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Hi I'm Pete and I'm lonely. Sunday September 1, 2013

Be honest now, did that statement make you cringe a little? Despite the fact we are human and not robots, it never ceases to amaze me how those things called 'feelings,' (cue blood curdling scream) can wreak terror and panic. We can end up, therefore, in a situation where we feel our grief, sadness or loneliness is repulsive to others.

Yes, trying to express loneliness or sadness to those around us can leave us feeling vulnerable and little understood. Friends or family may even say we are given to wallowing or attention seeking.

The irony of this is, often, the more we open up the more alone we feel. Well intentioned but unhelpful feedback may make us feel it's unsafe to open up; to verbalise our feelings.

The following sentence by Martha Beck has stuck with me for years:

"At times in my life, I have been utterly lonely. At other times, I've had disgusting infectious diseases. Try admitting these things in our culture and you'll find they evoke identical responses...The phrase "I'm lonely" rings like the medieval leper's shout of "Unclean!" Unclean!" "

Beck divides loneliness into three categories: absolute, separation and existential and she gives remedies for for each.

I'm definitely of the latter division. After all, can any human know the sum total of us? Can anyone understand implicitly our grief, losses, disappointments, joys, sadnesses, our every thought and intention? The answer has got to be no.

The remedy for existential loneliness Beck advises, is a prescription of art. By both appreciating art, and nurturing our own creativity, our mind can relax and sit quietly to the point of crossing over into a place where our self-expression has great clarity; freedom.

The reverse then, of an awkward conversation trying to mumble our inner-most, deepest, precious feelings.

If you wish to read more on the three differing types of loneliness Martha Becks' article can be found here:

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment on our Blogspot:

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Anonymous Sun, Sep 1st 2013 @ 11:21am

Oh my gosh Martha Becks article is brilliant and completely relateable! A very interesting read!

The Entertrainer Sun, Sep 1st 2013 @ 12:19pm

Thank you Pete, I was touched.

Steve Roche Sun, Sep 1st 2013 @ 12:47pm

Excellent, one of the best Moodscapes I have read. Thanks.

Anonymous Sun, Sep 1st 2013 @ 5:13pm

hit the spot really on point for me thanks

Debra Gaudet Mon, Sep 2nd 2013 @ 4:46am

Announcing that you are lonely makes a co-worker or neighbor cringe; but hopefully you have chosen people who actually care about you to confide in. Then you will be innondated with calls, visits and lunch dates. And suddenly you realize that this isn't what you needed. The lonely person is really searching for self-confidence; a positive attitude; independence; a purpose and meaning in life. When you work on those things, you will never feel loneliness again. Embrace the loneliness. It is the universe teaching you what is permanent and what is transitory. Relationships change because people change: they are never permanent. Accept change and change the way you think.

Christine Mon, Sep 2nd 2013 @ 9:38am

Excellent response, Debra. I agree with you utterly.

Anonymous Mon, Sep 2nd 2013 @ 9:38pm

Yes thanks Debra, excellent summary. This is exactly what the post was expressing. And thanks to Pete too.

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