiety, crying bouts & lack of energy. It's just a thought as I have ME & fibro & am now looking into MS. The relapses are awful & can last from anything as short as a few hours to several years. There are websites on them if you want to have a gander. In the meantime, sending good vibes through the ether to you & do hope it lifts soon. x

Liz

Feb. 17, 2019, 2:02 p.m.

Thank you Vivien. I'm definitely 'on the up' now. Your comment helped me get there. xxxx

Liz

Feb. 17, 2019, 2:05 p.m.

Hi Nico, sorry to hear things aren't too good with you. I've had numerous blood tests etc., all of which are ok. I just have to sort out my head! Thank you for your advice. Much appreciated, Liz

Valerie

Feb. 17, 2019, 4:03 p.m.

Hi LIz,I have had a couple of bouts of serious cellulitis in the past,and it really knocks you about.All your immune system is fighting to keep it under control,so everything,including mood, can be affected.You need some rest and maybe a course of vitamins or probiotics to get your mojo back.Best wishes and hugs,xx

Liz

Feb. 17, 2019, 8:59 p.m.

Hi Valerie, thanks. That is really useful to know. I had no idea. Since the cellulitis I now seem to have some kind of rosacea. The right cheek burns up, often in the night. (Same side as the poorly ear). The ear still flares up from time to time but then calms down again. Life has changed so much for me. I was blessed with such good health and now I struggle. I'm in awe of those who cope admirably with much worse illnesses. I still live in hope that time will pass and these things will heal.i'll give the vitamins and probiotics a try. Thanks again, you've told me something no doctor has mentioned! x

Liz

Feb. 17, 2019, 8:59 p.m.

Hi Valerie, thanks. That is really useful to know. I had no idea. Since the cellulitis I now seem to have some kind of rosacea. The right cheek burns up, often in the night. (Same side as the poorly ear). The ear still flares up from time to time but then calms down again. Life has changed so much for me. I was blessed with such good health and now I struggle. I'm in awe of those who cope admirably with much worse illnesses. I still live in hope that time will pass and these things will heal.i'll give the vitamins and probiotics a try. Thanks again, you've told me something no doctor has mentioned! x

Ach UK

Feb. 17, 2019, 11:54 a.m.

How do I feel.? Content. - Much improved since this time last year in my ability to cope with daily life and surprised to find myself thinking forward more, - contemplating a few short breaks, stepping out into the garden and my brain starting to plot possibilities for new plants. Grateful. - To all those who have helped, cajoled and supported little or big, and influenced me in my journeys through life. Happy to (still) be alive. Amazed and surprised by the " Kindness of strangers " ( including Moodscopers) who restore my faith in humanity. Amazed and angered at the total stupidity and selfishness and greed and deliberate destruction wreaked by humans on other humans and species and the planet. Old, a slower mind, some aches and pains, but still with some Vim. :))) " . . Oh, what a lucky 'guy' . . . " Thankful to be able to say Thank you. XX Ach.

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The Gardener

Feb. 17, 2019, 2:28 p.m.

Ach, don't know if you saw, and heard the debate, on the schoolchildren who marched for the planet. Good for them. With 6 grand-children and a g-grand child (and a proxi grand-child in India) I hope somebody, somewhere, manages to keep a planet that they can live in.

Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:57 p.m.

Ach, a very truthful and positive analogy of life and how you feel. Although like you, amazed and angered etc....with some aspects of what goes on. Trying to keep those feelings at bay at the moment, especially if we cannot control them xx

The librarian

Feb. 17, 2019, 12:59 p.m.

Under surveillance and very afraid. I wish I could be more cheerful.

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Susannah

Feb. 17, 2019, 3:49 p.m.

Sending you warm thoughts.

Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 8:06 p.m.

Not sure what this means librarian, it is either paranoia, or professionals looking out for you at a bad time, or you are about to be arrested!! You are not one to open up much from memory, but I hope you get some respite from this site and I’m sending you warm thoughts too xx

The librarian

Feb. 18, 2019, 7:13 a.m.

Thank you, Susannah and Molly.

Holly

Feb. 17, 2019, 12:59 p.m.

I'm feeling reflective. It's only within the last year that I strongly suspect I may be autistic. I'm 26 but my life has been a long journey of bad things and trying to reflect to figure out why. I used to be happy and carefree when I was a child (as most children are, simply being themselves and living in the moment). But all the bullying from school and other life events changed me. I don't know what my future will be like but for the first time in a very long time, I'm thinking about what *I* want. It feels freeing to realise that I don't have to 'fit the mold' and I can just be me and accept myself for who I am. It's just sad I have to try to 'undo' all the things that were did to me, even by people who thought they had my best interests at heart. It did more damage than good. I feel with this reflection, awareness and knowledge, I am in a better position to do what's best for me.

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Nicco

Feb. 17, 2019, 1:50 p.m.

Holly, that sounds very positive. I'm trying to do the same, & yes, it is very freeing. Unpicking the past can take courage but, as you say, with it comes knowledge which can certainly help us move forward. All the Best. x

Valerie

Feb. 17, 2019, 4:10 p.m.

Hi Holly,as you may know my partner has Aspergers.Getting the diagnosis made sense of a lot of things from his past.I have a couple of female friends who I am pretty sure are on the spectrum.You probably know the various forums,like Wrong Planet that could be of support to you.Sending hugs xx

RC

Feb. 17, 2019, 6:24 p.m.

Hi Holly Owning whatever 'label' is given is a very good thing I would like to say just talk to someone. A person in the street, folk in the coffee shop you may visit. A good friend. Or, do what my daughter did when she could no longer cope with how she felt inside; she looked online, found a therapist, talked it all out and then some. Not only has the enormous concerns of the last 40+ years disappeared her meeting with her lady are now full of joy and laughter. She comes out feeling great. And i'm sure that works both ways. She is a much changed girl and she is more carefree and empathetic towards others. She used to be uptight and selfish. Not any more. She is the greatest Storyteller and amazing at her job. And I could'nt be more proud of her. She owned her pain and was able to let go. I'm so so happy for her. To see her suffering for many years and for her now to smile lights up my world. I love her to the moon and back ;-)

Sally

Feb. 18, 2019, 12:18 a.m.

She sounds great, Rubyred! Holly, I would strongly recommend counselling as a way to air, put right and move on, at least , that’s how it helped me.

RC

Feb. 17, 2019, 1:39 p.m.

I feel good although it's now four hours and i'm still not awake. This is due to my meds i'm taking. My GP and I decided to up the quitiapine by 25% as I was feeling a little high and I was't sleeping. At all...........nightmare scenario ;( i am frustrated with people; that don't answer the phone, reply to emails and texts and generally on't take notice of other folk and the earth around them How come we are so insular and selfish; no care /thought for anyone else? Sorry to lay it on thick but those are my thoughts and ramblings of the day

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Nicco

Feb. 17, 2019, 1:53 p.m.

I've had to increase my meds too. It took a few days for them to kick in (after a week of trying to fight against it). At last I'm having a decent day - but I know things can change even from hour to hour so am not holding my breath but trying to stay in the 'now'. I'm so grateful for the support I receive on this site, especially when going through a bad relapse. Thanks everyone. x Nicco x

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RC

Feb. 17, 2019, 2:09 p.m.

Pleased to help Nicco. I was'nt expecting a response but very nice to hear from you this morning My score has gone right down as I realise that I am like an out of order pendulem-swinging right then left for no apparent reason Oh well, another learning curve for me to win over. Just when you think you know how you and your body work in harmony and accept that all meds have unwanted side effects another wrecking ball comes steaming through and throws you off kilter. Bum, bum, bum ;-(

The Gardener

Feb. 17, 2019, 2:15 p.m.

I suddenly feel 'normal'. Ghost laid? All I had to do was go out to lunch, nearly did not make that. Best friend here came in - we've been through a lot, her mum with Alzheimer same time as Mr G. Now her 2nd husband, 19 years older, is diagnosed with the big 'A'. They've been in France 14 years, he's never bothered with French, or integrating, they have no choice but to go back to UK, she has two sons there, and Mum still alive. They will be 'homeless' between sale here and 'following the van' to UK. Cont

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The Gardener

Feb. 17, 2019, 2:17 p.m.

They will stay with me over Easter, make sure it is memorable. The oldest friend UK, 1st employee, phoned. 84, embarking on yet another major back op. He wants to go to Pittsburgh, youngest son chemical engineer there. How does he get insurance (knowing we travelled extensively). Cannot see HOW he will get into US after all these op's, or that at his age anybody will insure him, but, knowing him, personality might win out. Cont ...

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The Gardener

Feb. 17, 2019, 2:21 p.m.

Then, no chores done, I made myself look reasonable and went off to lunch. A new waiter asked if I had booked. The owner's wife said 'Yes, she's under "The lady!!!" They cannot spell or pronounce my surname, so as I am English, but speak good French, I am just 'The Lady'. Was I chuffed! Then had to try and explain between the wife of a noble (who may or may not be a 'lady', and one who, I hope, is well brought up and well-mannered. So, a nice normal day, Hooray - then to cemetery, idea for Mr G's tomb, NOT polished marble. Love to all out there xx

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Susannah

Feb. 17, 2019, 3:50 p.m.

Fabulous 'la Layydee'

Susannah

Feb. 17, 2019, 3:56 p.m.

I'm feeling really good today. I gave everything at the cross country race and felt really proud of myself. I avoided chips at the end (despite several offers) and had a healthy lunch. The thousands of wild crocuses in the garden are an absolute delight. Am in a positive place right now. It isn't that stable, but am generally seeing the glass half full and enjoying life. I wish good thoughts to all of you currently in a dip or suffering. The warmth of spring is on its way to help us. You are part of a safe and caring community. I care about you.

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Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 8:09 p.m.

Lovely post Susannah xx

Dragonfly

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:36 p.m.

Well done for the race Susannah and for resisting those chips! I've been doing far too much comfort eating lately but I'm trying to get back into my running x

Valerie

Feb. 17, 2019, 4:13 p.m.

I am crossing my fingers here,but at the moment I am feeling quite positive and planning a few things to look forward to.I echo the wishes expressed by Susannah and send love to all going through misery right now.xx

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Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 8:27 p.m.

Good one, Valerie, fingers crossed for you, I’m on a similar scale right now xx

Valerie

Feb. 18, 2019, 9 a.m.

Long may it last for both of us! xx

RC

Feb. 17, 2019, 6:16 p.m.

Love to all; its been a fine and dandy day Even though ive spent it in dayfog due to my meds never really noticed it before bit weird that......??

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Molly

Feb. 18, 2019, 3:34 a.m.

Hi Ruby, got to admit, I am not sure how to take you lol, have you been around for a while or are you new here? I kind of imagine you as a hopping frog (no offence intended) you just seem full of beans which makes me shy away (even though you said at some point you don't like it when people do not respond) which struck a chord with me. One of my real hates is when people do not respond to a message or phonecall!! Love to you xx

Another Sally

Feb. 17, 2019, 7:59 p.m.

Hi, I wanted to say that I'm feeling really quite positive today. We have some quite nice things to look forward to and the weatherman is even saying we might get some warmer weather. Yippee. It has taken me a while to read the later comments on Leah's blog and all of the above. I do feel so for the people who are not in such a great place. Thank you Gardener for your care and attention to the iris garden. I really hope,that we will make it out to St Malo (as we had planned last year) in early September. I'll be in touch. :-) Condolences to the bereaved, positive, warm thoughts to those struggling, virtual hugs for anyone who needs one. Pleased to say that I am smiling a great, big smile. Pass it on! Thanks HO for making me laugh out loud. Love, AS

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Molly

Feb. 17, 2019, 9:53 p.m.

It threw me when I saw today’s blog. How do I feel? There has been a great response and some interesting theories today along with sad stories that popped up. I am someone who suffers with depression and anxiety daily, yet I have felt ‘okay’ mentally for a couple of weeks. I don’t believe this is some miracle or is yet to make me the ‘active’ person I still wish to be (still haven’t changed the bed for instance) but how grateful I feel for a clearer head. It won’t last, not in my world. That’s why I don’t ‘Do’ positivity posts. No amount of instruction, therapy, mindfulness, etc helps me. It will come back when it wants to, regardless of life, circumstances, and the aforementioned. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? As in when I wake up (as discussed earlier). For no reason at all, I might be lucky tomorrow, I might not. Molly xx

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Leah

Feb. 18, 2019, 8:53 p.m.

Molly, it is interesting that such a simple question can elicit so many thoughtful responses. I thank you for all your supportive comments. I appreciate the the time you take to respond to people here and it makes for an interesting discussion. I agree of the randomness of moods, and that not knowing can make it hard to enjoy the good moods as one knows they may not last for long. Leah xx

Molly

Feb. 19, 2019, 3:49 p.m.

Oh thank you Leah, what a lovely reply. I think I got a bit carried away with my responses, I suppose I went on a bit of a ‘high’ and then wanted to shout it off the rooftops. When my depression is at bay, I seem to get a bit angry. Not sure if angry is the right word. It’s something to do with not feeling like a useless muppet for a while. Thank you so much, you are lovely xx

Molly

Feb. 18, 2019, 3:50 a.m.

I wonder if Moodscope could clarify that the original blog here was not by me please? I spent some time answering comments but I don't want people to think that because I was replying to comments that the blog was produced by me. I just felt that I wanted to respond to people I could connect with. I do find it sad though, that there is little response back when in general we are trying to help eachother. As much as I love the site, it can be a case of 'here today, and gone tomorrow'. Next ! Move down the queue.....

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RC

Feb. 18, 2019, 1:05 p.m.

Molly Further to yo previous

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RC

Feb. 18, 2019, 1:08 p.m.

Sorry....typos...... Regardiyour earlier post to me, I have been a Moodscope blogger/writer and reader for almost 10 yrs. I hate it too when I don’t get a callback or some kind- by phone or email Strange what pushes our buttons isn’t it?!

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RC

Feb. 18, 2019, 1:10 p.m.

Gremlinin in my iPad Nothing i do is easy Maybe I need to put down the technology and doze on the sofa What a grand idea ( looking at the drab skyline over Hertfordshire

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Molly

Feb. 18, 2019, 4:40 p.m.

Hi Ruby, I didn’t recognise your name but my memory is not great. I have a friend that lives in Bishops Stortford.

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