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Don't yuck someone else's yum. Thursday February 6, 2014

I have been thinking about the cycle of negativity that ensnares during a depressive period and what I could do to reduce it. Another blogpost came to mind, this time about Alina Adams' New Year's resolution on and how she was seeking this year to follow the advice given to her daughter's first grade class:

"Don't yuck someone else's yum."

In the case of her daughter the rule is regarding the varying diets of her multicultural class and their subsequent variety of lunchbox foods, don't say "yuck!" to what someone else considers a delicacy, a treat or a staple of their diet.

The author mentioned how she thought this was a good rule for life and I quite agree. She had been struggling with getting caught up in arguments firstly on social media, and then in conversation, being the 'no' to someone's 'yes' and feeling she had to always correct others.

There are certainly times when playing devil's advocate is the right path to take, but how often do we throw negative talk at the trivial, someone else's excitement over an activity or movie or book or venue, a something that they clearly enjoy?

I know in my own life I "yuck" my husband's "yums" - his choice of shirt, aftershave, take away - a constant stream of unnecessary negativity which hardly adds to the joy of our relationship. I also have that bad habit of commenting on complete strangers' hairstyles and clothes, about the state of the roads, the weather, the latest advertisements, celebrities - a never-ending stream of "yucks" and they hardly add to the joy of my existence.

So why not join Alina and myself and today try and not yuck someone else's yum and let's all try to lessen the negativity that surrounds us and those we love.

A Moodscope user.

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Anonymous Thu, Feb 6th 2014 @ 2:41pm

How do we learn what we like or do not like, unless we 'yuk and yum' as a response to what we see, touch and taste. If we teach children not to do this they end unsure of their own opinions adopt the opinions of others. To yuk and yum or to errr and hmm, does not indicate a negative opinion of others or their taste, it is called 'phatic communion' and is a very basic level of communication skills. However for other to respect our opinions we have to respect that they can have an alternative one and also to resect that. Opinions are neither negative or positive it is just how we view them.

Anonymous Thu, Feb 6th 2014 @ 6:28pm

I rather enjoyed this post. Currently, I'm feeling good and people notice it because I am full of positivity and devoid of criticisms (or yucks). When feeling down, I try my best to shift the yucks as best I can, or at least to keep them to a minimum... otherwise my poor husband, family, friends and co-workers will hear about everything that is terrible about everything and no one will want to be anywhere near me...

The point above is valid in viewing the mind of a child. "Phatic communion" is a fancy way of saying "small talk". Although important in development of communication in children, it also requires adult guidance. My mom always gave me the "Don't say you don't like it, if you haven't tried it". This kept me open-minded, rather than judgmental and able to shift a lot of "yucks" to "yums" or at least a solid "meh"

Suzy Thu, Feb 6th 2014 @ 8:29pm

I really like this. It pains me when folk cast blanket judgements about people they often don't know the first thing about!
Well done for writing this.

julia Thu, Feb 6th 2014 @ 9:50pm

I like it too. Well done grainne

Anonymous Sat, Feb 8th 2014 @ 12:26am

I like this post too although I am of two thoughts having read the responses too. I dont like to ever yuk another s yum. I like to listen and smile and be as kind and empathetic as I can. Its just how I am. But I am a sensitive soul. I can get hurt by anothers need to speak for the sake of it and yuk one of my yums. Also as the first writer mentioned, through time I have lost a lot of me and the ability to speak up with my own thought or opinion (if I ever was able to)......and I find myself back tracking in conversation to please if I think I may have said the wrong thing. Although I try very hard not to say the wrong thing in the first place. Its good to have your own thoughts of what you like but so many people will speak without thought and yuk your yum

David Sat, Feb 8th 2014 @ 11:39pm

I enjoyed this post.
It's good to be aware of the language you use day to day and how negative or positive it is. If it's very negative it's more than likely going to put people off you because constant negativity is hard to be around. We're all very different and individual and it pays to be aware of this rather than pushing the way we see the world onto others.
I like the comment above too. I think it's a really balanced look at the concepts discussed. It's good to try to understand other people's outlook, but not at the expense of being able to express yourself.
As much as possible, I think our words and deeds need to be motivated by compassion but we also have a need to express opinions or we can damage ourselves by keeping it all in.

mittens Wed, Feb 19th 2014 @ 10:40pm

Why spoil someone else's pleasure simply because you personally can't partake, or are unable to tolerate the food/clothes/perfume they are involved with? Frankly, unless asked, it's none of our business if someone eats hummus, or asparagus, or our favorite forbidden food--It's also intrusive to comment, unless asked.

And that, for me, is key. If no one asked your opinion, but you feel constrained to say SOMETHING, make it positive. "Oh i envy you with all that asparagus, you seem to be having such a good time..." and leave it at that. "Not my stye" or "not my cuppa tea" also expresses an opinion, witihout damaging the psyche..

The other thing too easily forgotten; when we negatively comment on someone else's taste in food, clothes, or reading material, we are inadvertently commenting on the person involved, as well, and that can sting.

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