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Hold the vision, trust the process. Tuesday April 8, 2014

It is time I admitted it, my name is Amy and I am an extremist. Yes I am your classic black and white thinking, it's perfect or its broken kind of gal. I've battled with a veritable feast of mind demons for over 10 years, a heady mix of OCD, depression and anxiety. And I've expended a great deal of energy searching for The Answer.

I have laboured under the belief there is one definite activity/choice/lifestyle that will free me from the dungeon, slay the dragons and all will be well forevermore. If only I could find it. This search has led me to try out (and swiftly abandon) paganism, vegetarianism, yoga, knitting, arranging my books in order of height, cleaning the house, refusing to clean the house, writing detailed plans, surrendering to chance, feeding squirrels, baking my own bread, watching films with subtitles etc. It has also led to some questionable decisions such as shaving my head and having an affair with my boss - just two shining examples.

While some of these activities are healthy and some mind expanding, the fatal error I have made time and time again is thinking that they should serve as an instant fix, rendering me OCD/depression/anxiety free. However (and partially thanks to Moodscope) I am slowly, and finally, learning that change happens incrementally, in tiny stages, but these stages are entirely valuable in themselves.

So at the start of the year in the spirit of resolutions, I compiled a list of things I wanted to achieve or change. Unlike the squillion other lists I have compiled in my lifetime I broke this down into each step I would take to achieve this change. And what struck me very clearly is that the big things wouldn't happen without the little stages. While previously I would dismiss each activity when it failed to be an instant fix, I can now see that they are a series of healthy and/or positive choices. Choices which will slowly but surely result in a healthier, happier life.

As an anonymous wise person said 'Hold the vision, trust the process'. Keep your focus on your vision and trust that by taking it a step at a time you can make it a reality. It made a difference to this hardened sceptic, so trust me anything's possible.

A Moodscope member.

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Chris Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 7:42am

Nice blog, Amy! I particularly like the bit about arranging your books in order of height!

Lex McKee Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 8:00am

Me too... brilliantly written, Amy....and, of course, fab content [I'm writing this standing on tip-toe... ]

Anonymous Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 8:47am

Yep " HOLD " ON, and " TRUST " ! Agreed Amy.

Adrian Longstaffe Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 9:26am

Thanks Amy – wise words. I had a good day on Sunday and although yesterday was lousy Sunday was the best I've had for months – if I look back I can see the tiny steps and the tiny bits of evidence that change is happening– so thank you

Anonymous Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 9:41am

I order my books in colour, so I have a beautiful gradient working diagonally up my bookshelves, it makes me happy to look at.

Your blog made me look at myself with my shaved head and laugh, in my extremely clean kitchen with slightly abandoned studio, I must getting back to work, after I have done a bit of meditation and yoga and maybe I'll get a bit more of my jumper knitted tonight (-_-)

I think exploration of new things is a fantastic resource to keep you alive and healthy even if it isn't quite the fix you thought it was.

June Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 10:22am

Thank you Amy, wonderful to hear from a kindred spirit. :-)

Elizabeth Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 11:27am

A big like from me, it is so easy to forget that there is no magic spell or activity that can make all the difference. Me too, I just had a period of blind trust into something I hoped to really really change my life, but that is not it, right? Thank you.

Anonymous Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 1:04pm

I LOVED this Amy - I laughed out loud in recognition, and compassion for you and me and everyone else out there who is searching for "just that one thing" (whatever it is) that will make their lives perfect/happy. That of course isn't going to happen, and as you say - it's about small steps and a series of healthy or positive choices.

The other day I saw a leaflet called "Great Dream - 10 keys to happier living" (from "Action for Happiness"). It lists 10 things (that spell out "Great Dream") that they think help one to be happier. I really liked this idea and it made me think. (NB I haven't looked into anything else about the organisation so have no views on what it's like). Here are the 10 keys:

Trying Out


Good luck to you Amy, and everyone else out there (including myself!) who's struggling with their demons and trying to find peace and calm in this complicated world.

sharonmanship Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 1:58pm

As with other comments, I can totally relate, and it's comforting to know that there are like minded souls out there :) One of my biggest lessons has been (and still is) acceptance. As well as remembering that my lowest times often turn out to be my biggest catalyst for positive change. Great post, I enjoyed reading it :)

Lostinspace Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 2:19pm

I did laugh at this and wondered if you had shaved your head and then had an affair with the boss or did having an affair with the boss make you shave your head? I have a 15 year old car and like me it gets problems now and again but if I fix each one as it happens it keeps going pretty well but it's never going to be a new car again! I am a quilter and I know that the more I quilt the better I get at it so maybe it's time to realise that I too am a WIP (work in progress) never going to get a perfect result but may just end up with good enough. And, there is nothing wrong with "good enough"although it has taken me a life time to reach that conclusion.Perhaps the more content folks in this life don't long for clean slates or clean houses?

Julia Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 2:25pm

One of the best and funniest blogs I have read Amy. And Lostinspace, you made me laugh too about the shaving of head and the affair, which came first. I must say I picked up on the affair with the boss. Never a good idea, I speak from experience, oh dear oh dear...I am going to re read your blog now Amy to brighten my day again!

Anonymous Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 3:55pm

why not try Christian faith? helps me!

DawnCRitchie Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 5:42pm

Me too, it made my whole world make sense :D

Diana Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 6:15pm

Hi Dawn - I think I met you on a holiday trip, and I ' fell ' for
for the ski-instructor, and then in my ardour, twisted my knee on the slopes... So long ago ! God Bless, Diana

Jill Dobbie Tue, Apr 8th 2014 @ 7:11pm

Hi Amy, I really enjoyed reading your blog today. I can relate to many aspects of myself in what you wrote. good luck in your journey . x

Anonymous Wed, Apr 9th 2014 @ 4:44am

Thank you so much Amy. Your comments really resonate with me.

Mary Wed, Apr 9th 2014 @ 12:29pm

A bit late, I know, but Amy - I ADORED this post. You are so funny and yes, I can relate so much to this, although how could you possibly order your books according to height???? Don't you know they absolutely HAVE to be by genre, then author, in chronological order of writing - unless the writer returned to the beginning of the series to write a prequel, that is..... And I hate it when writers have more than one pen name and then cross over their series - and what about anthologies? Oh dear - I feel some anxiety coming on just thinking about it... Maybe there's another blog post just there!

Anonymous Wed, Apr 9th 2014 @ 9:17pm

thank you all so much for your lovely lovely words, you absolutely made my day yesterday :) I've enjoyed my daily Moodscope emails for years, and they've always helped give me a boost, took me a while to work up the courage to contribute so your kindness and encouragement made a huge difference.

mary I LOVE that you can relate to the book thing. my mama was affronted when she saw the height order book arrangement, being a librarian it was pure sacrilege to her!!

I went out to the garden tonight and did some weeding, then started freaking out that it wasn't having the life-altering zen effect I wanted it to, then I had to remind myself about the importance of step by step...tis a constant battle but one worth fighting!

thanks again lovelies, amy x

Anonymous Thu, Apr 10th 2014 @ 8:24pm

Marvellous - thank you for sharing so much so beautifully, Amy

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