Moodscope's blog

18

July


Eleanor Rigby was surely a Ninja. Saturday July 18, 2015

I woke a little less heavy than normal and looked out at the sunshine smothering every part of life outside in her kiss. I looked at the garden. So well cared for and bursting with life. I looked at the mountains on 3 sides and at the sea on the 4th. I looked at the elegant parade that is my home for the holiday and admired it. I had left behind a thousand demands and woke for the 6th morning into this embrace. But...

I paced. I felt tormented by the ramble of voices when everyone woke. But I couldn't settle without them. I laundered things that could wait. I read a single page of my book. Then I read it again. I tried twice more then changed to the other book. The one I alternate with when I'm trying very hard to try hard.

Depression and it's cousins are visiting me on holiday and it's just bad manners. I have a face like a wet weekend and I wish to apologise and explain but in doing so it destroys the bricks of resilience I have managed to lay. Just two so far.

And so I made myself eat a banana. And drank two small cups of coffee. Looked at the mountains and realised they hold more secrets than just mine. And I wrote this. And now I have a starting point once again. I pulled on my Eleanor Rigby face that I keep in the jar by the door. And it will be ok. Ok is ok.

And I resisted the urge to edit all the 'ands'. I like them. They're better than 'buts'.

Try to find your starting point, everyday. Find a way to break through. You may not outrun it for long but you can for a bit. And everyday you know more. Go ninjas!

Love from

The room above the garage.
A Moodscope member.


Permalink  |  Blog Home

Comments

The Entertrainer Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 7:27am

Baninja = a banana eating psychological Ninja
It is also their call sign!
Such great writing, RATG, so vivid.
I'm off to find out what an Eleanor Rigby face is.
L'x

Sally Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 7:34am

What an apt description of the idyllic holiday coupled with the depressive state. Just impossible "to snap out of it, "but your suggestion is a good one.. Although I'm not sure what go Ninja means!!!

Sarah M Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 7:37am

Superb. Captured holiday difficulties brilliantly. Just back from similar experience. Fish n chips n letting go did it for me x hope ur hols go on ok and your slot of bananas. I am a baninja too x and I loved the mountain connection and everything - thank you!

C A Morgan Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 8:19am

Managing yourself with a depressed mood in an apparently happy situation is always tricky. Finding that gap or chink through the heavy curtain of depression is worth the search so I hope your 'starting point' worked for you.

I often have to reach for the 'face in the jar by the door' sometimes it turns out that by the end of the day my 'faces' have merged - in a good way, so hope yours does too.

Mary Blackhurst Hill Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 8:24am

Brilliant RATG! Just brilliant! "Depression and its cousins are visiting me on holiday and it's just bad manners!" I adore your writing. And yes - so many of us have been there, surrounded by loveliness but sitting under our own little raincloud (or surrounded by it). Love you and hope the rest of your holiday went better.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 9:44am

RATG, you are a gifted writer....and you have important things to say. This blog is perfectly packed with SO many images and thoughts in such a short space -- too many for me to comment on. Thank you so much. Reading this has definitely been my 'start' today. Love it! Have a happy Saturday. susan xx

Anonymous Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 9:47am

Morning Lex! DO ninjas have a call sign and DO they eat bananas? I'm so gullible!!!!!!! :-D

Everyone seems to have their own definition of what Eleanor Rigby might be feeling...I just felt she struggled with depression but still put on her smile/mask and showed up everyday to try! Always makes me laugh to read the lyric meaning sections...some folks go into great detail (about which face cream it might have been!!) when in fact only Lennon McCartney can tell! How is your world today? Love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 9:51am

Hi Sally, ninjas are us :-) We excel at our skill! Often hiding our pain and our strength. Love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 9:53am

Baninja :-D We have a new word and I can't wait for Lex to deliver the outfits...love it! Love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 9:54am

Exactly that...sometimes if you pretend it's ok, it becomes ok. Thank you, love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 9:56am

Thank you Mary, I like it in here, safe and warm :-D How are you? Love ratg x.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 9:59am

Then I'm loving it too! :-D
I hope your day works Susan, love ratg x.

Julia Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 11:30am

We are expected to be happy on holiday in the sun. That pressure makes it very difficult. A Doctor once said to me that even if I gave up work, my sleep wouldn't improve. I didn't want to believe him at the time but he was right. Whatever situation we put ourselves in, we are still the same us. Giving up work did help me in other ways though and being in the sun on holiday definitely helps my mood (as long as I can avoid people (!) which is impossible if you are with your family. The pressure is always there to act the part) I do hope looking back ratg, you feel you benefitted from the lovely scenery you describe and the heat.

Leah Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 11:55am

Ratg,
Thanks for your blog. Alas our depression and our sad faces are with us all the time, sometimes they stay behind a mask or in the very back secret zippered section of one's bag, you know the place where you carefully pack items and can't find them till you return from holiday!! Birthdays are another time when we are expected to be haooy and I can't remember one birthday in my life when I haven't cried a little or felt like crying!! On sunny days , which we have quite a few in Australia, there is pressure to be happy an jolly. I used to like cold rainy days when I was younger as it was ok to be glum on those days. Love your writing. Also so envious you write so well even when depressed something I could never do.Leah

Anonymous Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 1:15pm

Go T-ratg - and go well.

Anonymous Sat, Jul 18th 2015 @ 6:35pm

Beautifully written, and just so true. Freya xx

Anonymous Mon, Jul 20th 2015 @ 12:41am

I don't know you and I love you. You beautiful person.

Adrian

Anonymous Mon, Jul 20th 2015 @ 9:59pm

Really loooooved this!
Suzy

You must login to leave a comment.

What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive

Disclaimer

Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.