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Finding Happiness. Thursday June 2, 2016

At the end of my last blog was the following Thought for the Day.

"Every day is a new day, and you'll never be able to find happiness if you don't move on." Carrie Underwood

While I can see that it might seem to fit with the theme of moving on from a grief ambush, its sentiment is not one I agree with. Well it's true that every day is a new day, unless perhaps you live in a black hole in space, but the way I understood it was that Carrie is suggesting there's a mythical golden state of happiness that we can all attain, if only we can let go of the past.

We all have 'stuff' going on in our lives, mental and physical, some of it extreme and I think that happiness is available wherever we are, including in the middle of our not-moving-on-ness. Of course it fluctuates all the time, its appearance as cyclical as other emotions sparked by illness (mental and physical), grief and the relationships we have with those around us.

Sometimes it's easy to see, imbuing us with its rays from inside or outside, other times not recognised until after the moment has passed and we look back. For many, it may well feel like it's gone forever as we go through a tunnel, but at the back of the knees, or wherever it lives, I think happiness is always present, ready to pop out, even if only fleetingly.

Moments in my life where it's appeared recently have been when playing football with my son and his younger friend, who spent the whole time giggling infectiously as he scampered round my lumbering figure; swimming outside in the rain and seeing some ducks landing on the blue waters of the municipal pool; watching an episode of Graham Norton as my daughter fell asleep on me, and having a good-natured banter with colleagues at work. Flickers of happiness that boost me through the days.

Achieving something out of the ordinary can make you happy too. I once mended a tap that had been switched off for months because it leaked. It involved me ordering a ceramic disk thingy online and watching how to do it on YouTube. I'm grinning inside now when I think that I, Ms D.I.Y. Disaster, did something that my male friends had said needed a professional.

So to summarise (counsel), I'd argue that happiness, or the memory of happiness, is there inside all of us in our static state and connectable at any instant; and that one facet of my ongoing recovery is seeking that connection as often as possible when the mind starts to tumble down.

A View From the Far Side
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

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Anonymous Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 8:04am

You are so right AVFTFS. Happiness exists but is fleeting. And you don't suddenly find happiness or feel better about a situation by moving on. If moving on equalled happiness, then we would all be moving on and disregarding valuable and happy memories of the past. One naturally movs on anyway with each day passing. One cannot move backwards! Jul xx

the room above the garage Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 8:59am

Throeoughly agree with Jul, moving on happens when night follows day, every night and every day. You're spot on View, happiness is always there, and even if that reconnection is small, it's "that connection as often as possible when the mind starts to tumble..." Spot on! Thank you, love ratg x.

Skyblue Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 10:15am

I am in total agreement with you, AVFTFS (and Jul and ratg) that there is a vast well of joy within us all the time. It doesn't go anywhere....but WE do. So actively moving towards it is vital, especially during those black times when a glimpse of it is what keeps us going--as you say so eloquently in this lovely, positive blog. Thank you. xx

Karin Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 10:23am

Thank you - connection is a great thing - very conducive to happiness! And thank you again. You've inspired my to write a blog too on my interpretation of the Carrie Underwood thought of the day. I'll send it in and we'll see what happens. I found myself writing a dialogue with my mind opposing my thoughts but much less then in earlier days. The dialogue was much friendlier now. That is probably a sense of connection too! It makes me happy to think the ego-mind is kinder now. Lots of love, Karin

Mary Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 11:26am

Absolutely. It is those perfect moments. And those are the ones we need to hold onto as I wrote in my blog of yesterday. Well done you - especially with that washer! Respect, my dear - I bow to you in the most utter respect!

The Gardener Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 2:53pm

I've always reckoned a new day is a new start (except when depressed). One of my grand-sons and I were talking about school, when we were issued with a new exercise book, for whatever subject - just new book, clean page, we were going to do better, no red ink, write better etc. I meet a new day in that fashion - and have to jump what I call the 'hurdle' of Mr G's misery, I wake to a grumble of various magnitude every morning. I fly downstairs, a cuppa, open shutters, open e-mails and leave him to the ever-smiling nurses. If I had the awful job of persuading him to get up without major conflict the day would start badly.I'm with AVFTFS on achievement - I swore never to touch hammers and screw-drivers - now they lurk everywhere. Any DIY boffin out there, how do you get putty off your hands? And detach yourself from super glue when you are on your own. Nearly had to go out into the road with a large lampshade stuck to my thumb once. And why do hose reels, ditto out-door electric, washing lines etc tie themselves in knots before you've touched them? And about 100 other questions.

the room above the garage Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 3:25pm

Hello TG, sometimes I worry for you and the difficult days and sometimes you simply make me laugh...the thought of you with that lampshade :-) How is your handsome sidekick today? Woo-ing you with his charms I hope! Love ratg x.

Anonymous Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 3:52pm

Ha ratg!Julxx

Richard Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 6:29pm

Dear View From The Far Side,
Thank you for an honest blog. It inspired me to really look for a happy memory.
It took a little time, but I found one.
Peace & Love,

The Gardener Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 7:28pm

RATG - the side-kick is pure and utter hell. He used to be so elegant - photos going by on another screen - now obsessed by 'cold' in fact, does not really know whether he is hot or cold, so wears endless layers. Anyone who knows Dorothy Sayers may remember the description of the sweep in 'Busman's Honeymoon'. 'A high degree of onionisation'. He started in on me at 6 a.m. Wasn't too nice with the nurses, and the girls at respite say he has given them hell too. He has now decided to 'organise' them to his own needs, very critical, 5 other people in respite - Mr G insists all lights turned off - don't know why they put up with it, except Violet Elizabeth Bott has nothing on him when he wants his own way. He's always been critical - just family joke - absorbed among the mob. Now he has a penchant for disasters - remembers very little of anything - but once he hears of a disaster (current awful floods here in France) he's on it like a ferret.He's now come into the office and ranting about the awfulness of his life. It is hopeless - utter refusal to be content with anything. Oh, what an awful rant! Day started well - with rain! Well! I hear you cry? Yes, because otherwise I would have had to lug heavy watering cans from my kitchen to furthest point of my 'new' garden - no outside tap at presbytery. double bonus, gutters leak like sieves, huge old bath tubs to catch rain water. Dear RATG, nice of you to worry about me - I WILL make the best of our life, I will, I will. Where's bear? I need a hug.

Leah Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 11:56pm

Gardener, I am not bear, but I do give big hugs and sending you many. Once again I am in awe of your determination and the fact in the middle of your troubles you can make us smile. I am cheering you on from down under. Remember the children's story of the Little red Train, I think I can , I think I can. More hugs Leah xx

Still picking figs Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 9:56pm

Just passing through as been in bed with migraine today. Glad I did, such a hive of positive activity and telling it how it is. TG you can be hilarious!
VFTFS - thanks for getting it all going with your pot of happiness. Feeling cocoa-warm inside. Xx

Eva Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 10:56pm

Fleeting moments of happiness are precious, and can be found in the most unlikely places, that is part of their joy.

Anonymous Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 11:24pm

I recall feeling the same way about the quote that day. It seemed a half-step out of sync. I agree with your outlook on happiness. We don't have to move on from the spot we're in to find it if it's not time. It's there to be found every day. Some days it's just a little trickier to spot. :)

Leah Thu, Jun 2nd 2016 @ 11:57pm

Great blog, made me think. Thanks so much.

A View from the Far Side Sat, Jun 4th 2016 @ 9:17pm

Thanks for your comments everyone. I've been away in an area with no wifi. Home now. Glad that so many found it of use. AVFTFS xx

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