Why is it always me who seems to be caught when a flurry of people appear just as I am going through a door, just stood there holding it open politely, yet the rushing crowd pushes through without a glance, without a word.
I am standing there wondering why I bother. Heading on out through the big building I am in I seem to be a magnet when I reach any door suddenly from nowhere people appear, all focused on the exit out, no time to say 'Oh thanks' 'That's kind,' I am intensely annoyed.
Is it me?
Has everyone forgotten the basics of courtesy, I am invisible to them a figure serving a purpose and when that is done a nobody. Forgotten in an instant.
At the next door I decide to join the busy people and surge through in the midst of them.
Caught up in the swarm of feet streaking forward no time to talk, shoulders braced, eyes forward, stepping quickly past the young man stood there smiling holding open the next door, he has manners I think, he has been brought up 'properly' as my mother would have said.
I find myself thrust out onto the pavement in a crazy whirl of squishing and squashing, perfume and sweat dispersing into the air as each person dashes off in different directions, separated by intent purpose to their next destination. I notice the flowers growing in the carefully positioned hanging baskets, lining the hectic streets.
Life seems very forced.
A horn blows loudly, a bird screeches, looking up I notice a pure white cloud drifting by in the bright blue sky. I breathe in and close my eyes.
Walking along the pavement I feel the warmth of the summer breeze on my face, hear above the constant din of the traffic a child's laughter, see a bright red balloon bobbing along in their little hand through the crowds.
These small things ground me, make me myself again.
I live in this artificial world but am grateful for the small things that can make me smile.
I see a woman with a heavy shopping bag struggling to open the door to a café where all she wants is a sit down and a brief moment of calm before starting off once more to her chores.
'Here let me help you' I smile, happy again to hold the door open for her. I am myself again.
A Moodscope member.