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April


Hope Springs Eternal. Thursday April 30, 2015

I know I’ll always,
Come alive,
After I fall,
Into a dive.

I know the sun,
Will rise again,
After I’ve gone into,
A dark refrain.

I write to myself,
Some notes of this,
Because I forget,
I’m always remiss.

To think I can,
Be happy again.
To think I’m not,
Really going insane.

When I’m OK,
I think I can never,
Fall again,
My smile to sever.

Yet when I’m down,
I feel I will never,
Be happy again,
Or even clever.

To use my brain,
To see anew,
That it's just my mind,
That’s in a stew.

The world is the same,
Night turns to day.
It’s only me,
Who’s lost his way.

It's just my mind,
That has become unkind.
It’s those chemicals again,
I’ll have to find...

Not from the drugs,
That have never worked.
Just from my spirit,
That pain has usurped.

Keep that dawn in mind,
It will return again.
Put up the photos,
In a lovey frame.

Work to move,
To get up and connect.
Choose a sunshine day,
Then press select.

Vision what you want to see,
Feel what you want to find.
Help to choose the happy way,
And support and grow your mind.

I know I’ll always,
Come alive,
After I fall,
Into a dive.

I know the sun,
Will rise again,
After I’ve gone into,
A dark refrain.

Do not despair,
You’ve found another day.
Now you can take a step,
Move closer to a way.

That brings a smile,
That makes you feel safe,
That brings you hope,
That doesn’t chafe.

Get up and move,
Take that shower.
Step forward,
Into a new hour.

Les
A Moodscope member.


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Comments

Hopeful One Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 6:36am

Hi Les- just beautiful.The words , the imagery., the simplicity , and the rhyme. The Poet strikes again with a bulls eye.

Sally Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 7:45am

Hi Les. What a belter! It is so appropriate to my situation. I said yesterday that the light popped on again for me a couple of weeks back. And that I am frantically trying to " make up for lost time" but have to watch I don't go into " overdrive" in this high. I didn't use those words exactly yesterday, I am paraphrasing. Your poem ticks all the boxes for me. I should refer to it when, come August,say, I get my next low of COURSE I hope it never comes, that low, but experiences tells me, after 40 years of the cursed descent into the treacly tread that it will probably, and that I will get powerless, except for accepting the fact, to do a thing to counteract act this biological force that inhabits my body like an irksome guest in a guesthouse. Or worse. Hope this makes sense!

Julia Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 7:47am

Hi Les. It is so true that good times will follow bad. As day follows night...

Sally Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 7:50am

Sorry..counteract, not counteract act... Could not see what I had written once I got so far. Anyone out there know how you can address this on this system? Because the keyboard covers up the lower page, and if you select edit, you STILL can't scroll down

Julia Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 10:14am

Hi Sally. My highs happen for one day only! So I cram in everything into that one day. I try to make up for recent mistakes or what I perceive as mistakes made when low.I am exhausted by the end of the day and know that I am in for a spell of bad days. My good days follow a good night's sleep as many of you know on this site. So I have one good night followed by a fabulous day, followed by several bad nights and low days, then hey ho for some reason unbeknown to me, I will sleep well and can enjoy one day of self confidence, happiness and I am at ease with the world. It's exhausting living like this but I should be used to it by now. I'm not used to it! We seem on Moodscope to experience thee highs for differing periods of time. I wish someone would explain it all to me. Do you think you almost bring on the lows by "knowing " that next August will bring on a low cycle?

Anonymous Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 11:34am

Beautiful Les, simply beautiful;
I'm sticking this up
"I know that the sun will rise again ...the world is the same, night turns to day"
Sending you gentle smiles from the sunny, blue Dorset skies ...
Frankie

Anonymous Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 8:22pm

'I know the sun will rise again', I find those words so powerful. When in the midst of the cyclone it is that that pulls us through. I might need to inscribe that somewhere. Inside my eyelids would be good. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Les. Thank you for it. Love from the room above the garage x.

Anonymous Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 8:28pm

Interested in that thought Julia of bringing it on by expecting it..possible do you think? This year I took reasonably dramatic action to pre-empt a strike and it happened anyway. It was different but it still came. Chicken or egg I wonder... Ratg x

Les Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 9:56pm

Thank you

Les Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 10:05pm

The best advice I can offer....is......

What we look for we find!

If you expect something you have already told your subconscious that it is on its way.....and then guess what.........it appears!

Life is a self fulfilling prophecy.

For sure we may get depressed again due to many factors. If however we look for or expect it - for sure it will arrive early and stay longer or go deeper.

So especially if you write about what you expect - you are even further imprinting it into your mind!!!

Its like the young child walking along a wall and the parent says - watch and not fall off!

the mind do not register negative....all it hears is 'fall off' and the parent has actually precipitated the child doing what they do not want to happen!

Then of course when they fall off - the parent then says 'told you so'.

IT WAS THE PARENTS FAULT!

To help the child you offer - 'Keep your balance and look to the end of the wall and you'll get there'

So always see yourself staying well or getting well - then the brain seek to do what you are asking it.

So Julia.....what you have written WILL more than likely happen.

Try writing out a better outcome for you and let your brain feel and see it, as well as write it.

Sally look at what you wrote..........

Have to watch I don't go into overdrive........

You'll fall off the wall again!!!

Write - I know I am going to be smoother in future and my swings will become less.

Write it and see how it FEELS.

Les Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 10:06pm

Just don't 'look' for it..........unless its night to day :-)

Les Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 10:06pm

I can scroll down on edit????

Les Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 10:07pm

Cheers Frankie

Enjoy those skies......

Les Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 10:08pm

Thank you RATG.....appreciated.

Anonymous Thu, Apr 30th 2015 @ 10:52pm

Oh dear Sally, I have problems too...if I have enlarged the page and the section to reply to a blog,, I then have to make it smaller again to edit. But some days I can't get the blog to take my comment at all! Karen

Hopeful One Fri, May 1st 2015 @ 6:32am

Hi Julia and Sally- I am not bipolar so I have to go by your experiences of the different ' cycling' patterns that appear to be each sufferes own . But if the lows have something's in common with the lows of a depression then I wonder if meditatiion would work? . There is evidence emerging from the Oxford Cognitive Center ithat it reduces the frequency of relapse in individuals prone to relapse in depression.

Cat Fri, May 1st 2015 @ 7:51am

Hi Les, again you have created a masterpiece. Your words are so insightful apt and wise. You are a very talented and inspiring individual. Have you ever thought to publish a book of your poems? I would buy it today as a tool to guide myself through the toughest moments. Have you ever considered it? Les, your poems are deeply inspiring and reach to the heart of depressions challenges, your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us all. I am still taking those steps as you guided, some have been through black days but more and more through bright hopeful ones. Cat

Les Fri, May 1st 2015 @ 9:49pm

Hi Cat

Many thanks for your kind words.....such comments help me, as what I seek to do is help others.....and when people like yourself are happy to state such things......I am strengthened.

I haven't really thought of a book - as they are poems written in the moment - the last two for Moodscope, as I realise I need to write a blog that evening and out it falls.......10 minutes. Although mu subconscious will I'm sure have been working away.....

Now you mention it..........a book on mental health poems would work - as it would be focussed enough and hopefully helpful enough. Otherwise I'm not sure they would gain enough traction for people.....they're about my life!

Although that can be useful in initiating a relationship :- )

I'll put that on my 'to do' list....as there are a couple of crackers about my psychiatrist and my therapist....neither positive.....although my GP said they would make excellent feedback learnings for both. Which they would but they would likely not speak to me again............not that I need them nowadays anyway.

Keep looking for the bright hopeful days....and they will for sure appear - to the exact degree that you believe they will.

"The only journey is the one within." Rainer Maria Rilke

Slainte
Les


Silvia A Fri, May 1st 2015 @ 10:47pm

"Yet when I’m down,
I feel I will never,
Be happy again,
Or even clever."

This happens to me so often!

Silvia A Fri, May 1st 2015 @ 10:48pm

I have to learn that this is not true.

Less Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 8:41am

You 'know' it isn't true.....as you come back.

Write yourself a note - which you hope you'll never need to use - about why it is not true.

And while probably like my mind, you will not believe it when you read it if you are down, your subconscious will take hope and maybe like me, the next bout will be shorter and less dark....as you train yourself into a different 'habit'.

What do you have to lose...........?

Oh and by the way - watch your words......... "I have to learn that this is not true'..........can you feel the resistance in that?

How about............ "I will learn this in not true".

Can you 'feel' the difference?

The words you tell yourself are all.......

Write each down and feel how different you feel............

"Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Anonymous Sun, May 3rd 2015 @ 9:16am

Thank you Les

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