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January


Fantasy v Reality. Sunday January 31, 2016

In my fantasy world, I am very organized and have all my papers and belongings so organised I know where everything is.

I read widely, watch only documentaries on television.

Confident in my abilities, I relax when having visitors and giving parties. I am known for my patience and my positive nature. My moods are very stable and people remark on my calm nature.

You have probably guessed my reality. I am totally disorganized can never find anything.

I used to read widely but now I am so tired after a day in my shop. I barely have the energy to use the remote. I watch television to relax so just fun shows.

I find having guests to stay and giving small parties for friends very stressful and cope by making endless lists about the most trivial of things. I am very impatient and can be very negative, even grumpy. Sad but true. I can have five different moods in one day and people always tell me to relax!!

My fantasy life is not just what I want to be, it is how I see myself. So why this chasm between what I want to be/think I am and what I really am? The real me is who I am no matter how much I try to change, I come back to being disorganized and moody. I am not the only one with a different fantasy self and real self. A friend said her fantasy self sets the alarm every night for an early start to go to the gym, but her real self hits the snooze button every morning!

Why do we have a need to be something we are not, a better version of ourselves, to make us more likeable? Or is it because we say what we think others want to hear or maybe we make up a version of ourselves that we prefer to the real us.

What do you think? Do you have a fantasy version of yourself?

Leah
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


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Comments

Soulmansblue Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 2:20am

Hi Leah,

We often say and do what we believe others want. It's not always the best thing to do!

It can upset us, cause us pain and anguish just because we are trying to please others and we're not being true to ourselves. Other times we do these things because we don't feel good about ourselves, we don't even like ourselves.

This doesn't help us because if we don't feel good about or like ourselves how can we expect others to. So sometimes as in your blog Leah we build our own little fantasy world to live in.

It's great until someone comes along and knocks it down, then we find that we are in a right mess and it's almost if not impossible to cope with.

Leah it is not the most important thing in life to always be neat and tidy and on top of everything. It ever hurts to put things off until we are in a better place to deal with it. It hurts more to force yourself beyond that which you are capable of.

yes, sure there are times when it is could to push yourself, but equally there are not. Whatever you do consider the consequences first, don't just do it because you think you should. say no once in a while. That big 'NO' word is there to be used!

Saying 'YES' can get your services abused and you get taken unfair advantage of. Don't let this happen it's detrimental to your wellbeing. So take care my friend.

Kind Regards
SMB

Frankie: Speaking of my photos I have put an artistic photo up of me on the 'Moodscope Facebook Page' along with a short note.

Once you find that you can visit my 'Facebook Page' and all my pictures are available there for Public Viewing' SMB

Frankie Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 10:50am

Thanks SMB! Frankie

Soulmansblue Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:19am

No Problem Frankie! I hope you like the pictures. Do let me know as I'm always looking for feedback. Constructive criticism is always appreciated, not always helpful but appreciated. What I try to do is not every ones cup of tea. I just create what I like, but being colour blind doesn't help. SMB

Leah Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 3:20am

SMB
thanks for your very well thought out detailed reply. I agree it is not the most important thing to be neat and tidy but in our society and especially for women they are considered desirable traits!
Soulman I appreciate the time and effort you took to write your comment. I hope you are taking care of yourself too.

Soulmansblue Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 8:09am

Hi Leah, I'm trying, but I don't consider myself that import to bother about. Desirable traits maybe, but if your not well and there is a good reason then people should understand. So please don't pressure yourself, it can actually have a detrimental affect. Let it be until you are feeling up to doing something about it. It will keep and it's not hurting anyone. I can understand you being house proud and wanting to keep it neat and tidy. Even as a man I prefer every thing to be that way, but you want to see my lounge. I have bits of paper scattered all over my computer desk, all little notes that I've made while doing things. I have Elvis CDs laid all over the floor, camera equipment and even my printer is presently waiting to be put somewhere safe. It will all keep until I am able to do it. There really is no rush, so please don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure all your good friends would prefer that you stayed as well as possible and if that meant that all around you was untidy that they wouldn't care. It's you that they are all thinking of, not how untidy your place is. They know that when you can you will tidy up. So please don't beat yourself up, people care about you. I do, I understand the type of things that you are going through and I'm sure that the rest of the community here do also. Take Care SMB Squeeze me tight and I'll hug you back. x

Soulmansblue Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 8:10am

PS My mood is slowly starting to pickup again. Thanks you all for your encouragement and concern.

Leah Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 8:54am

Smb, thanks for your kind words. I am not beating myself up at all-been there done that, I was trying to say that we have this fantasy version because we think that is what we should be when the reality is fine. I am pleased with your concern for me.Take care So pleased you are picking up again. Well done. I have accepted who I am and am interested if other people have a fantasy version of themselves- let me know!

Soulmansblue Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:15am

Yes, I have a fantasy version of me. It has me performing in front of huge audiences singing my heart out for them in perfect tune and packed with real emotion. I'd love to have been another Elvis Presley but no one could ever be as good. I'd have settled for being able to sing and make people happy. I really used to enjoy doing Karaoke, no one listened. They just watched and the reaction that I got from those watching was great. I had more reaction than those who could sing and just stood there as they read the words off the screen, something that I never did. I enjoyed myself being me, being Elvis, singing Elvis in my own way! Sorry if I went to far with where I thought you were at. I do tend to give too much information, but I figure too much is better than not enough. Though too much can be just that! SMB

Eva Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 9:24am

Hi Leah, I was chatting with a friend about addiction and resolution, he made the comments that if you weren't truly committed to an action, giving up smoking, losing weight, getting up early it would be a fight. Once you are truly committed it's easy... And while in the fighting stage, it's because there is a tiny part of you that would still prefer an extra half hour in bed than to get up and jog. Once I thought about it I thought that sounded quite realistic... What do you think?

Leah Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 10:23am

Eva, Thanks for replying with a very thought provoking point.I suppose I am also talking about accepting oneself and not pretending being something we aren't. Honestly, I will always prefer extra time sleeping in to exercise but doesn't everyone!

LillyPet Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 9:32am

Hi Leah,
I would like to be organised too. I have so much to organise, full time work, my two young people living in a small home with very little storage and a bigish garden. I feel blessed to have these things, it is just difficult to keep on top of it all not being naturally organised as a person. I accept this and given all that and the emotional struggles I have had I'm not doing too bad. It's good enough to get by and the desire to live in a more organised way keeps me determined to move forwards. This is the life I have and it is good. Thank you for a thought provoking blog Leah and it's good to know we are not alone in this! LP xx

Leah Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 10:25am

Lilypet, I like your words"this is the life I have and it is good", they are great words to read. I think we can aspire to do better, while accepting we are doing our best and accepting things. Thanks you for your post.

The Gardener Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 10:23am

Leah you always get my imagination going! Fantasy - tall, slim, beautiful. Reality, being photogenic - get photographed a lot, I have high cheek bones and if a smile is demanded my eyes disappear and I look like a pig. If I make them up dramatically I look like a witch. I only had REAL fantasies as a child - usual ones really, tennis star, ballet dancer (being nick-named 'Effalump' at primary school fat (!!) chance). Oh, yes, a real one - being a female Capability Brown - huge vistas to design. Fantasy at the moment - I claim it as fantasy because although it exists it is in-achievable. To sit on the balcony of the Hotel Welcome at Villefranche-sur-Mer (between Nice and Menton) looking at the sparkling sea - with the rich villas of Cap Ferrat just across the water, contemplating which cocktail - then going off to choose a smart restaurant with me in smart clothes. It has to be a Sunday because it's a 'lunching' place, and one dresses. Anybody with me on my fantasy? Writing this is only yet ANOTHER excuse not to get on with the kitchen.

Leah Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 10:29am

Dearest Gardener, You transport me to another place and time. I will join you siting on a balcony , drinking a cocktail wearing a lovely dress and my only thoughts are what to have for lunch. Writing maybe an excuse but it also helps so many people and hopefully helps you as well. How are things going?

Frankie Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 10:52am

Morning Leah - this is brilliant "fantasy V reality" - and mine are very similar to yours! Thank-you for giving me much to ponder ... Frankie

Leah Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:31am

Frankie, thanks, not sure if it is reassuring for me your Fantasy versus reality are the same as mine, or I feel sorry for you!! I am still thinking about your reply from yesterday!

Frankie Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:57am

Dear Leah; I think we should both take it as reassuring, as it means we are human (not super-human!) and as such, probably easier to live with. That is certainly true for me, anyway. Frankie x

Norman Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:04am

"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?" Leah did you write these lyrics?

Is there anything in your fantasies you can't actually do? I'll never score the winning goal for Newcastle in the FA cup final, [but then again no-one else will either :-( ] My other fantasies are achievable (and are often about getting back to somewhere I've been before in all senses). If your fantasies are actually achievable then what are the barriers? Who says you can't do them? I once described depression as like driving through life with the handbrake on. How can you release the handbrake and hit the accelerator?

I often rehearse meetings, negotiations and other difficult situations. They never go as well as I planned but other people often think I handled them well even if I don't. What do people actually think of your hosting efforts? Do they tell you, or take excellence for granted? Where is your reward for doing it all so well?

Only five different moods in one day? For some that's stability!

Soulmansblue Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:22am

Hi Norman, I have always done that as well prepare for an interview or such. yes, it doesn't always go as planned but then that's life. Maybe not the way we would have liked but that is the way it goes. So don't stop rehearsing as you never know when it might just pay off. Best SMB

Leah Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:37am

Norman, Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I like the driving with the handbrake on- except I have never driven!! I am now singing the song ...is this a fantasy?

Soulmansblue Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:25am

Hmm...

I must be feeling better or is it just idle hands that have me typing away here on Moodscope today.

Mary had a little lamb that was always in a jam!!!

SMB

susan Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:30am

Hi Leah, your thoughts closely reflect my own. I don't wish to be different from what i am...but I do fantasize about having a different energy flow. I fantasize about being calm. Would love to prioritize, choose and then just DO. I tend to be either a whirling dervish or stopped dead with no energy. I think of a million things I want to do and then wear myself out thinking about doing them. So yeah, I fantasize about being a plodder. The best days happen when the to-do list gets ticked off at a steady pace. Thanks again, Leah. xx

Leah Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:41am

Susan, I so relate to your two extremes of having a million things to do then wearing myself out worrying about them. I dream about making a list prioritise choose and then do. Thanks for replying.

The Gardener Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:41am

Dear Leah, thanks for your concern - and cheers! Going to HAVE lunch, in our conservatory, it's raining hard, but it's much better than slumming it on the office desk. My current situation was set out in my post in reply to yesterday's blog. Reached rock-bottom, only way is up. Set moving day, regardless of events. Only a hospital bed to move, and lots of preparations. Sick to death of living in the dark I've made me a 'corner' - screen, bright of course, with endless pictures selected at random of Indian brilliance, flowers world-wide, beaches, stained glass windows (a passion) and endless parties - best last daughter's 21st - in August - whole thing red and gold - she spectacular in a red silk dress - night so warm that people were juggling with nectarines on the lawn. I also have a bright halogen light - very expensive - gives a pool of good light and DOES not affect Mr TG at all (although he claims it hurts his eyes - he does NOT have to look at it! Beaches - Oz - the spectacular view from the air as you fly down the Western Coast to Perth. Confined to barracks Gardener, will paint instead - step forward! XX

Leah Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 11:46am

Gardener, I like the idea of a conservatory- something we don't have here. Thanks for the up date. I know things change daily for you. Enjoy lunch.

Leah Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 8:21pm

Thanks everyone who has read and hasn't commented. I appreciate that. It is never too late to reply as I look for comments even when there is a new blog. I always learn so much from your posts so if you have time to drop a few words I would find that very helpful. Take care.

Mj Sun, Jan 31st 2016 @ 9:13pm

Leah, you remind me of myself a wee bit ago. It sounds like you feel guilty even when you are doing well!! I know that feeling of being driven by some unobtainable perfection that no one would ever be able to reach. I began to feel better about myself when I did two things. One I laid out a plan with clear objectives such as go for a walk 3times a week. I can do that. If I go 4or 5 that's great but I can see the writing on the calendar. If I walk on Monday Tuesday and Wednesday and feel like a slug on Saturday ...I know I am being a bully to myself.
The other thing I learned at long last (emphasis onL-O-N-G) I began slowly to simply accept myself with all my many faults and those physical & personality quirks that make me just me. The Serenity Prayer helps me with this. Some days I'm pretty good with that.
I got off of the endless road so many of us are on, especially if we've been in the MH system. Who said we are never able to be good enough? Yes life goes on and there are always challenges of maturity to reach. But I'm done with always feeling like I need to be more or better
I hope that fits what you are expressing. That's the way I resonated with it.
Leah I have read many posts from you. I like them and they help me. That's yours to keep.
Claim the peace & serenity you so richly deserve Leah. Claim it now so on those days serenity is so far away from it you,you can't remember what it felt like. Remember you have a positive balance in your serenity account.
Peace,
Margaret.

Leah Mon, Feb 1st 2016 @ 12:17am

Mj Thanks for your detailed and thoughtful reply.I appreciate your kind words. I have never been driven by perfection as I have believed in having a go. I am gradually accepting myself too. It is true I tend to bully myself at times but not in a helpful way to do exercise. Thanks again.

Anonymous Mon, Feb 1st 2016 @ 12:11am

A good blog Leah. I was interested to read what you say about pretending to be someone you think others want you to be. I think in my case, I can feel a different person from day to day. I can be vivacious, good company and creative one day but down and dull the next. On my down days I try to make up for my tiredness and live on nervous energy which doesn't do me any good long term. I really should give in to being tired and admit I am not coping. My fantasy is to sleep well every night and be great company socially. Plus for my behaviour and mood to be consistent. I am sorry I'm so late commenting but am without internet connection today and the last three days. I look forward to reading more blogs from you Leah.You write so well and your topics are always thought provoking. Jul x

Leah Mon, Feb 1st 2016 @ 12:25am

Anon jul, thanks for your helpful and articulate reply. I wonder if feeling to be a different person is different to being a different person. I wonder if I do sleep well and still feel irritable what would I blame my moods on then?? I appreciate your kind words and well considered comments.

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