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January


Explaining how you feel. Thursday January 30, 2014

I am not good at explaining how I feel. I know how I am feeling at any given hour of the day but try explaining how I feel to my husband is impossible.

The words are there and I hear myself speaking them, but I may as well be speaking a foreign language judging by the blank look on his face. He just cannot understand. My words are alien to him. He tries very hard to help but will usually end up by saying “you are fine, don’t worry about it. No-one notices how you are. You seem the same each day to me!”

It’s not just my husband though. Even the CBT therapist couldn’t really understand or if she did, she came up with a reason why my feelings were not right. I know this is her role, to turn my feelings or assumptions around and I accept the benefit of this approach. But I feel that for people who have never experienced how I feel (lucky them), it is almost impossible to really understand; it all sounds so silly to them. Why can’t I just get on with life without all this introspection?

So...here goes, this is how I feel. Let me explain.

Most nights I do not sleep well,(deeply) and wake up knowing, absolutely certain, that the day ahead will not be a good one. I will struggle to be cheerful and will have to make a huge effort with people. I will enjoy doing tasks like sweeping the floor, reading the newspaper, listening to the radio, basically being on my own.

After a good night (Yes I am obsessed by sleep) I wake up and say yippee I am going to have a wonderful day, who can I meet and entertain, what can I write, how exciting, I can do anything and enjoy it all. My self confidence is brimming over.

On those good days, I will be a different person; people will find me amusing and good to be around. Their mood will lighten! I may, and this is where the problem occurs, decide to invite a friend round a couple of days later. But come that day, I will almost certainly not be feeling good (bad night) and will think of cancelling the friend. I usually go ahead with the meeting and they think (I assume) Oh my goodness, Julia isn’t so bright, not at all what we were expecting. Oh dear this is a bit of a miserable time we are having, let’s go home asap. Or thoughts to this effect. I will feel thoroughly dejected and fed up. Why couldn’t I have been on top form? Why today of all days when I am meeting friends, do I have to feel low?

My husband would say that it’s all in my mind, that my friends probably don’t notice any difference in my mood and are there to enjoy themselves and won’t give me another thought.

So is it all in my mind? I wonder. I am still not convinced it is after years of 'being like this' ("What ever that may be", my husband’s refrain. He still doesn’t get it. But I don’t think it’s just him).

I do hope some of you understand what I have written today and may share my feelings.

Having written all this down, it makes me realise just why I never try to explain how I feel to anyone. It would be much easier to say I suffer from depression or anxiety or insomnia but those labels would not describe how I feel!

Julia
A Moodscope user.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment on our Blogspot:

http://moodscope.blogspot.com/2014/01/explaining-how-you-feel.html


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Comments

Robert Hanna Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 6:31am

You need to find someone who can offer you the therapy you so obviously need. Talking therapy/counselling based on the person centred approach, of offering unconditional positive regards, coupled with empathetic listening; to anything and everything you can think of saying or remember or feel. I am offering myself as your therapist....and without the usual charge. Julia my email is rob.roy_uk@yahoo.co.uk

curious212000 Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 7:00am

Thank you for your statement Julia. I can relate to much of it especially regarding sleeping and when the brain is recovering from a days activity.

PWD Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 7:13am

Reading this I am thinking I could have wrote this, it is me to a tee, its as though something happens in my brain while asleep or not asleep but trying to sleep good sleep = good day, bad sleep = awful day. And many more bad than good.

Paul

Paul

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 7:36am

I completely understand what you're saying ! It's also about quality not quantity of sleep. If I've had a nightmare, I know I've slept but I feel awful for days and get 'stress~head'. I've started listening to those biurnal beats. In particular, the theta sound waves. Very relaxing!

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 7:36am

I would take up your offer Rob. It could have been written by me, tho my mood is not sleep dependant. My "friends" know l am "just like that'",and l long to be able to tell them what 'that" is. But they already have their own views. So refreshing to read someone who knows. Thank you.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 7:46am

Thank you. Reading that makes me feel a lot less lonely with how I feel. Thank you xx

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 7:48am

Ditto Paul's comment. It can be exaggerated for me as I have to be on call once a week and often get disrupted sleep as a result. It is definitely not all in your mind. I have lost count of the times I have regretted making plans (on a good day) only to rue them on the day (sneaking out of parties etc). It is particularly difficult when you have to be sociable to order i.e. a birthday or celebration.
It is hard for our friends and family. They see us go through a good spell and assume and hope that we are now better, back to 'normal'. The next 'bad' day we look the same ("but you look so well"), there can be a tendency of them to take it personally.
I find it irritating when people offer to "sort me out" (sorry Robert Hanna), probably because I have lost count of the number of therapies, therapists, herbs, medications I have tried and still this remains unchanged. It irritates me because what I really need is to feel understood and accepted without any, pressure to be different or to be 'fixed'.
Thanks for posting this.
Mike

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 8:15am

Thank you Julia, I DO understand how you feel as you described my symptoms perfectly. It is easier to say you feel a bit low, or are tired, or something that people can relate to, rather than how you actually feel. I don't remember the last time I had a 'good nights sleep' ie. not waking every half hour or so (some nice deep sleep would be great) I don't know what the solution is though - please let me know if you find it!

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 8:34am

But your last sentence is part of hte problem: giving how we feel a label may make it easier for others to accept that we are not well. But it does nothing to help us get better. I found putting my feelings into words a waste of time if I aimed at explaining myself to others. However, putting my feelings into words made the feelings easier for me to understand myself: why is it that a bad night ruins my day, what do I feel when someone does something thoughless to me that makes me fly off the handle??? I see talking as a way of getting to understand myself first - the others can stick those labels where they like - but not onto me, please!!! - and maybe one day they will understand me, too. Until then, "just do anyway" :)

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 8:50am

I know exactly how you feel! As I was leaving this morning from home, feeling really grumpy and hating the world since I had a bad night's sleep and then reading this! Spot on! I think some people do worse than others in controlling their emotions when they haven't had enough sleep. And especially if your emotions are fragile to begin with, lack of sleep takes away the energy needed to manage them. Anyway, I'm having my coffee now and hope the day gets better, but for the next hour I want noone to talk to me!

jennyr Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 8:56am

Julia, I know that when you're not in a good mood it can be so easy to think of cancelling plans with friends (and sometimes for me that is the right thing to do) but even if you're not feeling good I'm sure your friends are still glad to see you and if they do notice a difference in your behaviour I'm sure they don't wish they were elsewhere and probably just wish they could help you feel like you do on a good day. I keep finding myself surprised when my friends want to spend time with me, as in my mind I'm crappy company when I'm not in a good place, but they all want to spend time with me and keep coming back for more so I'm starting to see that they must see something I don't! If possible try not to get cross at yourself for making plans when you're good that you have to follow through when you're not. Can you adjust the evening to be more low key? Or just let yourself be and enjoy the companionship of your friends? Good luck!

valerie Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 9:05am

I don't think any illness,mental or physical,will improve without Nature's Healer-sound refreshing sleep.I relate so much to what you say.I find myself arranging things for the future,when I am feeling well,only to feel deeply annoyed with myself when the day arrives.I did Transendential Meditation years ago,and my sleep and mood improved.But then I lapsed,and the spell was broken.I have found Paul McKenna's sleep tape to be the best of such aids.When all else fails,I take a slug of Night Nurse(not recommended if you have to be alert first thing the next day!)
Valerie.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 9:42am

I totally get you and you are not alone in that emotion ! I have quite similar . Stay strong on the days you can xxx

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 9:49am

The encouraging thing about this blog is that it makes me realise I'm not alone! I can so identify with you and how do you explain it? Just have to go with the flow and realise that that's the way it is.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 9:56am

I can understand what you mean and it's comforting to know someone has similar feelings I have. It's not quite the same but it's enough to reassure me and hopefully you too.

NIC4BVK Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 9:58am

I was really touched reading this article to see the similar challenges that you've faced in describing how you feel. In particular, I completely understand your frustration at being able to move past the introspection - sometimes I feel that if I could just press pause on my minds ongoing monologue I might feel better. I've also found - as is reflected in some of the other comments - that it can be really difficult to know what is 'reality' and what is a byproduct of your minds commentary.

I remember when I was very depressed, reading 'eat pray love' and experiencing a real 'Eureka' moment when I read a particular paragraph which describes how the author felt when she had depression. I often referred people to it after that, as I felt that she described it far better than I could. Sometimes, finding a book, poetry or drawing/painting can be a good way to express how you feel when the words aren't there.

I've also recently read a book by Tim Parks called 'teach us to sit still', which is about a man with prostate problems who eventually turns to meditation as a way to understand his unexplained illness. I'm a female (so the prostate issue was a bit alien to me!) but he wonderfully explores the link between the mind, the body, and the impact of thinking on his illness.

I wish you the very best of luck as you go on to explore more about how you feel. Please know that you are not alone.

xxx

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 10:06am

Dear Julia,

I can so much relate to how you feel, I was struggling with exactly the same issues until very recently. Now I'm getting out of it, slowly, with dreadful relapses here and here, but nonetheless getting a bit better every day. Why? Well, quite as some have already said, because I have started to take my feelings seriously, listen to my inner voice, and try to understand why it says what it does. You don't need to justify what you feel, and nobody has the right of telling you that your feelings are right or wrong. They are simply there. They are yours, and it is entirely your own right to think about and interpret them, and to decide with whom you want to share them and with whom not. People can help you with this, but only if they don't question the validity of what you feel. They have to genuinely try to view things your way first. It's a hard thing to do, and very few people are able to do that.

I've gotten better mostly through therapy (the kind Robert Hanna is talking about), and just realizing how my therapist simply took what I said seriously, without judging, without questioning or second-guessing my thoughts and feelings, made the world of a difference. It was a long process, though -- is a long process, I should say, as it isn't finished -- to be able to find this kind of trust in myself as well, but it is possible. Other things that have supported me with this are yoga, meditation, and occasionally a big, good piece of chocolate cake. :-) Seriously, learning how to be kind to yourself is so important in this process! If therapy isn't your thing, you could also try to find books around the concept of the "inner child". I didn't like that cypher at first, I found it silly, but in the end, it's just a way of guiding you in how to be good to yourself. And this is what will make you happy in the end!

Good luck to you, in hindsight, it feels so naturally, that, even without knowing you, I am sure you can make it, too !!!

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 10:21am

So many good points made in your article and in the responses to it. When your mind is in 'loop mode' it is so difficult to break out of the circle of rumination. But why worry about explaining your suffering to other people, you do not have to justify something over which you have no control. Equally you do not have to justify it to yourself other than in a comforting way as you probably do with anyone who is in pain. Perhaps in seeking to explain how you feel to others you are seeking to explain it to yourself, and like me you know that you do not feel good but you cannot explain why you do not feel good. This is where one to one counselling may help you to identify something that might begin to make you feel better. Good luck!
love and hugs P.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 10:30am

Hi Julia
I really appreciate your efforts to articulate your inner world for us. It isn't easy to do and, equally, it isn't easy for others of our acquaintance to put themselves in our shoes.

I would agree with the first comment from Robert; it sounds as though CBT is not the right fit for you. Person Centred counsellors and therapists are trained to see the world from your point of view, to offer you warm acceptance, without judgement or conditions, and to make extraordinary efforts to understand you. Within the forum of this kind of therapeutic relationship, amazing transformations are possible and I would urge you to contact Robert about his generous offer. I feel sure some P-C counselling or therapy would provide the understanding you seek, help you to unravel the introspection and probably, eventually, help you with your erratic sleep, too! Thanks very much for sharing your thoughts and I wish you good luck.
Rachael

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 10:52am

Hello Julia; thank-you for being so brave in sharing your inner self; so much to say, a lot of which has already been said (and probably much better than I could anyway!). I totally agree with Anonymous 10.06 - yoga proved to be my turning point (but it does take time and improvement is gradual). Also the "inner child" - Louise Hay is good on this. Ampytriptilene not working? All the very best, Frankie

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 11:00am

Hi julia, i can so relate to your experience, as sleep has a real impact on how i feel about being in company and my confidence levels. One thing i have found which helps is meditation. I find it enables me to.remember that even if i have slept badly i can retain some control of my feelings. It doesn't necessarily make me more able to be sociable but it does help me to be more accepting of my own feelings and less worried about whether others understand them or not. Take care and thanks for sharing, you are in good company!

Julia Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 11:19am

Hi Frankie. I am sending an email to Caroline for you. The Amytriptiline has been a Godsend actually but my email explains. I am glad you have posted as I knew you would be interested. Julia x

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 11:23am

Hi Julia

I am coming online a little later and I see already you have lots of people who completely empathize : Great to know you are not alone, eh? I went through a very gloomy spell a couple of years ago and all but cut myself off from my friends as I was not the 'shiny happy person' they were used to. I subsequently had some therapy sessions which helped me understand that a lot of my need to be like that is rooted in the fact that I was adopted at birth and always felt that I had to get people to like me, otherwise I would be dropped back into some awful 19th century orphanage. As I write it I see what an irrational thought this is! My therapist helped me to become comfortable with who I am : Feeling good and feeling bad. When I talked to my friends about it, they said they were relieved to know life was NOT always perfect for me and that I was not always bouncing around in a good mood! It actually enriched my relationships to be more honest! The fact that you try and be upbeat and fun for your friends shows that you are a caring, thoughtful and warm person : THAT is what they see in you and that is what they like... They don't come to you for entertainment! Good luck Julia : You have a husband who loves you, friends who care for you and they love because of WHO you are, not HOW you are :-)

Ida Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 11:25am

Julia,
I can relate very well with what you are going through. There have been days when I become very anti-social and all I want to do is by myself. I have cancelled appointments with my friends at the last minute, because I didn’t feel like going out and talk. However, there were days where I actually dragged myself out to meet my friends. I find myself enjoying the company and laughter and felt better after that. There were also days where there were a lot of anger or a whole lot of crying. I also hear the same responses that you get like, “you will be fine!” or “Things will be ok.” What you are going through is what I have been going through for years. However, recently, things have changed.

I made an observation that I tend to become moody & anti-social during PMS. During PMS period, I also observed that I tend to not sleep well and hence, it affected how I feel the next day. It is fine when you are just staying home after a restless night but if you have to go to work and deal with people, you have to put in a lot of effort just to get through the day. Even a double shot of flat white was not helping! I shared this observation with my psychiatrist and we both agreed that it must be some hormones imbalance. He adjusted my medication after that.

My moods and attitude have stabilized in the last few weeks. I set myself daily goals and short-term goals and work towards achieving it. I also started doing meditation and that has helped me to stay calm. I ensure that I exercise at least 4 times a week & that has helped with the sleep. There have been low days but it has not been so low where I can’t get out of bed at all, which has happened in the past. Even during those low days, I am able to accomplish my daily tasks & goals and I am not as anti-social like I used to be when my mood is low.

I am happy that you shared this with us. I have always thought that I was the only one who has this issue and no one will ever understand me. However, I realized that I could not go on like this. While there are skeptics out there who felt that we need to overcome this without medication and therapy, I for one is happy that medication is helping me to improve the quality of my life.

So, Julia, you are not alone & believe me, I know exactly how you feel.

soocee Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 11:32am

Hi Julia, Thank you for sharing with us. I think the main problem is that if you have, say, chicken pox, everyone knows that you will feel awful and itchy and look spotty.
Feelings are individual, so 'not feeling right' can mean something different to everyone and nobody can understand exactly how you feel. As for not sleeping, after many years I resorted to taking Phenergan (an antihistamine that makes you drowsy) and could sometimes fool myself into believing that because I had slept, I was going to have a good day. I also found counselling to be helpful in making me look at my 'oddities' in a more positive way. I hope you can find the help you need.
Sending you a virtual hugxx

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 11:53am

I understand how you feel Julia. You explained it very well. I feel the same way. I still have my ups and downs, and I will have them for the rest of my life. What changed for me what not being so hard on myself. Truly accepting myself for who I am. And having faith that my husband and my friends accept me as well. If I commit to doing something when i feel good and then the day comes and I feel down, I have decided to not be hard on myself. If it's a good friend, I tell them, I'm having a bad day. If it's with someone I don't know well, I decide whether I can get through it or I tell him/her I don't feel well - cold, etc. and I let myself off the hook. Be kind to yourself. Accept yourself for your ups and downs. And know that you are not alone!

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 12:03pm

Hi Julia,
Having your feelings acknowledged is a huge step to recovery. As others have said, finding a therapist who will do that is crucial. Unconditional positive regard goes a long way and we all are guilty of dismissing others feelings because it is difficult or inconvenient to listen. CBT was a revelation to me , I was evangelical about it. Now I can see that the reason it worked was that I had the prior experience of a (different) therapist that simply listened and didn't dismiss my feelings. She "reparented" me in a sense so I started to stop explaining to myself and others why I felt down, anxious, irritable and depressed. Once I had been through that process I was ready for CBT, but it wouldn't have worked for me straight away. All of these "tools" require skills that needs to be learned and practised before we can gain a level of proficiency, after all we wouldn't expect that we could run a marathon after years of sitting on a sofa! Why would expect our brains to perform at top athletic ability if we've spent years lying under a duvet?
Kind Regards,
Liz

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 12:07pm

I sometimes feel I have a disability that few will acknowledge as real (the lack of quality of sleep/length of sleep...every morning, no matter what, when I wake with the alarm to get up for work, or whatever I need to do, I always feel I need at least another two hours sleep). This affects my ability to hold down a job, maintain relationships & do almost anything. Whether its suffering from depression that causes the poor sleep or its the poor sleep that causes the depression I'm not entirely sure. I just know if I slept better I'd feel better. Its heartening to hear that others are plagued by this too & its not just me. Just wish there was a way to communicate this "condition" to those who do not understand or who may see me as just lazy or not a "morning person".

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 12:44pm

I totally understand because I feel the same. The other person may not realise because we are all wrapped up in our own problems, however, I have friends who can tell by just speaking to me on the phone! One friend says she can tell by my shoulders - if they are up I am tense, if not I am ok. I guess tackling the sleep problem would help greatly. For me I can't stop thinking when I can't sleep. It is a relaxation thing, meditation can help. Counselling I have become dissillusioned with - going over old problems knowing why doesn't always help. You need tools to help solve the problems. Knowing why my car doesn't work doesn't help because I don't know how to fix it anyway!

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 12:49pm

Many of your feelings reflect mine, Julia although I am lucky at the moment in that I manage to get my sleep most of the time. I have always suffered from "low" feelings from childhood and have gone through taking anti-depressants and counselling but the feelings are still there. I often put on a happy social face when I do not feel sociable, which can be emotionally draining. I belong to a self-help group which I find is useful for me in that I can speak freely with people who understand.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 1:18pm

You understand how you feel and that is the important thing for you are the only one who can change that. A CBT therapist doesn't have to understand your feelings they are there to give you tools to change what does not work for you. That is why online CBT can work better than drugs for you have no one to point a finger at in order to say 'they'. When you do that you give your power away. It makes very little difference whether others understand how we feel in the long run and even less when we somehow see others as either to blame or as the solution to our problems.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 1:19pm

Hi Julia, I can relate very well to your problem. I am 60 this month and until last year was diagnosed with and treated for depression. Since seeing a new psychiatrist then, I was diagnosed as Bipolar type 2, and treated with mood stabilisers. I am a different person now, I am 'ME' again. I don't know if you may be, or are bipolar or not, but being treated for the right symptom has changed my life. Of course I still have 'off' days, but that's 'normal', as in, so does everyone. I am still a very private person, but that is me, I have never shared anything on a blog before, but felt I had to share this with you. Hope it helps. Alan

Julia Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 1:53pm

Well..what can I say except a big thank you and how I wish you were all my friends. Isn't it strange that I have never physically met anyone who truly understands the way I feel i.e my friends and my family here and yet you all so clearly do. It's lovely as well as strange though! xx

Julia Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 1:56pm

Hi Paul
I have so often described it like you do. I say that it's as if something has clicked in my brain during the night. Yes many more bad than good.

Julia Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 2:02pm

Your offer is so kind Robert. Thank you. I will think about it along with the other suggestions below which are also terribly kind and helpful. I will definitely let you all know how I get on. (I have written another post just now at the bottom of the page or it was when it was published so if you all have time, please read it.

Silvia A Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 4:28pm

Dear Julia, you are the one who so often replies to my posts. Now it is explained why your score was zero a few days ago. I will read the other comments later, but I would think of a bipolar and think you should look for a good psychiatrist. I will be back later to see if there is anything to add. Wish you the very best, and much better scores.

Silvia A Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 4:45pm

Ida, exposure to sunlight should be also in your list because it help us a lot. I can relate to your method that works for me too. Daily tasks and goals. I also forbid myself to stay for more than one day without leaving this little apartment. In fact, since I realized that more than one day is so negative for me, I try to go downstairs and try to go at least to the grocery. If I did not sleep enough hours I avoid the sun, and this makes things worse.

Kudos for your efforts but also for having the modern medications and a professional help you.

Julia Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 5:33pm

Actually no it wasn't me who scored zero Silvia A. Must have been someone else with a name like mine. I do remember someone scoring zero but thankfully it wasn't me. Thank you anyway for your concern.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 7:43pm

Thank you, I have felt that I let myself down for most of my life .After recent reflection I realise how in my 'down and weary' mode I have managed to let go of friends, waiting for the drive to 'get on with life'. It is all so familiar that (being alone) I am hardly aware of which state I'm in. It must have been difficult for others to live with.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 8:18pm

Hello Anonymous 7.43pm
It may have been difficult for others to live with; however that does not mean that they wanted to abandon you ... sometimes we underestimate how much our nearest and dearest and our friends love and care for us ... This can be the hardest thing to accept when we are down, but if we can hang onto the reality of their love and acceptance, it can help us to keep going (even if it is at a very minimal level). Try not to beat yourself up about the past; be your own "best friend" and leave the past behind. I wish you peace of mind and heart and strength for your ongoing struggle. Frankie

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 8:20pm

Thanks Julia; and congratulations on such a brilliant post which has resonated with so many! Frankie x

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 8:45pm

Yep, can totally relate. Thanks Julia

PWD Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 8:46pm

Julia
I have noticed this blog has received 41 comments up to now this must be a record.
I can really relate to all of this and with so many comments it must be a massive problem, I posted a comment early this morning after a bad night, I now feel a different person to the one that posted this morning probably the same for a lot of people on here. Due to the large volume of replies I was wondering is there any one on here that could give some tips and advise.I have tried al the usual stuff hot bath, relaxing music, excercise , but the bad sleep really drains any goodness away.

Paul

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 10:04pm

Maybe focusing on "relaxing" rather than getting hung up on "sleeping" ... (though you may well have tried this). When I am awake in the early hours, I try to put a "positive spin" on it - and pick up a book I am interested in; so that in the morning I can say to myself "I didn't sleep well, but I did read another 2/3/4 chapters in my book so I am relaxed"... During the day, when I feel tired, I then try and remember part of what I have read so that I can detract from the lack of sleep and focus instead on what I have learnt or enjoyed ... I wish you peaceful nights Paul. Frankie

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 10:26pm

Hi Mike, I had a very enlightening session with my therapist today. She said that the depression is likely to always come and go. She said its best to invite depression back in when it comes round again (instead of it imposing itself on you uninvited). It made me feel so much calmer when I understood that it isn't something that can be "fixed", but something you have to learn to manage. I feel that although we may never be totally "fixed", we should at least have the added depth that people without challenges might lack.

Caroline Ashcroft Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 10:33pm

Hi Paul, you're right, it has received an enormous amount of comments which does point to it being a problem many people are battling. We'll try and explore this area more in future blogs and see what advice we can get some of the therapists, psychologists and GP's to give.

Anonymous Thu, Jan 30th 2014 @ 10:37pm

I feel exactly the same...its like I could of written it. I sometimes avoid people I know on the street...or feel lonely but don't wanna see anyone cos I dont know how to be around people. This has been good to read.

Kid Researcher Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 1:38am

Ida, could you talk a bit more about the PMS part? I've been tracking my moods (both on moodscope and on a regular calendar) for over a year now, and I've noticed a distinct pattern of having a week of good days, and then three or four days where I steadily get worse, the last day of those I usually cry or have a similar breakdown, and then once that is done I feel better and more like my usual self again - it's almost like I go back to being a different person. I thought it might be PMS, but it doesn't happen on a *very* regular schedule (more of vaguely every two weeks-ish), and there don't seem to be links to when I get my period.

Kid Researcher Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 1:38am

Yep, I totally relate to the part about friends. Such a shame too, when our decent selves are wonderfully lovely folk to be around!

I may be doing research on emotions and emotional regulation for a summer project at a university - if I learn anything interesting I'll definitely share it with the Moodscope blog.

Hazel Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 2:24am

Thank you Julia for sharing this so openly, what a response. I've been troubled with rheumatoid arthritis recently and have been going to a chinese acupunturist for help with pain management, and during this time my mood has been much better.

Silvia A Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 3:17am

I noticed that this is not good for me, because if I read I become alert and it is worst. It is better to relax and breath. I am speaking about what works for me.

Silvia A Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 3:20am

: ) much better!
I will look for the post and its comments.

Anonymous Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 9:21am

wow, what a tremendous amount of response, so heartening - I also have suffered from insomnia for about 3 years now, and sometimes was lucky to get 2 - 4 hours’ sleep a night. A fitness trainer picked up something odd with my heart rate while exercising with a heart rate monitor and asked me to go to the doctors.

With a few tests and questions we have worked out that I am mildly anaemic with low iron levels, one of the side effects of this is insomnia. I am now on iron supplements and am building up sleep, it's slow as I think some of my pattern is now habitual but I am now generally getting 5.5 to 6 hours a night and my mood is stabilising. I wonder if it might be worth going to check that all your levels are alright? And by that I mean iron, thyroid etc

Julia Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 11:34am

Thank you Frankie and for your message via Caroline. Very much appreciated. Julia xx

Silvia A Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 3:49pm

It is here:
http://moodscope.blogspot.com.br/2014/01/instructions-for-bad-day.html
It was wrote on January 25 by Julie, whom I wish is better today!

Silvia A Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 3:56pm

Yes, Anonymous, one should look for the causes of bed sleep, and at least in my country there is a medical specialty called Medicine of Sleep and a professional, a physician, will do all the research including a night in a clinic to find what is wrong and what can be done.

Silvia A Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 3:58pm

ops, a typo, bad sleep.

Julia Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 8:43pm

Thank you for this. I didn't know insomnia was a side effect of anaemia. I am so glad you are getting more hours of sleep a night now your iron levels are increasing.

Julia Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 8:47pm

I wish we had such thorough investigations into sleep problems as you do in your country Silvia A. It is such a widespread problem that you would expect our NHS to allocate more money into treating it. Let's hope they follow your country's decision to have a medicine of sleep. I hope you are OK. Have a nice weekend

Anonymous Fri, Jan 31st 2014 @ 10:38pm

I 100% understand and identify with this. No matter what my boyfriend says, it never seems to be the right thing. I feel bad because it must be me, you know? I must be putting too much pressure on him to say the perfect thing to me, but it doesn't feel that way. It feels like he's just insensitive and doesn't care as much as he says he does. I know that isn't true, but that's how it feels. Thank you so much for writing, your post meant a lot to me.

Julia Sat, Feb 1st 2014 @ 2:10pm

Our partners, boyfriends etc are probably very caring individuals but just don't seem capable of finding the correct words to say do they? However, perhaps we wouldn't like one who is constantly fussing over us and asking us if we are alright and is there anything they can do?Although as I have never experienced this I don't know for sure! (the grass is always greener...! I understood 100% your post too, thank you as I have so many above.

lizhill Sat, Feb 1st 2014 @ 7:33pm

Gosh Julia, I feel as if you have described my week. I have been very down and finding it hard to explain my mood to my husband (then I get annoyed with him because I think that he should somehow intuit exactly how I feel without being told - unfair I know). It's often worth trying to explain how you feel (how will people know otherwise?). Sometimes all you need is for someone to listen, even if they can't fully understand your feelings; you never know, they might understand you better with time.

Julia Sun, Feb 2nd 2014 @ 8:42am

It would be great to all get together and have a big moan to each other about this. At least we would each understand each other and would only have to nod in total agreement. That's heaven, paradise, bliss to me. Thank you Lizhill

Anonymous Mon, Feb 3rd 2014 @ 4:20pm

Hi Mike and Anonymous, last weekend my husband helped me to realize that I need to "invite" in the depression. We visualized it another way--when I am feeling great it I think--yay I am cured. But then I plummet and thrash around. We decided I would not thrash and flail but tread water to gently manage the disease. I told my husband to say "tread" when he sees me thrashing to remind me to be more accepting.

jane Tue, Feb 4th 2014 @ 4:05pm

Sometimes I need someone (and I only know one person) who can hold the space for the expression of who I am in that moment without judgement or feeling the need to fix or even respond. I find this very safe intimacy healing and nourishing. If you dont have a person with whom you can relate in this way, 12 step programs i.e. coDa are a regular accessible source of this kind of space.

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