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Forge identity. Friday May 8, 2015

I recently listened to a Ted Talks video by Andrew Soloman 'How the worst moments in our life make us who we are'. Listening to this has completely inspired me to fulfil an ambition that I have held since childhood. The video is a short talk with the resounding message that rather than look to find an identity in order to give ourself a meaning, we should instead forge meaning and build identify from there.

I sit here today having been through experiences in my life that have shaped the person that I am. These experiences cannot be changed. No amount of dwelling on them, looking at "what if's", what could have or should have been is going to change what has happened in my life or the choices I have made along the way. What I do have the power over is how I move forward. The first step for me with this is acceptance of who I am as a person.

I have had to work hard at forgiving myself for some decisions I have made in life, I have had to work hard at forgiving others for decisions they have made that have impacted me in a negative way. I have had to work hard at accepting that I am loveable and worthy as a person. Much of this is still work in progress, but I have to come to realise that my life and all the experiences within it have meaning that can be used in a positive way. My history makes me who I am.

As a child I always said that I wanted to write a book. Writing is my form of creativity, my cathartic release. And so, feeling inspired by Andrew Soloman, that is exactly what I am going to do. I have a story to share that may just go some way in helping others who can relate to my journey, others who may be in the same situation or have been there. I have taken great strength from the lyrics of Emile Sande's song "Read all about it" over the past few months and realise this is exactly what I want to happen. I have a voice and I can use that to speak up and reach out to others. I don't need to erase my history or be ashamed of having experienced depression. I need to embrace all that has been and learn from it so that I can continue to grow. I have needed the words, wisdom, and support from others on my journey and I hope to be able to offer the same service to others struggling on their own journey.

A Moodscope member.

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Hopeful One Fri, May 8th 2015 @ 6:46am

Hi Rosie- great blog. ' an aim in life is the only fortune worth finding ' said the Canadian philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson and you have found it in your project to write about your experiences . I look forward to see it in print. I have a friend who often says " What's the point" when I suggest something. My stock answer is that there is no point . The point is the point we decide to make. Best of luck in your endeavour.

Roz Fri, May 8th 2015 @ 6:52am

Thank you Rosie, that has really helped me.

Rupert Fri, May 8th 2015 @ 8:44am

Nice blog Rosie. For me so much of depression involves re-visiting the past and regrets over choices made or not made and the resulting self - criticism. you are right though - nothing can be changed and we have done or failed to do things for a reason which was totally relevant at the time. We need to embrace this and build on it. Rupert

Anonymous Fri, May 8th 2015 @ 9:08am

A beautiful blog, Rosie. A tear welled up as i read it. It describes a place where, if we haven't already arrived there, we all wish to be and where we will all eventually be if we keep believing and striving and growing and pushing forward. Also thanks for pointing out that it is meaning that comes before identity. For a long time, it was the other way around for me and probably for lots of people. I'm really happy for you. Your book will be wonderful. susan xx

Melanie Lowndes Fri, May 8th 2015 @ 9:40am

Go Rosie!! You are a wonderful, very readable writer! I am sure we have all made decisions we regret - I certainly have and spend much time (and money on courses etc) learning to accept and love myself. It should be all for all of us our project to love ourselves 100% - I was listening to a Bruce Liption talk yesterday who said - until we do (totally love ourselves) we cannot let another love us - because we are thinking who is that jerk with poor judgment who wants to love me! Of course until we love ourselves, also we cannot love another for we are all mirrors of each other, we all have the same things to learn to love. My recent one was hypocrisy - that is not such a heinous crime - yes I am a hypocrite and that also is loveable. All my best wishes to you Mary - I look forward very much to your book. Melanie

Di Murphey Fri, May 8th 2015 @ 10:21am

Dearest Rosie ~
You present a very strong, clear message for me to ponder (across the pond during these days prior to our Mother's Day Weekend Celebrations). What chimes so loudly within my body is the "...forge meaning and build identify from there."

A second aspect of your post that, I believe, is crucial to my well-being is that of forgiveness v. acceptance. Who's job is it to forgive? Would it not serve my heart best (and other's hearts) to accept someone and things as they are? Perhaps allowing one's higher power to do the actual forgiving?

Outright acceptance for all that has happened, for all that I am and hope to become possesses deep meaning for me.
Thank you for your insights.

Anonymous Fri, May 8th 2015 @ 12:20pm

Hi Rosie.Great Blog which I can totally relate to especially the Emile Sande part as I have written my own book called 'Footprints in the Sand' about my bipolar and the 4 manic episodes I have had in the UK and USA along with 2 suicide attempts, brain surgery etc. All proceeds from its sale are going to charity too!

Kaki Rita Fri, May 8th 2015 @ 5:15pm

Anonymous, how do we get a copy of your book?

Anonymous Fri, May 8th 2015 @ 11:25pm

Rosie I have wondered how things were going. This is great! I think you need a shed all of your own and so it from the room above the garage x.

Jessica Dumas-Gault Sat, May 9th 2015 @ 7:23pm

What a great post. I also have the dream of writing a book on my life but have always feared what reliving the past would do to me. Do you have any suggestions?

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