Moodscope's blog



Here goes... Saturday May 2, 2015

Some weeks ago we were asked if anyone of us would like to write a Moodscope blog. 'Oh yes I thought, I'd love to have a go at that.'

Then my fears and doubts kick in and take over.

'You! You couldn't do that'
'What have you got to write about that would interest others?'
'You are rubbish at spelling and what if your grammar is wrong?'
'Everyone will laugh at how stupid you are.'
'The other writers are so much better than you.'
'What if you get negative comments?'

The above comments whirred around my mind for days on end and I was still no closer to writing my masterpiece.

I did however think how wonderful it is that all the moodscope writers, people who I do not know, pop into my inbox every day and show themselves to us in such a way that some of their words make me smile or lift my mood even if only for a little while. Some of them are written so beautifully that they actually move me very deeply. The writers themselves even do this whilst they are themselves in the grip depression.

I wanted to say a big heartfelt THANK YOU! To you all for doing such a wonderful job. I never have felt brave enough to leave comments but I read and value each and every one.

I wonder how many of you out there read the post requesting new bloggers and felt the same as me? Well maybe you are good enough and interesting enough to just help one person through one more day?

Take care

Julie x
A Moodscope member.

(yes I did just write that, didn't I!!)

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Adam Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 6:28am

Well I for one enjoyed and appreciated your post Julie. It was honest and heartfelt and uplifting. Thank you.

Hopeful One Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 6:29am

Hi Julie- bravo! In my opinion for a first blog it's not a bad effort at all. It was revealing to me in that you had this fog of negative thinking which you had to go through before you could set pen to paper. The important thing is that you have this inner courage to see through that and ' do it ' . You focused on the effort which IS in your. control and in the ' now' rather than the fruit of your effort which is not really under your control and in the future. Keep doing that and one day you will surprise yourself when you find yourself at the top of the tree and entitled to all the fruit that grows there.

Leah Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 7:16am

Hi Julie,
Thanks for taking the courage to write your first blog. I appreciated your honesty in sharing your insecurities. The first step is the hardest. I look forward to learning more about you in future blogs and comments. Leah

Anonymous Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 7:17am

Hi Julie! And there you are...launched and job completed! Loved it! It took me years to comment on a thread :-) In fact, I didn't even look at the blogspot for long enough. I think I was shaking when I first commented. But there is much to be gained from throwing yourself out there...and you just did! How do you feel now? I echo Adam, it's heartfelt and uplifting to read your words. Thank you, you've brightened my morning. Love from the room above the garage x.

Laura Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 7:23am

Hi Julie - what a wonderful post! I think I know where you're coming from - I read that same request and was inundated with many self-defeating thoughts similar to yours. The difference between you and me is that you have taken action despite your fears and insecurities, whereas I am still being held back by mine. So kudos to you! You have done something very difficult and come through the side. Way to go! :)

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 7:51am

Thank you Adam for taking the time to reply, I can't believe it's up there, Julie

Julia Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 7:51am

Excellent Julie! The thing is, we each write differently with a unique style and write about a subject close to our hearts, fears, victories, anxieties, worriesome thoughts, pleas for help and advice and so on. So one should never worry that one's blog will be judged in a negative way because there is no right way to write a blog. I think you are a genius to turn your fears about your first blog INTO a blog! Now that is what I call clever.

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 7:54am

Thank you hopeful one, I look take on the challenge of climbing that tree x

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 7:55am

Thank you Leah

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 7:59am

I feel proud of myself for submitting it and grateful to the team for putting it out although it's a bit nerve wracking. Thank you for your comment x

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 8:01am

Thank you Laura, you can do it too! X

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 8:07am

thank you Julia for such a positive comment. Me a genius ;-)

The Entertrainer Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 8:11am

Hi Julie, I wonder if you yet realise what a gift your blog will be to hundreds of other Moodscopers? You've given others that extra 'permission' to take the same step. You've been honest, faced down the dragon of anxiety, and pushed 'send'. Courage is rewarded... thank you for sharing not only powerful words but something of the real you. Glad to connect.

Sally Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:35am

Hi Julie,
I echo The Entertrainer's thoughts too: you have given of yourself, and in so doing, gifted others. I fell into the category of those who thought " I am not good enough at expressing myself to do a blog" . See - you were the brave one. All power to your elbow. Write away! Anything and everything will be worthwhile reading for one or many of us out there, and a connection made is a precious thing. :-) Sally xx

Anonymous Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:44am

Julie, believe everything that's been said by everyone today, because It is all true!! What a great demonstration of courage. You will definitely have inspired many of us who haven't yet taken the leap. Thanks so much. susan xx

Mary Blackhurst Hill Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 10:00am

Absolutely Brilliant, Julie! I hope that I am one of the writers that makes you smile and I must tell you that you have put a joyful grin on my face this morning; thank you SO much! You have contributed to me personally (and probably to all the other writers who post for Moodscope) b y letting us know that our posts are valued by people who never or rarely comment. That's huge! You have also written a beautiful post about facing your fears and stepping out anyway. We need to hear that message again and again and again, because we all have our fears and feelings of inadequacy. On a writing theme - we are all learning. In "Hooked: Write Fiction that grabs the Reader at Page One and Never Lets Them Go" - by Les Edgerton (and isn't that a title and a half?) the point is made that the better the writer the more humble they are. If a writer is arrogant about their writing - then they are probably not a very good writer.... So Julie - your writing is great, it speaks directly to our souls (note the number of comments). Please, please, give us more.

Anonymous Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 10:25am

Thank-you Julie - in my experience this community of Moodscopers is so wonderfully accepting and encouraging that you couldn't have "done it wrong" - especially as you are obviously speaking from the heart ...
Thank-you for your kind words - and I'm looking forward to your next blog!

Otir Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 2:23pm

Congratulations Julie! It was well done, and you should be so proud of you, and hopefully feeling relieved by now and maybe elated at the lovely result!

I do remember very well the call to bloggers, and had pretty much the same reaction as you had, and eventually tried to be as brave as you: I sent what I thought could be a blogpost despite all my negative thoughts about it ~ not being written well enough because English is not my primary language ~ not being positive enough because written in a time of very low clarity and moods ~ not being this and that... and I got a sweet thank you note from Caroline but no word of feedback, so I decided that I had been right in my thinking that it was not worth anything and swallowed my shame.

And the world is still turning and the sun is still shining!

May 02, 2015 2:14 p.m.

ps: the publishing of a comment on blogger has turned out to also be a nightmare for me... sometimes it REALLY feels like the universe is telling me to shut up... I keep persisting speaking up until it feels better... which I hope one day will be my reality too.

May 02, 2015 2:21 p.m.

Julia Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 2:48pm

Hi Otir. I am sure Caroline will read your comment here. Are you sure it will not be published? Caroline is very sensitive and kind and I am certain she will respond to you.

Otir Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 3:06pm

I did not mean I wanted that blogpost to be published if it was not worth it! I trust Caroline and the team for knowing what works for our community. And it was also a good thing for me to be able to brave my fears and face the result of taking action without falling apart. If I am reading what I wrote back then today, I would not publish it either!

I hope this is what comes across from what I was commenting here.

And thank you Julia, for being such a compassionate soul, prompt to hearing the pains of others!

Julia Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 3:27pm

I think you may be wrong though Otir because you obviously write extremely well. I admire you though for your reasoning. I write blogs when I am feeling good and therefore can relate to what you are saying in that if I wrote one when feeling bad, I would regret it being published and would hope it wasn't if you know what I mean! Actually I did try it once and wrote a blog when feeling low. It was very complicated and I regretted it. I still do today! it makes me cringe to think about it and I won't even go back there and read it. Caroline probably published it because I had already written a few "good" ones.

David Jarvis Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 3:47pm

Great blog Julie.
Although I haven't attempted to write a blog yet I can imagine having similar thoughts. I'd like to try writing one in future. All of us have insights and a unique perspective, and not so unique that others won't benefit from hearing it.
I can also imagine, if I wrote a blog, on a negative day I might look back at it in an overly critical way and turn it into something I did wrong. I hope and trust that you will see all this positive feedback as it really is, positivity towards you and your writing and how you've helped through sharing. It really does help.
Keep writing :-)

Caroline Ashcroft Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 5:15pm

Hi Otir, I've just emailed you - also sorry it's sometimes difficult to post comments on this blog - we're going to move the blog to the Moodscope site as soon as we can. You're not the only one!!

Julia, I published your blog because it was good, not just because your others were good!! Caroline

Anonymous Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 5:16pm

Dear Julie, congratulations on your very first blog today. You and 'it' are awesome and it's fantastic that you have taken a great step forward to send a blog in. We can all learn from you and be brave.
Karen x

Anonymous Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 5:54pm

Thank you Julie for your honest and brave post. You certainly helped me through one more day. Looking forward to your future posts!

Otir Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 6:47pm

Julia: you nailed it! That is exactly what it was: I wrote something and am somewhat thankful that Caroline was wise enough for having not published it! And you can trust that your published blogs are published because they are good! my story is here to prove it after all :-)

Caroline, thank you so much for having emailed me! I so appreciate your feedback and I totally get it that my blog was too long for the format here. Also, it sounds exciting that you are thinking of moving out to your own site... blogger is a nice free tool but oh so annoying with its limitations!

What a great and caring community the whole Moodscope family is, let me tell you: everyone really pays attention to each other and all what we share here, this is pretty remarkable!

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:10pm

Thank you so much the entertrainer. I get so much from the daily blog so it's nice to be able to put a bit back, Julie

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:13pm

I believe the little connections make a difference when we are down and not up to seeing people in person, thank you Sally for your comments, Julie

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:15pm

Thank you Susan, I am so grateful that people have taken the time to comment in such a positive manner. I urge you too to take the leap! Julie

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:21pm

Oh Mary thankyou, I am so glad I took the plunge with all the lovely comments my confidence has taken a much needed boost. Thanks for the tip too, I may even have a go at another one some time soon, Julie

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:23pm

Thank you Frankie for your reply, moodscope gives a lot to us all doesn't it , best wishes Julie

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:28pm

Thank you Otir for your original reply to my post. I am most grateful that you took time to reply in a positive manner to my blog even when you're experience wasn't as positive for you. Much appreciated, Julie

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:31pm

Thank you David, after today's positive response I urge you to have a go. best wishes Julie

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:33pm

Thank you Karen, it has all been a very positive experience for me , and I appreciate every single comment, Julie

Julie Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 9:37pm

Thank you for the positive comment, Julie

Anonymous Sat, May 2nd 2015 @ 11:11pm

"I want to build myself a core of strength... and is not reliant on anyone else's opinion or reassurances but comes from within and makes me feel solid and confident - I have never had that in my adult life and I confess I have no idea where to start."

I LOVED this par in y'day's post.

I'll tell you a l'il secret Juile, I get so terrified of what readers will comment that it often takes me days to be brave enough to read what the comments say. I suppose, as Lexi & Mary once wisely pointed out, we write because we feel we may a thought worth sharing but we also write for ourselves because if we don't, we feel we might explode!
Well done m'lady. ;o)

Daisy Ann Sun, May 10th 2015 @ 5:20pm

My daughter sent me a challenge after reading your post.
I have a Bipolar Disorder. A reliable source in my research list is this article.

It provides varied discussions about mood disorders including causes, treatments, medications and new research. I don't remember who sent it to me. What initially attracted my attention was the reference to NIMH. Couldn't help but remember the allusion to Robert C. O’Brien’s Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, adapted into film as The Secret of NIMH.

This year’s particular bipolar episode involved an unchecked manic phase that lasted five months—August through December 2014. The downward spiral started in December and currently I am still depressed.

Years ago, there was a time when I cycled rapidly: Up at night and Down all day. The Market was also doing a fluctuating trade and I thought it curious that the Market and I shared one feature—we’re both bipolars.

When my children were small seven, five and two, I had my first bipolar episode. I was undiagnosed, and a stay at home Mom. I would plan grandiose activities for the children till two or three a.m. then got the girls dressed and fed for school by seven a.m. I would creep back into bed and not wake up until an hour before the children would be back around three pm.

The first psychiatrist I consulted prescribed Prozac. Prozac helped me sleep and curtailed my elaborate plans but its one side effect eliminated it from the trial drugs—it made me lose hair. After several years and various medical combinations later, I was asymptomatic. Life was good, challenges were managed and only the Market was still bipolar.

I noticed that during that first episode I could not do the one thing I cherished—reading. This time around I could read but in spurts and couldn’t finish any chapters or articles. But more noticeably I haven’t been able to write, ironic because I just finished a graduate certificate in Creative Writing. In addition, sometimes when spoken to I became inarticulate.

It’s been two months since my daughters found a psychiatrist who is a mood disorder specialist. They also taught me to monitor my medication using the Pillboxie app. Currently I rate myself a seven in a scale of 10. I am about seventy percent functional.

My story is not unusual. And having a caring and informed support group makes it possible for me to “fight the good fight.”

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