Until last week I was low as a stone in a pool. Buried under a layer that held me there. It was not where I wanted to be. And I'd been there for quite a while.
This week, I am as high as a kite. Impatient to enjoy and put to use every second, not to miss out, to maximise the sensations and bottle them.
I'm rediscovering joys I'd forgotten, music, amusement, interests I thought were gone for ever whilst in the pool.
But no, this state is not right either, for being high as a kite, I risk being untethered. I imagine a strong gust of wind whisking the kite off, and then pitching it headfirst into the sand. To land face down.
For my kite is on the seafront, facing out to sea. The wide expanse of the horizon is before me, with views that are mine and mine alone for the moment as I gaze out to sea, and seeming eternity. Choices to make, as yet unknown. Multitudinous ways of being and reacting. I see the writing on my grandmother's jug : Time and tide wait for no man". It intrigued me, always, from being a little girl.
I can choose to embrace this new state and grow, but the pitfalls are those of overdosing. Like in Alice in Wonderland.
I must walk the emotional tightrope of emotions and try to gauge how much cord to let out. I must rein in flights of fancy, impulse, that are all part and parcel of the high. It's a balancing act, that I suspect others on here will know this all too well. I am confident...but wary too. I must put some safeguarding measures in place.
I have been replaying The Byrds' Turn, turn, turn, which always appeals to me when I'm switched on ( and can appreciate music). It goes:
"To everything, turn, turn, turn
There is a season
Turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose
It makes me think about life and its vicissitudes, but mainly about the feeling of being alive and open to all that the world has to offer.
A Moodscope member.
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