From Grief to Giggling

26 Jun 2019
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Driving a schoolbus paid very little monetarily speaking and could at times be as stressful as rewarding...

I remember middle schoolers hurling hard candy at my head during the Christmas season while driving. I told them, while I appreciate the seasonal gesture... "I can't drive with you doing that." When that didn't work I parked in the middle of the street, rose to face them and began a long slow tedious speech... "so... who needs to get home to hockey practice... piano lessons? Game boy? Ballet? X-box?" Soon they were all elbowing each other and hissing; "Stop it or we'll never get home."

Then there was a kid named Mitchell who had lost half his leg to an illness and refused to use a wheelchair or even a crutch. I gave him whatfor one day for opening his window in December: "If that window freezes open that will be YOUR seat for the rest of winter!" His face lit up. Maybe for having been treated like a normal kid and not mollycoddled.

Another handicapped student with a shrill voice nearly took my neck off hugging me goodbye after school.

Years earlier I had been just torn with grief over losing my uterus to some medical reason I couldn't pronounce. That took away my ability to choose to have more children - not that I wanted more. It took away my only link to my first pregnancy - lost to a miscarriage and trip to the emergency room.

So ten years later in a different province I am sitting in my schoolbus doing a pre-trip and noted the passenger capacity on my paperwork: 72.

It dawned on me then that twice a day I could have 72 more kids! Without a pregnancy; swelled ankles, morning sickness, stretchmarks, or labour pains. I drove the route that day with a stupid grin on my face I think. Hopefully no one noticed...

Not that I would ever tell a woman unable to have children or sufffering miscarriage to go drive a bus or; "You can always adopt." I don't know why one feels so strongly compelled to "Say the right thing," to the bereaved. Grief is overwhelming at the time and those hurting need simplicity, comfort, and silence. A gentle touch and a listen, if anything.

Healing and timing was perfectly aligned for me to realize the bus capacity and relate the responsibility of my job to childbearing. With a giggle and memory of a time when I couldn't have imagined ever feeling this good again.

Blessings.

Bailey

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

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Comments

Daisy

June 27, 2019, 4:37 a.m.

Lovely writing and happy sad fun story. I have no children- I relate to your sentiments and your reaction to people’s comments Take care

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Bailey

June 28, 2019, 1:33 a.m.

I have two...after i lost my first pregnancy. Its in paragraph five...having lost the ability to chose along with my only link to my first baby caused such grief. I learned the importance of not trying to say the right thing to those grieving because of my own grief. Apologies for the mislead. And thank you for reading and commenting. Hugs

Bailey

June 28, 2019, 1:33 a.m.

I have two...after i lost my first pregnancy. Its in paragraph five...having lost the ability to chose along with my only link to my first baby caused such grief. I learned the importance of not trying to say the right thing to those grieving because of my own grief. Apologies for the mislead. And thank you for reading and commenting. Hugs

Bearofliddlebrain

June 27, 2019, 4:57 a.m.

Brilliant Bailey, What an amazing way to turn such sadness into joy! Such a gift being able to change your perspective on a dreadful thing that happened to you and see a way forward. And I’m so glad you can give the kids ‘what for ‘ and gain their respect as well as getting the job done! And what a job! Such responsibility - driving precious cargo to and fro on the school run ;) Fabulously written too. Big Bear hugs ***

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Ruth

June 27, 2019, 6:15 a.m.

I cannot bear children due to having had ovarian cancer. I remember each Mother's Day at church feeling desperately sad as I so wanted to be a mother. Then my friend's daughter gave me some flowers. I said to her sadly, "But I'm not a mother". Her reply took my breath away! She informed me that yes I most certainly am a mother, to every child I come into contact with in Sunday school, at school with my volunteering and even in the street! She told me that I had such a gentle way that it was lovely with children. Ever since I have seen things so differently. I am a Mum to my lovely furbabies too!

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Bearofliddlebrain

June 27, 2019, 11:18 a.m.

That’s beautiful Ruth...x x x

Molly

June 27, 2019, 9:32 p.m.

Hi Ruth, that’s lovely for her to have thought of you. One of my dogs that isn’t my dog bought me a Mother’s Day card and flowers and chocolates. It really warmed my heart as it can be a difficult day. Such a clever doggy! Xx

the room above the garage

June 27, 2019, 6:17 a.m.

I love today’s blog Bailey, love your writing, love your motherhood! Thank you, room x.

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Sally

June 27, 2019, 6:36 a.m.

Bailey, this is amazing writing and inspiring at a time I’m feeling overwhelmed. You can’t imagine how timely it is. I do love your take on treating children. My own son, disabled, has been subject to mollycoddling and I’ve taken to saying “ Don’t treat him with kid gloves!” Which is something you understood instinctively, Bailey. Good for you! They just want to be treated like normal people, subject to the same rules of behaviour. It’s the kindest thing you can do. So sensible too, your words: “Grief is overwhelming at the time and those hurting need simplicity, comfort and silence”. Wise words, sound reasoning, I am going to save them for the “advisers”! Thank you and thank you again. Go well, you are an asset indeed to school bus driving and those special passengers. They will remember you, believe me.

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Valerie

June 27, 2019, 7:07 a.m.

Great blog Bailey.I bet you were a great favourite among the kids on that bus.x

Molly

June 27, 2019, 6:24 p.m.

Lovely response Sally xx

Bailey

June 28, 2019, 1:34 a.m.

Thank you molly, valerie, and sally

Sally

June 29, 2019, 7:22 a.m.

Aw thank you, Molly , and Bailey. Xx

Hopeful One

June 27, 2019, 8 a.m.

Hi Bailey- so sorry to read that a medical condition deprived you of a chance to bear children. But look ! By shifting your focus from this dark cloud you found the silver lining that was waiting to be acknowledged leading to joy. You gave your grieving heart a chance to express your maternal feelings so cruelly deprived. I have made this point before but its worth repeating -if one can get one's focus to somehow shift from one's cloud to the silver lining then it leads to a recovery from any negative life event. Just a thought.Have you considered a uterine transplant?More and more centres are starting to offer this option as they develop the experience. Never ever lose Hope. Our endorphin squirt today. The new CEO was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, he noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $500 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, handed the guy $2,000 in cash, and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goofball did here?" From across the room a voice said,"Pizza delivery guy from Domino's"

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Bearofliddlebrain

June 27, 2019, 11:20 a.m.

Hee hee HO. And loved what you have said to Bailey :) Bear hugs xx

the room above the garage

June 27, 2019, 6:42 p.m.

I loved today’s endorphin squirt! I may borrow this with permission!

Molly

June 27, 2019, 7:10 p.m.

Very good HO xx

Hopeful One

June 27, 2019, 9:10 p.m.

Thank you guys for your so encouraging comments.

Hopeful One

June 27, 2019, 9:11 p.m.

Hi Room- help yourself!

Leah

June 27, 2019, 9:30 p.m.

Hopeful, That joke is similar to an Australian one about a telegram boy and a media mogul who were in a lift together. . The media mogul was angry the boy was in the lift and so fired him. he was the telegram boy, yes this is an old joke and was supposed to be based on a true story. So pleased the joke is still going and changing with the times.

The Gardener

June 27, 2019, 10:18 a.m.

Thanks Bailey, Childnessness, for whatever reason, leaves me in a moral quandary. I have 3 sons, two adopted daughters, 6 grandchildren and a g-grandaughter. I know so many cases where women are obsessed with having a child, at any cost. If the go for IVF which fails time after time, it costs a fortune, failure can provoke depression, and frequently breaks a marriage up. No way can I say, adopt, work with troubled children, accept that there is no divine right to motherhood. How can I say any of that, from my spoiled situation?

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The Gardener

June 27, 2019, 10:21 a.m.

Even had 'icing on the cake'. We sponsored children in India, visiting refuges 9 times at Christmas. A child we took on from 7, appalling childhood, has always regarded us as 'Daddy and Mummy', and our family as her family. She has just presented me with a 'proxy' grandson. So, enjoy the 'blessings' of your young charges, however briefly. xx

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Bailey

June 27, 2019, 12:50 p.m.

Thank you everyone.

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Leah

June 27, 2019, 9:31 p.m.

Thanks Bailey for your blog that touched me.

Liz

June 27, 2019, 5:14 p.m.

Hi Bailey what a lovely blog. I didn't have my own children - I was too scared. I became a step-parent instead. Even scarier! Joking aside I realised that I was meant to have two wonderful children - just not mine - my lovely nephew and my wonderful stepdaughter. I never really missed out - I took a different direction. And that's what life is all about - although I got the "oh you haven't any children?" "oh you look after her" "oh where is her mother" "oh it's not the same until you have your own" "oh it will be your turn next"... "oh shut up" I so wanted to say but never did! Liz x

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Molly

June 27, 2019, 6:28 p.m.

Hi Liz, yes I had all those comments made to me too ! Xx

Orangeblossom

June 27, 2019, 6:02 p.m.

Thanks for your great blog which I found very edifying Bailey.

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Molly

June 27, 2019, 6:23 p.m.

Hi Bailey, I don’t have children either. What a wonderful way to ‘compensate’ by looking after all those children on the bus. They obviously think the world of you. A brave blog to write and a real bitter sweet story. Well done you xx

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Bailey

June 28, 2019, 1:36 a.m.

Thank you everyone. Virtual hugs

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