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Here I Go Again. Monday December 5, 2016


Aside from the gratuitous joy of being transported back to 1987 with hair to live for and 'The Ultimate Voice of Rock' - this song has a valuable message. (But not for driving lessons, OK? Please don't drive like that... ever.)

Here I go again, on my own...
Going down the only road I've ever known
...the lonely street of dreams
The Price of Dreams

Many of my spiritual friends get very excited about Dreams... and Unicorns ...and Fairies. Personally, I believe dreams can be very expensive and even painful. I'm sure Dr Martin Luther King Jnr would agree. Gandhi did. David Coverdale agrees too.

Sometimes, you're the only person who keeps believing in your dreams - and then those dreams become a lonely street. But if you don't keep believing in them, who will?

No one can see the World like you can. You are unique. So are your dreams. And that can be both lonely and hard. So, if, like me, you've got to one of those 'Here I Go Again' moments, there is much comfort to be found in this famous poem that follows.

Portia Nelson, "Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters" (copyright, Portia Nelson)

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in this same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in... it's a habit... but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

...Awesome Insight, eh?...

So here I go again - Chapter III - same brick wall (or hole in the sidewalk) I've hit (or fallen into) before. I know I'll survive, and I know I'll get out of it, but it is rather boring, isn't it? When will I learn?

Well, it's my fault - and that's liberating.

This has been a lonely street of dreams, and I'd like to walk around this hole next time, but more than that, maybe, just maybe it's time for you and me to walk down another street. What do you think?

And if that's the case, maybe, just maybe it's time for a new dream and a bit of company on the way this time.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Anne Mon, Dec 5th 2016 @ 6:18am

Thank you for your share Lex.... I love the "blast from the past" & I love the idea that maybe I could walk a street with someone else... "You & me"...

Thank you for reminding me it might be me who chooses to be alone & I always have a choice...

Sally Mon, Dec 5th 2016 @ 8:03am

Thank you for your blog, Lex. So sorry to hear you are at "Chapter III. " ( says it all, in a verse, good shortcut to having to explain, no? I like that!) I remember this poem, & it is good to revisit it. I wish you well and do hope you get better quickly. Big virtual hugs and pats on the back for who you are/ what you always deliver to us Moodscoopers.
Christmas is a sad time in some brings up so very many emotions... I feel sadness that we as a family can't have a normal family Christmas . Our son with severe autism will come out of his care home for the day, but we will very much have to keep it all low key, due to his complex needs and learning disabilities. No whooping it up for would be too much of an overload . It brings his disability into sharp focus...until Boxing Day when we can relax once more. It is exhausting sometimes but we love him to bits and respect his needs. Nevertheless, the sadness is still there, I'm afraid...after three decades...

LP Mon, Dec 5th 2016 @ 9:30am

Hi Sally, It's lovely that you make Christmas the best it can be for your son and family. The sadness is there and dreams don't have to be huge or unrealistic. My very best wishes to you and yours. LPxx

Sally Mon, Dec 5th 2016 @ 5:06pm

Thank you for your kind words, LP. Do appreciate that.

LP Mon, Dec 5th 2016 @ 9:23am

Hi Lex,
Thank you for such an inspirational blog.
What an interesting idea " "It's my fault and that's liberating!". It's the feeling of not being in control that's scary, but I much prefer "boring".
It's a beautiful hazy sunny monday morning and maybe, just maybe we can step into a new chapter of dreams. :)
Group hug! LPxx

Mary Wednesday Mon, Dec 5th 2016 @ 10:35am

Oh Lex, me too - as you know! But it's such a pretty street - and the hole is so very alluring.....

The Gardener Mon, Dec 5th 2016 @ 1:43pm

Hello Sally - I really feel for you. I love Christmas but now 'putting it in its place'. We've had fabulous times with our family, in exotic places and, really the best, with 58 over-excited kids in a refuge in Bangalore - where the nuns could let their hair down a bit. Playing Mother Christmas, and badminton in high heels are a little differeni from the enormous Christmas lunch and charades. My husband is so difficult to take out - so we had a forerunner of a Christmas 'do' with filling our shop and the rest of the house to bursting point on Saturday. BUt, the trauma of the week-end. Feel as though I have fallen through Lex's hole - but,more, like a zombie.Grand-daughter due Dinard (Brittany) airport 9.30 a.m Friday, drove through thick fog - no hope plane could land. It did not. They went to an inland airport, Rennes - and proceeeded to ferry passengers. I came home again, bit of preparation, off to airport - 200 kms in all - plus, grand-daughter 6 hours late, exhausted, and we did what preparation we could. By a combined effort the party was said to be a 'wow'. Sunday was good, lunch out, art exhibition at a friend. Then, a stress reaction - racing pulse which had to brought down with sedatives. I had a whole sleeping pill to ensure sleep. Mr G woke me around 1 a.m - I got up - then toppled like a felled tree. Nothing worse than very bruised ribs.Back to Lex 'when will I learn?' How can you avoid something when you can't see it coming. I often think I'm becoming depressed, but it's despair at the situation, very different - give me a day or two with the young in particular and I perk up like anything. Grand-daughter (safely back in Stanstead) was fantastic - applying energy and intelligence to what looked like an insuperable task.

Sally Mon, Dec 5th 2016 @ 5:08pm

Thank you so much, The Gardener! You have it tough. Good job you are a strong woman, eh? But remember to get your respite, and plenty of it. Yes, I agree, the young are great and can be a real "pick me up"

Nicco Mon, Dec 5th 2016 @ 7:00pm

Thank you for the poem - I have come across it before but it was good to read it again. Trouble is, I don't think any of it is my fault! I get pushed into the hole too rather than fall into it!

The Gardener Mon, Dec 5th 2016 @ 7:48pm

I don't know if an interpreter could deal with my dreams - in fact, they are simple. I have got myself in a mess by being over ambitious - always same theme - forgotten to order food, to send out invitations, not enough beds for guests invited, forgotten to water church flowers - always the sins of ommission! Making new friends, keeping old ones, Mr G objects to them all, ditto phone calls. Big, hard lesson - be tough - as soon as Mr G (usually after 5 minutes) finds an excuse to drive the visitor away I have to say 'ignore him'. Luckily (luckily??) more and more people have this situation - Sally above - we have a restaurant which makes sure parents with difficult/embarrassing children are tucked into a comfortable corner where they can enjoy themselves. I'm being yelled at - Lex, learn to leap over the holes. XXX

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