I don't usually struggle to decipher how I am feeling, but lately there is a friendship in question. My gal pal of a decade now and I have so much in common. We have two daughters each, with corresponding ages. They have put us through the typical teenaged years and we have compared notes and clung to each other.
We were both raised in dysfunctional families and been involved with abusive men. We make the same wages and work similiar careers. Both love a good bargain - she calls herself "the queen of cheap," so naturally I fashioned her a crown from an empty, overturned bulk sized tomato soup can.
My friend, however, has been married to the same man for thirty plus years and I have been single most of my adult life. She and her engineer husband have a fleet of motorized vehicles and a mortgage free home. They have bank accounts in other countries and alphabetically named savings bonds and plans. They go on a holiday for several weeks each year. I have no great desire to travel and often have a stay-cation with a warm blanket, sappy movie and bowl of popcorn.
Whenever my chum comes home from one of her exorbitant excursions she bombards me with photos thereof. I could not be less interested and wonder if she has the capacity to realize how inconsiderate she is acting and if I am merely jealous.
I tested her, saying; "well I could not go on vacation unless I sold all I owned and moved to the location I wanted to see." She never missed a breath in rattling off her latest resume of travel revelry. This while in my dilapidated but faithful car - she prefers we take mine when we go anywhere.
I like to think I am not jealous. I feel a tad violated. Never would it inspire me to besiege a homeless person with pictures of the rib steak I had for lunch.
"Surround yourself with people that have what you want," a how to book on success warbled. I somewhat disagree if it applies to material things, bank accounts and the wrong attitude. I don't think I am envious, and I hope I am being honest with myself. And you.
A Moodscope member.