"Don't believe everything you think" - Allan Lokos

30 Sep 2020
Bookmark

When dealing with self-esteem, we all have an enemy who is not on our side, who is a devastating adversary.

Who? Ourselves. Yourself.

If you're really honest with yourself, how many of you recognise that you search for evidence that you are nobody, that you don't deserve to be loved, that you're not living up to your highest potential on an almost daily basis?

Be careful! Your mind can be a very convincing liar! I know because mine does it to me all the time & like the vulnerable fool I can be, I fall for it. Again. And again.

"Don't believe everything you think," says Allan Lokos. And that's true. This is the amygdala, part of our brain, which is firing off all over the place, it’s character and task to be on constant red alert looking out for danger even where there isn't any danger to be found. I suspect that what it doesn’t find it just makes up because it really does have a NEED to do its job of being our protector. I'm sure I'm not alone in wishing that it wouldn't do that. Flag up real dangers so that I can protect myself, yes, but please don’t just go and make stuff up! That’s like the thing I used to laughingly say when younger: “I don’t need any enemies. I can do perfectly well by myself”. 

You have to try and remember, as Jon Kabat-Zinn says, "Until you stop breathing, there's more right with you than wrong with you."

If you could - if we ALL could - focus on progress rather than on perfection and on how far you've come rather than on how far you have left to go - after all, as a growing, developing, changing human being we are a continual work in progress - you would find yourself looking with completely different glasses. 

Working towards your goals and being willing to put yourself 'out there' are major accomplishments in themselves, regardless of how many times you fall over. What's important is how many times you get up, dust yourself off and try again.

And if you can do that without cynicism or self-criticism, then you are already winning. 

"We can't hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love," says Lori Deschene and how right she is!

My current active affirmation is: "You are enough just as you are." As someone who has always believed I had to 'earn' any positive response or feeling, this is a revolutionary thought!

So, go! Be revolutionary today! AND tomorrow. And the next lot of tomorrows until … finally … you believe!

Helen

A Moodscope member.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at support@moodscope.com to submit your own blog post!

Comments

Molly

Oct. 1, 2020, 3:51 a.m.

So true Helen. I'm a work in progress. I make up stories in my head without knowing the facts. I feel if people told the facts then it would help prevent this overthinking. But people are often closed or scared or avoiding confrontation. Just realised I'm going off the subject there. Oh yes, low self esteem. It's intriguing. I'm sure everyone hates me. How true is that? Very unlikely! Someone told me they missed me recently. What me? Can't be me? They miss me? Why would they miss me? "You are enough just the way you are" is a breath of fresh air isn't it. I've broken a few hearts in my time, (not all my fault I must add) and I'm seriously not good at hurting anyone. But it's a reminder that I must be worth something for those men to have wanted to be in a relationship with me, along with my husband who wanted to marry me (under duress) ha! Only joking...... When I worked in a large open plan office, years ago, I remember thinking 'OK she is a bit annoying, and he is a bit arrogant' etc etc but I didn't really dislike anybody. So why would they dislike me? I suffer with paranoia but I remind myself, we are all just dots in this world. Thanks for your blog Helen. Molly xx

Reply

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 4:17 a.m.

I loved your reply. You clearly ‘get it’. Have a lovely day Molly. Xx

Molly

Oct. 1, 2020, 5:25 a.m.

Thank you xx

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 5:49 a.m.

You're welcome. Hope you have a good day.

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 4:17 a.m.

I don’t know why it says Allan Lokos against my title?

Reply

Molly

Oct. 1, 2020, 5:24 a.m.

He said the quote to which you mentioned in your blog, did you not want his name in the title? I guess it could have been left off xx

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 5:50 a.m.

Yes I remembered eventually. Lol Silly me!

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 4:20 a.m.

Also mine hasn’t arrived by email today. Any idea how I can get it sent please?

Reply

Molly

Oct. 1, 2020, 5:26 a.m.

Sometimes the blogs and emails are late coming through, but you will receive it I’m sure :-)

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 5:51 a.m.

Thank you! I always send them on to the person who inspired me to write & a few others. Xx

The Gardener

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:14 a.m.

Helen, mine came in about 10.30 (9.30 your time). You can always get it through Google - then have to go through log in of course. Very rare they don't come through, mine is always 6.59! x

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:38 a.m.

Yes mine was only about an hour ago. I'm glad it came. It usually comes at 06.00am. xx

Becky

Oct. 1, 2020, 4:41 a.m.

I totally get it Helen. I am off sick from work at the moment as I keep inventing these stories and get upset. I decide everyone hates me. When I stop and think rationally I can see that isn't true. When I am in the moment though I believe my story again and again and again. I don't know how to stop it.

Reply

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 4:46 a.m.

It’s like a default setting we have isn’t it? I’m so sorry you’re off sick & especially being at home & then listening to the ‘lies’ - as a wise counsellor called them - in your head. Try & do something that is self-care for yourself in this time. Get well soon! Xx

Molly

Oct. 1, 2020, 5:38 a.m.

Hi Becky, yes as Helen says, a bit of self care is needed here. Because to me, it seems like you are not too good in yourself. Whether what you are thinking is true or not, it’s the way we deal with it that matters. I was off work for six months once. I had many a reason to be but at the end of the day, I wasn’t coping. I didn’t recover in that time because I was judged, worried, hassled etc. So I would say to anyone who is off work with stress or depression to take a complete break, not worry what others think because you are the important one. The job can wait. xx

Becky

Oct. 1, 2020, 5:45 a.m.

Thankyou Helen and Molly.x

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 5:48 a.m.

You're welcome. Glad my books spoke to you today.

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 3:50 p.m.

Blog not books! ?

Tutti Frutti

Oct. 1, 2020, 6:45 a.m.

Hi Helen Thanks for this blog. I really agreed with the quotes that you picked out for us which were new to me and your take on how it all links to our mental health. I particularly like 'don't believe everything you think' and 'we can't hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love'. Love TF x

Reply

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 6:56 a.m.

"Don't believe everything you think" is a real mantra for me as I am a committed over thinker & have only been learning in the last year or so that I can't believe all the nonsense I think, especially when anxious or stressed. I have to remind myself daily almost daily tho.

Tutti Frutti

Oct. 1, 2020, 6:47 a.m.

Sorry to hijack today's blog but I just wanted to let Oli and Floppy Ears know that I have added belated replies to their comments on yesterday's blog this morning. TF x

Reply

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 6:58 a.m.

I think they will get notified by that. I receive notifications of all updates no matter what day's blog it is. x

Oli

Oct. 1, 2020, 7:16 a.m.

Thanks TF, as it happens I don't have the notifications option switched on so I often miss stuff that's not on the current day. It's just to cut down the number of emails I get! x

Molly

Oct. 1, 2020, 1:38 p.m.

Oli, I turned mine off too. It was handy to be notified but I found the emails a bit much (us both commenting every day) I think you only get notified when you have commented. I do usually check the last couple of days but any previous to that, I would miss them too so it’s it’s good to be informed xx

Jul

Oct. 1, 2020, 7:39 a.m.

Hi Helen When I was working in a stressful job, I would try to get out for a quick walk at some point during the day. I remember singing to myself as I was walking "Pick yourself up ,dust yourself down and start all over again" ready for the next stint! Oh and just remembered playing Madonna's "Express yourself, don't repress yourself" on the way into work. Difficult times. Thank you for writing for us Helen. Have a good day. Jul xx

Reply

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:32 a.m.

I love your song choices! Good idea! xx

Oli

Oct. 1, 2020, 7:44 a.m.

Lovely blog Helen, thank you. I think definitely one of the things I gain from practising meditation is that first-hand experience with the contents of the mind and the amazing discovery of what a disordered, noisy place it is. You try and focus your attention on something simple and within two seconds you're off and running with some other narrative before you've even noticed your attention has gone. It makes you realise that no way should you fully trust this chattering word-machine which lives between your ears. It throws out thoughts and judgements on anything and everything -- and some of these lines of thought are tediously well-rehearsed. Our sense of who we are is interesting because there's more than one version of Self -- including the version which does all the talking which we'd do well not to take too seriously. Rather than write too much I actually saw a really nice 90 second video the other day which describes this beautifully. https://youtu.be/D5JiqQpP174 Thanks for the blog Helen :-)

Reply

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:34 a.m.

Oh goodness I love this description! You're SO right. The more than one version of self is so true. I hadn't thought of that so clearly before. I love the description of the 'chattering word-machine' also. thank you for the link, I will follow this up when I get home from work.

Orangeblossom

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:08 a.m.

Thanks Helen for your very uplifting blog! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it & can echo many of your ideas. They fully resonated for me.

Reply

Orangeblossom

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:09 a.m.

Thanks Helen for your very uplifting blog! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it & can echo many of your ideas. They fully resonated for me.

Reply

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:35 a.m.

Thank you for that Orangeblossom, I am so glad it resonated.

The Gardener

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:11 a.m.

Thank you Helen - I am doing a 're-training' after the very real hassle of last week which left me in 'panic' mode. I have just done a 'Mindfulness' course, now 'Anxiety and Depression'. All inter-active, as it is here. Correspondence with others, and the course content, is NEARLY persuading me that I am NOT a poor old lady alone in the world. And not be driven mad by the news. Watched news while drying hair - interviewer (they all play *** now) trying to push a Doctor in Liverpool to say they could not cope. Is there no control over these interviewers? They actually induce negative thoughts.

Reply

Jul

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:27 a.m.

Dear Gardener. I hope yesterday brought up some happy memories of your life together with Mr G. Jul xx

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:36 a.m.

The news is certainly very challenging these days. I love that you are doing these courses. We need all the help we can in these days. xx

The Gardener

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:43 a.m.

Thank you! Life! Insurance company e-mail - major storm due, what am I supposed to do? Electricity dodgy, bought another torch - having succeeded in liberating it from its packaging NO indication which way batteries should fit. 'These foolish things!!!!'

The Gardener

Oct. 1, 2020, 8:51 a.m.

Sorry about this - don't know whether to laugh or scream. One piece of advice from insurers 'have a torch handy! One thing, only one house. Two years ago I had two! Acres of rooves.xx Oh, insurers - stay indoors!

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 10:27 a.m.

Oh my goodness I'm so sorry! that's really challenging! I do hope this get's sorted quickly!

The Gardener

Oct. 1, 2020, 11:21 a.m.

Helen, lateral thinking! Have to go to bank, on line not working. On way, pass insurance office, will get THEM to get my torch working. Having warned me not to go out, I will go and borrow a hard hat from guys working on church against flying debris!

The Gardener

Oct. 1, 2020, 11:24 a.m.

Jul, thank you - I did post yesterday on some lovely memories I had found.xx

Jul

Oct. 1, 2020, 11:41 a.m.

I'll have a look at your posts Jul xx

Danielle

Oct. 1, 2020, 10:56 a.m.

Thank you Helen, this post is so relevant for me today (as for the past weeks). I will keep this nearby to read again. Have a lovely day!

Reply

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 11:01 a.m.

Thank you Danielle! I hope you have a lovely day too.

AndrewH

Oct. 1, 2020, 2:51 p.m.

Hi Helen. Since I joined Moodscope I have several times typed a post in response to a blog or to someone else's comments. Then I've deleted it because my inner voice demands to know why would anyone want to hear what I think? I guess that ties in with your excellent point so I've made myself type this and not delete it, even though my inner voice is telling me it's stupid and pointless. Thank you

Reply

The Gardener

Oct. 1, 2020, 3:03 p.m.

Andrew H, well done. I have, occasionally, thought that I just wrote for something to do. But the great thing here is people see the name at top of post, say not him/her again and move on. We have a choice!

Helen

Oct. 1, 2020, 3:53 p.m.

Well done Andrew! Just think that you're giving a gift to the writer which is honestly invaluable because they could think - or I could think - aww. ... no-one was interested. So thank you, you have me a great gift & I appreciate it. Others will feel the same I am sure.

The Gardener

Oct. 1, 2020, 4:41 p.m.

Andrew, I was worried I was being patronising. I've really been writing out my 'angst' today. Refer to Moodscope alternately as my 'Comfort Blanket' or 'Wailing Wall'.

Molly

Oct. 1, 2020, 4:55 p.m.

Andrew, the way I see it, is that every contribution is valuable and nobody knows you, so do keep writing. Say whatever you think, they are the best posts in my opinion. A bit of realism and honesty x

Oli

Oct. 2, 2020, 6:24 a.m.

Hi Andrew, I love what you wrote. I love it because it is a bit of evidence that another's words (Helen's) connected with something you recognised in you -- that (1) you have an inner voice which does old stories about stupidity and pointlessness, and (2) that you have another voice which can see this from a better perspective and doesn't have to follow the rules of (1). And you didn't -- hello, write again! :-) For what it's worth I have an inner voice too which doesn't have a good word to say. Even now it's still here but that's okay because I think of that voice in an entirely different way to how I used to. It's never going to shut up but that's okay now because I've learned that I get more things done when I don't buy into what that voice is telling me.

Helen

Oct. 2, 2020, 7:09 a.m.

Oh that inner voice! As I say, I really don't need any enemies, I really CAN do perfectly well myself. We are in good company at least b& it always does my heart good to see who others who I think they seem awesome people & they feel that way... Maybe I'm awesome too?

Nicco

Oct. 2, 2020, 10:28 p.m.

Hello Helen, so sorry to be late to comment but wanted to thank you for your blog. Whenever I get a bout of depression, so much of the past comes back into my head & I believe the lies that go with it all. When I feel more rational I can see more clearly & my defence is better against them. You'd think I'd learn & be ready for the next time, but it seems to get me every time!

Reply

Helen

Oct. 3, 2020, 5:24 a.m.

Hi Nicci, I tend to think it's a process in which when what you describe happens we'll move through it quicker. It will still happen - here's hoping that one day it won't - but ... maybe each time we won't spend QUITE as long there. I hope so anyway.

Login or Sign Up to Comment